How NOT to be dismissed...
 

Because I'm a sorority member and know very little about Fraternity recruitment...would someone mind explaining to me what someone SHOULD wear for Rush parties???

My boyfriend and I have talked about it (because he is looking to rush) and both of us are clueless. He is looking at schools in the North. He is mainly looking at Ivy League and Big 10 Universities. Any help would be great!

1.) How should you dress/ what should you wear?
2.) What should you avoid wearing at all costs?

3.) Should he talk about the great community service he's helped my sorority with or should he completely not talk about that at all?

4.) Should he talk about military service?

5.) Should he talk about honors awards and having a high GPA or will the guys look at him like someone who only cares about academics and can't just chill?

6.) What are some great topics to discuss and what is considered "taboo"?

I've read through the other threads and I'm learning a little more as I go-like the "Walking a PNM out"...we are trying to avoid being "walked out"...How do you know if they just aren't into you? My bf is very reserved-not snobbish-just pretty laid back....I was just wondering....any advice (from women or men) would be great!

I'll venture out and guess that he's probably somewhere around 23-25?

And you would be right...I know that PhiGam started a "Biggest Rush Mistakes" thread and it was GREAT but, it became too long when people started talking about discriminating or something...I just wanted a candid look at what should and should not be worn...what should and should not be said....

When he rushes he will probably be 25-26 (but, he served time overseas)...As a woman-I don't know much about what name brands you guys like to wear and what ones are considered stupid or lame. I noticed you guys talked about A&F and Hollister but, he owns a lot of Ralph Lauren and Chaps polos...He likes Tommy Hilfiger and Nautica tops, as well. Are Khakis okay (northern, mainly) and what kind of shoes???

Do guys look at "lables" the way some girls might? Would it be bad if he began talking to a girl at the rush events (if there are any there) and he mentioned his g/f was in a sorority-even if that NPC is not at his campus where he is now rushing??? Give me the good-bad and ugly-ANYONE can answer these...so, please feel free to discuss away!

Depends on region.

I won't comment further because we know what kind of talk it'll turn into.

Yeah she has already said it is north.

The topic of dress is very vague, it depends on what kind of rush events he is going to and such things like that. You went to Penn St. so you should know better than us(the southern guys) as to what fraternities wear up there, I'm really not sure. And I sure can't tell you what kind of shoes because apparently boat shoes are not proper attire in the north. If there are girls there, he should show himself able to interact with girls and not act a complete ass, but on the other hand, he shouldn't devote the entire time to that either. But once again, different rush events call for different tactics.

I'll now step aside and hopefully the northern guys can tackle this one.

Being from the South, I cannot comment on attire either- but in the interests of being truthful, if blunt, the age issue is going to be the first hurdle to overcome.

There is much talk here about the southern houses and how "superficial" we are- but the fact is that applies at any campus with a strong Greek system. Any fraternity at any campus in high demand will have more candidates than it needs coming through as freshmen straight from high school- and so in that circumstance anyone who does not fit that standard life path is going to have a very hard time getting in.

The best advice I can offer is to have your friend visit the campuses where he might attend (or if he is still in service have someone visit for him) and just observe what Greeks are wearing. Look for letters and also look at who is coming and going from the top houses on those campuses.

Figuring out the right attire is not that difficult- but having to go to great effort to figure out the right attire at a competitive campus is in and of itself a bit of a warning sign because there will be little room for those not coming from a background where "they know" to succeed in rush.

Just make sure he's not wear a plaad shirt, overalls, or a straw hat. I'd lose the chewing tobacco as well.

He can't go wrong with a solid colored polo tucked into some khakis and nice casual shoes (either sperrys or cole haans).

Also, tell him not to get too drunk, but not to abstain completely.

As far as things to talk about, let the brothers steer the conversation or he may come across as bragging.

Even at PSU-I knew what the guys wore to class but, that doesn't help me with what they wore to rush. I know VERY little about it. I know how recruitment works for women-so, I'm used to that whol "structure" of things...

For rush, do you just stop by the house? When you talk about polos-can they be Nautica or Ralph Lauren? Some of these brands I have never heard of, so you'll have to excuse me. I am gonna' be honest and say I have no clue what "jorts" are either.....I'm guessing they are Jean-Shorts but, I'm not 100% sure.

Will age matter even if you have a great GPA and you're a very committed person? I joined my GLO for the same reason he is doing his-"sisterhood/ brotherhood" aspect and community service. He's not a bragger-so, you won't have to worry about that....Regardless of whether or not it's a North vs.South thing..I don't care-ANY advice from ANY person on here is great so, please feel free to add your 2 cents.

Solid advice regardless of region. A polo and khakis would be safe anywhere. I completely agree about how to toe the line about his accomplishments; tell the brothers when they ask.

At Maryland, fraternities had a schedule of open house and invite only parties where interested men could stay for as long or as little as they pleased.

Nautica and Ralph Lauren are fine. I think the brand is less important than the "look". What these fratties dislike is the "trendy" polos (which happen to be popular with A&F, Hollister, etc) that have weird stuff on them, like a big logo, weird stitching, distressing, etc. A classic solid polo is what you want, regardless of brand.

Yes, jorts = jean shorts.

I think age will matter MUCH less for a guy rushing in the North than for a girl rushing in the South.

ETA: Using pictures and quoting SECDomination in another thread...

as probably the only ivy league greek on this forum (and if there's another, feel free to correct me). I can assure you that for even Penn and Dartmouth, who have Greek systems far stronger than the rest, at most ivies, the greek systems are not very strong, or often somewhat underground (cough Princeton cough). As far as I know (and obviously I can't speak much about other Ivies) as long as you aren't dressed like a wacko, it really doesn't make a difference what you're wearing, and if it does, it won't be drastically different from the general campus culture for attire. It's more about who you are. Obviously what you wear is somewhat defining about you, but I think it's more about style than labels. A 2 button polo shirt and khakis (and actually other than our semi-formal bid party, I never wore khakis once during rush) from Ralph Lauren will be received in the same manner as the same outfit from the Gap. Also keep in mind that most Ivies have a spring rush, meaning that the brothers will be seeing/meeting you for an entire semester before rush even officially begins.

Thats not entirely true, it depends on where in the north. Areas near the water tend to be perfectly fine for boat shoes.

Don't know about the men, but I know there are several Ivy League sorority alumnae who post here frequently.

I had a strange sense of deja vu about this thread... http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=86211

And clothing-wise, you've seen the guys at PSU, jeans, khakis, sweaters, polos, sweatshirts, they're all acceptable. My brother was greek in an ivy league and they dressed just like our guys did. Nice jeans or khakis and a button down shirt or polo will work anywhere, anytime.

Yeah-that was me...Initially I was asking what people would think about him rushing (age wise and stuff)...now, I just want to know (after reading PhiGam's "Biggest Rush Mistakes" thread) what should and should not be worn or said. As a woman-I could talk your ear off for days if you ask me--but, he's not like that. If any of my cousins wanted to go through sorority recruitment, I could give advice...this, however-I'm LOST!!!

I think it was VioletPretty who showed me the difference between both the polos....I honestly never would have thought stripes or anything would have been bad but, now that everyone is saying to stick to solids-we'll make sure he does that.

When you say Khakis-do you mean they can have pockets on the sides (like cargos)? Excuse me everyone for being a bit confused...I can help him look for shirts but, with pants/ shorts-I"m clueless. All these responses are great and I look forward to ANY advice about the entire process. :)

I appreciate your attention to detail, but the degree of detail concerns me in this case. Stripes versus solids and style of khaki pants is splitting hairs that would even be going overboard for a school like Georgia where wardrobe is ridiculously important. Granted, certain stripes and certain cargo pants would be very bad, but this is again something that should be readily known to him and to you instinctively.

It helps to a certain extent to figure out what is expected before rush, but while I think you have good intentions- I do think you are getting too detailed out of a desire to do right.

Overall your best bet is to play it safe and then let him see how he does. How do you play it safe?,

1. Polo = Ralph Lauren. Go with Ralph Lauren across the board. Nationwide, it is the safest bet.

2. Go with basic colors- nothing flashy. Look at this guy, figure out what solid colors look good on him, and just get that.

3. Classic tailoring. For shorts, get mid-length with straight lines or pleats and avoid casual looks with excess pockets etc. Go for what you would want your husband to wear to a country club luncheon.

I think if you stick with these 3 basic ideas, you can deal with wardrobe very quickly and not make this guy stress out over what he is wearing.

Remember this, you cannot teach someone overnight to "dress like a fraternity guy". All you can do is help him pick out stuff that makes him look nice- and then let the fraternities decide if he is worthy. Who he is will be the final deciding factor, and whether he dresses true to his personality/outlook will come through no matter how nice a package you create with his clothes.

The stripes vs. solid isn't as big of a deal. What those examples pointed out was the big "HOLLISTER" and logo sewn with the "vintage distressed" raw edges versus a small embroidered logo. The former are trendy and wouldn't fly at Southern, traditional campuses (though they may be fine in the Big 10 or Ivy League). Do you see the difference between trendy and classic?

You can't go wrong at any school with a solid color classic polo and khaki dress pants. That doesn't mean that the dress code won't be more liberal and relaxed elsewhere, it was just sort of an "if in doubt..." suggestion.

Also, dress so he doesn't look awkward. I guess it's hard to explain but yesterday I was in class and there was a spring Phi Delt pledge behind me. He was wearing a RL polo with a RL polo hat. He wore it like he bought it because he pledged Phi Delt and had to fit in.

hmm...thanks for the enlightening, its just most of the time when we get into to boat shoes, the northerns don't seem to wear them.

LOL, I would rather see GLOs dress better than beer shirts, cut off shorts or flip flops!

Wear the letters and pins. Advertise your GLO first!

Why dress like slobs when we are supposed to be a step above others.

N-S-E-W, what difference does it make?;)

Well, I guess maybe its because I am from coastal southern new england then. But then again, how we dress at home is vastly different then much of the rest of the region I live in.

"We" are trying to avoid being walked out or he is trying to avoid being walked out?

As others mentioned, you may be getting into too much detail about polos, stripes, pockets, etc....especially considering it's not you who is rushing. I might suggest that you allow him to work out a game plan and allow him to dress himself and be himself.

I totally get that you are excited for him and you really want him to get a bid. Understood. But, I don't know, I kinda cringe sometimes when I see a girl getting all up in her man's business like this. It sort of come across a little bit like when a girl goes overboard planning her wedding and she expects her fiance to sit down with her and work out which shade of blue, dark blue, cornflower blue or midnight blue would be best for the ribbons on the bridemaids' bouquets. ;)

As you know, sorority rush and fraternity rush are different beasts - all of the super attention to detail that goes into an NPC rush (girls planning each round of outfits down to eyeshadow colors, accessory jewelry, and type of high heel) may not necessarily be what needs to be done for a fraternity rush.

Since your bf is an older guy with military service under his belt, I would expect that he's got himself together enough to know how to handle rush. If he doesn't, he might want to take ownership over his situation and come to GC himself and ask questions first hand. ;)

.....Kelly :)

Same area here...wore them in high school (many moons ago) and have some right now, from LL Bean, of course. I just forgot how to make the curlyq ties.

Good Point and I see what you are saying...the thing is that because I am Greek-it's pretty much assumed that I know more about recruitment than him. That's why I am helping him. As far as clothing goes-I don't mean to be too nit-picky but, after reading the "Biggest Rush Mistakes" and "Meanest thing you've ever done/ said to a rushee" I worry....I had no clue fraternities could be so blatantly mean to people they don't care for. Then again-my guy isn't some bragging jackass like some of these guys that have probably been dismissed.

It doesn't necessarily come down to what someone is wearing but, I had no clue wearing a shirt that said Holister with a big bird and some stripes on it would be bad...so, some of this is helpful. I just wanted to know what would not be appreciated by fraternity men. Does he hit up house to house or just go to houses he is interested in? Is it weird to want to join a fraternity because you enjoy what they do for the community and you really like their philanthropy? Is it weird to join for the "brotherhood" aspect? Not that these would be weird-but, if the guys ask (remember-he won't be an 18 year old freshman) should he tell them these things or will they think he has no personality and never wants to party?

When I went through recruitment-that was the thing I was looking at more than partying "philanthropy" and "sisterhood"....My sisters usually win some philanthropy award each year and my chapter is the chapter who raises the most for my org. of all the other collegiate chapters-thanks to Thon....so, I def. got my wish...

So, I guess the question is simply, "What should you do/ not do" in order to be a desirable rushee? It's not a matter of getting the best house-at 26 that is not the #1 reason you join...

I'm going shopping for Sperry's right now... theyre always on sale in Michigan.

Hi, being another Northern Greek at a Big Ten University, I'll let you know how our fraternity rush is structured and whats appropriate...

Our rush is informal and dry. Its usually 2-3 weeks into the school year. Fraternities will hold BBQs and parties during welcome week and the first few weeks of the school year, usually toning down the weekend before rush (because sorority girls aren't allowed at our houses the weekend before or the week of rush). We have two door girls that'll welcome the guys as they come in & take down their information/pictures for us.

Once they're at our house... we play card games and eat/hang out. We play lots, and LOTS of card games. My chapter has a "no TV" rule in effect for rush unless something big is going on, because it doesn't foster communication between brothers and PNMs.

Our rush lasts 4 days (that may change in the fall, but traditionally it has been 4 days). On Mondays the brothers wear jeans/rush t-shirts (either old or new ones, we like to show a variety of the t-shirts, and not all look the same.). Tuesdays the brothers should be wearing Jeans/Polo or Khaki/Polo. Wednesdays we were button down tucked in with khakis. Thursdays we're in formal attire and we do dinners like we normally do during the school year.

Rush runs from 7-10 for those 4 days, we hand out bids that Thursday night.

Some houses on my campus dirty rush. If they're caught by IFC (IFC has the right to walk through the house at any time during rush) they are usually placed on some kind of probation and its reported to their nationals. Dirty rush would be considered: any kind of drinking, or girls other than the two door girls in the house during rush.

In terms of what *not* to do, and this is more general and some are probably not applicable to the kind of guy that your boyfriend is:

Don't talk about partying unless asked about it. And be mum on the details. "Yeah, I have a good time." or "Yeah, I was at that party last week, I had a blast" is cool. Saying "I got so hammered that I pissed myself" is not.

Don't act like you belong in that house. Rush is AWKWARD in this situation. We all know it. We're making judgement decisions on guys based on *at MOST* 12 hours of interaction. By the end of the week things'll probably be less awkward, but that doesn't mean that you "belong" there for a while.

Don't be upset if some of your friends who are in the house are kind of ignoring you - they already know you, they're trying to let everyone else get to know you after they introduce you, plus they've got to meet the other potentials.

Now some things you SHOULD do:

I would DEFINITELY talk about my military experience, if I had any. It shows that you can deal with tough situations, that you'll likely be a leader in the house because of your experience in those tough situations. The current president of IFC at my university is an ex-marine. Some houses might not like it, but my own house just graduated a non-traditional student that took a few years off. My only caveat would be "don't brag about it." Talk about how it influenced your life and some of your experiences, don't act high and mighty about it.

Definitely talk about his interest in philanthropy. That is something that he can make his own, even if there isn't a philanthropy for that house. Or it can show him that a particular house may not be right for him.

Anyway, this is kind of long, but there was a bunch of stuff I wanted to throw out there for you/him to consider. One thing he might want to look into is joining a smaller house, if he's more interested in the "brotherhood" side of it. I personally belong to a house that is about on the median for my campus, this fall we'll have 39 actives. I love the fact that we're a small house and have started to compete with big houses. I also feel like I am much more tight nit with my house and my pledge class.

2.) Anything by Affliction or Ed Hardy

FYP

1.) Wearing jean shorts (SECDomination probably sees a lot of these :D). You will not get a bid... jean shorts were [marginally] cool about 10 years ago, now they are trashy and redneck. A nice polo and Khakis is a cant miss.
2.) Being overly cocky, nobody wants a pledge who thinks that they are too good to perform menial tasks, see #7
3.) One word answers. Be conversational, social skills are the most important thing that somebody can possess. The importance of this skill can not be stressed enough.
4.) Don't talk about how much you can drink or how drunk you were the other night unless a really good story comes along with it.
5.) Getting drunktaneous at rush events. Fraternities do not want people with no self control, it becomes a huge risk to pledge someone who can't control themselves.
6.) Do not hook up with girls at rush events unless they are of the highest quality and you have checked to make sure that they are not an active's girlfriend or even an active's potential girlfriend. Nothing is worse than pissing off a brother or receiving the nickname "free willy" in the first week of pledgeship.
7.) Trying too hard. You do not need to convince the brothers that you are the coolest person ever and they should initiate you on the spot. Be yourself and if you are a fit in that particular organization then you will receive a bid. Have faith in the fraternity, they have been doing this way longer than you.
8.) Name dropping. Goes in line with trying too hard. If you are well connected and friends with a lot of the actives then the brothers will tell the people on bid team this, you don't need to mention it.
9.) Spending less than 45 minutes at a given house. If you want a bid then you have to show the brothers that you're serious. Spend time at the house getting to know people, even if you don't pledge there you can make connections that last for a while. (I get free pizza because of somebody I met in another fraternity during rush, we really hit it off). Meet every brother that you can, the more, the better.
10.) Dress nicely. Avoid hoodies, sandals with socks, etc. Business casual is the best way to go, collared shirt and pants or khaki shorts in warm weather. In the south avoid muscle tees and cargo shorts.
11.) Do not expect a bid just because you're a legacy or know a few guys in the house. Act as if you really want a big and are unsure if you're getting one.

Tips to impress, now that you know what to avoid doing, here are a few pointers that may get you bonus points.
1.) Bring attractive girls with you. This is the absolute best way to get attention and respect from the actives. Find the best looking girls that you know from high school or whatever and bring them with you when you rush.
2.) Go to the post-rush events (if they have them) AND show that you are socially adept. The most important quality in pledges (and arguably in life) is the ability to socialize with everyone (brothers, girls, alumni, parents, etc.)
3.) Have a lot of knowledge and the ability to carry on conversations.
4.) Use manners. If you are offered food, take it. Hold the door for women and don't swear with any women in earshot, basic things that your mother has been teaching you since you were little.

As someone who posted a pretty cruel method for dumping rushees in that thread, I should elaborate a bit on that.

I thought it was funny and appropriate back then, and I still feel that way today. But, for me at least, that was reserved for guys who showed up trashed to rush parties or drank a lot there and were risk management issues, or people who were so obnoxious that they had to be gotten rid of. If a lady we knew was at a rush party and complained about a rushee, then that meant it was time for him to leave that very second.

There is an old saying at Texas that probably applies to many southern schools- you are Greek or you are not. Take that any way you like, but what it means is that the Greeks are a very well known and defined population within a campus- and incoming freshman usually have a pretty good idea whether they might be interested or not.

When I was in college, we rarely had guys come to rush parties who were just totally clueless. Sometimes we did, but usually not.

So the guys we wanted to get rid of by walking them out- or sending them to other chapters and pretending they were a hot candidate over there- were guys who wanted to be there, but had not done a good job of preparing themselves for what was expected of them. And it goes even further than that for the ones we really messed with. Those were guys who were out of control with their drinking, disrespectful to women or who really put on a big attitude about themselves.

We all care about our chapters, the safety of our members and the reputation of our houses. A guy who comes to college and does not have the basic maturity to at least try and understand that needs to learn a lesson fast.

Point being, I am sorry if you got the impression from other threads that we are all a bunch of sadists who like to mess with people who are not cool/rich enough to be in our chapters. We aren't. But we damn sure enjoy messing with guys who put us at risk recklessly or show blatant disregard- and that is an attitude I have to this day in my business dealings, and it still works for me.

Your friend has a great ally in you. You are doing some good homework on his behalf and I can tell you that my chapter would always have respect for anyone who served their country. It is about the only way we would take in someone who was older than usual- and we have done it before, and it has worked out.

Anyhow, sorry for the long rant- but I wanted to clarify all that.

good call

EE-BO, I'm sorry if it came off that I thought you were all a bunch of jerks-I didn't mean that at all. What I meant was that I would not want to send him to a house of guys that who look down on him because he was older or because he had transferred from somewhere else. Trust me when I say that he does not party too hard and is the farthest thing from a risk management issue...he likes to drink but, he doesn't feel the need to get smashed.

I guarantee that he is much like me where he would have no problem being "sober brother" (or whatever the guys call them) whenever asked. I was the same way-I can party and get sloppy drunk but, I would not do that at a sorority/ fraternity function because I would not want to make my organization look bad-so, I usually volunteered to be "sober sister" since I know how I get when I drink but, mainly because I was double majoring and in the military--so, I didn't always have time to party.

He does not brag about his military service or his high GPA but, he is proud of his accomplishments. I personally believe (of course, I am partial) that he would be a great asset to ANY fraternity, as he is not going to choose one fraternity over another because one has a more active social calendar. As I said before-it's about "brotherhood" (which I love that people express that all over Greekchat-another reason I love talking to people on here)...

Thank you for clarifying but, EE-BO...I never thought you were nasty or mean-so, you don't have to worry about that with me. You and the rest of the guys on here (and some of the ladies) have given me some great advice....The more he knows-the better off he will be. Even if you guys give us a list of things NOT to do (aside from get smashed and upset the girls at the party)....please feel free to throw it out there.