Non participation in NPHC as a D9 member
 

First of all, I'm not a troll. I post regularly on GC. I just don't want this post associated with my real GC name because well . . . let's just say my situation is not one I want out there. I admit it's a strange one and I've never talked to anyone about it - not even my sorors.

Ok, I am a member of an NPHC sorority. Been so for 2 years now. My issue is not with my sorors. It's with the other 3 NPHC sororities - with specific idividuals to be more clear, not with the sororities as a whole. Since I came trough, I have attended 1 NPHC event and that's because due to the circumtances, I had no choice. I hated it the entire time. I don't do NPHC events like everyone else does. I don't like them. I purposely avoid them and even if I have nothing to do, I will not go.

Why? Because I don't feel like running into these individuals from the other sororities. I also don't go to any events the other NPHC sororities sponsor. Same reason. Some of these individuals have left a not-so-good impression on me (to put it nicely) and I just keep away from them and their org or else I feel like a hypocrite, which I'm not. Their org reminds me of them, simply put and supporting their org means supporting them :confused: Basically, you can say that I isolate myself from other greeks by staying within the bubble of my own sorority. That's where I'm happy - in my sorority. I'm extremely active within my sorority and have gotten to know sorors nationwide. I go to everything except NPHC events.

NPHC members, I don't know if I'm being childish or crazy. But I don't want to do NPHC events. A soror approached me to tell me about the next NPHC event. Most sorors from our chapter will be out of town and she would like those of us in town to go and represent our chapter. I told her no thank you b/c I already have plans (in reality I don't) I'm always busy when there's an NPHC event going on. Do I feel bad saying "No, I'm not gonna make it to this one" - of course! But I do it anyway. Noone has caught on that I purposely avoid NPHC events because they see me everywhere else our sorority is having a function. I drive alot to support other chapters in the state. Do I feel like I'm missing out on the whole NPHC experience? Of course I do - but the alternative (running into these people) is just too much for me to handle and so I choose to miss out.

NPHC members, I would like your serious opinion. I'm a grown woman in a grad chapter. I feel that my free time should be spent doing what I want to do. Serving my sorority and our community I do with all my heart and I do it willingly and happily. But NPHC - I don't feel like it should be a priority when I'm doing everything else a soror can possibly do within my sorority. I even hold an office.

NPHC members, do you think I'm skipping out on my responsibilities as a member of my sorority by not doing anything related to NPHC?

Trying to stay in my lane, I promise
 

True, I'm NPC, not NPHC, but this is a situation we can all relate to. My parents' Elks Lodge is having a similar situation. (!!)
All I want to offer is this - sometimes you have to put aside your personal opinions and focus on the big picture. If the NPHC event is purely social, I can see that you might wish, and be justified, to just skip it. But, if the event is a philanthropic one, or one that seeks to promote NPHC orgs to the larger community, would you be able to think about the larger good being served by sucking it up and putting up with annoying people in order to fulfil a worthwhile goal?

I agree with the previous poster, you have to look at the overall picture and not just your own personal feelings. See it for what it is an opportunity to get to know other people. I am sure that you don't like everyone in your sorority but you are able to put aside your personal feelings to work toward the greater good just my 08 cents. IMHO.

Ummm. You may feel confident in your own skin (sorority), but in reality, you are not... The real issue is you do not even have to JUSTIFY ANYTHING TO ANY OTHER SORORITY BUT THE ONE YOU PAY YOUR DUES TO!!!

Some cities have the "interconnection" between all the NPHC greeks. Many do not. You should know which one it is.

The concept comes from pledging... Hence, illegal... But the saying still holds true: "Loose lips sinks ships"!!! Which means someone--NOT YOU BUT SOMEONE ELSE--in your chapter is running off at the mouth making relative "newbies" to your Sorority uncomfortable.

To those of us on GC who are astute, we already can tell which organization you are in. Which makes this thread quasi-questionable. That means you need to talk to your sorority sisters as to how to handle it...

I, personally do not show up into any D9 organization events, parties, etc. without a specific invite from a member. Period. If it is an NPHC graduate event, I do not go because it is too difficult for me to drive to at night and well, I kinda do not agree with the concepts behind the activities--too undergradish for my tastes. And then, if I feel like going, I might go. I do, either physically or monetarily, support other organization's community services or activities because well, somebody needs to do it--mine is not.

But, if you have been harassed by anyone who espouses D9, you need to speak to the responsible members of your sorority as to how to handle it. That means an elder member of your sorority. Where are your mentors? Then that is who you speak to.

Good luck.

Co-sign. Also, if you don't want to go to somebody's event, don't go. I went to other's events because we were friends outside of our individual sororities. Maybe you should look at what you're giving off in terms of bad vibes. Sometimes it's all about perception and misconceptions.

I don't know why you didn't discuss this with a soror or two but anyway you are not the first person to feel this way and you won't be the last. I happen to be in a city (Philly) where the NPHC is very active and supportive of one another but I can tell that if most of the members weren't cool I probably wouldn't want to go to NPHC events either. Fortunately we don't have that problem and I have met great people in the other NPHC orgs. We all attend eachother's programs and buy tickets to eachother's events, which is a win win for everyone! That doesn't mean however that I go to everything but I do understand that if you don't support others, they won't support you.

You don't have to go to everything but if it's important for your chapter's networking ability for you to represent at NPHC events sometimes, then suck it up and do it. Think of it as something you're doing for your org. There are some sorority events I don't want to go to or don't feel like going to, but I go because people are counting on me and sometimes I go to NPHC events, not because I want to go, but because it's important for my chapter to be represented in the community.

fuck those hoes.

So eloquent are your words.

co-sign

I agree 100%


No, it's nothing like this. Let me clarify exactly why I don't participate. Here's an example of what one member of another NPHC sorority did (before all this happened between us, I did not know her). I used to date a guy who used to date her. He was not cheating on her with me. They were over before I came into the picture. She didn't agree with that decision so one day she went to my home and slashed the tires of his car while he was visiting. WTH? What self respecting woman in her late 30's does that? Another incident occurred at my house another day where I had to call the police on this woman. This time, he was not there. I took it personal. This had nothing to do with him anymore. She's disrupting MY home, not his. I'm the type that believes if you are an intruder in my home I have the right to shoot your a** for trespassing. Why? Because it's my home and I have the right to defend myself. Obviously I didn't shoot her. Instead I called the police.

Fast-forward to today. If I see her I will give her the a** whooping I didn't give her back then for 1) disrespecting MY house 2) scaring the sh*t out of me in MY own home and 3) being the type of woman who does this crazy sh*t for a stupid man. I mean, come on, she should have known better than to go crazy for a stupid man who didn't want her (God knows we women will if we let ourselves!).

Needless to say, I believe one invites or rejects drama. I reject it. I cut my ties with this man I was dating b/c that was just too much drama for me LOL But now I have to deal with her at NPHC events. And I'm not supposed to whoop her a**? Not supposed to say anything to her at all? Oh, let me tell you I have plenty to say to her! It's been 2 years of self control and yes, I still harbor feelings about it. How could I not?

The reason why I don't go to NPHC events is because I'm actualy worried at how I'm gonna react when I see her and what will happen due to my reaction. I'm not afraid of her. But I'm big on image and the fact that I'm a walking talking billboard for my sorority. Plus if I react, everyone will wonder why. Now my business is out for ALL the greeks in D9 to discuss (and we all know how we do it!)

So what do I do instead? I purposely avoid the situation of being around her b/c I know how I can get LOL. So, this is just one example of why I avoid NPHC events - it's more than dealing with annoying people. Annoying I can handle - I do it all the time at work. But this type of thing is more serious than that. Or am I exaggerating?

LOLOL

You're not grown.

Yes, you are skipping out on your responsibilities as a member of your sorority especially since you said you are purposefully "busy" when NPHC events are happening.

You have to learn to deal with people you don't like or get along with. It's just life.

DO YOU LIVE IN ATLANTA?

WHOOP THAT TRICK

I was hoping you would respond too RT . . . thank you.


I haven't because I haven't wanted this crazyness out there. I try very hard to keep my house clean, if you know what I mean. I cleansed my house of crazyness a loooong time ago. With that being said, I just don't want this thing out because in a way, I feel like it's a reflection off me. Does that make sense? But you do make a good point about talking to a sorors. I think I'm the only one who feels this way around here b/c everyone else goes and has a blast . . .

Oh maaaaan you have no idea how bad I wanna! LOL

Reality check: You cannot do anything about her. All you can do is yourself. This is NOT about being greek or in a GLO. It has to do with BEING a human being. If she threatened life, liberty and property, you call the police. Your follow up would be a restraining order against her. That is the best you can do because what she is doing is provocation towards you--trying to get you to react...

The BEST revenge is indifference...

And so what if you act a fool at an NPHC event. You will DEFINITELY NOT BE THE FIRST!!! Who cares about ho-megirl and why would you be in such a state of mind to have to cuss her assets out? How can you LET someone to allow you to get in this state of mind to WANT to do that? You are much better than that--are you not?

Who made you judge, jury and executioner?

And any kneegrow that pits two women against each other--do I have to guess which fraternity he's in? :rolleyes: Typical...

Why did I already know that there was more to it than you were telling at first??? First off, you need to change the "I might whoop her a-- if I see her" attitude. I feel you but these days, you can quickly become a convict walking around with these thoughts in your head. If she's not worried about you, don't be worried about her. I know one thing, I wouldn't let anyone stop me from going places and doing things. It's not like you'd be going to events by yourself. You better not be my soror or else I might have to come and go to an NPHC event with you.;)

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

:GRABS JELLO:

I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!!! :)

I was wondering the SAME thang!!!

:UNSURE:

THEY DON'T USE CHOCOLATE MILK AS WRESTLING MATERIAL

:UNSURE:

True, but dang why did sistahgreek have to go there? For real? I thought I was 19 again!

:p

I am as a matter of fact, which is why I haven't gone where I know I will see her. I'm just still angry. You're right. I'm LETTING her get to me but I haven't done anything to her have I? I'm making a choice. I feel she LET this man get to her and did not control herself like she should have.
Instead of coming to MY house to do that crazyness, she could have done something else - anything - but what she did.

Point taken.

The same one as always :p

:WASSAT:

WHAT THE HELL

You know RT, this thought never crossed my mind. I guess I imagine I would feel alone if I went b/c noone knows the situation. But I can now see my ghetto sorors getting down and whooping her a** wit me! :D

Seriously, you bring up a good point. I would probably have fun b/c I will be with my sorors and I know we always have fun no matter what.
Hmmmmm

@Bolded starting with #2) That is too much judgement of a behavior you cannot control. NO ONE--NOT even her baby's daddy, will EVER understand her lack of control without medical treatment. And if you are not a licensed clinical psych evaluator--neither should you try to rationalize her actions... All you can do is actually act on your Sorority's programs and give assistance in the form of leaflets or pamphlets or call the crisis center hotline... :rolleyes: (I am so wrong for that, I know ;) ...) In fact, I have a EXCELLENT 1-800 number...

#1) I am happy you have CHOSEN NOT to act on your impulses. That is wonderful. You need to congratulate yourself by giving yourself a heart salutation and gift for your choice of resilience and basically keeping the faith for your enemies.

What would it take for you to move forward on this situation? Just asking? Don't forget if you need extra assistance, contact Ariafya. It is a safe-free-zone.

LMAO at your post! What would it take for me to move on? Funny you should ask. Been thinking about this during this whole thread. It made me realize I do need to move on from this. So . . . . I think I'm gonna start by sharing the story with my closest soror. Knowing her personality, she'll probably LHAO! lol Then I will drag her with me to an NPHC event sometime this summer. . . She'll give me the emotional support I need while LMAO in the process b/c I know she will have jokes for my ears only!

Who says GC can't solve all your problems? :rolleyes:

This went from having issues with members of the other NPHC sororities to having an issue with one person over a man. Posted in the GL forum rather than your own org's forum (which would seem like a better place to ask for such advice) under an assumed name.

I'm not buying it.

LOL

So who's the GCer?

End of story.

I have yet to attend an NPHC function in my city, either. The extent of my involvement is sending out emails I feel might be relevant to the member chapters on the DC Pan-Hellenic list serv.

Sidebar: I don't enjoy picnics, so you will never find me at an NPHC picnic anywhere at anytime, DC or not.

OP's punishing the entire NPHC group because of what 1 person did? Yeah, that's mature.

So are sockpuppets.

I don't.

I seldom go to NPHC events. Not because of an anti-NPHC mentality, but I just choose not to go. I'm not one who hangs out like that.

You're active in your sorority and that's where your vows/oath lie.

While it's great to interact with NPHC members, it's not written in stone or in any of our by-laws that I am aware of. Maybe it is and I'm the one whose in violation.:o

My Soror KimL (on GC) is like Ms. NPHC in Philly. She knows everybody and from what she says, you all as a city have a great NPHC.:cool:

You've shed more light on the subject which makes it more understandable in your particular situation.

Umm all men, fraternity or otherwise, have the potential to pit two or more women against each other.

If you read my previous posts, I did say this was just ONE example, just to give you an idea of what I was dealing with, which was more than just annoying people.

I'm glad I didn't have to be the first naysayer.

What's more interesting than this BS story is which GC regular it could be. Idunno.

A 2 year member who really thinks that not attending NPHC events amounts to a hill of beans if you're not the designated NPHC rep for your chapter? Not buying it. I didn't read her rants about some love triangle but I saw someone mention fighting over a man. Yeah, right...blah.

I went straight to my soror's house yesterday after I logged out of GC and told her about it. She said this same exact thing as you just wrote above CT4!!! I asked her to come with me to the next NPHC event, but she was like "Why? B/c you feel that you have to go? Nah, you don't have to go. Go if you want to, not because you feel you have to. . . ." She said she would not say this about a sorority event, but for an NPHC event, she felt it wasn't as important. The truth is that I really don't want to go to an NPHC event for reasons stated earlier - at least not right now. Maybe one day I will change my mind. So, I'm not planning on going anytime soon.