Parents and college orientation
 

So in the recruitment forum a mini hijack has occurred about parents and orientation. Since my daughter is starting high school, I'm suddenly realizing that things have changed a lot since I started college and apparently I need to be more educated!

So, do most schools involve parents in orientation somehow? In my day, orientation was for students. We went to orientation for a few days (a weekend, I think) and parents didn't have anything to do with it. I drove myself, went to orientation, stayed in a dorm with a bunch of other new students and drove myself home. I registered for classes before orientation even happened but now it sounds like kids register during orientation. Of course, we had nothing online back then and registering meant standing in lines for several hours after meeting with an academic advisor.

So, how have things changed? It sounds like parents go to orientation too and even stay in the dorms sometimes? Class registration occurs during orientation? Is this all pretty standard at various schools?

Thanks for info :)

Ten years ago at my alma mater, New Student Orientation was everything from move-in to the first day of classes. From what I remember, we moved in on one day, the next day was freshman convocation, followed by a cookout. Parents were encouraged to leave after the cookout. Then we got into our academic advising groups. There were other activities, like opening day at the cafe, parties, etc. (G rated parties thrown by the school)

Registration had started online over the summer. If you weren't finished, you'd go to "Completion" which only took me ten minutes with no waiting.

I don't remember heavy parent involvement during New Student Orientation. I know that NSO has changed at my school since then and is more summer camp-y in feeling, so parents are probably even less welcome.

At my school some parents come to the orientation, some don't. Those that do choose to attend orientation have their own orientation-of-sorts for parents when their kids are taken off to tour the school, attend presentations, register for classes, and etc. Then everyone eats lunch at the same time and the parents and new students go off on their own thing again.

But its not a mandatory thing to bring parents, most of the students that bring their parents are out-of-state or people from different parts of the state.

Our orientation was from move-in to first day of classes. We registered before orientation, and during O-week, we met our advisors and advising groups. After new student move-in, parents weren't exactly welcome--in fact, the orientation handbook recommended that parents go home after move-in was completed. Before, however, parents were more than welcome, and several campus groups had special receptions for the parents as well.

This could be a small private vs. large public school difference too.

The big thing @ my D's school is pre-orientation. This is the week before the actual freshmen orientation. The freshmen who opt for pre-o have a choice between various outward bound themes or community service themes. If the freshman is on an intercollegiate fall season team, that preempts Pre-O.

Some parents do attend the real orientation but not many. Because D's school draws intls & students from all 50 states and the administration was well aware that parents who dropped off their kids for pre-o one week would not want to make a return visit 7 days later, they had a mini-orientation geared for the parents on the first day of pre-o.

In terms of my school back in the days of the dinosaur: I don't recall a true orientation. My parents dropped me off and went on their merry way. I don't remember orientation meetings at all. There was some kind of pre-o thing but I did not opt to partake. I was trying to work as many hours as I could that rising college freshman summer (and every subsequent collegiate summer).

My alma mater has a 1 day orientation called New Student Enrollment, with multiple dates throughout the summer. There is a specific parents program for the day, geared at answering questions the adults want to know. Students do things like take math and language placement tests, meet with an advisor, and get a tutorial on how to register for classes online (with NSE Leaders around to help out).

So since NSE dates are mainly in June and early July, move-in day doesn't have a whole lot of programming surrounding it. There's Big Red Welcome (which includes New Student Convocation, a street fair, and a number of free activities on campus) during that weekend before the first day of class, but it's geared for students, not parents.

I'm taking Gypsyboots to orientation in early June. Since she's attending my alma mater, I don't feel like I need to be attend, and don't know if they even offer anything for parents. I don't think so - and I'm sworn to just dropping off my daughter. Hope to meet up with some of my sisters while she is busy with her programs. :)

So a former co-worker of mine has a son at an SEC school. She attended orientation with him, and they had seminars for the parents while the college kids were doing their thing. I remember one of the seminars was on "How Not to Helicopter..." Seems like a good idea, right?

Apparantly that seminar did not do much good. Her son would call during the day upset about a grade and ask her to call the professor for him. She would of course oblige, while I (and other co-workers) would stand by wanting to hurl. Yes, you read correctly- she was negotiating her son's grade, via telephone, from 2 states away. This happened on multiple occaisions.

Cell phones are a wonderful invention, but they sure have allowed "The Cord" to remain attached for far too many years.

If college kids don't even have the most basic problem solving skills to sit down with a professor to discuss a grade, then the diploma that they receive is worth absolutely nothing.

End of rant.

OMG that makes me want to become a professor JUST so I can tell off a helicopter parent!

I WISH A MOFO WOULD!!!!

Have you met a helicopter spouse yet? I work with grad students and you would be surprised how many spouses try to advocate for their h/w.

Those professors should NOT talk to the parents. I have had parents call about their children's grades, and I tell them that Federal privacy law prohibits me from discussing their children's grade with them. They may squawk because they pay the bills, but the fact of the matter is that as far as the college is concerned their children are ADULTS.

There were almost no parents co-mingled with prospective students at my college summer orientation, at least from what I noticed. There were events scheduled for the whole weekend, and separate events for parents if they wished to attend.

When we arrived on campus, there were orientation activities that were just for students. I don't know if parents were specifically discouraged from attending, but I don't remember seeing parents at any of the events.

College Profesors should keep their mouths shut!:mad:

They are in one position only, teach the books that are assigned to them!:mad:

Self importantce of ego is not their place unless they have been in a GLO! Then, they may be able to speak of it!

I agree that the student is an adult if said student is over 18 and paying the tuition. What about that parent coughing up the $45K a year for their child? Shouldn't there be some parental rights as there are parental financial obligations?

I understand the argument, but the fact is that if they are over 18, they are considered adults. As a professor I have no idea who is paying for what, come to that.

It would be unfathomable for me or GEN Alum to call our D's Ps re: performance. Haha, she has worked in the federal political scene for several years and is a much better negotiator than her dad or I would ever be. But at the same time we like to see grades since we are paying for her education. Thank goodness our D is more than happy to share her grades at the semester-end.

Just for those parents who absolutely must receive a grade report from the college directly, call the registrar. There is a waiver form to allow a copy of student grades to be sent directly to said student's parents.

I'm a parent of a soon to be college student - I feel your pain!
 

I always tell parents to have a heart to heart with their children about the grades, and that I am more than happy to discuss the grades with the student. No matter who is paying for it, I think an important part of the college experience is learning to take responsibility for your actions - and that parents who want to discuss (in other words, push for a grade change) their children's grades with their professors are denying their children the chance to take a major step towards adulthood.

And back in my college days, if I had not immediately shown my parents my grades I would have been in hot water!

at my children's college, orientation is held in june for a day and 2/3's and involves students and their parents. there is a joint meeting with parents and children in the a.m. and then parents and children are separated with children taking language placement tests , scheduling classes, etc. and the parents attending different meetings until about 5. that first night the kids sleep in the dorms. the parents return in the morning for more meetings and the kids are doing other things. about mid-afternoon there is an optional greek life meeting and then it is all over.

it will be especially fun this year because our daughter will be attending summer school and we will get to see her(and her friends) and take her(and her friends) to dinners. my husband was not able to accompany our daughter and me when we attended her orientation 2 years ago. if parents are invited to attend, i recommend that you try to fit it into your schedule. seeing other parents who are also getting ready to send their children off to college-especially when it is the first born-and learning that the questions and concerns they have are ones you also have, brings things into perspective.

forgot to add, the college holds "connections" just for freshman which is a full 4 days before the sophs., jrs. and seniors can move on to campus in the fall.

Back in the day, orientation was strictly for students, with the exception of Freshman Parents' Weekend. New freshmen spent their first week and a half going through rush (yup, rush :p ), choosing their dorms, meeting with their advisors, registering for classes, finding out about various activities on campus, and generally meeting new people. Following this was a special Freshman Parents' Weekend with various activities for parents; some fraternities and sororities held parents' brunches and the like. (Parents of freshmen were also invited to the regular Parents' Weekend, which took place a few weeks later.)

The message was clear. Drop your kid off, or stick your kid on a plane, and leave him/her alone to acclimate - and if you want, come and visit in 10 days' time. Parents couldn't even contact their children except in an emergency, but students could call their parents if they wanted to (this was in the days before everyone had cell phones and email accounts). Even the worst helicopter parents were all but forced to cut the apron strings.

U Idaho has Parent orientation, and which session they attend depends on their student's living choice. There is one for sororities, one for fraternities, and one for residence hall and off campus living.

The parents even have their own section on the www.uidaho.edu homepage, which I and my parents found truly bizarre when I became a Vandal. They couldn't believe the personal phone calls and welcome letters, or the continued invitations to campus for Dad's and Mom's weekends. The Parents' Association is very active though, which has been good for certain extras not in the approved state wide budge (the now defunct VandalTaxi).

My oldest went to an SEC school where they had a "parent's session" and events for orientation, and being 1st time college parents (my poor oldest child), we signed up for everything and attended ALL the events designed for us. After the first day, we realized that all of the events were really designed to get us out of their hair so that they could get the kids the information and direction they needed.

So, when second kid rolled around, we definitely did NOT go. The forced meetings are a waste of time, and who really wants to go to a Bar-b-que with hundreds of strangers and yucky, cold food?;)

As for grades and such, I don't know anything more than what I'm told, and I'm happy with that! So far, so good, they've done great, but I'd probably be a nervous wreck if they gave me daily reports or over involved me with the process.

Curving is a beautiful thing!!!

You do realize that not every college student, even those who attend the "elite" colleges, necessarily has sane parents with whom they have good relationships, right? I trust that you also realize that just because someone is a parent doesn't necessarily mean that they're paying tuition. Also, by your logic, does that mean that a parent of a child on full scholarship or who receives full financial aid is not entitled to their kid's information because they aren't paying the $45K?

Brown--which was only a piddly $35K back in the 1999-2000 academic year :rolleyes:--didn't send my parents my report card. Regardless of the fact that they paid, the University saw me as an ADULT, and treated me as such. They did, however, send annual progress reports indicating where I was credit-wise towards graduation. It was all a moo point, however, because I had no problem showing them my report cards. I know that the situation was the same at UF when my sister was there--report cards didn't go to the parents.

I was a GA for Res Life at my grad school, and we had several cases where a parent would try to call the registrar to get their child's grades, or call the RA to find out what their kid was doing. Too bad that the parents in question were all crazy, weren't in regular contact with their kid, or even had a right to that information. One mother in particular was a hoot--I blogged about it, and I should post it here because it was AWESOME. Based on my experiences with that woman, I can totally support colleges respecting the privacy of their adult students.

Carnegie Mellon sent a hardcopy grade report in the mid-80s (my final year there was only $15K still about triple a public COA) addressed to the student at the end of each semester. My parents didn't open my grades or ask to see them but the expectation was there. I personally felt that I owed it to them since they were making a financial sacrifice).

Only once as a student did I have to get a grade changed and I did it without the help of my parents. It turns out that the professor forgot to weight the grades as outlined on the syllabus. It did ruin my Christmas Break because I didn't understand why I got the reported grade and I couldn't talk to him until I got back in January. Nevertheless, I handled it and the problem was solved. My husband went to West Point. Not only were his parents not paying anything, he was legally an independent adult as a cadet and could not be claimed on their taxes. He still showed them his grades

As I mentioned, there is a form that parents can insist their kids sign to see their kids' grades. It has to be resubmitted annually to the college registrar. I think it's part of FERPA.

I wonder how many kids don't show their parents their grades willingly. Obviously on GC, all the posters of this thread have open relationships with their parents and or kids and this is not an issue.

KSigRC could correct me on this if I'm wrong, but I thought Boston U sent hardcopy grade reports to parents. I was paying for most of my tuition that wasn't covered by scholarship, and I think the mailings were still directed to "Mr. and Mrs. __________."

I never really thought about it, to be honest. I could see plenty of cases, though, where a student would not want to tell their parents their grades, and would be justified in withholding that information.

When I went to college orientation 8 years ago, we had a 2-day orientation for both new students and parents. Parents had their sessions-housing, tuition, etc and students had theirs-clubs, student government, greek life, etc. We also met with our advisors and registered the second day.

My dad went with me and it was very educational for him. We each were able to learn the things we needed/wanted to learn.

Then freshman move-in was the Wednesday before classes started so we all moved in that day, then had 3-4 days of activities/events around campus to get us familiar with the area before the rest of the students came on board.

And as for grades-initially mid-term reports were being sent home, until the privacy act took over and that no longer happened. It's just the same; however, as when I was in school and dealing with my parents health insurance. My mom would call about a bill and they would refuse to talk to her b/c I was over 18-even though I was a child on their plan. Same thing with grades.

We had a full week of orientation, beginning with move-in and going all the way to the first day of classes. There were mandatory meetings, registrations, tours, etc. and then there were activities that were somewhat-optional. The activities sort of felt like some awkward adult summer camp and I was really not a fan. A group of juniors and seniors (called the OSC) led the freshmen in these ice-breaker activities for days. Awful.

Parents were hardly around. There were a few optional meetings and tours for parents, and they were invited to a picnic and convocation, but other than that they weren't around at all. Parents and families were encouraged to do other things in town on their own. My parents helped me move in and get settled, and then took off. I appreciated the help getting settled, and I also appreciated having the time on my own to discover the school and meet people...it was a good balance.

Orientation may have changed a bit since then, but as far as I know, it still has a similar structure.

WAY back in the day we had what was called "Pre-College" (orientation) which was two or three days as I recall. We took placement tests, tours, lectures on rules and dorm life and stuff like that.

My gut feeling is that there were a lot more rules then -- womens hours, not living off campus until age 21, etc., along with the normal conduct (academic and personal) issues. In Loco Parentis was not a wonderful thing for the college student of my era.

I think some parents might have been there -- mine weren't.

As for grade reports, isn't it against some privacy law or something to send parents report cards these days? It wasn't really an issue for us since both of ours did very well (3.96 and 4.0) in their college careers.

It is against FERPA guidelines for colleges to automatically send the grades to the parents. However, there is a waiver that a student can sign to waive his/her privacy right so that grades CAN be sent by the registrar to the parents. This form has to be renewed each academic year.

My college orientation was fabulous - no parents at all. We registered for classes while we were there. I loved orientation so much that I became an orientation leader. We tried to make the experience as least lame as possible. We relied on feedback and what the kids liked/didn't like, and offered choices throughout the sessions.

Now a slight hijack - Regarding the students being considered adults thread - when your kids sign their registration, there is usually a line that indicates that if parents /loans/whoever is paying tuition default on paying, they legally assign responsibility to the student.

You are voluntarily paying for your child's education, but legally, you are not necessarily privy to a lot of which is going on with your student at college. Some examples -

- grades - on particular tests/papers, etc., and midterm and final grades
- visits to campus health care/mental health services
- medical records
- campus infractions
- judicial board hearings
- residential situations - roommates, overnight guests, etc.

When my son started at Kansas, there was a 2 day (middle of summer, not the week b/f classes started) Jayhawk orientation so S and I went, got a hotel, and there was a joint session, then break out sessions where the kids went one way and parents went the other. I remember the dept. chair giving out his phone number and telling us to call if anything was bothering us, that's what he's there for.
When D started at an SEC school, same thing but this time I sent my Husband. I think they are beneficial to parents and I used the handouts often (including the flyer from the florist who does sorority themed floral arrangements).
This was also the time to have the kids sign the medical and registrars form so we had access to discuss payments, and doctor bills etc.

When I had my college orientation ( summer of 06) the beginning of the 2 days students & parents had a big meeting together. After that meeting, there were breakaway groups for both groups. (students more to learn about the different aspects of college life, the college, etc & parents i believe were the how not to helicopter, how to let your kids become adults, etc....) We came back together for lunch and after lunch broke again into different groups to finish the other information we didn't talk about before.

I have a semi open relationship with my parents and I still don't show them my grades. My parents said once I turned 18 i was "on my own" til I graduated college and then they would truly cut me loose from them (besides when i get married). Before I get criticized for saying i'm not technically on my own, let me explain. Yes, my parents pay for tuition & room and board, and I still get a minimal allowance ($200 a month) from them. However, I do have a job and with my job and the $200 a month I have to pay for my gas, cell phone bill ( i wanted off their plan because i wanted a enV & they wouldn't let me), entertainment, clothes, and whatever else I want to do for the month. Basically, they're trying to teach me to budget my $$, which is something I think all parents should help their kids with.

IMO an adult is someone who pays for their own medical insurance, rent, car pmts, food and doesn't accept a dime from anyone; or someone who is NOT claimed on anothers tax form. Mostly because of lawsuits. I didn't want to be sued b/c one of my kids did something stupid in college so mine were/are on a short rope. Money is a great motivator and since I pay $100% of everything I can have all sorts of fun rules. Cell phones can be turned off, cars can be retrieved etc. I let them know it's a privilege to have the things they have and if they can't comply they can go out and get student loans and pay their own way.
I learned so much by watching some friends kids screw up. They would register for classes, parents pay the tuition for a semeseter and monthly rent/food money and the kid didn't go to any classes but sat around partying. These were the parents who never saw grades. Finally after 4 years they wondered why there was no graduation announcement and were STUNNED to find he had hardly any credits. I actually know 3 kids (all high school honor society students) who did this.
I told myself that will not fly in this family. I'll put that $$$ in my IRA b/f letting my kid have a 4 year party. So, my son made a few dumb mistakes but luckily nothing serious. He changed his major which added a year but I made him take summer school to make up for it so he graduated in 4 1/2 yrs. MY penalty if he got a DUI was me retrieving the car from him and he'd live at home and go to junior college so he did use extra $$ on taxi money to avoid that. (that was my worst fear for him in college: driving drunk)
With daughter I have the "no piercings/tattoos" rule. Penalty for that is the checkbook snapping closed. Plus, I've told her I'll pay for a masters or PhD or as long as she wants to get an education we'll support her so she'd be an idiot to throw that away for a tattoo. (all 3 of her roomates got one over spring break). I tell her once she graduates and is paying her own way in life she can get all the ink she wants.

What does this have to do with anything, exactly? Nice of you to pat yourself on the back, though.

I think she was vectoring off the 2nd paragraph in ktbug's post.

Yes I was referencing that as well as others on previous pages about parents who pay having the right to know grades, etc. I wouldn't pat my own back b/c the minute I bragged about my kids, I'm sure one of them would become a serial killer. I've known lots of "braggy" parents and it's always come back to haunt them.
I've read reports on neurology that say our brains are not fully developed until about age 25, which is probably why car insurance companies give a huge break at that time. Since my son was 17 when he went halfway across the country to school, I felt like cutting the cord would have been a recipe for disaster so I gradually loosened up on him over his college career.

I could see it being an issue for reasons other than grades; for example, some parents want their children to major in something specific (i.e. want their child to be pre-med, business, etc.), but the child wants to do something else. There could be fights about classes scheduled, number of classes taken, etc.

Pepperdine has NSO the week before classes begin in the end of August. Parents go too, but I think their orientation is just a couple days. Anyway, at Pepperdine the students and parents don't even have to move themselves in - the NSO counselors rush out to the cars as they pull up in front of the dorms and move all your boxes into your room for you! It's over in a flash, which is actually kinda traumatizing for some kids (like me!) who are not quite ready to say goodbye yet. So for the first couple days, the freshmen go to sessions about courses and the GE curriculum, activities on campus, greek life, etc. while parents go to sessions about letting go, how to get involved with Pepp as a parent, etc. Both parents and students are invited to some sessions together, such as Financial Aid. Then the parents leave, and the students are immediately focused on their first teambuilding experience as students - Frosh Follies, a really fun tradition that introduces students to their dormmates and classmates, but also is very effective at delaying - for a while anyway - homesickness, which is quite present at a school where half the students are from out-of-state.

ETA: Oh, and I'm thrilled that I made the decision to go to school a plane ride away from home. My friends that went to schools within a few hours' drive from home just did not grow up as quickly as I did. They went home on some weekends, and Thanksgivings, whereas I only went home at winter and summer breaks. All of you parents that don't trust your kids: why don't you? Did you shelter them so much that you're afraid for them to be without you? Or did they fail to learn their lesson when they raised hell in high school? Either way, isn't that kindof your fault? I'm thrilled that my family did not limit my options for where I could go to school - not by geography or finances or anything else. All they cared about was that I'd be somewhere where I'd learn a lot and mature into an adult - whether that was across the lake or across the country. I knew that my family would only pay so much and that if I wanted to go somewhere that was more than that, it was my responsibility...and I was OK with that. In fact, I embraced it, because I knew that my family couldn't hold me hostage with that money; I think it's terribly manipulative for parents to do that...very passive aggressive. Do you want your kids to make their own decisions or not? I had a sorority sister whose family bought her a new BMW her sophomore year, then they made her drive home to visit them whenever they wanted. They also paid for her cell phone, so she had to answer the phone whenever they called (even if she was in a bar) because they threatened to take her phone away if she didn't. It's a terrible tactic used by parents who don't want to give up control of their kids, even when the "kids" are 22 year old adults! In my friend's case, I used to tell her that if I was her, and those types of restrictions were put upon me, I wouldn't accept them.

Thanks for all the info. As with most things, it sounds like "it depends on the school". I'll just have to wait and see who wants to pay her to go there...lol. That said, I guess we'll focus on driver's ed first :) (which she is eligible to start in October) My intent all along has been to raise independent children and the fact that she is going on a 20 day trip to Europe with People to People without me this summer, at age 14, speaks to just how independent she is. I wouldn't have had the confidence to do that at her age! I tend to see myself as the parent who would drop her off at the front door and make myself available to her when she wants to call/come home, but encourage her to embrace her new surroundings (and go through recruitment...lol)

speaking of parents attending orientation, hubby and i just got back from son's orientation. school does a good job of keeping parents busy(and actually imparts valuable information at the same time) and out of their kids and the administrations hair.

as seasoned parents,husband and i were sitting in the food court, having coffee and reading the newspaper, during the time that the incoming freshmen were meeting with their advisors and signing up for classes. there was another dad at the table next to ours. he sat by himself for about an hour after which he was joined by his wife. wife bustles up to the table, red faced and hair askew, positively fuming. she tells husband that she has been told that the kids will sign up by themselves for their classes-that there are advisors and counselors at the ready to help them, should they need it. she then goes on to say that she "guesses that they(she and her husband) are just there to pay the bills", and asks "how does the school expect the kids to choose their classes without the guidance of their parents?the kids don't know what they are doing!" husband pats her on the arm and assures her that they can always re-register their son on his computer at the office. after a few more heated rants about not being able to choose their childs class, they amble off. my husband and i give each other knowing looks.

later as we are helping our son collect his overnight things from the dorm room he stayed in, i spy the unfortunate son of those parents and point him out to our son. our son just shakes his head and agrees with us that it is a shame that those parents don't trust their child enough to let him sign up for his own classes. poor kid-we hope he doesn't know what his parents tried to do.