Why is it anybody's business if/when I have children???
 

Does getting married suddenly mean that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE, from my family and friends to my co-workers to random strangers) just has to quiz me about children all the time? Seriously?? "Do you have any kids yet? Why not? Are you planning to have kids?" And so on, and so on ... people just don't stop! :eek:

God yes! You'd think that being married for 5 years without children was a mortal sin.

This is a question that should never, ever be asked. I mean ever.

There are so many couples (privately) dealing with fertility issues, miscarriages, or for personal reasons have chosen to not have children.

I have watched countless friends be brought to tears by idiots asking this question.

Seriously... do NOT ask it. Even if you mean well. It is rude.

man, what you say...i get tired of that topic in general...i mean, what difference does it make- God will plant that seed when He good and ready:p

I noticed something in my family.

Of all my cousins born in the US, the majority of them have gone on to college, pursued a higher education, and waited to marry until they were well in their late 20s/early 30s.

Of all my cousins born in the Philippines, the majority of them got pregnant/got their GFs pregnant in high school or shortly after high school.

According to my Filipino relatives, I better start having kids because I'm "getting old". I'm 28.

My BF of 6 months, who just recently met my relatives 2 months ago, is already getting the "so when's the wedding?" question.

I agree with Blondie93. I still am unsure if I ever want to have kids, but I have seen women just horrified when asked that question.

To stop that question, respond with: We aren't sure yet. when are you available to babysit/change diapers/pay for daycare/pay for college/help us plan the conception?

Its a rude question that deserves a rude answer. :mad:

*I get this question too and HATE it. I give one of the responses above and people generally get that the question is, in fact, rude and out of place*

OMG we get this all the time. We have been married almost 3 years and my mom asks about this everyday. I tell her the same thing and she still asks the same question. We tell her we want to buy a house, get well established in our careers, save some money, and just have fun without dragging little Johnny out to an "R" rated movie or to Las Vegas (that's a whole new conversation...WTH did I see tons of parents on our last two trips with their KIDS in tow walking the strip/casino(s)?!?!)

I just think with all the pressure to succeed, it only makes sense to wait a little longer...Lately, I have been telling the 'rents that we will revisit the idea around 2011!!!

:D

If and when you have children isn't anybody's business but your own and your partner's.

But people do so love to butt in. :rolleyes: The ink wasn't even dry on our marriage contract when my MIL started demanding grandchildren. Some of the nosier members of my congregation seem to have an "aephi alum baby watch" going. Even my parents have started in on me.

For crying out loud, I'm not an incubator! Next time someone asks me if I'm pregnant, I'm asking them for a coat hanger. :mad:

I've been married for 2 1/2 years and get that all the time. It's irritating.

Something else I hate is when people who have kids tell those who don't that they are so smart and/or lucky. A friend told me this when I was with another friend and she burst into tears b/c she has been trying for 5 years to get pregnant with no success.

The best thing to do IMO is to NOT ASK! It's no one's damn business.

We had only been married for a month and we went to his parents for the weekend. They were far enough away that it was nicer to sleep there than to make the drive each way in one day. When we got there my MIL (who I did love dearly in spite of this) told me we would be sleeping in the MIL and FIL's room AND that she'd put leopard skin sheets on the bed so that we would be inspired to start making grandchildren! Uh huh, like being in my in-laws bed is going to inspire me??? I'd have been much more inspired in the basement bedroom where nobody could hear us!

Parents ask because they would love grandchildren - so I wouldn't get mad at them. Well, maybe a little.
But not like I would at friends/perfect strangers who think such an intimate question is any of their business!

My mom pressured me until my brother kranked the grandkids out... She has a different view, now...

We've been married 5 years. My husband does not WANT kids, I want kids (biological clock explosions) and I am almost 40... :eek: So, it is HIGHLY probably I will not have any biological kids... :(

When we get asked that question and we are together, I say, I don't know, ask Dr. Mr. AKA_Monet... And folks stop asking because they figure out that that nerve is too raw and they don't wanna go there...

When I get asked that question by "well meaning folks"--I tell them the truth. that pretty much shuts them up or sometimes pisses them off with my husband... :p I know wrong, huh? Anyhow, I find it hilarious. It would be one thing if we were trying and nothing happened. It is another thing that one party does want to fully participate...

I'm getting married (6 months from today! w00t!), and I'm marrying an only child/miracle baby. His parents are fairly traditional...and desperate for a grandchild. But I have to confess, and I'll throw in my nomination for "terrible person of the year"...I hate babies. I hate children. Not in the "they should all die" way, but in the "holy crap taking care of another person that is absolutely dependent on me terrifies me to no end" way. I don't see a baby or toddler and think, "ohhh cute", I see them and go, "get it away! get it away!". The thought of being pregnant, giving birth, and breastfeeding seriously grosses me out.

I detest mommy culture. That whole "thing" where giving birth and being a mom is the highest achievement a woman can reach (wait, aren't I getting ready to start a doctorate!? doesn't that count for something?). And that your entire life should center around the baby. Just because I have ovaries, doesn't mean I have to use them!

Now, don't get me wrong, motherhood, and more importantly, parenthood, is awesome and important for society...for those who want it. My brother and his fiance really like kids, and are AWESOME with kids, and will otherwise be fantastic parents. So I'm hoping that they'll be blessed with as many as they'd like, when they like them.

I think the root of this is that these people pestering you for kids want BABIES. They don't want TODDLERS/KIDS/TEENAGERS. Like with puppies, people forget that they grow out of that cute/cuddly/ moldable stage very quickly, and grow into beings that need guideance and report card signing and driving lessons and screaming fights and braces and boundaries and....

So yeah, there you have it. Why I'm not having kids. Because I just don't. Depending on the person asking, my answer vaires from, "I don't like kids" to "We're not in a position to have them (lol)" to "What an incredibly rude question to ask, I'm not going to answer that (when I'm in a bad mood)". The last tactic usually throws people for a loop, but might actually get them to stop. bloody. asking.

amen....!!!


It's a cult....and let them find out you are almost 40 and no kids...

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?


why do you have 2 kids and not married ot the daddy....?

WTF is wrong with you?

I don't know about you but I heard about these things called... 'condoms' and don't make what you can't take care of....you?

My husband and I suffered a miscarriage with our first child (and we didn't tell anyone other than close family) and a few weeks after that we decided we needed to get out of the house, so we went to a party where we had been invited. Anyway, we had been there maybe 15 minutes when we were asked when we were having kids. I burst into tears and ran out of the room. Needless to say, noone ever asked me that question again.

Sometimes I think that people with kids just want to spread the misery to others (note- I love my kids, but they do drive me to the brink on a regular basis).

MrRN and I had been married 6 WEEKS (literally, I counted) when we were at a good friend's wedding. At the reception, we were talking with some random dude who said to us, oh you guys are married?? Are you having kids anytime soon?? Maybe it was the gin and tonic, or maybe it was the fact that I didn't want kids ever and that was none of random dude's business, but I yelled at him-geez, we've only been married 6 weeks! Give us some time!!:mad:

He looked at me kind of funny and then walked off.
But who asks that!! To perfect strangers??
I agree, it is none of anyone's business but yours and your hubby's.

Ok, so now granted, I've changed my mind, and we do want kids, but I'll never tell anyone what's going on until I'm pregnant because the goings on of my uterus are NOT your business.

That's when you go into graphic detail about the sexual positions you are using to ensure prime fertilization, the methods you're using to collect the sperm for a count, and how you're really bummed that you had to stop doing anal because it doesn't work for procreation.

Rude questions deserve rude answers.

I got married last July and ever since then people have felt as though they have free reign to ask me when I plan on having children. It's rude. What if I couldn't have kids? That could be the most hurtful question to someone who wants kids but cannot have them.

I get asked by my co-workers all the time. I've started telling them that I hate children.....which partially true. I absolutely hate crying kids in restaurants and movies and I want to distance myself from that for as long as I possibly can!

My mother is ultra annoying about it. She reminds me all the time that I'm not getting any younger (I'm 27!) and that if I wait too long that I might not be able to have children. I think I may have posted this before but she one time mailed me an article that she found on women who wait too long and then discover they're no longer fertile. She put a post-it note on the article that read:

"Dear ZTAngel,

I want grandchildren.

Love,
Mom"

Argh.

Can I ask an honest question....?

Does the state of the world in which we are living in right now deter you from having children?

I usually just tell people the truth (I have to take daily medicine that causes birth defects, so I sure as hell better not get pregnant, so please stop hope/praying that I do and it's really irrelevant whether you think I would be a good mother, and if in the future I am permitted to adopt children then maybe I'll tell you about that) and watch their reactions. If they don't want to know, they really shouldn't ask :mad:

I get this question occasionally - I'm single, living with a roommate, and not really seeing any one special person.
"You're 31? When are you going to start having kids?"
What I want to say: "I don't know. Have you found me a man I want to settle down with? Can we start there, or do you suggest I go to a sperm donor and voluntarily be a single parent on my salary while I'm sharing a town home with another girl?''
What I said: "Um, are you kidding me?"

Next time go with what you wanted to say. You will feel better. :)

I (sorta, just a little bit) understand parents/older generations asking this question, but when it is co-workers and friends.... I just can't believe there are still idiots out there who think this is an okay question to ask.

I hear ya on that one, I will be getting married in 5 months. We just went to a funeral for my fiance's aunt and afterwards it was, oh by this time next year I'm sure you all will be pregnant. EXCUSE ME!

I'm only 26 just because my fiance is 35, does not mean we're in a rush. Sperm is good for a while thank you! (Which is something I've said to people.) Thankfully my fiance and I are on the same page. He knows I want to wait till we've been married for a few years and he is ok with being "an older dad" as someone said to us.

I agree I want to travel and enjoy married life. Friends of ours just had a baby and they're life is totally different. We have schedule outings around naptime, etc.

Yes and no. I'm really waiting b/c I don't want to have kids until I'm in my 30s; however, I see how different it is being a parent now than when I was kid and how much harder it can be. Of course you can never be 100% prepared to be a parent, so I guess it's one of those things you have to understand.

Sort of. Sometimes I'm like-that's it, we're going to home school our kids (a la the Duggars) when you see all the school shootings on the news. So, I stopped watching the news. Every now and then I worry about what kind of environment our kids will inherit-and by that, I mean the physical environment(global warming, overcrowding, etc). On the whole it doesn't bother me too much though.

What deterred me from wanting kids at first was that, I just didn't want them. Period. I was of the mindset that I like my life the way it is, and I'm selfish, and I'd rather spend $$ on me than a kid, and I didn't feel like I had enough love or patience to give a child.

People are always shocked when I tell them that we DON'T want children-- and that hubby has been *ahem* fixed! :p We're in our mid-thirties and don't have that desire. If we do later-- great we'll adopt. But it's highly unlikely. It's not that I don't like kids, I love them, I just love my life as it is! :D

You need to stop being so nice or easy to talk to. Then people will leave you alone about this nonsense.

So....ummm DSTCHAOS......pssssssssssssssssssssssssttttt


Hey shawtie!@!@!


when you gon' pop out some chaotic babies????

wink wink nod nod...

Too bad there is a firewall here at work...

Too bad it doesn't include GC. ;)

Your day would be dull without me....you know it...and wish me a happy GC anniversary today.

So for you young ladies ;) (under 40), you may want to consider freezing your eggs if you EVER FATHOM that you might want to have a child in 10-15 years...

When I was in my late 20's nothing like this existed... ONLY embryo freezing and since I was not attached, I did not want some goofy man infecting my eggs... :D

Anyhow, I do find it sad that so many folks force values on married couples. That is just added pressure.

"values" is a made up concept anyway, designed to scare people into voting for (insert random lies)

I'm 33 and have no kids. When I'm asked why not, I just say because I'm not married (even if I have a bf at the time, I still say that because...well, I'm not married).

That shuts people up right away I have found. :) But even if I was, my chances are slim of being able to biologically reproduce so even if I was married, that question is still rude as h*ll.

And quite simply, there are those that just don't want them, plain and simple.

I'm in the same boat now.

My DH and I have been married for a year and a half. Even at my wedding reception, our best man (DH's brother) included a comment in his speach about my MIL wanting us to "get to the baby-making." Geez! Give us a minute! We are far from ready - financially and emotionally. We live in a co-op barely big enough for the two of us. I can't even take care of myself. How would I begin to guide a child through life? And I'm not ready for the sleepless nights!

And now my (bio) little sister is planning her nuptials for early next year. Therefore, as soon as that's over and done with, I'm given the go-ahead by my family to pop out kids. Thanks! Just about every woman at work has been pregnant/given birth in the past two years. So of course, they're all just foaming at the mouth...waiting...

They can keep waiting.

I just can't tell you all how happy I am to read this thread...

It's a sensitive subject for me, and it's just really really nice to read that other people can't stand this question either. I swear that lately it has seemed as though everyone around me has completely forgotten their manners.

**Groan**

You saw the other hand doing the "thong dance?"