Single ladies, how do you respond to "why aren't you married yet?"
 

The ladies of SGRho have been discussing this topic for awhile... :o

You're only 23... why are people even asking? You are still young and have a lot of living to do! :)

I went to a friend's graduation party yesterday, and her boyfriend says to me... "So why aren't you married already? You graduated 6 months ago! Weren't you supposed to meet your special someone in college? If you don't watch out you will be a old maid for ever!"

Now I am only 21.....

I hit him....... I found the whole conversation rather funny as he has been dating my friend on and off again since high school.....

And he has no idea of my dating life....

But besides that instance, I usually say, " I just haven't met the guy I want to settle down with yet..."

KSUViolet-
I laughed out loud when I saw this thread because over the past week, I have suddenly been hearing this question repeatedly, and no one had ever really asked me before! I *just* turned 24 and I'm still in grad school, so it seems really out of place.

I don't have much to add because so far I've just been awkwardly trying to change the subject, but I'll be interested in hearing responses. And AKA_Monet thanks for the link!

At 41, I've been asked that a lot. My response depends on who's asking it.

1. Shrug and quickly change the topic.
2. Say, "Fate doesn't smile on everyone."
3. Say, "Oh, shut up!"

And my biological clock isn't just ticking...it's about to explode! ;)

Well, my 26th birthday is next week, so this question has become a major topic for me. So many people that I know are married or getting married (and these are people between 21 and 24). My mom is actually a little concerned about me because I am not as social as I "need to be". She wants me to get out more. It is just that things are happening late for me (i.e. I just graduated last year). I am still working on getting my career started. I definitely want to be married and have kids someday. It just has not happened yet. I want to be more settled before I get married anyway.

I'll try to think of some witty comebacks for you! ;)

I got that too after I graduated. It boggled my mind that people could even be married at that age. IMO, there was still some more fun to be had! With the divorce rate in our society I would think we wouldn't want to push someone to get married.

Wow... I will be celebrating my 5th anniversary on Friday, May 16th... Wood or Silver, I guess?

Anywho, I got married at 34ish...

I agree with you, if you need to wait until you are ready to settle down, please do... Because there is NOTHING like not being ready and try being in a relationship--especially a marital one...

"Because I have not found the right person yet. Better alone than in bad company."

Wow. I just turned 27, and I have NEVER gotten that question. No one in my social circle is married--there are a few engaged couples, but they have been together FOREVER, and it was about freaking time! :) Perhaps it's urban vs. non-urban/coastal vs. flyover or something like that. I know a few people from college who have gotten married, but they either were together forever or got married quickly for religious/social reasons.

At 27, my 10-year HS reunion is coming up, and most of the people who got married within 5 years of graduation are now DIVORCED. Who wants to be divorced at 23?

We've been through this before

I get this question a lot.... I'm 26. I've been getting it pretty much since I graduated 4 years ago.

With me there are a number of different factors that play into my singleness. For one, my job requires me to travel = A LOT = , sometimes for extended periods of time. So as you might imagine, it's hard to meet guys with a schedule like that.

Secondly, I have some pretty high expectations. I am successful & ambitious, and I expect my future husband to be the same, but most of the guys I've met like that are jerks.

Thirdly, I don't date random Joes off the street. I prefer to date guys that are "endorsed" by people I already know.

Lastly, I'm 26... seriously. I'm enjoying life and focusing on my career right now. I don't think I want kids in the future, so really I don't feel like I have a "biological clock" to worry about.

I feel your pain, except that in my case the question is, "When are you going to have a baby, already?!"

Good answer to "why aren't you married": "If and when I meet a man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life, then and only then will we get married."

Smartass answer: "I'm a lesbian." :p

I like "I can't get married in this state". Most people have no idea what you're talking about.

If I got married at my age, I would cheat on someone left and right. I don't see how many young people get married and stay faithful (the ones who do).

A friend once told me that the person you marry will determine 90% of your happiness or 90% of your pain. Also, my education is my top priority right now, plus I would just stay single unless I met a guy who was a spiritual leader, faithful, respectful, honest, a good communicator, happy and very loving.:)

ETA: Oh, and I forgot to add, totally hot too.:p

See, I've kinda gotten this from both corners. Because my fiance and I have dated for 6.5 years and counting, we got the "when ye gettin maaaaaaaaaaaried" from all the matriarchs for pretty much the last 3 years.

Then I tell people here in Scotland that I'm getting married at 23, and the go, "wow, you're so young! Why are you getting married?". Because it's not really a "thing" here to get married young. Yeah people do it, but it isn't like it is back home. Fewer people are getting married period because you've got civil partnership and domestic partnership and etc and you get a lot of the social benefits without having to be married (free healthcare is nation wide (I *heart* the NHS!), couples have an expectation of privacy in communication (although the protection is more solid in the case of marriage) etc.



Basically, opinions are like...you know the rest.

"Because I saw the choice you made, and I really want to do better."

The only question worse than "When are you getting married?" is "How is your husband?" when you are in the process of a divorce....

Get married when you feel its right in your bones--and not until then. This is not something to "settle" on.

That's funny. It's funny because I know that there are people I know who got married to the most awful guys just to have a wedding and say they got married, and I DON'T want to be like them. There's a girl I know who got married last summer (May 2007) to a guy who wasn't that great (controlling, mean, liked to drink alot) and this summer, she is finalizing her divorce. She's 22 and they didn't even make it a year. I know for certain that I don't want that.


Ouch. That would hurt.

If you've sort of broken the generally accepted timeline, I've shot it to hell.
1. Met then BF my 2nd semester of grad school.
2. Got engaged 5 years later
3. Married after 8 months (so there we sped it up)
4. Married on 6th anniversary of 2nd date.12/31/05
5. Just bought house (this past july)
6. Kids in 2010 maybe? (I just turned 32)

Why is it anyone's business? I hate this line of questioning...I'm getting the "when are you having kids?" all the damn time now. How do they know we haven't been trying and it's not working?We haven't, but seriously how do they know this? It's just intrusive and rude all the way around.
Our society has issues in thinking people are not complete if they are not married with children.

I agree. I also think it's rude to ask things like that. Like, the most recent person to ask me about being married was a girl from my HS. I came into her Express where she works and she started a conversation with me. She is 24, married, with 2 kids. We were just talking about what we had been up to lately since I had not seen her since I graduated. We were talking about school, and she was saying that she is going back after her son gets older, and in her next breath, "So you don't have any little ones?" I smiled and said "Well, no." She responds with "Well when are you going to get married and settle down, you're getting old!" I simply changed the subject to the store's new premium denim line lol.

It bugged me because like AOII_LB93 said, she just doesn't know me well enough to ask that. How did she know I didn't just lose my fiance in a plane crash? How did she know I didn't just have a miscarriage? It's just a generally rude line of questioning.

college is not a dating/find-a-man workshop like it used to be. half my friends went to college just to get a husband! heck, for 35k i will take time out and personally find you a man lol! my sister is 23 and constantly gets that question. she also doesnt date AT ALL so i think theres a difference between when we ask and when other people ask. ours is more out of concern lol!

and im engaged with two kids. i took the non-conventional route and still get asked when we are getting married. i always respond "as soon as you donate some money towards a wedding" and that usually clears things up!

I've been dating my b/f since March 2007, and now that we've been dating over a year, some of my friends are coming up to me (even some of my single friends) and asking when are we gonna get married.

I turned 23 in March, he's going to be 28 in July. People don't realize that we're just taking our time and not rushing anything. I do want to get married, but neither one of us is ready for it and we like where our relationship is right now.

I always said it was because I had too many things that I wanted to accomplish and I didn't *need* a man to accomplish them. Needing a man was not one of the things I wanted to accomplish!

I have always been super independent, so my family never ever asked me. They would always say to do what I wanted to do before I ever thought of settling down. I was in a relationship in my late 20s and really thought I was going to get married. Turns out that was not the case, but a few years later, I am registering for china at macy's! LOL. I truly couldn't imagine being married prior to now.

Oh the irony. Who is the old one now?

FWIW, my response used to be, "Well, you've obviously not introduced me to the right person yet." Put the ball in their court!

KSU-

I agree. This is a completely rude question. As someone who didn't marry until I was 31 and didn't have my first child until a week before my 34th birthday, trust me, I have heard both the marriage and kid question a time or two (or 600).

Here's the thing. I wouldn't trade my 20s for *anything.* I traveled freely, saw the country, advanced in my career, and learned how to be self-sufficient in car maintenence, computer/electronic issues, financial matters, etc. I went to tons of concerts, enjoyed a few too many happy hours, and did plenty "spur of the moment" activities. I met tons of other women who were also single (living in Dallas, being single in your 20s is not unusual) as well as the opportunity to meet lots of different men too. It is unbelievable what a different- and better- person I was at 29 than I was at 24.

By contrast, my friends who married straight out of college were either divorced or not happy in their marriage by age 30. That is not to say that that is the case for everyone who marries younger, but it certainly was for my circle. These people were the ones at 25 making me feel guilty for not being married, yet by 30 they were openly jealous of the freedom that I had.

I usually told the nosy people that I was enjoying the opportunity to do things while I was single that I might not have the opportunity to if I was married and certainly if I had kids. I also pointed out how miserable my married friends were, and that I *could* be married if I had wanted to (which was true...) but we would now be talking about my divorce. That usually shut the people up.

I do think I matters where you live... both Dallas and Nashville were very "single-friendly" and even once I was married I found I still had plenty of single friends. I now live in a town where the norm is to marry at 22 and to start having kids right away. So... everyone I meet that is my age has been married for 12-13 years, have 4 kids, and the oldest is 11. Even though they are the same age as me... they just "seem" 10 years older. They look at me like I have 2 heads when I mention that I only have 1 child (and he is only 1 yr old). These are super-nice people, but having a conversation with them about anything but kids is next to impossible... because it is all they know. We just have different life experiences.

Therefore, I bring it back to my original point... "I wouldn't trade my 20s for anything."

Best of luck to you... enjoy your singleness, and don't worry about the questions. Once you do decide to get married it will just turn to the kid question, and then it will turn to the 2nd kid question. Since the questions never really stop... just enjoy where you are in life and have fun.

I agree with every single word of this. More than once, I started to reply to this thread with a "keep your 20s to yourself!" post, but you put it all into words perfectly, Blondie. I loved every minute of my 20s, had the time of my life, learned what it felt like to take complete control of my life and excelled in my professional life. I met my husband when I was 30, married when I was 32 and truly felt like I knew who I was and was better able to adjust to sharing my life with someone. I've often said there's no way I'd still be married if I'd stayed with the guy I was with at 21, 23, 26, etc. Ignore people who act like you "should" be married before you're 30. If it's for you, great, but if it's not, don't rush it. You will be glad that you can look back and say how much you lived and enjoyed your freedom in your 20s, to me, those are the years you really grow and develop as an individual.

Because unlike some people, I'm not willing to settle.

I got asked this by my aunt at my brother's wedding. My boyfriend had broken up with me just that Monday, I had been engaged to a man that treated me horrible prior to that, and my brother is 5 years younger than me. I told her, "Actually, my boyfriend just broke up with me, and that's a bit painful. Thanks for bringing up my singleness today, and now I'd just really like to go enjoy my brother's wedding."

Now, 6 years later, I very rarely get asked this question. I think a good bit of my family has given up on me. The last time someone asked, "When are you going to just get married already? You're 31!" I said, "I don't know. Why did you wear those shoes? They're hideous." Not exactly the height of wittiness or maturity, but they were horribly ugly and I wanted to be as rude as she was being.

I want to get married, I have a biological clock that is ticking; however, I refuse to settle for just anyone. I've been asked more than once, but each time I knew that if I married them it would end. Until someone asks me and I don't have that feeling, I will be single.

I am married, but you can adapt my answer to getting married after the age of 30-
I just skipped the first round. (because the divorce rate is 50%)

I've been dating my boyfriend since my senior year of college and I just finished law school and have been getting this a LOT - including a classmate grabbing my hand during the ceremony to look for a ring. :rolleyes: I've just started telling people it's because he doesn't love me.

I think it depends, too, who it's coming from. I give older people and people who grew up in my hometown slack on this question, mainly because getting married and popping out kids is all they know. They're not trying to be mean, they're honestly worried that you're miserable because you're not attached because they would be if they weren't.

And even where that's concerned...give it time...I hear this a LOT less from my family ever since my baby cousin married a jerk, divorced him and married another jerk....not to mention the skank hos my other cousin tends to bring around the house.

If I heard this from one of my coworkers or college friends though...I think f.o. would probably be one of the nicer things I'd say. They know the person I am now, and they should know better.

I honestly despise the question. I'm 29, not married, not even dating anyone right now. It has taken me a loooonnnnngggg time to be content in my life and be happy with what I have accomplished. I mean literally like 3 weeks ago I made the decision that I'm just not in the mood to date right now (mainly because I have a lot going on in my life right now and I really don't want to add a relationship to everything else). And you know what, I'm happy, stressed (due to work) but happy.

For the longest time my mom and dad would bother me about getting married and having kids (mostly my mom). She finally backed off when (I think) my dad had a conversation with her back in October. I was bummed because my younger cousin was getting married, my brother was engaged, etc... and my dad was like "I'm so proud of you, you've graduated college with your bachelors and masters, which your brother's haven't done and you've bought two houses". I started to realize then that I don't need a guy to make me happy.

Don't get me wrong, I want to get married and I want to have kids. But as my dad so kindly pointed out to me "you don't need to be married to have a child all you need is a sperm bank" (thanks dad). But the reality is, he's right. If the right guy comes along, great! But I've come to the point in my life that I'm not going to put any of my dreams on hold, I'm going to achieve them, whether I'm married or not.

Thankfully I've got a very supportive and liberal family, so we're all good :D

"Why would I want to be married?"

[quote=MTSUGURL;1650688]"When are you going to just get married already? You're 31!" I said, "I don't know. Why did you wear those shoes? They're hideous." /quote]
HAHAHAHAH you're amazing!

I sponsor a beautiful little girl in Africa, Mariam. Today I got a letter from her, and the last thing she asked me was, "Will you marry? When?"

She frequently asks hard questions, but this one cracked me up because I immediately thought of this thread.

Where did I read this response... was it here on GC at some point..?

A single woman was asked by an older aunt, "Why aren't you married?"
She replied, "Why aren't you dead?"

Haha.. I never had the guts to use that line..

But I was 33 when I got married. As those before me posted, I too had a blast during my 20s! And now, I'm an "older mom" - just had my 2nd child at 40 (had my first born at 37)!

To think that there are people my age who have 20 year old kids!!! Or even teenagers! Ack - no wonder so many people have mid-life crises...because they didn't live it up in their 20s!