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Titles
Hello all Sisterfriends (and Brotherfriends too):
I have a question. How important is a title in a relationship to you? If you are with a person and they treat you with respect and even (gasp) love, does it matter if you don't have the title of "girlfriend". I'm interested in other people's (ladies and fellas actually) opinion on the subject. Thank ye |
Titles are important to me. I'm sorry, if you're with me, I OWN YOU. lol jk but not really
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LOL! omg
I know what you mean, I guess. So what does it take for you to know that you want to own her? lol |
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committment is important to me. if i'm going to treat you like you're my bfriend, then i want you to be my bfriend and i want to be your gfriend. if you can't even commit enough to call me that, then.... what are we really?
it's not about the title - it's about us being clear about what's going on or what's not going on. i see too many women get tied up into something that they think is something when it's really nothing ... to him. even though he thinks the world of her, she is looking for more - like committment. if she would have simply asked and clarified her role, she would not be going above and beyond...when it is not called for. so yes, i call my dog a "dog"; i call my house a "house" so if i am a girlfriend, then i want to called a "girlfriend." why should that be any different than anything else? if "girlfriend" is a title, then so be it. what next, wives being called "whatchumacalit"? that's not going to work. basically, just get you someone ready to commit and stop playing around with these guys. if you stop playing around with him, he might actually miss you long enough to decide that he *does* want you to be (gasp) his "girlfriend." SC Quote:
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I understand what you're saying, but what if you are committed? I honestly think if someone is going to play around on you they will whether or not you have a title. A bad person might believe that if you don't have the title then you have no reason to be upset, but logical people know the difference.
My situation is a little different. He and I jumped into the relationship too fast, became bf and gf immediately. We were smitten with each other, but he got nervous with how fast everything was moving. He ended up doing something stupid (not cheating so much) and hurting me. We decided it would be better to lose the title and just date. Now we're closer than ever. We spend our whole weekends together, my family loves him (to them he's my bf), he lets me borrow his car, I even have some of my stuff stored in his storage room. But we don't have that title. It bothered me at first, but if he's my acting right I don't need it. I know it might sound a little naive, but I've been in bad relationships before so I can tell the difference. I think (and I've told him this to which he replied "Maybe".. his version of yeeaaahhh lol) that he's afraid of messing up again. I've tried explaining that even if something bad happened now we'd still be hurt. He's just an over-thinker. lol |
If it matters to you, and he wants to be with you, he'll make the adjustment. The "I don't want to mess up again" line sounds like an excuse to me & guyspeak for "I don't want a girlfriend right now".
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No, no.. you misunderstand.. lol... Yes, I'm in the situation, but I'm not really asking for advice on it. I'm comfortable. But I like knowing how other people feel. My roomie is always like "Is so & so your bf yet?". I think it's funny how other people can be more concerned about things like that than the ones in the relationship. I also heard a topic on the radio about people who have been together for like 15 years and are completely loyal to each other but aren't married. Don't get me wrong, it bothers me sometimes, but then I realize everything is enjoyable and there's no use in being all hung up on a word.
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True. She probably wouldn't. I have done things like this in the past and looking back I know I just wanted validation that what I was doing/experiencing was "ok" even if I wasn't feeling 100% comfortable with it. When I decided that I wanted to move in with my boyfriend without us being engaged or married I just did it, because I was comfortable with what we had. I was not concerned with whether or not the next woman would have done the same.
@blakiceanjel - I don't get the desire to know stranger's opinions on what's going on in your personal life, but if you are happy then it's whatever. |
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i think this is a chick question - - - - i'm not sure that men care what we are called as long as everyone knows that lady is with someone>
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Men also do wonder these types of things but may express it differently depending on who they are talking to. The question of title is really about wanting to be clear where the relationship stands (i.e. the lady is with someone) and what they should refer to each other as both in and out of each other's presence. After a certain age the term "boyfriend" sounds wierd in certain settings so whatever words people choose to express exclusivity, the title is the same. Most people who are in exclusive, non-secret relationship would rather not have their significant other parading around saying "eh...that's my friend." |
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i think titles are important. its only natural that we have to label and define what things are. i think if one (or both) party is unwilling to create the "girlfriend/boyfriend" label then they arent ready to. i figure, if you spend a lot of time together, you call each other often enough (on breaks at work, in the AM/before bed, etc), you date consistently enough and socialize amongst each other's people, thats enough to have a title. of course everyone's gonna have their exceptions to this, but in my head, thats what it looks like to me. |
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What does the fact that you guys were moving too fast or that he messed up have to do with the title that you gave yourselves? The fact that you were moving too fast and that he messed up, in my mind, has nothing to do with a title. Therefore, if I can stretch logic a little, I would say, what does the converse (losing the title) have to do with him not messing up and with you not moving too fast?
It's not completely logical (the converse above) but, what does what you're saying having to do with the price of tea in China. If you mess up, you mess up - no matter the title. Ya'll just need to get your collective act together. :) LOL. SC Quote:
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i guess - i just say this is constance - i don't say we have exclusive for ten years, that we are a couple, this is my girl - i just say this is constance - i will admit when she introduces me she says this is michael and puts her hand in my hand - this topic reminds me of women when they marry they stop saying the guys name and start saying this is my husband
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You've never been with "constance" and someone ask who she is to you? Like "oh, is this your wife, etc." If not, okay. And when you aren't around "constance" and people are unfamiliar with who "constance" is, what do you say? |
no - i don't say anything - i'm old baby so i don't normally get those questions - now i have known instances when a dude is trying to check her out so i may walk up to her put my arms around her - she then introduces me by name
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Anywho, I also know older people (40s and 50s) who discuss "titles," as well as get questions or comments in professional and casual settings that solidfy the desire to know "what we should call each other." |
Personally speaking, if the titles aren't fiance/fiancee or husband/wife, then I neither want nor need a title.
I have never been comfortable with these modern "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles for the following reasons: - The terms itself sounds juvenile - It creates an artificial sense of commitment - It encourages a "playing house" mentality in the sense of maintaining a relationship I find it hard to take boyfriend/girlfriend relationships seriously for those reasons: your loyalty is dubious at best when you prematurely stake a claim on someone else's life. The best "title" I can have for a women for whom we share a mutual interest in each other is simply "friend". And if the friendship deepens, and we decide we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other permanently, then we'll have appropriate titles such as fiance(e) and husband/wife. |
so...
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