A Bad Advisor!
 

I am part of a NPC sorority, but don't want to reveal my organization or school. My sorority is close to 125 girls and most of us are pretty close.

However, recently, we have had a huge problem! We had this alumnae who is a founder of our chapter come back to be our risk management advisor this spring semester. At first she seemed nice and just wanted to get to know us. Then she started demanding that we hang out with her 24/7, always saying that "she was a founder so we had to" she would give alcohol to underage sisters and would get so drunk that we had to take care of her. She is close to 40 yrs old and seems not to have a life. She also lives over an hour away and will just show up and expect us to drop everything to hang out with her. Our regular chapter advisor went to our regional nationals person with her concerns, and nationals asked her the founder advisor to step down, and she did.

But now this founder/alumna still is communicating with some of our sisters and tells them to be sneaky about alcohol (to the point where some of our girls got in trouble with greek life) tells them how horrible nationals and exec are ect., she still shows up at events and she just won't leave us alone! Now there is a division between some of our sisters because of this alumna.

Our regular chapter advisor, membership advisor and old advisor (who was the president when our chapter was founded) have been trying to get this alumna to go away, but she won't listen to them.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any ideas?

Are the sisters who hang out with her sisters who would be partying anyway? I mean you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. It almost sounds like they're saying "Annie Alumna talked me into it" when they would have done it anyway.

Does she have a lot of friends among other chapter alumnae? If so, you need to tread very lightly or you might alienate a lot of people.

You've gone through all the channels you can go through as far as sorority protocol, and it still hasn't helped the problem, so obviously the only other thing that could be done is to have her terminated, and it's VERY hard to do that to an alumna. And even if you did - she might just blow it off and say "oh this is nationals being bitches, I'm still your sister!"

Honestly, it sounds like she's just absolutely unhappy with her life and wants to be back in college. I'm having a little bit of that myself right now (and I'm that age) so I know how she feels.

If she has other friends who were in the chapter, maybe see if you can get her reconnected with them and they can hang out together - because believe me, she'll have far more fun doing that than she will hanging out w/ 20 year olds.

Have you communicated this to your advisers?

I wouldn't recommend any action whatsoever or any further official communication with this lady unless it's through another adviser. You shouldn't have a difficult time getting the other alumnae on your side here.

ETA: Ignore me, 33 has it right, nothing more than what she said needs to be said.

Yikes! I have not been in your situation, but I feel bad for all involved. It goes without saying that her actions are most inapropriate.

Although she is an alumna, and a founder, no less, she is disrespecting every one of you, and the sisterhood. Are there other alumnae who can reach out to her? If you cannot speak to her about this, you may benefit from having other alumnae who know her, talk to her.

Aside from that, you need to let her know that what is going on is not okay. Remember, that until someone draws a line in the sand, she may very well just keep going on her power trip. I don't know if she is trying to re-live her college days, has issues in her own life that she is trying to escape, etc., and that really isn't my business. But in my experience, people will take advantage of a situation unless someone stops them.

Lastly, I would encourage a "pass the gavel" type discussion, maybe on a weekly basis, until the chapter is back to where it was. There is obvious discord and probably a lot of confusion. Be there for each other.

I wish you the best of luck in this sitatuation.

I know what you are saying about leading a horse to water, but this seems out of control. Some of the girls do party.

However, it is uncharectersitic of these girls to blatantly break the rules. For instance, this alumna said it was ok for them to drink in the house because she did it 10someodd years ago and it wasn't a big deal. Well it is a big deal now. One of the sororities was put on probation last semester for greek life finding a beer can in their house. The girls who were drinking had to go infront of standards. After that some of them tried to stay away from the alumna.

We recently had formal and the alumna freaked out on the whole chapter when she found out that we don't allow drinking on the bus to formal, which was a 15 minute drive, she wrote emails to exec and other alumna to plead that we stop this practice because it violated our trust in our sisters. When that didn't work, she had some of the actives meet her and got them so drunk that they weren't even allowed to get on the bus because they were so fall down drunk. One girl threw up right in the middle of the greek row.

I mean we have alumna from time to time come visit. But nothing like this. She calls sisters constantly, writes emails, texts, and then shows up and DEMANDS that we meet her because she is a chapter founder.

From what I can tell she doesn't get along with any of the other alumna that act as our advisors and they are all about the same age. One of our advisors stays as far as humanly possible away from her because apparently there was an incident when she was a new member that involved this alumna who was a senior.

I don't know if she knows any other alumni her age. Our college is in a small, almost rural town. Only the college is really there. She lives and works in one of the major citys in our state. I would think that there would be more people for her to socialize with there.

I don't want to sound like I don't want alumna around or I don't like them or anything. I love our advisors, they are great! And most of the alumni I have met at homecoming or have come help out during recruitment or something have been very nice and funny and just seem to love being with us. This alumna is different.

This definitely sounds like she is unhappy in her life, and she's tracing it back to something that happened in college - like if she can go back and "redo" it all she can fix her life or something.

Or, I could be overanalyzing and she's just batshit crazy. I mean, to not know that people don't want to hang out with you? I went up to visit my chapter a lot after I graduated, and I know there were a few sisters who resented it, but if it had been ALL of them I certainly wouldn't have kept returning.

The only other thing I can think of is to block her emails/texts and just ignore her. If she shows up at the house, either magically 1) everyone has a class that they need to get to or 2) are going to the library to study.

You need to talk to your advisors, tell them that you fear your chapter will get into BIG trouble, and leave it up to the advisors to contact the appropriate officer to take care of this alumna before she jeopardizes your charter. I imagine the area collegiate advisor will be more than happy to talk to your founder/alumna about risk management.

That's awful! I hope this alumna gets the help that she needs - something is clearly going on in her life to elicit this type of behavior as a defense mechanism.

They've DONE that. What is nationals or an advisor going to do, call the cops on her or police the house? And I don't think this woman is going to give 2 craps about anything the area advisor says to her about risk management.

The chapter members who are receiving her texts and emails need to stop communicating with her, because until they do, she'll take their response as a sign of welcome and keep showing up.

Haze her.

Yep. This gets my vote.

And she sounds like *she* has a drinking problem too. This is someone who is not living in reality.

I am so very sorry. I think 33 has given you some excellent advice. It sounds like you are trying to take the high road, and I applaud you for that.

Sounds like you need to have a whole chapter meeting just about this alum. Nationals cannot make her stay away, but you can instruct you members that this alumna cannot override the rules of the organization just because she is a "founder." They need to understand that any untoward behaviour in the future will be grounds for a standards investigation and that the excuse that this alumna made them do it will not stand. The collegiates have to learn to say no to this woman. She'll never stop as long as she gets attention when she shows up to campus. Don't dance around the subject...be straight forward with your members, then let the alumna know in a formal letter what your chapter has decided about her involvement with the chapter. Also make sure to let her know that you welcome her to any usual events that alumnae are invited to....not to daily chapter life!

Do chapter "founders" get any more respect/perks than "regular" chapter alumnae? I know they signed the charter and all, but I don't remember ever having to go above and beyond just because someone was a founder. Since this woman is no longer an advisor, can the "actives only" card be played? She can't show up for an event and expect to go, because it is for actives only. Same with Chapter, etc. And the voicemails and text messages need to be ignored.

The bigger problem really is that there are a bunch of girls who idolize this alumna. This group is getting smaller and smaller, but it is causing division and a lack of respect for each other and especially our executive board.

Most of the seniors and juniors want nothing to do with her, but some of our younger girls like this alumna alot -- mostly because she buys them alcohol, food and sorority gifts.

Contributing to the delinquency of a minor is a crime in most jurisdictions.

I'm not saying you should call the police. I'm not even saying you should threaten to. You should, however, make sure that your alumnae know that not only is what this lady doing bad for your chapter, it's also probably a crime.

(I have no knowledge as to whether it is or not, you'd have to ask someone who is qualified to answer that question whether it is or not)

Depends on your particular NPC group, but generally speaking chapter "founders" do NOT get special privileges, ESPECIALLY when it involves breaking the law in buying alcohol for underage individuals.
YES, use the actives only card!! Excellent idea!
Get your adult advisors on board with this - they need to go to bat for you with the university AND your executive offices AND your regional officers. If she shows up uninvited, then she can be charged with trespassing. This could go for both the university and the sorority.
And yes, it takes a lot, but alumnae CAN be called before a standards board and alumnae CAN be...ah..."fired" but that's not the right word.
But you REALLY need your adult advisors to step in here. This is an extreme situation!
Good luck, dear!

No, bad idea.

What if one of the alums you DO like and who is awesome wants to come to this or that event? Once you say "actives only" or do anything to give it teeth, like putting it in your chapter bylaws, you have to apply it across the board. You can't just use it for people you don't like. That will lead to lots of resentment. NPC groups have BIG differences in this as I've seen on GC - some groups welcome their alums to anything, some groups the alums have to go thru the paperwork equivalent of a metal detector.

If your national org says that only alums can come to meetings or formals - start enforcing it - but you must enforce it for EVERYONE. But I would not make a special chapter bylaw just to keep one person out. Because what happens is 10 years down the road, the alums don't feel welcome because of this bylaw, and no one remembers why.

You guys, read the posts from the OP. Calling the other advisors hasn't done anything. Contacting nationals hasn't done anything. THIS is the issue:

She is getting the attention and affection she wants - even if it appears to be somewhat hollow - so why would words from anyone make her stop what she's doing??

The thing to do is let the actives know that her "founder" status doesn't make her special, and that if the only reason they like her is because she buys them booze & stuff, they're really being unsisterly to take advantage of someone in that manner.

I mean - if they like her so much that they want to go visit her and party - then that's their business. But what happens on campus is a different story.

There are TWO guilty parties here: the alum who is showing no respect for the rules and putting the chapter at risk with the school, and the sisters who are enabling her because they can get something from her.

I completely agree. That's why it needs to be made clear to these younger sisters that this behaviour will not be tolerated. If they want to hang out with her...fine, but any bad behaviour witnessed will not be excused because a chapter "founder" said it was okay. These women have the right of free association, but they are still responsible for obeying the by-laws in order to remain in good standing.

Follow the chain of command. Have your chapter president and e-board contact your advisors. If the advisors can't do anything, go to your regional director. If she can't do anything, go to your council or whoever is the next higher up. You said they got her removed as an advisor, but do they know she is still causing problems? Don't assume anyone/everyone knows. They may think removing her solved the problem.

I agree with having a chapter meeting with this woman as the only item on the agenda. BUT, you need a few advisors there for backup. I realize that your advisors are feeling as if their hands are tied, but they can and should provide some legitimacy during this chapter discussion and help keep it on track. Lay down the law and explain that no one is to associate with her. Have the adults explain the liability issues, Greek life sanctions, abuse of power situations, etc. They might even be able to try and explain some of the psychological reasons behind her behavior.
Give the members some examples of ways to handle her when she calls, arrives, etc. Some of the members who are being led down the "primrose path" by her may not have the strength of character to stand up to an advisor/alum and will need specific ways to deal with her (similar to the things we tell actives to say when alums call during rush.)

I know that our liability insurance will not cover any alum present at a social function that is not specifically designated as an alum event. The only exceptions are advisors, Inat'l officers and approved/invited alums who are acting in a chaperone/advisor capacity.

This whole situation goes beyond the actives ability to deal with. To some extent even beyond your advisors since they have tried and failed to get through to her. It should now be dealt with on the Inat'l level. But the chapter needs to be told point blank that this woman is threatening their chapter's very existance.

This woman is guilty of breaking the law by giving alcohol to minors. She is jeopordizing the chapter's charter at the Univ as well as with your GLO. Being a founder doesn't mean squat in this situation nor does it matter what was considered acceptable 10+ years. (Though I sincerely doubt any of this was ok back then, merely that she & her active sisters didn't get busted for drinking in the house, etc. back then.) She is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

She can still have her pin pulled by Inat'ls despite her status as an alum or founder or her age. She can be charged legally with contributing to the delequency of minors. She can be banned from stepping foot inside the house and then charged with trespassing if she violates that. But at this point all this needs to be handled by your Inat'ls and more specifically their lawyers.

My 2 cents

I was just wondering how this situation is...also, I re-read the thread and for the first time I noticed that this particular alum is the Risk Management Advisor! Wow, that just doubles their problems!

*bump*

Just wondering if the OP has any update...