The Art of Bragging
 

Hey Sorors and SFs,

I have been chatting about this topic for the past two weeks with some graduate students and a few buddies. Does bragging have a negative impact on women versus men? Should women become better at 'bragging?'

I remember some years ago, there was a 'study' that suggested that women receive less pay because they 'brag' less about their professional accomplishments than men (in addition to accepting the first salary offer given and not asking for raises).

A good book on this topic (that I mention on my blog and shared with the students) written by Peggy Klaus is entitled Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It.

So, I'm interested in learning whether or not you 'brag' about your accomplishments.

Inherently in our culture that "crabs in a barrel mentality" has forced us to live in regret of our accomplishments if they are not sports related. There may be deeper reasons for why some of us do that according to Derek Hopson, psychologist:

I think that I have announced, my qualifications, often. Others may perceive it as bragging. Is there a "better" way to "brag" on the internet or websites? Possibly, having it backed up by recommendations by well-known celebrities. Maybe? I don't know?

On-line persona is only part of what a person is nowadays. Most people lie about their on-line persona(s) anyways. Hence the switch to more credible experts for this subject.

There are several folks that know me personally here. So, although I do not like it when dumb people confront me publicly, the reality it, folks who do actually know me do not think that and know my abilities.

So, to answer your question about bragging having a negative impact on women, it is a double-standard. Dayumed if you do, dayumed if you don't. I guess sometimes it is better to have negative attention than no attention? Albeit, I would prefer positive, transcendent attention, if any.

That's my take.

Good question. ;)

bragging is wrong. we as black americans need to stay away from this sort of thing.

I don't have a problem announcing accomplishments. I've seen where those who have the problem with it are usually those who are complacent and like their current situation. There is little to no motivation or desire to improve. Maybe this is where making an announcement turns into bragging. Announcing, to me, is different than bragging. Bragging or braggers seek to only lift themselves up, without attempting to encourage or motivate others to shoot for the stars in their own view.

I guess we would live in a perfect world if people are truly happy for you and the goals you have set out to achieve. Whatever the case may be, whatever you accomplish, not sharing it won't make it go away. Your accomplishments are with you forever. Regardless, there will be those who won't like what you achieve if you spread the word about it or not.


Keep on pressing....

I find that I don't generally have to brag in my personal life, my family does it for me. I can't tell you the times that I have been introduced as Little32 and have the people already know me and what I am doing. I love my family for the way that they support me.

On the other hand, I have met outright hostility from other women in the workplace for attempting to negotiate salary for positions, so I find that to be true. I have been told by other women that I should not try to negotiate salary, but my motto in terms of that is "Everything is negotiable." I know my worth and I try to make sure that my employers know my worth too (not that it always works out the way that I plan, but that is not going to stop me from trying to get what my work is worth).

I think that there is probably merit to the notion that women brag less than men. I have also heard about the phenom that you mention - if you don't brag, no one knows what you are doing at work and you get looked over - even though you may be more qualified than the next person.

Accompanying the notion of "bragging" more at work is building relationships at work by going to functions outside of work or volunteering for activities beyond your job. Both are discussed in this month's issue of Essence. We should check it out.

I don't think that I brag enough at work.

SC

Bragging is not wrong, if you are simply the best!
Those AKA women who posses ULTIMATE STYLE & FINESS!
Oh yes the are all over in the north, south, east & west!
those ultimate divas who withstood THE ULTIMATE test!

So as they proudly display that pink & green
they are always pleasant priss & NEVER MEAN!

So, Haters beware of those who negatively talk
For the sisters of Alpha kappa Alpha Have definately walked the walk.

I can only dream of one day being seen
as a WORTHY sister
who proudly wears PINK & GREEN!

What should I do with this post? Edit, delete...what? :D

LOL. Wow. Soror, I don't think that I've ever seen that kind of thing unsolicited before. :)

PinkPrincess, that's all good and fine but now, I want my own poem. LOL.
Proceed....

SC

I say keep it, though DP AKA_Monet might be troubled by its less than timely submission ;) :D.

She's not a member. I have a problem with it being posted, but that's just me. But again, I guess I need to take heed to my OWN siggy! :p ;)

Me too. lol.

ETA: Looking back at her other posts, I am not so sure now. There does seem to be a decided change to the approach though.

I am back. Did not mean to ruffle feathers. I am by no means saying that I am a part of your group. Let me explain......I have a lot of friends who are your sisters. I admire, cherrish, respect them & the whole. I hate when I see, read, hear ANYTHING that makes AKA look, sound, preceive to be NEGATIVE in any way!

WHat Ihave noticed is that peopl want to be a part of the best. (you) & when they can npt, for what wver reason, they tend to write blogs, create things as if to say that AKA's brag to much on themselves. That posses another thought.....WHY NOT brag if it is the truth! YES, AKA was & IS the first & the finest sorority EVER! I respect them, admire what they do & will do in the community, world, state & abroad!

When I was little & I said something that my mother did not like, I got popped in the mouth. That I what I feel when someone says or even thinks something negative about Aka. PERIOD!

Hope that I did not offend. Just speaking my mind.

PP,
First of all, where is my poem?
Second of all, I appreciate your appreciation for Alpha Kappa Alpha.
Third of all, use spell check honey child and re-read! I could not understand some of what you wrote below.


SC

You can not ruffle feathers here; elsewhere perhaps, but not here. ;)

Oh, and second my Soror Summerchild's sentiments.

Greetings SC,
1st-YOU ARE FUNNY!
2nd-I was in a hurry & was at work speaking my mind!
3rd- what do you want it to say? All AKA?

Here is something that came to mind:
I am a woman on a mission
with great intutition!

I live each day with AKA in my heart
I know that this love will never depart.

While all of my sisters all over the world are praised
It is with admiration & love that our pinkies are raised!

So I will shout from the mountain tops about the ivy I love
while my lovely founders are now surrounded by Christ white doves!

Admire me from a distance as I walk by and be amazed
The sheer beauty of an AKA, will put men in a daze!

Oh yes, we are cute, smart & intelligent too
those other sororities just don't have a clue.

That is all that I could think about without using your sorority language since i am not allowed to. Hope that you like it so far.

TPP

Firstly, the DP has YET to be angry about this condition... The reality is this is about HUMILITY to be in our presence!

Bragging is childish, in this instance. I seek reverence and acknowledgment. I choose wisdom and simplicity.

I expect haiku from now on as opposed to sonnets. One would be about the business of precise and succinct.

Soror, you make me smile. :)

Well, Soror, I have issues with it, too. It sounds cocky for someone not be of service to all mankind... And then, after paying well into the $1000s for this year alone... What has she paid, if anything? Impressing us is not really making a difference. She needs to be about impressing the sorors on her college campus if she is in college. Makes me think she is still in junior high and got a hold of one too many "Ivy Leaf Magazines". I wish it was as easy as this, but the fact is, it is not like this at all. Always the unexpected--sometimes welcomed, sometimes shocking...

Dear Moderator & her sisters,

I was simply replying to the topic of bragging. Nothing else. I am of service to mankind by being the best person that I can be. I just happen to admire your organization & the ladies that have done what they were suppose to do to join. I never nor do intend to be fake & phoney about anything. One of your sisters wanted a poem. I wrote one.

No, I do not nor have ever read a "Ivy Leaf Magazine" (do not know what that is).

I do make a difference with Girl Scouts, Habitat for Humanity, The Links, Several Women shelters for the homeless, Domestic Violence Organizations in my town, Jack & Jill & much more.

Weather Haiku or sonnets, the point is still being expressed & value is still given. The haiku poet usually takes up the changes of nature which have impressed him in order to express the intangible world of the spirit. The spirit being admired is that of sisterhood, not nature the Japanese culture.

Sorry that the admiration for your group has angered so many. Peace out!

Just READ!
 

1. Many years ago, we refrained from posting chants, etc. that in the effort to uplift OUR org; other orgs were dissed. When I read your poem, this is what I thought of.
2. Then, the poem you produced for Soror SC (I think), should have been PM'd.
3. If you are serious about AKA, you should know what the ILM is, I guess, again, maybe I only feel this way. :smirk: :shrugging shoulders:
4. I'm not angry. I'm very SERIOUS. I've been around here long enough to not let what other people do upset me. Most times, I am perplexed by many things I observe, but that's about it!

Thanks for your honesty & not being angry. It is really hard to understand & know the feelings behind email. It was for her & I should have PM'd her. I apprieciate your reply. No harm done. Have a beautiful day.

I agree with this.

Good stuff Soror 2D... Good stuff!!!

TO ADD:

@Bolded: That is a very good word. Perplexed: Perp + lexed... Filled with uncertainty...

Secondly, I said that if this "interest" is SERRRRRIOUSSSSS she would ALWAYS write in haiku, here... That means, everything she says, everything she utters, everything she speaks on GC from now on is in haiku... She obviously knows what haiku is, now let me see her do it. It will be mindfulness of humility...

And wow, not knowing what ILM is... Wow! :eek: That means to me, that this "interest" is in love with only wearing T-shirts and strolling/stepping and showing out rather than working and going to chapter/cluster/regional conference/Boule...

And YES. I will be angry if I am not seeing any posts from this "interest" in haiku. That means to me, this "interest" dislikes protocol, disapproves of hierarchy and is antagonistic toward merit or culture...

The term bragging just holds a negative connotation. There are contexts where discussing your accomplishments can be done, sometimes subtly and sometimes more overtly. It depends on what the context "demands."

But it is always important not to talk about yourself too much everytime you get the chance to open your mouth. It takes experiences to gauge when people are silent in interest versus silent because the person won't stop talking (about him or herself).

Not to mention that I never got my poem. :mad::cool:

Back to the subject at hand; bragging does have a negative connotation, but that does not mean that we should not tactfully announce our accomplishments at the appropriate times. We do lose out on too much, too often, to not make every effort to make sure that we are rewarded for our efforts (here, of course, I am strictly talking about in the workplace).

On another note, when is "bragging" or accomplishment announcing appropriate in the personal arena. Here, I generally feel really uncomfortable talking about myself.

HC I love reading posts from my Soror Mods?
You all are classic! Post on!!! :)

P.S. but you know you're just jealous b/c I got a poem... :p

SC

What??!! And for that, I am mad too now. :mad: :cool:
As far as I'm concerned, I didn't get a poem either.

SC

I love my Chi-town soror, Summerchild. :)

By personal arena do you mean at work or in casual interactions?

I think it depends on the conversation. Don't be a walking resume` but if something is discussed where you have some experience, expertise, or that relates to an accomplishment, mention it if you feel comfortable enough to do so. Just mention it without taking up too much of the convo and either boring or annoying everyone else.

Just don't be like Penelope.

When you posted that, I thought it was related to the movie; her nose did look sort of piggish.

@Chaos, I am talking about purely casual situtations. I am not sure that bragging is ever appropriate in those situations (and I don't think the approach that you identified would qualify as bragging), and I wonder if people had other thoughts on that.

Strategic bragging is a good thing
 

This is why the book I mentioned at the beginning of this thread is so valuable. There is a way to 'brag' without being obnoxious.

I bet if we were to ask the fellas about strategic bragging, they would have some interesting perspectives and tips.

Naw, I just want to see this "interest" who has no idea of the ILM, to only write in haiku. I want to see if she is capable enough in doing it... :rolleyes:

I'm usually uncomfortable bragging or stating my accomplishments. I think I'm more uncomfortable at work or with strangers than with friends.

I think I get tired of that uncomfortable feeling when you know someone's thinking, "Really? You did that? That's so unexpected of a young black girl!" You can just see it in their faces sometimes. *sigh*

And you speak soooo well. :eek: Like that Barooak Obooma.

That's another thing: The art of bragging and how it relates to people's assumptions and expectations of you or "your kind."

Well, the issue from that perspective is--it is their problem if they cannot see the "wonderment" of you. I do not think it is bragging when you are in a situation where you actually do have expertise in the topic. And even if you do not, does not mean you cannot have a rational conversation and also just well-rounded in your holistic approach. Especially at work.

The irony is that many of us grew up with the mentality that we have to be better, think faster, jump higher even fly and when some of us actually do accomplish these feats, how come it has to be shocking that we choose to do a little tooting of our own horns--especially in situations where we actually do know how to put these things together?

Why should we be worried about having too much rope to hang ourselves? How come?

Besides, I think ARTFULLY BRAGGING is different from boasting. Boasting is what I think most folks here dislike and also, when we are youthful, we tend to equate the two. Whereas, the older folks would be like, "Oh my... Sho nuff, God Bless you and Bless your heart..." or "Good for you!"

:)

Maybe it's because of where I'm at now, but I find that reaction hilaaarious. I still look 'bout 15, so people never expect me to do what I do and know who I know.

I'm actually not a big bragger except for in extraordinary circumstances. The people at my company just blow me away on a daily basis, so I am focusing on humble and trying to learn from them.

Yeah, you do. :p

But you know what? You're not too shabby yourself. They are probably learning from you too. ;)