I Just got asked to be a date at fraternity formal
 

So, one of my great guy friends who just finished pledging has asked me to his fraternities formal. 1) Would it be wrong to assume that he should pay my way? 2)Are there any online stores that would sell dresses (nothing to fancy) for a reasonable price (lets say $50-$65)? 3) He's a wee bit shorter then me, so is it ok to wear flats or maybe a shorter heel? (In case its not clear I am a girl and he is a guy)

1) If I asked a woman to be my date, there'd be no question that I'd pay her way.

2) Not sure.

3) Every Greek formal that I've attended has been like any other formal function. Dress as you would at another formal event.

What kind of formal? If it's an overnighter you need to be clear with him what he or the chapter is covering and what you'd be expected to pay for on your own.

For a dress, I would check with friends to see if they have one you can borrow. Also any local stores in the area. I'm guessing you're in the middle of nowhere since you asked about the internet. Also, I'm thinking you have enough time to wait around for shipping so you should be able take the time to get to whatever the large town is nearby. Any Ross or Marshalls in the area? What about Forever21 or Charlotte Ruse? Don't rule out a store because you think it's cheap or whatever. You might find the perfect dress for a good price. By the same token don't rule out a store as too expensive. You could find an awesome deal on sale or clearance. :)

As for shoes, just make sure you're comfortable.

Assuming "formal" means "formal" (who knows these days)
1. Yes
2. EBay
3. Up to you, chickie

1. Surely he will pay.

2. I find a lot of stuff on www.Nordstrom.com and sometimes it will go on sale. They have a great selection there, too.
www.bcbg.com has sales right now, but that may be too much for you. Some will be $300 or so and then marked down to $140. They are great classic dresses you can keep for a while. We also borrowed dresses all the time so we wouldn't have to buy so many formals.
Finally, maybe check a consignment shop.

3. I think it's polite to wear a shorter heel in this case. I'm taller than my husband when I wear heels. He doesn't care now but when we were in college dating, I never wore heels! :)

1. You should not pay
2.
3. Yes, thats fine

Find out if the dress should be short or long. All of my daughter's formal dresses have been short and all of her high school dresses were long. Try Macys.com. They have most of their dresses on sale now.

Ask him if any other girl you know is going and then shop for similar clothing...at least that way you know you've got someone in the same boat as you.

Different schools and chapters are used to different things. For a lot of the fraternity formals at my school the girls wear cocktail length dresses, not long dresses. They buy those for their own formals. I'm actually getting one from victoriassecret.com. It looks like a party/cocktail dress, but it's about $50.

Forever21 is a great place to buy dresses for cheap...but be aware of their exchange policies.

For your price range I would try both of those first if a shorter dress is appropriate. If you feel comfortable doing so, ask him to ask an older brother what their dates always wore...long or short.

He SHOULD be paying...it's inappropriate to ask someone out and then expect them to pay.

And as for the shoes...I would wear flats...it's polite and shows consideration for him. Flats will probably be cheaper as well...you can find them on both the sites I mentioned.

And by the way...accessories and shoes can make the outfit.

Even for our overnight formals the guy would pay for everything (meals, hotel room, gas money, etc) and I assume this is the case for 99% of the guys out there. No ideas about dresses but wearing flats would be nice since he is a shorter guy. I think he'd appreciate it.

Help Me!!!!!
 

Yeah, you're staying overnight, and yeah, you're staying together. You can sleep in sweats or something. If you're not comfortable with that concept, you probably should not go.

The only thing you should have to pay for is his boutenniere, if they are given at your school. Oh and of course, your dress/shoes/accessories.

I have been to one fraternity's formal every year for the past 7 years (my 7th being this weekend. woot.) and the only thing I've ever paid for were my drinks... and that was only a few times when I wasn't actually dating my date.

To me, I would think it rude to get invited somewhere, and then have someone ask, "Ok, where's the money for dinner and the hotel?" If you're actually boyfriend/girlfriend, that's one thing. You might try to even out the cost if you know each other's financial situation. But if you're someone who's never been to one of these things and you aren't as familiar with all of this as other people might be, it seems a little weird for him to expect some money out of you. HOWEVER... I would definitely take some money with you. HOWEVER... do not offer to pay for anything (besides maybe drinks) at the event. At most, if not all formals, everything is paid for in advance. It'd be inappropriate to talk about money in the middle of dinner.

Basically, I know that I've invited different guys to my sorority formal, and I have never expected any of them to cover the cost of their meal. Money was never even discussed.

If you're getting a hotel room, I would have to assume that you're staying overnight. I can't tell you if you're staying together, though. No one here can. But again, I'd have to assume that you are. To mention a hotel room to someone, but then say, "Sorry, you're not staying with me," is strange.

Just talk to him about everything.

Then you probably shouldn't go away overnight with him. Unless this is a friendship where you guys consider yourselves to be like brother and sister, the dude is probably figuring he is going to get lucky. Just don't be naive.

I wonder how many fraternities the OP's date is in. That could potentilly been a lot of formals!!

/joke

this

I don't necessarily agree with this.

The formals I've been to/have heard about almost always involve a stay overnight... and not all of the brothers staying have dates that they're involved with. Believe it or not, it can be understood, even by fraternity guys (surprising, I know), that their date is simply a formal date, and that they need a place to crash for the night (who would make their date drive home?) Not ALL guys think that they're going to score simply because a friend is sharing a hotel room with them.

However, you can gague this situation better than any of us can.

At my ex's formals, there were a lot of guys who took female friends. In our case, the Greek world on campus was very insular, and everyone knew everyone. Still, there were a couple of times when there were a few girls who weren't super close with their dates, and the guys in that situation would end up sharing a room with another single brother and the girls would get that other room (the brothers paid for it though).

The first year (we were both pledges that semester), we stayed in a two-bedroom room suite with his big brother and his gf (it was the a little less cost than 2 separate rooms, but the big bros took their roles seriously and "supervised" a bit. The following years, however, we had our own room/suite.

I just remembered that I still had all my stemware from all those formals. For that matter, I still have all my prom stemware. What do you all do with that stuff? I never use it but I feel bad throwing it all away.

Just tell him you need to know how to plan and ask him what the deal will be.

If it's an overnight thing and you don't plan on staying in the same room, be considerate of his pocketbook and find a roommate for the evening.

Oh yeah, definitely - no problem there. But it sounds like she doesn't even know this guy well enough to feel comfortable broaching the subject. Usually when you ask someone as just friends it's very clear. In her situation, yes, I would be wary and non-naive.

ree-xi - I still use my formal stemware because, what the hell, a glass is a glass. If you don't want to use it, donate it to your chapter.

True, but it's best to err on the side of caution, especially since she said she's "concerned." It sounds like she barely knows the guy.

Oh, it rarely gets used because we received formal drinkware as a wedding gift. It's just a matter of necessity. And the stuff from my ex's formals just aren't appropriate to use as I am married to someone else!

Thanks for the donation idea. I have stuff dating back to junior high through college. Someone might as well get use of it!

Freshman year I went to a fraternity formal and wasn't comfortable sharing a bed with the guy, but I knew another girl who was going and we got our dates to share a room so the girls were in one bed and the guys were in another. I worked out really well and I still had lots of fun with my date.

But I would definitely talk to him about this. If he's a good guy he'll try to make something work so that you're comfortable.

Forever21, Charlotte Russe, and Urban Outfitters usually have cute party dresses at low prices. Also try lulus.com. The prices vary, but you can get really original dresses at still reasonable prices.

He should pay since he invited you, but it wouldn't be out line to ask, especially if he's a good friend. Just say you want to make sure he knows you can do your part if you need to, which isn't outright asking and also isn't outright offering to pay.

Whenever me or my sisters went to fraternity formals with guys that were just friends we asked to room together and the guys always agreed to it, so the girls could share a bed. I've stayed in the same bed with a guy friend before, but it was a large one and we were both long time friends, so it wasn't a problem. If you don't know him all that well I'd definitely try to stay with a girlfriend or just tell him beforehand that you just want to set the record straight...if he's a good guy he'll offer to take the floor or couch or find a girl for you to stay with. Not every guy assumes they'll get booty from a formal date...but every now and then you run into a bad egg.

If he is attending the event, he can pay for it. Our formal usually cost about $400 out of pocket (dues didnt cover it) plus spending money (alot). I would save my paycheck for the few months prior and would also ask for money instead of gifts for christmas. Formal was just that fun. Don't worry about paying for anything. The only times my dates ever paid for anything was when I wasn't there to pick up the check. For example, we stopped in McDonalds on the way home and I was in the bathroom and she went ahead and ordered. I tried to pay her back but she said she felt bad for me paying everything.

As far as the whole sleeping situation goes I can only tell you about my experiences. We would share a room with another couple and it was pretty much expected that you would share a bed. I know girls who werent comfortable with that and they told their dates, who were usually accomodating, although they thought it was wierd. I took girls I dated and ones I didn't-even one who had another boyfriend. We were usually too drunk to do hook up or anything other than sleeping (one night I didn't even make back to my own room and woke up fully dressed in my tuxedo in the same bed with one of my pledge brothers- we both thought that was wierd). If you aren't comfortable around the guy just dont get really drunk(still have a good time), and tell him you won't hook up with him.

All in all it should be a really fun time, just be smart and safe, and you ought to have a great time.

This whole post really makes me miss college. :(

Off-topic, but what does your user name mean?

33 - I feel the same way. Formals were so much fun.