Is it still cheating?
 

If you found out your significant other had pics of 'friends' in sexually explicit poses on their phone or PC, would you still say that they are cheating?

Even if they had never slept with them (and you buy it,) is it still a sign?

How would you hande it?

I would consider it cheating. Why does he have those? I mean really, what's the purpose? Obiviously the friend wants him if she's sending those types of pics, & he's condoning her actions by not only allowing them, but keeping the pics. I would say more, but I'm running late for church. I just pop on for a sec waiting for my slooooow roommate.

how would you deal with it if you caught him?

I second that.

And I'd say a confrontation is in order.

I'm with Sunshine in a sense. I'd have to get more info. I wouldn't confront her because there'd be no point. Her intentions are clear, and she has no commitment to me anyway. However, he does.

He shouldn't have kept the pics in the first place. When she sent them, he should have set boundaries then letting her know that it was inappropriate. Since he did not, she'll just try to take it a step further the next time.

I would expect him to set some boundaries with this chick, and in all honesty, I wouldn't care to have her hanging around too much because she wants what I have. If he cannot put her in her place, then I take that to mean that he likes her attention and advances. In that case, he has made it clear that he cares more for her affections than peace in our relationship. Hence, I'm out. Any chick who can't respect your relationship is not really your friend. She wants more. Any chick who would try to make a man hers while he's with another isn't really the type you want to settle down with either.

I agree. And if I managed to still have said boyfriend after the confrentation was over you can bet I'd be so far up his ass for the next few months. He's got to re-earn my trust.

I guess I'll be the odd man out. My fiance has a few acquaintances that are girls, and one in particular he hooked up with in the past, and she is a very sexual person. I knew about it then (we weren't together!) and since they have common friends, I don't mind him going out if she is there. I trust him.

I think she still finds him attractive, and can definitely picture an instance of her maybe getting drunk and sending pictures, and my fiance receiving them, and thinking the same thing, she's drunk, whatever, and forgetting about it, and that there were these pictures in his phone.

I'd probably be annoyed at the situation, and might keep a closer eye on her next time I see both of them. But unless I see him responding to something or him sending inappropriate pictures...I'll just know he didn't think it was a big deal and forgot about it.

"You are the company that you keep."

Yes!!!! Indeed you are!

If my S/O is not in the porn business nor is a wannabe, and I found provocative positions of him and another woman, I might submit it to vice, and let them separate it out. Because what need would a veterinarian have with pornographic pictures of him and someone else on his phone, PC or elsewhere? Is it cheating, yes. Because I know I did not marry a porn star...

yeah

In the context of knowing my ex....he has some freaky deaky friends who I can see doing this. Then again, if that was the case, he'd probably show it to me and we'd laugh about it. If it was something other than that...I don't think it's cheating, but it sure as hell is a warning sign.

If these pictures were from a previous relationship and he didn't keep them out in the open, then I wouldn't mind so much. I've thrown out most photographs containing ex-boyfriends since I've gotten married - but of course a few are here and there because that was my past and who I was and how far I've come. However, if this is a new "friend" of his, there would absolutely be a need for questioning how committed he is in our relationship. Especially if it took place behind my back. There would definitely be drama. I need to know that we were both on the same page. This isn't cheating - but it comes damn close!

I'm gonna need for my s/o not to receive nude pictures from his female friends. That is a little too friendly if you ask me.

It might not be cheating but it sure as hayle ain't right.

Not cheating, per se, but dangerously close and extremely inappropriate. I don't think that ANY explicit pics/videos are cheating (as long as you're not addicted to porn, I don't have a big problem with it), but it crosses the line when they are "using" pics of people from real life. I don't mind it if mr. skylark spent 5-10 minutes (more realistically 2-5 min.) in the bathroom "using" a playboy full of women he doesn't know and will never have... but I do have a problem with him "using" a pic of his ex-girlfriend, friend from work, or anyone else that isn't exclusively from his world of fantasy. The real life connection makes it become more of a real life competition and that is something a person in a committed relationship has an expectation to not have to deal with.

Exactly!

Skylark nailed it, in your situation I would consider breaking it off.

I think I'd end it right then and there. What explanation could justify that?

Basically.

I dont' buy it that he never slept with her/them if he has these pics on his cell phone AND his PC. Real female friends don't do stupid sh*t like send naked pics of themselves to a guy they are and always have been in a strictly platonic relationship with. That's just stupid.

Now, I have noticed that men use the term "friend" very loosely. A friend could be just a friend - someone they have never slept with but get along great with like brother/sister. Girlfriends are usually introduced to these friends. A friend could also be an ex. A friend could also be the chick he met at the bar last night. He could tell you it's a "friend" and mean any of the above. In his mind, he's not really lying lol He's just not telling you the whole story. My point is that I think that his "friend/s" who sent him inappropriate pics is probably someone he slept with at one point. Let's hope it happened in the past and not while he was with you. (That would be cheating and I say leave.) Then stupidly enough, he still has the pics.

BTW, you may want to check to see when those pics were sent to his cell phone. I can check the 'details' of my pics on my cell phone. It gives me dates and times of when they were either taken or sent to me. Those dates would tell you if they were sent while he was with you. That's a problem even if he has never slept with her (which I already said I don't believe). If you choose to believe it though, I would agree with IlovemyAKA in that he needs to put her in her place (not you). Then you have to ask yourself if you really want to be with a guy who didn't say anything to her on his own in the first place? A guy like this may not understand the concept of boundaries and the next time it could be a lot worse than a pic.

Let's assume that he slept with her/them before he met me and I wanted to stay with him after all this. Here's what I would do - delete them. I wouldn't even address it with him. I would just hit delete, delete, delete. Then I would wait for him to approach me about it. If he did, I would admit to everything and explain why I did it and why those pics bugged me so much. Assuming he slept with her/them in the past and didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me he did, I would address the importance of honest communication. I would expect him to play the violation of privacy card because that is exaclty what I would be doing if I went on his PC and deleted his pics. Since I would admit to everything, I would take responsibility for my inappropriateness and see if he takes responsibility for his. If he gets so caught up on my inappropriateness, that he won't even address his inappropriateness, then there's your ansnwer. He's not worth it and move on.

*applause*