Daughter's 08 Recruitment
 

I have enjoyed reading and learning from the GC boards. As a mom who did not rush when in college I find the information helpful in understanding the experience my daughter is having.

I do not have a tremendous number of details, but will chronicle what information I do have from what my dear daughter shares with me.

Sororities in alpha order:
Alpha Chi Omega
Delta Delta Delta
Delta Gamma
Kappa Kappa Gamma
Kappa Alpha Theta
Pi Beta Phi

Code names in no particular order:
Lilly
Iris
Tulip
Dahlia
Geranium
Hibiscus

1st visits were last weekend. She attended all.

Lilly-She expected this to be one of her two favorites. Great, friendly girls. Has campus rep as the "good girls." Rushees rotated which evidently confused her and other rushees until they figured out all the rushers "were just leaving us" after a few minutes and it wasn't a personal thing. Would love to have another opportunity to visit, but uncertain of fit.

Iris-She described as very awkward. Two to three rushees per rushers due to smaller size. Conversation was difficult, other than between rushees. Is know on campus as being a struggling chapter. She said she did not want to have preconceived notions, but that after visiting she did not see herself being a member of this sorority.

Tulip-Going in, probably the house she was most looking forward to visiting. Great experience with great girls. Reputation of being very difficult to get a bid and "pre-rush" selection of "only the best looking and brightest." Her response to that is "well, who knows--I love the house and I'll see if they see me fitting in." Hoping for an invite back.

Dahlia-Low on the list going in, but she fell in love here. Best conversations, felt a part, encouraged by how kind and how engaging the girls were. Top of her list and she will be really dissapointed if not invited back.

Geranium-She does not see herself fitting in here.

Hibiscus- Interested in going back.

As you can see the amount of information she shared faded to just about nothing as we talked about the last two houses.

She can receive up to 4 invites to next round (invites coming soon).

Her order:
Dahlia
Tulip
Hibiscus
Lilly

Geranium
Iris

I love the code names! I'm really looking forward to reading this story.

Question I forgot to ask
 

I am hoping the GC crew can answer this question:

Is it standard for a Sr. affiliated member to "friend" rushees on FACEBOOK? Evidently 3-4 girls at my daughter's school are doing this during rush, with one girl friending 10-15 girls the day after the 1st recruitment events. This has caused quite a stir among the freshman girls who are busy interpreting what it means or doesn't mean. To me, this seems a bit wrong. This "mutual selection" process seems to be inherently stressful enough w/o someone adding this dimension.

In case you are wondering, my daughter was not "friended" and it honestly does not seem to bother her. I think that may be because it is not a house that she feels like she will become affiliated with. It bothers me though, well--just because it seems so wrong.

Am I missing the boat?

That is definitely wrong on my campus. We have a "silent" policy during recruitment: no talking to PNMs, and certainly no facebooking...

She might want to tell her Pi Chi about this.

I agree - most campuses are quite specific about contact between actives/pmns, including facebook.

I don't know specifically about an affiliate, but if an active were to do it, that is a rush infraction.

What is the difference between an affiliated member and an active?

Is a Pi Chi the same as a Rho Gam? Unaffiliated (for rush) recruitment guide.

She thinks I am silly. Thanks for confirming that what seems very wrong to me is in fact not a good idea. My guess is that she will choose to "stay out of it."

If this is a structured formal NPC recruitment, then yes, there should not be any contact between the sisters and the PNMs outside of the rush room. If this is informal recruitment, then those rules don't apply, though it's generally in bad taste.

I can see how this may confuse PNMs - if I were in their shoes, I would think it meant they liked me and I might get a bid and therein lies the danger. Not smart on the sister's part IMO.

I assume it means that she is still active, and not disaffiliated like a Rho Chi/Gamma/whatever or member of Panhellenic.

Then again, you probably weren't asking me...:)

It was directed towards the first person who could answer the question, so you win. :)

If it is formal recruitment, then it is in bad taste, and quite possibly a recruitment infraction, depending on the campus. If it is informal recruitment, then honestly, I have no problem with it. Informal recruitment is about bringing a chapter up to total, and about attracting girls who might not want to rush to go greek. Rules like not being allowed to talk to certain people or friending them on facebook are the kind of thing that turn some girls off from rushing, so why apply those rules to informal recruitment and risk losing some great potential members over a silly rule or rivalry?

Yeah, that confused me too... Am I correct in thinking that the same rules apply to actives and alumnae alike?

Rush at her school is NPC and formal. The person I am referring to is not one of the "unaffiliated girls helping them through rush," but a member of one of the sororities on campus.

This reminds me of that YouTube video from Northwestern where the girl makes fun of FR by talking about how she accidentally took a napkin out and the other girl who was told to spit out her mint. Yeah, the rules get a little ridiculous at times.... But coming from a slightly struggling chapter and having been a Rho Gam, I can see how in some instances they are necessary.

I think that's what we assumed. In that case, it is a rush infraction and the chapter could be fined or punished in some way if the school's Panhel were to find out...

Not all schools have a rule against facebook for recruitment. I know of several where there aren't such rules.

It's not about Facebook specifically, but contact in general that there's a rule against, and I'm sure friending someone on Facebook counts as contact.

I think it's one of those things that's not necessarily kosher even though technically there isn't a rule against it. Yet. I wouldn't be surprised to see an NPC unanimous agreement regarding facebook in the near future, or to see facebook added to the current unanimous agreement.

Only speaking from my chapter:
An affiliate is a member in good standing that has transfer from another school to your school.

More info
 

Called daughter to ask about "rules." She said they are not supposed to be communicating. Also found out that some girls on her dorm floor found out this girl is VP of Recruitment of this sorority. They are all scared to say anything.

of course the pnms are afraid to say anything. maybe someone could anon. slip a note to a rho gamma-or under the panhellenic office door. what a shame that one sorority member thinks the rules don't apply to her!

i do know that sorority members are pretty good about policing each other.i have assisted during recruitment at campuses where something like this went on. the guilty parties usually get caught, but in a situation like this, those pnms are probably afraid not to accept the sorority member as a friend, for fear they will not get a bid. something needs to be done quickly, so that that bit of pressure is lifted off the pnms.

but back to the regularly scheduled program:your daughters recruitment! best wishes to her that she has a great time and gets the bid she wants.

They shouldn't be scared! The chapter might be disciplined, but obviously they won't be informed of who exactly turned them in. It won't hurt their recruitment chances.

I think it is important to maintain some sort of equal footing during recruitment, and having one GLO's membership VP "friending" PNMs is not appropriate.

With my school's NPC, all affiliated women are supposed to have their Facebook profiles on private so that PNMs can't view them even if they are deliberately seeking them out. That's how seriously it is taken.

but back to the regularly scheduled program:your daughters recruitment! best wishes to her that she has a great time and gets the bid she wants.


:). . .Thanks! I hope she lets me know about invites relatively soon after their meeting! Will keep you posted.

Tough night for daughter! Invited back to Lilly and Iris. She asked me to keep my fingers crossed that things go well for next round at Lilly. She does not see herself at Iris. Was so, so dissapointed in having so many cuts (especially Dahlia and Tulip), but knew she was not the only one that this happened with. Sounds like the PMNs are being supportive of each other and sharing their dissapointents.

Awww. I've been there and it is devastating! Hopefully she keeps her options open.

Speaking from experience in joining a chapter I did not see myself in, those chapters can sometimes really an amazing experience. They truly can be a diamond in the rough. I know I would never have developed the leadership abilities, or formed as deep relationships with my sisters as I did or even been given the opportunities that for me have really shaped my life, had it not been for my chapter.

But having two chapters to go back to is great! It only takes one! :)

Good luck to your daughter!

Facebook/IM
 

A similar thing has gone on at our campus, also with deferred formal recruitment - one of the chapters on our campus sent IM to the freshman the week before formal rush, with messages like "can't wait to meet you", ect...I think your daughter and her friends reaction is just why this shouldn't be done, it makes the PNM's uncomfortable! Our chapter closed all of their facebook accounts the week they were back for polish week just to be sure that NOTHING like this happens.

The ironic thing is that the group that did this was the chapter that turns in more recruitment infraction complaints against other chapters than all of the other chapters combined...:mad:

I soo love this thread!!!!! I love it when Mom's tell the recruitments stories!!!

I wish her the best of luck, and I look forward to hearing more!!!!

Back to the story
 

Who knew (well, you guys probably did) this sorority rush stuff could and would keep a mom up all night because she couldn't stop worrying and couldn't bear the thought of her daughter being so dissapointed? I have been an absolute basket case, to the point of having a hard time functioning at all yesterday (it was a gloomy day though). Eventually I got up and got out and focused on something other than myself and my thoughts--it is scary how we can be so selfish even when genuinely concerned about a loved one. Bottom line--I have absolutely no control over this situation!

So on to daughter's story. . .

Even though so disspointed and confused by her hard initial cuts, when I taked to her for a few minutes last night before skit parties she said "mom, I am just reminding myself that I should never let a bad day cause me to give up." Hummm, wish I had thought of that! :) She then proceeded to remind me that it was difficult to talk on the phone while applying makeup and with a quick "love ya mom" was gone. She was off to Lilly and Iris and mom is still pretty obsessed, but happy that her daughter got her good sense from somewhere in the genes!

Awww . . .hang in there, mom. Your daughter sounds like she has just the right attitude. She has two parties to go to - here's hoping she loves them both! (It is not unusual for a house to "grow" on you once it boils down to a few.)

No more cuts this afternoon, and a very happy daughter! She attended Lilly and Iris last night. Here is the rundown--the few details I have:

Lilly-She was so happy to go back and very comfortable here. She has been interested in this sorority since visiting last year before enrolling. Turns out her "not sure of fit" reaction 1st night was more about really wanting to be asked back. She has a lot in common with the girls, felt "at home," and loves their philanthropy as well as this chapter's philanthropy activities that put the girls out in the community for service activities. Her host was someone she knows, and she thought it went well and was thrilled. Skeptical mom here thinks the host may have asked for her because she needed to be convinced she would be OK with her as a sister. I have reasons for thinking this, but we won't go into them here. Generally, I am pretty intuitive.

Iris-Her experience here was not great. I believe she went in with an open mind and wanting very much to find that things could click. Conversation was strained and she read some of it as "they almost acted desperate." She commented that she knows these quick impressions are hard, that she was certain all of the girls were great people, she just didn't see being a part of this group.

Invites for preference parties came this afternoon and she was hoping for an invite from Lilly and would have not been dissapointed to be cut from Iris. Well . . .











She is probably at her 2nd preference party for the night! She was thrilled to get invite from Lilly and going to keep an open mind about Iris for the party. However, she is learning toward suiciding Lilly, whatever that really means. She said it is discouraged, but after speaking with her Rho Gamma she was pretty certain she would rather try again than turn down a bid from Iris and not be able to rush again for a year. I don't know much about all of this, but it sounds like she has thought it through.

I am keeping my finger's crossed for her--thinking Lilly!

Here's hoping for Lilly, too.

I hear you, 08Rushmom, believe me! My daughter was told that she would receive a phone call by a certain time on bid day if she did not get a bid. It seemed like my phone rang a million times that day, and every time my heart just jumped. I wasn't worth anything until the appointed time for the "bad phone call" had passed! Of course it is harder for the girls but that doesn't mean it's easy for us! Fingers crossed here...

Yes, same thing here! Daughter now waiting and hoping no phone call comes!

She felt good about preference party and knows in her heart Lilly is the one for her. If no bid, she will try again. Yes, she suicided.

no phone calls, no phone calls, no phone calls......... and wishes for a lilly bid!

Hoping she becomes a new Lily. Is today Bid Day?

She is . . .
 

Well--all I know is that she was too excited to do much but say:


I






























got a

































bid!
.
.
.
.



























and I have a















Kappa Kappa Gamma kid!

More later. I am sure I will talk to her at some point--at least I hope so.

Yeah for your daughter and Kappa!

eta - you may wish to contact a local florist (or one on-line for that matter) and send her some congratulatory irises. Check out www.coolclassicgifts.com or www.joetoga.com for neat gifts if you want to send her a package. (I would stay away from anything with a crest until after she is initiated - I'm not sure about Kappa's rules about that, but I know many GLOs have a "no crest until initiation" rule. Enjoy!) I just noticed the "KKG Mom" keychain on the joetoga site - how cool is that?

Thanks SWTx! I will do that. Also, I had no idea about the flower thing--kindof funny that Iris is Lilly's flower!

Right now, Michael's Craft Stores have the special Kappa blue-on-blue silk irises on sale!

And 08rushmom, eBay is your friend for both new and used sorority items! :D Congratulations to your daughter-Monmouth Duo rules! (Pi Phi and KKG were founded in the same place)

Yay for KKG!

We are also a Monmouth Duo family but the reverse of yours. Go to the Kappa forum and click on owl, key, fleurdelis/iris threads. Lots of great finds with Kappa symbols have been posted.

Now in exchange, YOU need to tell me where you see random arrow and carnation stuff. I'm always on the lookout.