Would you rather...
 

Another thread made me think of this question. I thought there was a thread about this, but I couldn't find it. If someone else does find it, bump it or link it....otherwise:

Assuming (for the sake of argument) you would know, would you rather accept a bid to a sorority that you weren't QUITE in love with, but knew you were at the TOP of their bidlist or accept a bid from THE group you LOVED from the first day of Rush where you were the very last Quota Addition, and they only put you on their bidlist at all because they'd rather take a warm body, then not take the max they can take?

I'd rather not know either way.

Kind of a cop out but what can you do.

I think I'd rather be in the group that apparently loved me. I can always work on my feelings toward the group. I'd be working from a position of personal power. It's another thing altogether to try to get a group to love and accept you. No one has the power to change other people's minds.

In this scenario (I wasn't completely clear), is the group that's taking me as the last QA my absolutely favorite, or just another group?

Yeah, I meant to say that.

I think that I would actually go with the group that I absolutely loved throughout rush. Especially because rush is often times overwhelming and you don't get to know girls well. I would rather end up at the place I really wanted and then take the time to really get to know the other girls in my pledge class and in the sorority. Hopefully they would also take the chance on getting to know me better too.

Like Drolefille, I would hope I would never know "for sure", because I think like we read over and over again in the recruitment threads, most people end up where they're supposed to be, regardless.

Since your scenario specifies that I would know that one group "loved" me and one would just "tolerate" me (even if I coveted them, which, frankly, being me, I most likely wouldn't, particularly if I knew I was last on their list), I'd want to be where I knew I was wanted. Like can grow into love. Feeling inadequate doesn't go away.

I would much rather go to a place that loved me then be with girls who didn't really want me around - that makes you a loser and nobody wants to be a loser. You can always warm up to your group later and it's a lot easier to do if you're in a welcoming environment.

Good question, AF, even if it is potentially unoriginal.

It's really a moot point since we don't get that kind of information when we accept our bid, but I'd probably go with the chapter that I wanted to be in whether or not they wanted me as badly as I thought they should. Over time, I'm sure I'd win them over. Not to mention, chapters do change over time, and the girls who may not have wanted me will probably not be there much longer. From my experience, there are few spots given to women that the entire chapter doesn't like. If ten women in the chapter don't like me during rush, who cares? There will likely be ten women in any organization that don't like any given person in their chapter...it's human nature not to like everyone!

Like others have said, I'd rather not know where I stood on either bid list.

But I have to say that I'd rather be in the group I absolutely loved. I mean, that's why we rank our preferences in order, right? I guess I would rank the chapter I loved higher than a chapter I kinda liked. And I'd therefore be thrilled to have received a bid from my first choice.

Normally, you don't get that info, but sometimes it is clear how you got your bid. I received a phone call a few minutes before Bid Day activities offering me a bid to a sorority after I had not matched anywhere the day before. I knew exactly how I ended up on that list, and I felt terrible about it. Feeling sorry for myself, I declined, but I often wished that I had put aside my pride and joined those new sisters!

Interesting. If I was a freshman when you asked, I would have said the one I like more. Knowing what I know now from being on the "other side", I would say the one that liked me more because I do feel that for the most part the sorority women have a better understanding of if you would fit with their chapters than you (the PNM) do.

Duke, good point. I agree - the actives know the Greek community a lot better than PNMs do for obvious reasons.

Erica, what you're referring to is snap-bidding and though it's good in theory to allow as many girls as possible to be placed, I can certainly see how it may make the PNM feel kinda unwanted... I can imagine getting a call from my Rho Gamma telling me I hadn't been placed, then a couple of hours of crying later, I get a call from a group that I didn't put on my bid card... definitely doesn't look good. Like I said, good in theory...

I think many PNMs miss the opportunity when a weaker chapter really wants them and they cut it because they want to be in the strongest chapter possible. They don't see that if you join a weaker group, you can be their superstar! (leadership opportunities, rush the girls your group really wants, social power to make changes for your group, etc.) It is very hard to overcome thinking you don't belong and you are only technically part of a sisterhood. From my alumna perspective, I'd rather go with the chapter that loved me.

Change is not always easy! Once I got a job (i know, not the same) because the boss wanted someone who was good at looking at problems and finding solutions and the program that I worked for needed that. The problem was that the people who worked there before i started were not interested in change and I basically accomplished nothing.

Plus, when searching for colleges I was always told go to a college that has what you want, and don't go to a college that might start what you want. So, with that idea I think young freshman woman would want to choose a group that already has the things that they wanted rather than think that they MIGHT make changes to a group and turn it into something that they wanted. I guess my thought is that if the chapter is not doing certain things then why would they already start? Maybe people joined that group because they did not do those certain activities, so if someone went in with the attitude of I can make a change, like i did with my job, they might soon learn that they have little ablitiy to make changes.

I am talking about say a choice between a "large" sorority that does things like cruises and fun philanthropy activities, rather than a "small" chapter that is known for being small and does not do the activities that the "larger" chapters do. I am viewing this from my own experience at my university when I was a student, so this might not apply to every senerio.

Not to be yucky about it, but I'm not sure I see the point in asking the question, because there is no way for any pnm to know where they are on bid lists.

If you go to 2 groups at pref, you're on the bid list somewhere at both those groups. If you really aren't sure about a group, I'd say what's the point if you really aren't sure?

I think sororities don't take quota additions just for the sake of having a warm body and another name on their nm-roster.... I would hope they at least pick women for their additions that they previously dropped because they had to cut a certain number of pnms at some point in recruitment.

Anyway, I guess my answer is a cop out too... but the question doesn't seem to make sense to me.

When a group offers you a snap bid, YOU have released THEM at some point, be it through opting to go to different chapters for an earlier round, or not ranking them on your preference card. Chapters are not allowed to offer snap bids to women that they released during FR. So if a group offers you a snap bid, they DO want you. It's the chapter that has to swallow their pride and be like "Well we know you cut us, but we know you went unmatched and we'd still like to have you as a member."

ETA: To get back to the original question, I'm assuming that the second chapter is an elite chapter, just from the nature of the question. (Would you rather be in Normal Nu where they want you or barely get into Elite Epsilon?) Elite chapters typically have great return rates and therefore have to cut the most women; thus they want every woman on their list. If the chapters were comparable, it wouldn't really matter. After being on recruitment from the other side, there's not really a big difference from one position on a list to another.

It's not up to the chapters to decide whether they get QAs. QAs match more women if they maximize their options. A QA may be lower on the list than someone who suicides and doesn't match, but the QA gets a bid because she maximized her options.

It's called a hypothetical. For the sake of discussion. No point, really.

I think there's a very good reason WHY PNMs (and most of the chapter) don't know where they are on the bid list. I'm just posing a "what if"?

I'd pick the one I wanted all through rush. QAs are for women that attended the maximum number of preference parties but didn't "match" with a group most likely because they were low enough on the bid list that they didn't make the "first cut"...QAs have not been dropped by a house they'd ultimately go to. I'd stick with the one I wanted for a couple of reasons: first, just because I wasn't at the top of their bid list doesn't mean they didn't want me. They probably loved most/all of the women that came to their preference parties - girls they liked enough for membership. Second, it's likely that most, if not all, of the collegiate members would have no idea if I was a QA or where I fell on the bid list when it all shook out.

Very difficult question.

But I would go with the one I wanted. After all, they are giving me a bid. If they disliked me that much, they would not have given me a bid. It's not like they were forced to.

I truly cannot make that big a commitment- financial and otherwise- to an organization I am lukewarm about.

:eek: :confused:

Okay, so....um, back to the original question. I'd rather join the sorority that loves me and put me at the top of their list. If they like me, I'd probably like them too and eventually come to love them. I'd hate to try to prove myself in the one I loved.

Thank goodness we generally never find out where we were on bidlists!

Now you are being a troll.

Knowing that I am 18-20 years old and that recruitment is very biased, quick and sometimes brutal, I would probably go with the group that I loved.

How did I get on the bottom of the list, based on what I know about recruitment now? Was it because I didn't have a rec? Was it because my grades were lower than those above me? Was it because I was an out of state student and everyone above me on the list took ballet with half of the chapter? Was it because my nail polish was chipped and one sister noticed and held it against me?

There are so many reasons why you could be listed below others, but the chapter still does like you. Chances are high that you will will feel comfortable after being snapped up.

Allona,

There should be some brain cells in that empty head of yours. If you would simply read the thead instead of just spewing off and sounding stupid as you normally do, you would realize that you don't belong on this board.

Read Nittany's post above. That is you!

Now, what is the point of you being a troll on this board? What do you even know about the Greek system. Go away, boy!!!

Well I would have to say based on the university that I attend and knowing what I know about the selection process (based on my sorority) I would go with the sorority that I loved. Also, you don't know the real reason behind the other sorority putting you at the top of their bid list ... (not that I'm extremely beautiful or anything) but to play devils advocate what if the only reason they put you up their was because of your looks

... This is kind of a moot point for me because I went through informal and only ever rushed one sorority and the first night I got a bid.


Here's another question for those of you that went through informal rush tho... depending on how your campus does it the sorority is allowed to extend you a bid after the first rush event but in some cases if the sorority is having a hard time deciding on you they will invite you back for another night of rush events. Would you attend the second night or no? And if you attended and saw the girls that attended the night before you there as new members (because they had already received and accepted their bid) would this turn you off at all.

Like I said on the who was your rho chi thread, I personally would want to attend a second night anyway, just to make sure that's where I wanted to be. We gave out lots of open bids, but I don't recall ever giving one to someone who had come to only one open bid party, who didn't know anyone in the sorority previously.

But yeah, I would be turned off if some girls got a bid the first night and others had to "prove" themselves by showing up a second night. What's the reasoning behind this concept - snap them up before another sorority gets them? I mean, it seems like it would be nicer, easier and less of a cluster@#$& to give out all the bids at once.

I pmed you by the way :)

For the first question, when I was in school and I would have said the group that I loved. Now I would like to think I would say the group that loved me.

As for the 2 nights of rush thing, I think I would still go to the second night of rush, but I would start to question it after I found out that some people got bids the first night while others had to come back. I would say the chapter should wait until all the decisions are made and offer all the bids at the same time. Especially since all the women will be in the same NM class- they will talk and figure out that some were chosen right away while others had to wait.

I know it is a completely different beast (i.e. NPCs have quota and campus total), but this is something that is often done with IFC chapters. And generally with good results. That is to give bids "early" (the first possible night as it were) to the rushees already known (and voted on) by chapter members. Those rushees that are not known, they may need more time to meet the membership. However, just because their bid was extended a day or two later does not mean their bid is any less worthy than those who received it "day one".

ETA: two other quotes and to note that my comment was not directed toward 33girl (or anyone else) but just using her post as a springboard to further the discussion.

This is another Guys and Girls Are Different issue. I don't think guys would be offended by this, but girls would. It's just a gender thing.

Well, that is what I was thinking. However, in general, it seems like COR/COB is more like IFC rush in many ways. So I wasn't sure if it would make that much of a difference.

This is inevitable at my campus. Since PHA has been moving toward having little to no involvement in informal recruitment, they set a date where chapters can have parties and give bids (the same day). If your chapter waits to give bids until all of your open house and invite parties, "your" girls will have been snatched up by other chapters.

ETA: Almost always, the first few to get bids are women we already know, so it really isn't an issue of favoritism, but just of knowledge.