Maid of Honor advice?
 

I've been a MOH and from my experience the responsibilities are: planning/hosting the bridal shower (sometimes in conjunction with the other bridesmaids); planning/hosting bachelorette party (if the bride wants one); taking the lead on picking dresses, shoes, jewelry (depending on the bride, obviously) and fielding complaints from the other girls who don't like the dress/shoes/jewelry; regulating on bridesmaids if necessary; holding the bouquet for the bride during the vows at the wedding; making sure her dress looks good from the back for the photographs.....and that's all I can think of right now. Good luck, it's a big job but fun!

When I was a MOH, I lucked out because my cousin gave us folders containing specific stuff she wanted us to do. Thankfully it wasn't Bridezilla-ish at all. Most of it consisted of picking up stuff, meeting at a designated time to help make favors, arrange flowers, etc.

In addition to the info OtterXO provided, I'd suggest having a comfortable pair of shoes/flip flops for her wedding day when not in the ceremony and reception. When my cousin got married, she needed this and she needed that. If I had to run around like a madwoman in my heels that day, I would have quit.

I was recently asked to be the MOH for a sorority sister's wedding.

I found this article from TheKnot.com really really helpful.

I'm sooooo excited!

My sister was my MoH, too, and I was hers. We:
- planned each other's bridal showers
- helped with placecards and favors
- went bridal shopping together and went to all the fittings
- helped with last minute day-of organization

All of the above are fabulous. I'd also start thinking about a day-of "emergency" kit. Bobby pins, safety pins, hem tape, lint roller, painkiller, breath mints, cotton balls, q-tips, extra makeup, extra hose (if the bridal party is wearing hosiery), etc. My MOH had this stuff, and she had anything we needed on the spot!

Help the bride plan out a schedule for the wedding day, including who is driving who. It may be your responsibility to get her to the church. Also coordinate with her family as to who is taking the gifts home. You should be one of the last ones to leave the reception/church/whatever - not to clean or anything, but to make sure that the bride's gifts, dress, and bouquet are taken care of.

Something else that I have found to be fabulous in my wedding experiences is some snack food for the bridesmaids and groomsmen if you will be at the church for a while prior to the ceremony. Something simple like fruit, veggies, crackers, water, juice, etc. Many bridesmaids don't find time to eat that day. Make sure the bride eats - no passing out at the altar!

Thank you! In case you guys are wondering, the wedding itself is in June 2009, so I have PLENTY of time.

Honestly. this is somethign I've seen more recently at weddings. Having a friend who is NOT in the bridal party but is wearing a coordinating dress, be a hostess. She gets the presents to where they need to be, make sure everyone signs in the guestbook, takes care of last minute details and talks to caterers, bartenders, etc. on behalf of the bride. It's usually a close friend or relative. It can also be a man (host). Honestly I don't think that beyond bachlorette & bridal shower should a bridesmaid really be that busy (especially on the day of) when they need to be in the pictures too!

I did this for a cousin's wedding. The dress was cute too - the skirt was the same fabric as the bridesmaids, and the bodice was the same material as the flower girls - so I fit right in with them.

I would try to make my schedule as flexible as possible the week of the wedding. You don't have to devote a whole week to it, obviously, but it is nice if you're able to help the bride in a last minute crisis. For instance, I realized the day before my wedding that I had completely forgotten to pack for my honeymoon because of all of the before wedding craziness. My amazing maid of honor stayed up half the night with me helping me pack. It was beyond the call of duty, but I couldn't have been more grateful.

I would say that day of, you're not only responsible for making sure her dress looks good in photos, but if she has a train, you need to try to help her keep it clean in general. Don't forget to pick it up if she ends up walking outside! This happened to a friend- her maid of honor just didn't think of it.

The best thing (in my opinion) that the MOH can do is stay calm. And make sure the bride stays calm. When I was a MOH, both the bride and the Mother of the Bride were in freak-out mode all day. I ended up just doing everything and anything to keep them calm- like running interference from everyone who wanted to ask them questions.

So if someone comes looking for the bride to ask "where should we put XYZ"- answer the question for her. The only thing the bride should worry about is getting ready.

Oh, and don't let a nervous Mother of the Bride try and iron the veil. The veil WILL burn under a hot iron. I ended up "trimming" the veil without the bride ever knowing. (until after the wedding that is!)

The MOH should:
- Plan the bridal shower (unless you're a family member - the etiquette gods frown on family members planning their own sister's/daughter's/cousin's/etc. shower - in which case the MOH should be sure to attend the shower)
- Plan the bachelorette party
- Help the bride with whatever she needs (e.g. if she wants someone to help pick out flowers, a dress, etc.)
- Run interference for the bride on the day of the wedding (e.g. make sure no one whines to the bride if the band is too loud / the food is overcooked / the wine runs out / etc). The bride shouldn't have to worry about anything except getting married and enjoying her and her new husband's special day. The best man should be doing the same for the groom.

You may have other duties, too, depending on the specifics of the wedding. For example, DH and I had a Jewish wedding, and our MOH and best man signed our ketubah (marriage contract - which has to be witnessed by two adult Jews).

With regards to any "duties" (expressed or implied), I read this book , and you may opt to also, in case your friend morphs into a Bridezilla. It's nice to know that you're "not alone".

I too am the maid of honour for my best friend's wedding next year (September 2008).

These are all great tips, as I have never been MOH before.

As for dresses, we have already gone looking for dresses, and have found one we like. Do take into consideration the different bodies types of the bridesmaids. Try to pick a style that that is flattering to everyone. Also, keep in mind that sample dresses do not come in every size, so more than likely not everyone will be able to try on the dress. Depending on the size of the girls, sty away from dresses that are short and clingy. Dresses with rouching (sp?) in the midsection are very flattering on most girls, as it hides a multitude of flaws. A-line style dresses also flatter most people.

Check out designer Alfred Angelo, who makes dresses in 0-28W, and has seperates, so you can mix and match, in a wide variety of colours.

It also helps if you can bring the girls with you, to look at dresses, because they know what looks best on them.

At a friend of mine's wedding, each bridesmaid had a different dress, but they were all the same color. That way, each bridesmaid picked out the dress most flattering for her, but still in line with the bride's color scheme.

I think it's a win-win situation - the bride doesn't have to hear the bickering from her bridesmaids on how ugly the dresses are, and the bridesmaids know they'll look good in them.

You may want to consider the brand of bridesmaid dresses I bought. I thought they were really beautiful and looked quite expensive considering how much they cost. Honestly, I liked them so much I wanted one for myself, and a couple of my bridesmaids have actually reused them.

http://www.morilee.com/DressDetail.aspx?C=3&D=441&P=1

That's actually the link to my dresses. Mine were floor length and turquoise. Just to give you an idea of how much the line runs, I think my bridal shop charged 132.00in late 2006.

In general, I would try to only take 1 or 2 bridesmaids with you. More and drama tends to happen. However, and this goes double if you don't know them well, I would ask if they have any special concerns with the dress. For instance, my moh (a redhead) vetoed fuschia, and another of my bridesmaids would have felt really uncomfortable showing cleavage. Even if every bridesmaid makes one request, it will probably be possible to honor all of them if you are picking one single dress.

Ha! My friend who got married this summer used David's for her dress. They ended up making her pretty crazy! After she bought her dress, they kept calling her about accessories, especially the matching purses. She finally gave up and flat out told them she wasn't buying one of her purses. The lady on the other end tells her (in this really rude tone) "Just please tell me you won't be THAT bride who carries her everyday purse with her on her wedding day." My friend just started hanging up on them after that.

Well, I'll vouch for Mori Lee's quality, for sure. Pictures showing my bridesmaid dresses in action are posted on my myspace. If you feel like it would be helpful to see the pictures, just let me know and I'm happy to give you the location of my myspace.

Oh! Here's a great suggestion from my friend's wedding that I wish I had known about for mine! All the bridesmaids and the bride were going to get dressed in the bridal room at the church and then after the ceremony were leaving immediately for pictures. They brought big paper bags labeled with the names of everyone in the bridal party. (The bride and groom had one, too.) We were all told to make sure everything we had brought was in our bags before we left the room for the ceremony. That way, the family members helping to transport our stuff were able to just scoop up our bags and put them in their car. Nothing was lost or left behind, and it was one less thing for the bride to stress about.

I especially wish I had heard about that one because the one little mistake my moh was not getting my makeup bag into our getaway car. We got to the hotel we were staying at that night and realized that I had none of my essentials and ended up taking a late night trip to the convience stores for stuff to get me through the night.

It's not a legal marriage unless the bridesmaids' dresses have butt bows. :p

I attended a wedding a few years ago where the bridesmaids had very different body types. One was very tall, one was very short, one was about 7 months pregnant... The bride chose a very simple sleeveless princess-seam dress. It flattered everyone, even the pregnant woman.

My own personal feeling is that, if the bride picks out a specific dress for the bridesmaids (as opposed to telling everyone "go get a red cocktail dress you like" or whatever), it should be something simple, flattering, and something the bridesmaids would be happy to wear again. (My maid of honor is one of my sorority sisters. When another of our sisters got married, we were both invited... and my MOH wore her dress from my wedding :) )

I got my wedding dress from David's, and I was happy with my dress - it was neither overpriced nor poorly made. I didn't get any kind of hard sell ("look at our bridesmaids' dresses, our veils, our handbags, our shoes, etc"). But this is going back 10 years. I made my own veil, got dyeable shoes (which of course were left white), got a beaded white evening bag somewhere, and picked out my bridesmaids' dresses and shoes from Chadwick's.

To tie this post back into the topic at hand, my MOH set up the appointment at David's and helped me pick a dress.

Venue type - this will help you two determine style, length, etc. My friends wedding, for example, is going to be a beach wedding, so the bridesmaids are most definitely not wearing ballgowns ;)

Fabrics - Satin, taffeta (sp), silk, etc etc (time of year of the wedding might also play into this?)

Cost - typically the bridesmaids themselves pay for the dresses (may not always be the case, but I haven't been in a wedding where the cost was picked up) so don't go crazy with a $400 dress, $70 shoes, and $40 in matching accessories

Colors - single color? color combinations?

One thing I would keep in mind when you order the dresses is to let the BMs pick their own sizes. When I was MOH in my best friend's wedding last year, they told me I needed to order a size 22. I almost always wear a size 14 in dresses, so I was like "WTF?" I thought my measurements matched the 16, but my best friend was flipping out that my dress wouldn't fit (she has some ED issues, whole other story) so I ordered the 18 to appease her. I had to pay an extra $40 for the dress for a "plus size", and then when they came in it was HUGE - I could take it on and off without zippering it. The bridal shop wanted another $150 for alterations. My boyfriend's paralegal is a wonderful seamstress and she altered it for me for a box of chocolates. :) We had to take a whole panel out of the dress, it was absolutely ridiculous.

Yes, do be careful on the size issue. I've been in several weddings and the stores have always told me "Oh order the next size up just in case..." In case of what? I'm a size 4. One place told me I needed a 10. I laughed and ordered the 4. I didn't need any alterations. That's how they screw you anyhow.

I was MOH in my cousins wedding...all of the party was different sizes, and the dress was a two piece with an elastic waistband. I got mine sent in from out of state, took it to the local tailor and they took out the elastic, and threw on a zipper. The rest of the party was pissed...they wished that they had thought of that. :) Elastic waistbands are not a good look.

Anyhow, my MOH was my cousin and she was great, but then I was pretty easy going and she lives out of state so she didn't really have to do much. On the day of the wedding and at rehearsal she ran interferance as we were out of the country and people were starting to drive me nuts asking me 8000 questions and wondering why we weren't getting married where they wanted us to be. She basically kept the irritating people away on that day so that my husband and I could just enjoy the day.:)

I've only been MOH once for my sister's wedding, and the only thing that I don't see mentioned is that I had to give a toast at the wedding reception.

As far as bridesmaid dress shopping goes, have fun! When I was a bridesmaid in another wedding for one of my best friends where another best friend was the MOH, the three of us went shopping for the dresses. The bride had already gone looking for the dresses with another bridesmaid (my evil roommate at the time) who had turned her self into a bridesmaidzilla. Bridesmaidzilla would only try on one dress and then decided she was done, came home that evening and said that they'd found the dress (because it would flatter her bodytype). WTF? So the three of us went out that weekend tried on dozens of dresses and I came home and said that we'd found the dresses that we'd wearing. They looked supercute on all of us.