Dating/effing within your circle of friends
 

Do you prefer to find dates and/or sex within your circle of friends? Friends of your friends? Or do you prefer to meet people who are strangers?

I prefer to meet people at things I like to do or am involved in.

Example: In class, lives in my apartment complex, plays the same sport and we meet up on the course, etc.

just a warning...never sh*t where you have to sleep....some things just don't mix well

I agree. It's really tempting, but that just make things so awkward. It seems that I'm in the minority, many people I know would date and fuck within their circle at the drop of a hat.

i would say strangers or friends of friends. the more removed the better. when things are too good, you end up doing your own thing more and that can suck for groups of friends. and, on the other hand, when things go bad, it can really screw a group too. i hate watching either of those happen...

I try not to date or eff around within my circle of friends, it never works out well, hurt feelings, messed up friendships, etc. It's happened before.

friends of friends? If we hit it off, absolutely, but it doesn't happen that often... I think my friends are just losers with loser friends :p;)

I don't necessarily prefer to date strangers, i think i'd rather have an "endorsement" from a friend.

I read this about five times before I decided to respond, because I just didn't know what to say. I had never seen the term "effing" written out before, and it made me giggle and gasp at the same time.

Now, I haven't dated in 13 years (been married for 10!), so things are a little more carefree than they were when I was single, but I have some experience dating both within and out of my circle of friends. In HS, we dated each other's exes, but we didn't have very physical relationships. We were the youth group kids in Catholic school, honor students, with very strict parents.

In college, it became too complicated to date within your circle, because relationships were much more complicated. So you met through class, organizations, etc.

I can't answer for anything outside of that. I married a few years after college, to someone i had met in college (though we were older when we graduated).

I think it's a personal decision, a very different decision with each person/potential partner. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. Consideration and respect bode well no matter what you do, and you are old enough to be aware of consequences.

So....long answer is that it's up to you, based on each individual situation.

I cannot date a stranger*, stranger meaning someone without a link/friend or 'endorsement' (Thanks Alethiasi:) ) I have to either know this person through personal connection i.e. we go/used to go to school, work, church together. OR a good friend must know them and be able to serve as a reference for them.

I've dated a person in my circle before - unless you're absolutely sure it's going to work - DO NOT DO IT. The headache is not worth the strain on the friendships, it affects not just the two involved but the rest of the circle as well.

<---- Idiot girl who attempted to date a best friend but didn't really feel it and now fears the friendship may be totally gone... :o:( Though he 'claims' he doesn't hate me. :(

lol we can also call it a "recommendation" but i like endorsement better :p
awww that sucks, i went through something like that, and it broke up the whole group.... i'm so sorry, i hope it works out, meaning you guys can be friends :o

Yeah...'endorsement'. I think I'll tell my boyfriend that now - "Honey, you were a part of an endorsement deal. " LOL.

The whole group (about 5 of us) knows our entire background story and everything. The other girl in the group, my personal bestest girl friend, was never too keen on the idea of me and him anyway - she knew I didn't feel it and was only trying to force myself to feel it because he was my friend. Which in turn was me sacrificing what I felt for the sake of his feelings. Not good at all. It'll be fine though. The boys and her are trying to hook him up with somebody to get his mind off of me, lol. Bad thing is, his crush has been accumulating speed since we were in junior high...so yeah.

Thankfully the rest of the group kinda' ignores it, lol, and loves me and him just the same. We just can't have any 'family dinners' until he's comfortable with me....which sounds like it'll be around November...of 08.

We sure do. Where are the "one woman" men?

I'm more likely to date a stranger now, but in high school and college, we always stayed within our circle of friends (at school and at church). We didn't like to date outside that limited pool of people and all circled around until everybody had been to dinner and a movie with everybody else. I didn't really date, but the two boys I did were in the circle. Now that I'm older, that seems ridiculous and pretty much only date men I don't have links to.

Won't do it. I "work best" if its a friend of a friend type of deal. Case in point my current lady and I were introduced to each other by my homeboy, who was dating her sister at the time. Matter of fact I have only dated one person that I met while out and about with no connections to anyone.

Are you risk aversive?

All over the place.

A lot of women just don't want those kind of men now a days. They're outdated. It's these low down bad boy jokers who are the in thing. All they want is the nookie and not the woman.

In the defense of women that don't believe in the "one woman man" idea. I think there are a lot of men that are basically one woman men until they get one woman. . . . then they are willing to accept the attention of others . . or at least one other . . . who they will become a one woman man for . . . again.

James, that sounds like a riddle. :) There's still no excuse for it.

Everyone is unique in their own way, but me? I gotta have just one woman "only" and that's it. I'm just not wired that way. Cheating and screwing without a serious relationship is unacceptable. How can a man/woman screw someone else and then walk away only to then come back to only screw again? How can anyone get excited about a booty call?:confused: That's so stupid to me.

You know what the multiple partner FWB thing is like? It's like seeing two dogs in the grass on the side of the road mating, and then watching the two of them go their own separate ways. Most animals mate during mating season, but when human beings practice the FWB thing, they're doing the same thing a dog does. Mating. Hell, the way it is now a days, you might as well go up to a woman who does the FWB thing too and say: "I don't want to wine and dine you, I just want the nookie. Will you provide me with the nookie?" That's sick. We're human beings, not animals and I really don't think human beings are wired that way. It's something psychologically wrong with a joker that practices having sex with friends and multiple partners, but at same time doesn't want a serious relationship. Wake up people.

They're not outdated. They're bringing sexy back. :cool:

I might just be tired, but that made a lot of sense to me.

I think we're missing the point... why do you ask? ;)

i feel like theres always backstory with Dionysus' questions, but let's jus take it for face value...

i think its inevitable that youd start effing around amongst the circle of friends. at the very least, everyone will have feelings for each other at some point. its just a matter of knowing each other for so long.

and this is why you have to run in more than one circle. but you have to be careful cause everyones connected and you get this weird Venn diagram kinda circle of friends... and that gets messy.

I think that it depends how in the circle they are. I've personally dated people that I considered close friends and also people that were pretty much strangers. To me it seems like the strangers or farther removed are easier break ups but have a lower chance of remaining friends after.

On the other hand people I've dated that were friends to some extent already before we hooked up eventually have some how stayed friends pretty much across the board.

My current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend and I were/are in the same group of friends.

We actually had this "family" going, where my ex & I were married and all our friends were our kids or the grandparents or cousins &etc ... So my current bf is actually one of my sons... lol :D

LOL not gunna lie, the whole thing sounds a little weird

i remember playing house in 1st grade like that.

we actually all went to school an hour early since we were in the same class and had a pretend 'wedding'... good times in elementary school :)

lol i know. We're weird.
We have these "family reunions" during winter & summer breaks
Cuz we live near each other to drive and hang out , but far enough where it's not easy to see each other.
and we just hang out (like downtown Chicago) and go back to someone's house and party & whatnot

.. I gotta start dating outside our group. haha