The **OTHER** 80/20 rule
 

Ok...so most of us have seen 'Why Did I Get Married" and the one thing I have heard in some discussions post movie is about the 80/20 rule....

so...is there any truth to it?

I kinda see it like this:

Some of us have a 100% idea of what we want from someone.

We may mostly meet people who can give us 50% and we have to decide if we wanna work with that.

If we are blessed we find someone who has 80% of what we are looking for...we get with that and stay.

However....if something happens and we break up(especially if it's our <'our' being used to mean anyone!!>fault!)....the next person(s) that come along will only be worth 20% of what we had...because it's damn near hard to find someone right off the bat that will be close to what we just lost.

Agree or disagree?


Speaking for myself personally, I remember a relationship that I was in years back where I was getting my 80% and after it ended...I just went thru this drought and saying to myself...if I could take the intelligence from person A and the funniness from person B, the drive of person C and so on...and mix them all up....I would have my last gf....LOL


Is it possible to take a 20% and build them up to at least a 70%?

You've GOT to be kidding!!!

I hear this stupid 80/20 stuff every day at work...80% of business comes from 20% of the clients, blah blah blah. The way they lay it out, it just sounds like an excuse to give clients that are smaller shitty service.

As for relationships as outlined below, it sounds like a copout or an excuse to dump a nonperfect person. Plus, it doesn't take dealbreakers into account.

**going to throw up**

actually it does....

remember the first part is....we have 100% of what we THINK we want....

we can't always get that...it's not a copout to break off with anyone....

I look at it like this....we have any idea of what we want...but we all get what WE NEED.

but trust me....you break off with someone that is what you need...chances are, right after that...that person will not live up to that....

So...are you saying that you never experienced that?

Are you saying that you never broke off with a guy and the next guy could not measure up to the first one?

Or....

An ex contacted you later and said that his new GF is nothing compared to you?

I really can't quite figure out what you're saying or asking, but whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be the 80/20 rule (which says 80% of effects result from 20% of causes).

In any event, I've never seen any point in trying to quantify something like a relationship -- certainly not in percentage terms. To me, it's a pretty simple list of criteria:

Do I love her?
Does she love me?
Am I happy?
Is she happy?
What commitments have I made to her, and am I living up to those commitments?
What commitments did she make to me, and is she living up to those commitments?

Besides, I've been around quite long enough to know that what I want isn't necessarily what I need. There are quite a few qualities where my wife doesn't fit what I always "wanted." I'm glad I didn't let that get in the way of marrying her, because I think I'm much happier than I would have been had a married what I "wanted."

Sometimes you just have to stop navel gazing and let life surprise you.

ok....maybe some poeple have a different idea of the 80/20 rule....sheesh

I am going to try and explain it again:

hmmmmmm

ok....we all have an idea of the 'perfect' mate.

We aren't going to get it...LOL (some do and some don't)

The end result of the person that we find that makes us happy is at least 80%...still with me?

Of course you can always add more...80% is that this person has many qualities that we are seekeing but there are a few things in there that we deal with that we may not like but it's not a deal breaker....for instance:

- they snore
- not exactly tall or muscular or large chested etc.
- maybe not make enough money but it's ok
- may have a really annoying habit

those kinds of examples may make up your 20% but:

- they can cook
- they listen
-they really LOVE you
- they have your back regardless of the situation

things like that make up your 80% and above.......


Now...say something happens and you an dthat person break up...

the next person you may find those examples are reversed:

this person is:

- this person is annoying on all levels
- a deadbeat
- can't cook
-won't clean

but otherwise:

- they are good in bed
- they may have potential but everything else overshadows it
- know how to act in public....

heheheh

They don't measure up to the last GREAT person you had in your life....


get it?

MysticCat:

A lot of people are just learning of the 80/20 because of the new Tyler Perry movie. You know how the media can make people do stupid stuff like reexamine all that they have known to be good and Holy.

So I agree that life isn't formulaic like this. And people who have always done this, or are just starting after this damn movie, need to do us all a favor and jump off of a cliff.

Yes because it didn't originate with this movie, of course.

I think the basic point is that you get a lot of what you want and need from your mate. Never expect to get everything from your mate. That's what jobs, families, hobbies, religion, etc are for. These things combined create a whole person.

Also, people are different so comparing mates is a waste. If you have so much emotional energy and time to compare, you should stay with the former because the latter isn't doing something to keep you there.

I know it didn't orginate there....heheh but a lot of people picked up on that example and discussed it...it was interesting to hear responses...it wasn't something to be taken seriously but a lot of us had admitted to sometimes letting go a really great catch and having the next one come along somethign we wished we could throw back.....LOL

If they are positing it as something other than 80% of effects result from 20% of causes, which is what is has meant since Joseph Juran posited it in the early 40s, then yeah, I guess they do.

And despite your extended example, I'm still not sure I get what you/Tyler Perry mean by 80/20. You accept someone who has 80% of what you're looking for? If you break up with them, then you'll accept someone who has 20% of what you're looking for?

Yeah, I haven't seen the movie yet, although I imagine I will.

Still, though, I tend to view things like the 80/20 rule, at least when applied to something like personal relationships, as a silly waste of time.

But what do I know? It's all biz-babble to me, and I hate biz-babble. I hate anything Covey-cult related as well. :D

I've never really let go of a great catch. The relationship just fizzled or some things came to light. I think most relationships are transitory so there's no point in saving them when they aren't working for whatever reasons.

To me all relationships lead up to the grand finale. When you get to the grand finale, you know it and that's the relationship you will fight for. It also makes all that came before it pointless to think about.

I haven't seen it, either.

I agree that it is a waste of time. Some people have the time and emotional space, though. Unfortunately.

Except as life/learning experiences that prepared you for the grand finale.

Havent seen the movie yet but this sounds like something thats going to have more women evaluating an already good relationship to the point of paranoia. Its all incredibly stupid to me.

Right. But that doesn't require the constant reflection that people who are stuck in their past do.

Exactly.

Yinz are my 2 new boyfriends.

And yes, I've had guys say their girl after me didn't measure up to me, that they were in love with me the whole time they were dating their girl before me, etc etc. That's because they were trying to get in my pants. It ain't rocket science, kids.

Not exactly acceptiing..some cases the person you date right afterwards can be like a 'rebound' person or something like that but in some cases, if something happens and you and that person aren't together anymore, they have set a bar to what you will accept out of the 'new beau"


Let me add a disclaimer here too....

PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THREAD SERIOUSLY YALL.....


When I saw the movie...me and my s.o. had a good laugh and talked about past relationships where things like this happened...

heck...to tell the truth...the last really great relationship I had before where I am now was way back in 1995.......so....from 1995 to 2003.


I met some good people but...no one I really saw as long term.



yeah....if I could have played Dr. Frankenstein and took some quality parts.....well....

How in the world is someone supposed to answer that question? How can you possibly put people, their attributes and feelings, into numerical values? Any numerical assignment is completely abritrary, and in my opinion, pointless.

It's really an insane question.

That is really very sad.

O sweet Jesus......

The percentages are arbitrary and relative to the emotional landmarks...not concrete numbers.

PB thank u...a straight answer.....lol

What I refered to as "sad" was the point you made that people have just heard the 80/20 Rule because it was in some recent movie. I thought that anyone who attended college (and even people who studied economics, marketing, etc. in HS), or had a job, would be able to explain it.

I made that point.

And I don't see it as "sad" at all. Many people who attended college or have a job have no use for knowing about this rule. People who took certain classes, have certain types of jobs, or randomly happened upon the 80/20 rule would know about it. That doesn't mean it is a important enough for everyone to know about it.

I actually think it's a rather insignificant rule as it doesn't pertain to my professional and personal lives.

Gasp! :eek: MC has blasphemed!

I heart Franklin-Covey... maybe just 80%, but it's enough to buy it. :cool:

Back to your regularly scheduled thread.

DaemonSeid, I really don't know what you're talking about. You are trying to discuss the 80/20 rule as it was presented in the new Tyler Perry movie, but you are presenting it incorrectly.

The theory was this: In a marriage you are most likely only getting 80% of your needs met...then you meet someone outside the marriage who offers you that other 20%...20% looks pretty good when you aren't getting it, so you are persuaded to leave your 80% for the 20% that you JUST HAVE TO HAVE...however in the end you feel foolish and shortchanged b/c at the end of the day you are now only getting 20% of your needs met.

Its not the 'real 80/20 rule', but its the version presented in the movie with respect to relationships. They didn't at all discuss you breaking up with your 80% person and then moving on to find someone who is only 20% by default. I'm not sure from where that came.

Ree...he was discussing a completely different 'rendition' of the 80/20 rule...not the one that we are all most familiar with from corporate America.

Thanks for clearing that up.

I haven't seen this movie yet so I was getting confused between the original and revised "80/20 rules."

Same here.

Wow. I mean, wow. Does anyone really think that what they're looking for in a mate at 20 is going to be the same when they're 25-30-35-40-50-60-years old? So, even if you find a person who's 99.9% of what you're looking for now, do you really think you're going to feel that way in another five years?

With the exception of having "Willing to grow in our relationship" or "Wants to grow old with me" as a main objective, I think you're really setting yourself for a fall, and should plan on a pre-nup.

MysticCat, as usual, should Mrs. MysticCat ever lose her mind & leave you, I'm very high on the list of your admirers! ;)

Maybe you were making a general statement but, if not, I don't know what post you're referencing.

I think the majority of the posters in this thread are well above the age of 20. And, yes, finding what we want at our age is often a pretty good indication of what we will want in our 40s, 50s, and 60s. If not, adjustments can and will be made. As adults, we know more about the "growing in our relationship" and "growing old together" thingie than we did when we were younger.

:D

Actually though, I tend to think she lost her mind when she married me.

LOL, thank you!! I only sifted through the whole thing to see if someone else mentioned it already. I couldn't figure out why everyone was arguing (some playfully) about this thing when it wasn't even what the movie said! No, I've never heard of the business version of this rule, but I never took marketing or any sort of business course in HS or college.

1. Yes, I think the movie version of this rule has some truth to it. Only the best of relationships will give you about 80% as a maximum. No one person is going to give you everything you need. And yes, there are a lot of people who go for that 20%--those who have gone so long without it that it looks more than it really is and those who try to get the 80 and the 20, thinking they can have it all (and those are always found out). I don't go around dismissing guys because they're 30s, but you get what I mean.

2. No, you can't turn a 20 into a 70. It just doesn't happen. As time goes on you might find that a person is capable of satisfying more needs than you thought they were, but if the two of you are just so incompatable that things are truly at their best and you're still getting 20%, then don't kid yourself. They are someone's 80, but not yours.

3. There's one thing this movie didn't take into account--marriages have their ups and downs. There will be times when you will feel like you are getting 50% or less from your spouse. But, I believe that at those times when things are good--really, really good--that 80% can feel like 1000%. Emotions won't let the numbers be set in stone.

I just think folks try to aim being 100% to their partners... :)

Not me. I don't need that kind of pressure. :D

I always remember what my oldest brother told me (after he'd gotten married, I was engaged at the time), he said "don't go into marriage thinking it's 50/50, it's more like 80/80, you each have to give more all the time..."

all I can say is THANK YOU for taking the time to answer the original post as I set it up...if some people had taken time to read the examples as posted, their answers would have been more on point....

I think most people answered your thread topic. Some just thought the actual formula part of it was ridiculous. ;)

Boooooooo!!!


LOL


....reading is fundamental!

That's cuz your aim is off... ;)

:)

Some people do think in formulas, though. You just happen to not be one of those people. You should've made that clear so people wouldn't have been stuck on the 80/20 part of your thread.