|
bigs/littles
so we're about 4 weeks into pledging now and the pledge master told me that I haven't been getting along with my little so he's going to give him another big halfway through his pledge process. can anyone else tell me how ridiculous this is?
instead of working out the problem, it has altogether been decided that it is better to alienate my relationship with a future brother rather than fixing it before his crossing. how could i be good enough to be his brother but not good enough to be his big. it just seems very absurd to me. someone please tell me this is not normal in other fraternities and sororities. |
This isn't something my chapter has ever done. It doesn't seem like it solves a whole lot, just creates more problems. Have you tried discussing your frustration with the pledge master or talking to your little?
|
it was the pledge master who approached me and told me of this decision. i spoke with him about it and then he called up my little and discussed it with him. they still came to this new big decision together. so at this point, it is not that i care so much that i keep him as a little or not, it is the principle which bothers me. i've never heard of this kind of solution to a problem with a big and little. obviously i could never regard this guy with the same level of respect now should he cross.
|
In my APO chapter, it's the pledgemaster's discretion. A reassignment has only happened once in my memory, but it happens.
It sucks, but you will get over it -- it was most likely for the best. |
We've never had this happen in my time in OPA or Coyote. In OPA, we've had girls that are bigs disassociate before their littles were initiated. In these cases, we have someone else who's close to the girl kind of informally "adopt" her and take over the duties of being her big, but officially, the disassociated girl will still be listed as her big forever.
|
In SAI, if a big does not meet all of her duties (ie-spending time with her little, helping her learn info, showing her what SAI is all about, etc...) the little is assigned to another big for the remainder of her MIT period and the previous big loses big priveleges for the next semester. We have it in our bylaws. It actually happened to a girl in my plege class.
In Phi Sig, I've never seen it happen and I don't know if it's in the bylaws. There was one girl who requested a little every semester and then never did the job well. Then, it's up to the Initiate Advisor to decide if the brother will get another little. |
It's not typical, and it doesn't happen unless the big is not doing his/her job to such a huge extent that the new member is about to drop out AND the pledgemaster feels strongly enough that it merits reassignment.
|
This is absolute bullshit. The pledgemaster should have sat down with the two of you and talked about it. It might have had the same ending, but to completely cut you out of it is disrespectful.
I think the pledgemaster should definitely have to answer to exec board or someone else - he's overstepping his bounds and being disrespectful to initiated members. Completely unacceptable. |
It doesn't sound like you get much say in this situation. Whether or not you feel the same respect for these men after this incident, they are (or soon will be in the case of your little brother) your brothers. Unfortunately in life, things happen that seem unfair, but a person of character makes the best of these situations. Maybe you should ask the pledgemaster (in an interested not accusatory manner) why he felt it necessary to break this bond. It may be that the goals of the big/little relationship were not being met because of the differences between the two of you. Not everyone gets along well with everyone else. Don't make such a big deal over something that doesn't have to be a big deal.
|
My chapter had the same policy as MaryAmanda's. When I was an undergrad, the whole adopting policy pissed me off - your big is your big forever, you don't just choose a new once since you don't like the one you got. Me and my big weren't/aren't very close but she's the only big I'll ever have, none of that adopting crap. As for the OP's situation - I'd say if the little bro felt the same way, then let him go. Be the bigger man and continue to be an exemplory brother to all the brothers. It is ultimately the pledgemaster's decision I guess, but I think a sit-down talk would have been better and more respectful to you and probably would have made it so that you didn't feel so bad about this ultimate outcome because at least then you would have had a say. At the same time though, I can see how the little might have felt uncomfortable saying he wanted a new big right in front of you - you're supposed to be able to talk to your pledgemaster about this kind of stuff and not worry about other people hearing about it or getting hurt by it since it will have come from the pledgemaster.
|
Quote:
|
I graduated the same semester I took my second little - but I had an awesome first little who befriended her early on and they went on to win our chapter's Frick and Frack award after I graduated since they got to be so close. It made me feel a lot better about leaving so soon after she was initiated - I was told by the NM coordinator that they knew I was graduating but felt she would fit in really well with our family so I took her knowing that, besides the fact that I really liked her and was excited to be her big, even if it meant I'd be leaving soon.
|
I think it depends on the situation. I adopted my second little for a variety of reasons. Her big treated her so poorly and made her feel so unwelcome (on purpose) and she had tried to talk it out with her, with no success. She gave it enough time (meaning, she didn't just have one incident in a short amount of time. It was multiple incidents over the course of two semesters). Her entire family had nothing to do with her. She wanted to leave the sorority completely because they made her so uncomfortable. I went to my President and let her know that I was going to adopt her via candlelight, and if anyone came complaining to her to send them to me. Adopting her was one of the best decisions (as in the top 3) I have ever made, and I had no regrets. It actually turned out the chapter was very excited for both of us. I did what I thought was the sisterly thing to do (and more so because she was an amazing addition to my family).
I ask that no one attack me for posting this. And Yes, I know you are entitled to your opinions, but please be nice. :) And CryingCarebear...don't worry...things happen for a reason, and one day you'll get an awesome lil' one :) |
Quote:
I've never heard of it. This is NOT the way rational adults solve issues. Running or changing rather than discussing is not leadership. I hope your GLO doesn't pride itself on its leadership training. |
Quote:
So his GLO must have shitty leadership training, then? Based on what? The actions of one pledgemaster? Isn't it kind of ridiculous to criticize an entire GLO's leadership training because of this one guy? How ironic, considering, in the other thread, you didn't think that entire UF fraternity should be punished based on the actions of a few members. :rolleyes: |
i adopted my little a few weeks into his pledge semester because his big had too many other commitments. He's a great guy and would be an excellent big brother, but he was a ghost to the kid. If you can't fulfill your duties to your little its best that someone else who can take over. its not a matter of whether you're good enough but who can do the best for the assoc. member right now.
|
I'm not sure if the OP started this thread to get advice on how to handle the situation, but I would consider whether this is the only time the pledgemaster has displayed flawed leadership skills. If this is a pattern with this person, perhaps (depending on the climate of the chapter) it would be beneficial to set up a meeting with the President and Pledgemaster and discuss your concerns. While it won't change the Pledgemaster's decision (and it would probably anger the pledge to switch back), maybe the President and Pledgemaster together with you can come together to repair some of the damage that has been created by setting up a meeting between the pledge and you with the President or at least give you some direction on a way to break the ice with this pledge so that this doesn't become a rift that will damage the chapter's brotherhood for years.
|
I would pull the pledgemaster to the side and ask why you were left out of it and why you all didn't sit down and try to work something out.
My big didn't want me, she wanted to wait for a girl who was going to pledge the next semester. I didn't want my big. Guess what? We got each other. We didn't get along and barely talked unless we had to...she just had no interest in me, knowing this girl, I'll call her A, was going to pledge in the fall and she really wanted A as her little. Fall came, A pledged, and she was a MUCH better big to A. It hurt me to see that but I was close with other sisters, including other sisters in my family tree, so I shrugged it off. A got initiated and not even two weeks later she decided to drop her letters because she got engaged and didn't see the need for a sorority any more :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: *We really thought she was serious when she joined, NONE of us knew she was like that* My big felt horrible...and about 2 months later she spent the night by my house so we could leave together early the morning for leadership retreat for my school and ever since then we are a lot closer. Something that neither one of us were happy with at first wound up being great in the end. It happens sometimes. |
I think it's hard to make a call on this situation given that we have not been presented with all of the information.
What exactly does "not get along" mean? Does that mean you aren't doing your job as a big? Did you get in a fight over something? Do your personalities just plain clash? My big & I never had the kind of relationship that I would have liked because we were both very different people and at different stages in our college life. I was a junior with 4.5 full semesters left to go, and I was at a point where I was focused on my grades and getting the big internship more than going out every other night... my "big" was actually younger than me... she was a sophomore who was still in the "let's go out every night" phase. We didn't neccessarily clash, we just did different things. She is still a great person, and we talk from time to time after graduation... in my new member period she still helped me learn my stuff and we still hung out while I was still in college, but it wasn't that BFF kind of relationship that other people may experience. I did make that sort of "BFF" connection with other girls in my chapter though, so it's not like she was a bad big just because we were different. It really depends on the situation. |
Quote:
|
while i was not the best big in the world, i was far from being the worst this fraternity has seen. i even spoke with my (former) little tonight, and he told me he had no problems with me at all, besides the fact that we didn't hang out much, and hoped i wouldn't hate him for something he didn't choose for himself.
we had our weekly meeting tonight when the news was brought to the entire chapter. keep in mind the current pledge master is our president's little, who coincidentally, received another little this semester when many others were in need of their first. our vice president on council also lives with those two guys. the whole situation was indeed absurd because most of my brothers were made uncomfortable at the meeting when they voiced their opinions, most of which were against their decision. the rationale behind their decision for the most part was that the pledgemaster has entire authority in this situation and had council's approval. That covers 5 members of our fraternity, but not the overwhelming majority of the other brothers. this decision was the first of its kind in our chapter history. i truly believe that this decision was made so that the pledge master could make his mark on the fraternity before he graduated. almost no one was happy about it, and they were attacked on a personal level when they tried to make a point. a new council and chapter positions will be elected in a month, and most of the brothers just told me to wait it out. there's nothing else i can do at this point. i don't think it's worth bitching about at this point, but that doesn't make it right. in this situation i believe it should have at least been brought to some chapter vote or something of that nature. i don't believe justice has been served, and i believe i have just been made an example of by the most irrational self-serving council in recent history. put yourself in my shoes... what are you supposed to do or think at this point? |
If I were the pledgemaster, I might have done the same thing.
|
Quote:
|
I was unmoved by histrionics when I was a pledgemaster and that's what this feels like to me.
I could be wrong, but as t*p said, we haven't been presented with all of the information. So I just don't have much empathy here. |
Quote:
For one, did he take another little while he was pledgemaster? that to me, is a serious conflict of interest. It wasn't allowed by our constitution, and seriously frowned upon. However, a few semesters ago (after I graduated and all of our eboard had left, and all new girls were in.. serious lack of planning... i know :rolleyes:) my grandlittle, as assistant pledgemistress, took a little. Technically, there wasn't anything against it in our constitution or bylaws. She went ahead and did it... and for the most part, that set off another series of events and she essentially ostracized herself and they didn't want much to do with her either. It's sad that people take advantage like that with such a serious lack of regard for others. I think that most decisions require a chapter vote. However, in terms of big/little matching, that came down to the pledgemistress and assistant, and the president was brought in if necessary. I've never seen one get switched unless a girl went inactive or something... but that never even happened. I think you are right to stick up for what you believe and keep talking about it. Sometimes, with certain eboards, there isn't much you can change with them, but you have the ability to work your way up and change things for others that come after you. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
Eh..I disagree. While I do agree that it is SLIGHTLY unethical for a new member educator/pledgemaster to take a little, sometimes there is no one else. When you get new member classes that are almost as big as the number of actives, you have to make exceptions. As for new member ed assistants, if we never allowed them to take one then they may never get one at all. In my chapter, the assistant position is generally a stepping stone to the full position. If she could not take one as an assistant, and was assistant after her first semester in [as often happens], and then in the next elections was the Pledgemaster or whatever you want ot call it, she could potentially be able to take a little the semester before she graduates - and that's it. |
Quote:
In any event, I definitely see what you mean, and it makes sense, I guess it's just relative to our own orgs... :o |
I'm not sure if this is a national by-law for us or not, but at least in my chapter, our NM Coordinator would not take a little while in office - and with good reason it seems!
|
It's my understanding that the Pledgemaster did not take another little, the current President did?
(He said the Pledgemaster was the President's little, and he got another little?) Maybe I misunderstood. |
Quote:
In my chapter, the prez nor NM (pledgemaster) chair could not have littles unless there were not enough other initiated members for all the littles. |
the pledge never asked to be reassigned, he just said okay when the pledgemaster decided to give him a new big.
the current pledgemaster had a little last semester, and the pm absolutely hated him (he was not a great big). i have not seen them speak one word this entire semester. as pledgemaster this semester, he decided to give his big, the current chapter president, another little, when there were many more younger brothers who have not had littles yet. the situation is pretty much resolved, i've spoken to most of my brothers and they agree with me. the current pledgemaster is on a power trip, and it is a damn shame that he would wish to leave his mark on this fraternity in such a negative manner. Not having a little this semester does not bother me so much as how irresponsibly and disrespectfully (to the rest of the fraternity) the pledgemaster used his power in his position. Hopefully we will be able to learn from our mistakes in the future. Thank you all very much for your thoughts and input. |
Wow. I'm not going to put too fine a point on it, but your prez and pledgemaster certainly sound like a pair of cheese dicks. Thank heaven your elections are coming up soon.
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:23 AM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions Inc.