Advice
 

Hey!

So, I am about to go through formal rush and I feel like I am in an awkward position. Essentially last year I accepted a bid from an amazing sorority that I really felt I clicked with. However about four weeks in I decided to not follow through with initiation because my great-grandmother passed away and there were a few other personal events that made me unsure of whether or not I would return to the university. (A month later after watching my PC spill out of the building from one of their events, I immediately realized I was an idiot and made the biggest mistake of my life.. buut thats another story). Anyway, I never officially sat down and spoke with someone and it was all very unofficial - I still have my pledge pin, my new member book, and letters - but I found out this week that I was actually formally depledged and that I could not renew my bid and consequently my best and only option was to go back through formal recruitment and let mutual selection work itself out. So my question is would it be too straightforward to say that I really feel like XYZ sorority stole my heart from the beginning and discuss my experience last year (p.s. really anxious, because I don't know whether the whole sorority knows the situation or only exec does... I mean are they going to have special questions prepared for me?) Will I seem obnoxious by saying that they stole my heart and that I really feel like XYZ sorority is my 'home.' Its only been about five days since I found out that I have to go through formal and I am totally freaking out. I really just love this sorority and its values are really special to me - I was kind of crushed when I heard that I was actually depledged because at heart I still felt like I was one of them -Is that lame? Anyway, any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. I am sooo nervous but so excited at the same time and I cannot wait till bid day. (only 5 more daaaysss!!)

Honestly, I believe the sorority is going to be pretty put-off by the fact that you just stopped showing up to events, and never told anyone what was going on. I wish you luck in the Recruitment process, but I doubt it's going to be very easy for you. It might not just be your sorority that knows what's going on...sororities talk, and it might have gotten around that you got a bid and were pledging and just didn't show up anymore. Have you sat down and talked with anyone in the sorority you were in? That might be your best and only chance for them to know what happened and why you're wanting to re-rush.

I'm sure one of the more "seasoned" gc members can probably give you a lot more information, but I am pretty sure that since you have been de-pledged from the sorority then you would have to go through recruitment again. And I believe that once you signed your bid card, you have to wait an entire year before you can go through recruitment again. So if you are planning on rushing, make sure its been a year!

Depending on the size and culture of your greek life, some sororities will know that you were depledged by the sorority. Sorority members talk. And this most likely will not be favorable. Some sorority members may think that you depledged XYZ group so why would you stick it out with their group?

IMHO, I would not tell any other sorority that the one you were depledged from is where you think you belong. It is considered pretty rude and impolite to be attending a rush party and tell the sororities that you basically would rather be somewhere else. And again, sorority members talk -- this may get back to XYZ group and it could either help you or really hurt you.

I can absolutely see it hurting her, but I don't see any way that it would help her. I can hardly see a sorority telling another sorority that a PNM was obsessing over them in a flattering way.

I spoke with the current execs of the sorority and to the Office of Greek Life at my school. Office of Greek Life said that they would be able to renew my pledge and I would enter in with the new PC without affecting their quota. But after the execs talked it over and found out that the person who was acting as president at the time (we were a colonizing sorority and I had e-mailed her to let her know that I was thinking about not going through with initiation, she e-mailed me back, I gave her times I was free to talk, and then I never heard back from her - I should have definitely pursued the situation but it was sadly not on my top list of things to cope with) had in fact depledged me, they told me that my best and only option was to go through formal. Two of the execs let me know that they strongly suggested I go through formal even though they could not guarantee me a bid. Another one of the execs wished me good luck. I know that is probably standard procedure but I certainly did not get any feelings of negative undertones. I saw a few of them later on the street and they seemed perfectly happy to say hi to me. (Thats why I asked if anyone thought the group would know of my situation and have special questions for me? Maybe I am just really naive? Sorry, I should have explained myself better!!). Anyway, hopefully that clarifies things.

I would think there would be some way they could accept you back but I guess not and that totally sucks! But if I were you, I'd try to go through FR as they instructed with an open mind. You never know how it may end up - maybe all this happened because you weren't meant to be there and were meant to be in another house all together and this is your chance to see. Or, the ideal thing may happen and you're invited back again through FR. Does the EC for that chapter know now what happened and why you went MIA? If they do, I'm that will be mentioned during membership selection and they did see enough good qualities in you once to give you a bid, so maybe they will again. I hope it works out for you - good luck and keep us posted!!! ::hugs::

I know I'm forever the cynic, but if the Greek Life office told that chapter that they could have you and it wouldn't count against quota, and the chapter STILL told you to rush, I think you have your answer. I can't see why a chapter would want a "freebie" to go through rush, count against their numbers, and possibly get snatched up by another sorority.

ETA: Even if the President had officially sent in the paperwork to depledge you, if the office of Greek Life said that they would let your bid stand, then I'm guessing that sorority could have accepted you and technically put you down as a COB or something. I obviously don't know the rules to all of the NPCs, but I don't see any reason they would have a rule against taking a member before FR or anything else that would affect them accepting you back.

Ooh, good point Alpha, though that doesn't bode well for the OP :( So maybe I was right and it may be totally worth it to go through FR again...

I agree.

Also, I don't think it's a good sign that a whole year has gone by, and you were never contacted by any of the members as to what was up. I mean, I would think even in a large group, if a pledge just suddenly stopped showing up with no explanation, that at least the pledge educator or someone would call and ask where you were - I mean, I would be worried for your safety, if nothing else.

Go through rush with an open mind. Chapters change with time, so you may find that your heart can be stolen by another group. You were never initiated, so you should not feel guilty or disloyal if this does occur. I strongly encourage you not to express your desire to only pledge your prior chapter. They may not be willing to give you another chance, and you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot. Try your best to let them know how serious you are about staying active this time. Your story is legitimate, but explain it briefly so they know you didn't just flake out! I hope you and your prior chapter find each other again...but really, I hope you end up anywhere you can be happy.

P.S. Give the chapter your pledge pin and manual. Out of respect, these should be returned.

- I mean I stayed friends with two of the girls so I feel like that is a good sign. And I don't think that the president had any reason to contact me if the sister who was acting as president at the time depledged me.

- I will definitely go into it with an open mind!! All of the sororities on campus are comprised of wonderful ladies!!

- If I do not receive a bid from that chapter, I definitely will give their manual back. I definitely would have earlier if I knew my bid was officially broken =\ I wish I had known, 100% my fault though.

- Is it possible that because they were a charter class that the alumnae did not want them to make exceptions so as to keep promoting the rules and to not make an exception now so no exceptions were made in the future?

- Either way I have a 60/40 chance I think of receiving a bid for the chapter that stole my heart.. And if it doesn't happen it just wasn't meant to be!

Thanks again sooo much for all of your advice. It has been really helpful!!

I would give the manual and pledge pin back now. It would be inappropriate to possess these items if you are rerushing. They will issue another set to you should you repledge the same group. No one on GC will be able to answer your question as to why they won't reinstate your bid. Don't try to read too much into it. It won't do you any good anyway. Good luck with recruitment. I hope it all works out for you.

NO - give the manual and pin back NOW.
That will give you a reason to go talk to someone in person - prfererably the president - and explain why you dropped out. Some personal interaction here will go a LONG way. Good luck, dear.;)

Agreed. I believe technically these items do not belong to you. They belong to the sorority. If you are uncomfortable with returning them in person, give them to one of your friends that is an initiated sister or drop them off in their campus mail box.

Frankly, I'm quite surprised that they didn't contact you after you stopped showing up to events if for no other reason than to get the pledge pin back. :eek:

Definitely give that back ASAP.

Well, I mean I am definitely very naive to the whole thing but that is part of the reason why after I e-mailed the president and told her what I was thinking of doing and after I received her response but no actual sit-down formal meeting why I thought that I was just in limbo; neither active or depledged. I don't know. Thank you ladies anyway and I will definitely get on that.

Of course. As a pledge, no one would expect you to be fully aware of the formal process of de-pledging (or the process an initiated member would go through to de-activate).

I'm just surprised that the president didn't follow up with you way back when. I know that in several (if not all) NPC groups, the appropriate officer is required to follow up with a member who notifies of intent to go inactive. And I'm fairly certain that many (if not all) NPC groups require that the appropriate officer contact someone who de-pledged or deactivated to get back any sorority property (pledge pins, badges, etc.)

But that's certainly not your fault - you couldn't have known as a pledge that the President wasn't following through on the proper procedure with you. :)

She mentioned that the group she joined was a colony, so does that mean that the President was a colony member as well?

If a new member is not initiated, and if the chapter does not vote on her again, her pledge automatically expires at the end of a year.

Of course! But colonies usually have strong alumnae and consultant guidance, and they should have followed up. However, consider that we are only hearing one side of the story...

So when does recruitment start?

That's what I was thinking. I'm wondering if the chapter and Exec possibly weren't experienced with this kind of thing (since they likely never had a new member drop) and didn't know all of the steps to take. It was probably some time later when an adviser or someone said, "Where's Norma NewMember? I keep seeing her name on the roster but I never see her at chapter." That's probably when somone said, "Oh, Norma? We haven't seen her for a while" and that's when they were advised to file paperwork to depledge.

Members of a new colony probably wouldn't have enough experience to think to follow-up with a new member who hasn't shown up....they're kind of new too!

.....Kelly :)