Parents against sororities....
 

OK. i really want to pledge for a sorority [something i've wanted to do for a long time], but my parents are dead set against it. They have negative images from the media and stuff and nothing i can do can change that. I've recently had the brilliant idea of getting a job, and trying to pay for it myself...
I was just wondering if there are sororities against taking sophmores [maybe a junior by the time i get my $$ saved up], if they aren't getting support from their families... or if their families don't know about them pledging.
Should i go with the risk?... :confused: yes i know i am in college but sadly the way i was raised is different... the parents control everything until pretty much marriage.... even then the marriage might be arranged :mad: [not happening to me]
i was also wondering if yall had heard some similar stories or have gone through it yourselves and how you feel about it now....

I debated whether to touch this....Your story rambles through a lot of generalities.

I'm also not sure what you mean by "raised differently", "control everything", "marriage might be arranged". Is this due to culture or religion or what?

Can you be more specific in what you would like to know?

My parents were very much against my joining a sorority in college--culturally and philosophically they did not agree with the Greek System. They did not understand why I would want to pay to join a social group, and they felt it was all frivolous. I went ahead and did it anyway. I got a job to pay for my dues. They still kept up the negativity (my grades, my focus, my career-fraternity parties are bad, what was I doing...blahblahblah) but I knew from day 1 it was the right decision. Those women turned out to be the best friends I ever made.

My mother finally came around about 3 years after I graduated. She threw on my old sweatshirt w/ letters one day and wore it to the grocery store). An alum happened to see her and starting raving--are you an alum-where was your daughter a member---is she ever in town..." It turned out I was in the process of moving to their town and this alum introduced me into their chapter a few months later. My mother started singing a different song after that. She said, "That XYZ. It's not a bad group, you know. I'm glad you joined." :cool:

I'm confused too, back in August you were asking about colonizing a new NPC chapter at your school -- had you just not run the idea by your parents yet?

If what you're asking is if someone can work and be in a sorority at the same time, the answer is yes, it just takes very good time management skills. AND money management skills. Because if you're working just to pay for sorority, you'll really need to make sure you can afford it and that you understand you may miss some events (which you're paying for with your dues) because you have to work... I've seen sisters get really frustrated when they can't get their work schedules and sorority schedules to match. But many, many, many people do it, it just takes that extra level of commitment and determination.

You'll also need to make sure you'll be able to keep your grades up both for the sorority and also because if they slip, won't your parents wonder why? And can you "hide" that you're working or the reason why you're working? Will your parents wonder where all the money you're making from your job is going? Just some things to think about, if your parents are supporting you in school otherwise (especially financially), make good decisions and be careful about how comfortable you are with any kind of deception.

And no, you don't necessarily need your parents "permission" to join from the sorority's point of view, you're over 18 (I'm assuming) and an adult. But you may want to check things like if a chapter house is involved, is a parent co-signer required on the lease? Or is another co-signer allowed and do you have someone else who can co-sign?

I'm sure it's frustrating that your parents don't understand why you want to do this and that it's important to you -- I hope you're able to either change their minds or find a way to fund your membership yourself (and perhaps still be honest with them about what you're doing). Good luck!

well let put it this way... i am Indian. my parents were born there i was born here. they still cling onto the traditional ways while i am more progressive. they are also a kinda of indian christian which is strict, while i am more baptist.

basically i was wondering if anyone else went through something similar [even if not Indian]

Whether a chapter is gunshy of sophomores or juniors would depend on the campus. The further south east you go the more likely you'll have problems.

My chapter had girls with traditional "old country" parents who still managed to work and earn money pay for dues and such. It's completely possible, but the key factor is whether YOU are good with your time management and sticking to your priorities.

if all else fails... as in i can't find a job, my parents won't support me or i can't find the time...
i can always AI.

You forgot the smirky "smiley" after your last line. PLEASE GOD, tell me you meant to put a smirky smiley...

When people are having this problem, I always wonder about how exactly they present sorority or fraternity life to their parents. I think in some cases people are either not providing enough information or they are providing the wrong information. It might be more convincing and more personal to actually pick a group that you are thinking about trying to join and do your research and then to present to your parents what this org is doing in the community and talk about their philanthropy and give examples. Talk about all the great things they do; from raising funds for different causes to giving out scholarship awards. No one can deny that we do great things but we have to be informed about what's going on and share this information with others so they are less inclined to believe the negative. Even provide your parents with some literature and introduce them to a member if you know someone. Overall, I think you have to make it more personal. If you just talk about the orgs in general, they will be more inclined to believe stereotypes. You have to show them something real. As for "paying for friends," this to me is ridiculous. Our orgs are non-profit organizations and all non-profit organizations (including church congregations) have to depend on their members (or sponsors, donors, partners, etc.) to help finance the many expenses and duties that go into running an organization or business. It's that simple. So when people try to accuse me of "paying for friends," that's what I tell them. Good luck to you!

Oh Jesus H. Christ I know you just did NOT go there.

:eek:

A little off topic here, but aren't Indian Christians usually Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox? How is that "more strict" than Baptist? I have both Baptist and Roman Catholic family members and the RC ones are usually LESS conservative.

It's more stict because the Indian part. These families still follow very strict guidelines that American Baptist and Catholics mellowed on a long time ago. I know quite a few Indian Christians who are very progressive, but their parents are not so progressive. One of my friends even got pushed into a disasterous arranged marriage that almost ruined his career. If you ever spoke to him, you'd leave amazed that he ever agreed to having an arranged marriage. It's amazing the kind of pressure parents can put on these first generation Americans. Redraidergirl, I think you need to consider the consequences of your actions should your parents find out. If you are willing to deal with their disapproval and work to prove them wrong, then go for it. If their finding out would ruin your entire life, because their disapproval would destroy you emotionally, think twice about going behind their backs.

actually my family isn't RC or Eastern Othr. [if that were the case you're right they would be more liberal...]
we're pentecostal, yea the crazy people.... but not as strict as to where i can't cut my hair or wear jeans/pants and stuff.
sorry i meant smirky. but i was really tired and could firgure you how to do it.

Maybe try bringing bits and pieces about the noble aspects of sororities to your parents attention. I'm sure all they know are the sordid details propagated by the media in this country. Did you know that many of the NPC groups are based on Christian ideals? This could reassure them that you won't be drawn from your own Christian roots. Even the non-christian based groups, i.e. Phi Sigma Sigma and the Jewish based sororities, live by rituals that I'm sure would enspire pride in the strictest of Christians. Tell them about all of the community service that takes place in the groups on your campus. Find out the all women's GPA and the all sorority GPA and show them that the average sorority woman does better scholastically than the average female college student. Also, you may want to also point out to them that there are many sorority women who do not drink alcohol or party, (not that there is anything wrong with that!) so if these are problems for them, you can address that too! Let them know that while you embrace your Indian heritage, you also want to experience what it is to be an American college student.

My parents are Non-denominational which is on the same arm as pentecostal, so I understand how strict they can be. Luckily for me, my mother used to know some sorority women when she was in college and actually encouraged my sister and me to rush. Sounds like you need to do some work before you jump into anything.

I call BS.

I grew up Roman Catholic and about 8 years ago started going to a Pentecostal church. How do you consider that stricter (is that a word? lol) than Catholicism? I would say the otherwise. I understand there are different secs of a Pentecostal church (which some are very strict) but you claim you aren't a member of those.


Also on another note (based on a PM) I would say that you have to worry more about your grades than you do about money. Sororities have a minimum GPA that you have to have.

Every Pentecostal I know is very fundemental. And, most Catholics I know, go to Friday Night mass before they hit Happy Hour.

I agree! I grew up in very Catholic South Louisiana. Any rules the Catholics have, the Pentecostals have plus more. No pants, no short hair, no makeup, no drinking, no rock music, no tv/movies for some sects. I consider that pretty darn strict...I should know, I got grounded for a month in 8th grade after my parents caught me listening to New Kids on the Block!

You said your parents go to a nondenominational church, but they followed the radical sec (or sect?) of "Pentecostalism." Nondenominational is just that...not following a certain denomination. That's interesting to me.

Anyways, that is why I said there are different aspects of Pentecostalism. My church doesn't have those rules, nor do we feel that anyone should follow that.

Just like you have the radical sections of the Pentecostal church, you have the radical sections of the Roman Catholic church. I still think the Catholic church is stricter than the Pentecostal church (of course i'm not including the more "radical" secs).

Actually, the name Non-denominational is a euphemism for Charismatic which has bad connotations. It is the same arm as Pentecostal but much less strict for women (no prohibitions on pants, short hair or makeup.) I grew up hearing people speak in tongues at church, dance in the Spirit and laugh in the Spirit. Being "filled with the Holy Spirit" is the common theme that encompasses these groups. They no longer call themselves Charismatic because this conjures images of snakes, etc from the really far right wing groups in this religious sect. If your pentecostal church is rather moderate, yours is the exception not the rule. A true Pentecostal church as originally conceived believes that you do not go to heaven if you are not filled with the Holy Spirit. The believers who only accept Christ as their personal savior do not qualify. They also are very strict and adhere to all of the rules I stated before.

I know that you probably don't mean it that way, but I take offense to not going to a "true pentecostal church" because we don't follow any of those silly rules. That makes me feel that i'm being led by false teachers, and that we aren't being taught the "truth." The Pentecostal church came about after the day of Pentecost (as described in Acts:2) I've been around people speaking in tounges, the "slaying" of the Spirit, etc.

Like I said, you might not mean it in that way, but that is how I took it. Anyways, if anyone wants to discuss this further, you can PM me.

Back to your regularly scheduled thread (which i still call BS on)

What I meant by the "True Pentecostal Church" is what the church was originally. Just like the "True Church" mentioned by catholics is the Catholic church and only the Catholic church. Since I am not a pentecostal (if you remember, I was raised Charismatic or Non-denominational), I have no reason to make anyone feel like they are following a false religion. My point is that what you are calling pentecostal is a modern take on the original church. Get offended if you want, but it's the truth. Do you know any "classic" Pentecostals? I knew a lot of them through the years. Your Pentecostal church sounds more like my Non-denominational church. They sound more alike in style rather than in name. If your church chooses to label itself as Pentecostal, more power to them, but be aware that it's not the traditional version of the name. And...it sounds like the OP's version of Pentecostal is more like the version of Pentecostal I know. This would explain your disbelief in the level of strictness.

I paid my own way and still managed to make the Dean's List and be an officer in the sorority, as well as belonging to a few other campus organizations. If you are over 18, how you manage your time and money is your business. UNLESS mom and dad are paying for college and living expenses, and will cut you off if you disobey them on this... then, I think you need to weigh your priorities. What is more important? Debt and independence OR all expenses paid and family support, knowing you will eventually have the freedom once you graduate in a few short years?

You can get student loans and a job and still go to school full time and be a member of a sorority. I had no choice but to get student loans b/c my family could not pay for my college. If my parents had the money and said to me, "We will pay for all of your schooling and expenses on the condition you don't join a sorority," I can tell you that I would have readily agreed. The sorority has been a wonderful and positive influence in my life, but student debt is an expense I would rather do without!

The problem with this is that many students don't know anything about Greek Life-- they learn about it at recruitment. They know coming in that it is a chance to meet and interview with the sororities, which are women-only campus organizations with exclusive membership. I haven't met a great number PNMs with successful recruitments who knew all about Greek Life and sororities who weren't already legacies or from a hometown that was pro-Greek.

I used to advise at a campus with a lot of first generation Americans. There were a good number of sororities, but there were some retention issues right after recruitment because of the cultural barrier between the first generation American new members and their foreign born parents. It's just the nature of the beast, and if the parents have financial control, that means a lot. And respect for one's elders and abiding by the family's wishes is a very big part of those cultures. If the student can get through to her parents or pay for it on her own, half the battle is won. The other half comes if you can coax them into coming up for Family Weekend or bringing your sisters home to meet the family so they can see what you've gotten yourself into and come around once they see what a positive influence it can be. But if a girl goes through recruitment, she is expected to plunk down $25-250 on Bid Day or soon thereafter. Many who go through without telling mom and dad and don't have the $$$ will have to drop.

Damn. I actually thought the title meant there was a support group out there for this.

Parents Against Sororities (PAS) And PAS was posting here to kick our asses.

Been following the whole Pentecostal vs. Catholic thing. Though there are some very conservative Catholic sects, I haven't seen any sects that prohibit dancing, drinking, etc. (Speaking strictly about the laity here) These things have been prohibited in some Pentecostal, Baptist, and other Protestant sects. That isn't to say that some Catholic families aren't incredibly strict. Rule wise though, that isn't there.

Now if you mean other sorts of strictness, yeah the Catholic church can be very orthodox on many things (attire for Mass, Lenten rules, Communion rules, etc) .

For the record, the current Pentecostal movement isn't older than the 1700s. Throughout history, people have spoken in tongues, but they weren't a separate sect at the time, and were part of the Roman or Eastern church.

It isn't surprising that a person from India/first generation Indian-American would follow stricter rules of whatever religion since familial rules tend to be stricter in the first place. Telling the OP or others that they must not really be X, or that they're misunderstanding X's rules won't change the rules of her family and how she and her family practice their religion.

Catholics are in favor of the fruit of the vine, but we don't go to Friday night Mass. :)

Lol, how did I miss that.

However, Saturday night Mass for the WIN.

You are right, it's Saturday night mass. As you can see, I don't go to either:)

Going to a Catholic high school, I had many Saturday nights where I had to wait for my date to get out of Mass so we could go on our date.:p

My last steady boyfriend in highschool, however, went to Sunday morning Mass.

CRAP. everytime i try to post back my comp screws up.
(*&$(*@&#@. :mad:

It depends on how you use the term 'nondenominational'.

For many people, when you say 'nondenominational', its usually in reference to a 'church service' that is broadly Christian, and not specific to any one denomination. A Christian service that would be acceptable to a Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, Mormon, etc.

If you are using to refer to a specific church as being 'non denominational', its hard to say where in the spectrum of christian belief it falls: from fire and brimstone bible thumpers to laid-back sixties hippie types and anything in between.

I was thinking the same thing. Some kind of anti-greek 'MADD' type of group.

I don't disagree, but formerly "charismatic" groups are hijacking the term to get away from the "crazies!"

And this surprises you?

Its little different from when the socialists hijacked the term 'liberal' from those who originally used it. (said original, or 'classical liberals' are now usually known as 'libertarians). And now you have some liberals today trying to hijack the term 'progressives' (tho that term hasn't been in use for awhile, so few are complaining...).

I find it funny when reading about the so called 'restorationist' movement in the Christian church that arouse around the end of the last century. It has such a great name, making one thing that you are 'restoring' Christianianity to its original form that it as strayed from. Sadly, in most cases its really about people creating new nonsense out of whole cloth and claiming its the original Christianity. Go figure.

Yes, this is more of what I meant by the Catholic church being "stricter." I understand that there are different sects of churches that allow only skirts and things, but it isn't only extreme Pentecostal churches that have that.

But anyways....on to something I was wondering.

I know that Alpha Phi has scholarships, but (at least from what i understand) our scholarships are STRICTLY for APhi members. Do any sororities have scholarships for non-members?

Alumnae Panhellenic groups often have scholarships for ALL NPC in a particular area.

ok what i was going to say was my pentecostal [even tho not against pants and short hair] is still really strict.... it more of a cultural issue... with our parents Makeup is frowned upon, dating is wrong, no sleeveless shirts, no jewelry and the list goes on...
these standards tho are getting looser b.c the generation now doesn't see whats wrong with wearing makeup and jewelry and sleeveless shirts... so yeah i walk around campus with a tank top on holding hands with my boyfriend, all dolled up... i don't see whats wrong with it... and if you ask any parent they can't tell you why they think its wrong... they just think it is b.c thats what their parents said and blah blah blah. i am pretty sure in the bible it doesn't say "Thou shalt not have short hair, or date" yeah there are guidelines.... but nothing like "those who wear their shoulder bare shall be cursed" [hey that rhymes]
but its a brand for Church of God [not Church of Christ, its an American branch when it reached India, people went a little over board and they continue to do so today...]

hopefully this clears up something?

We didn't mean to hijack your thread with the whole religion thing. Your personal experience is one I've heard from many of my Indian friends, and even professors, no matter what religion they were raised. :)

For some reason I'm getting a "everyone else is doing it, I wanna do it, and my parents are super strict and don't like it, so I should definitely do it" feeling.

With that being said, make sure it is something you really want to do and something that you are truely committed to doing. If you truely want it bad enough/can withstand the heat that will come with it from your parents, then you will. If you will cave under pressure from your parents, then I would say don't do it.

Based on a previous post it seems like you have already changed "gears" so to speak from your original intentions in greek life, so research, research, research, and rhoyal tempests suggestion about presentation is something to really keep in mind/implement.

so...what's AI and why's it so *gasp*?