Parent Troubles...
 

Okay, so I just got a bid (via continuous rush) to a sorority I really like. The girls were really nice, fun, and down to earth and all that jazz. About an hour ago, I called my parents to tell them. Now, initally, I hadn't told them I was doing rush activities because I really didn't want anyone to sway my decision. (I had a lot of friends buying into the negative stereotypes and one friend finally just said "You know, check it out and make a decision for yourself.")
My parents were...well, not excited, but not angry with me. My dad got really worried about money issues, even though the new member dues are the 2nd lowest on campus (and I promised to pay those on my own) and the house costs are probably half to 3/4 of what we're paying for my room and board now.
My mom's side of it was "Well, honey, are you sure you really want to do this? You always said how much you didn't want to be told what to do, how to act, blah blah blah..." Which, admittedly, I did...before I decided to take my head out of the sand and see what Greek life was really about.
They said that they'd be fine with it...but I don't know, they just really made me kind of depressed and unsure of myself. I think they're also worried that I'll be into the party scene and flunk out or something (I actually also have to keep a 3.5 to keep my scholarships, so if anyone wants to let me know if that's a realistic goal while being involved in a sorority, I'd really appreciate that too!)
I've got 24 hours to accept or decline! Ah! Help!

Take a deep breath. Since your parents are not fiercely anti-greek, I would say go for it. Make sure you get good grades (which you should do anyway!) and tell your parents about your activities. If you are happy and achieving, I bet they will come around. Make sure they come to any parents' events so they can meet some of your sisters and their parents. Good luck!:)

Honey, my mother was a Debbie Downer too, which is why I didn't tell her I was going through recruitment.

As for Dad and the money...when it came to living in the house, it was cheaper than the room and board of dorms, it was safer than living in an apartment, and with the networking and leadership you will gain, it will payoff in the future.

For being told how to act and what to do, I didn't experience that. Sure we had rituals, we had days that we dressed alike, but it didn't change me. As a pledge, we had study tables, and being Greek typically ensured you would have a study partner -- if not in your house, in another sorority or fraternity. Panhellenic GPAs are typically the highest on all campuses, and there is plenty of written proof of that. And, there are plenty of scholarship opportunities, just because you are Greek.

Try not to get depressed. Talk to your pledge trainer for some advise. Sororities have plenty of ammunition to heed off the falacies that you are hearing.

BTW...congrats on your bid!

Sorority women on most campuses carry a collective GPA well above the general university's all-women's average. You are in good company if you accept your bid.

I will assume you were awarded this scholarship because you have good academic skills, as well as good time management skills. Knowing that you have to keep a 3.5, you should definitely be sure to make the sorority a social activity that is budgeted into your schedule. It is very easy to be tempted to join your new sisters for EVERY activity. The women who do this typically do not do well in school.

Make plans to come to the mandatory activities, and budget for some fun time, too. You will receive a schedule of social events and mandatory events early each semester, so you can plot out study time, sorority time and "me time."

I would recommend that you accept the bid. Give it a month, and if you feel that your grades or your focus are slipping, re-evaluate your priorities and see if the sorority is a manageable activity for you or an unnecessary distraction. Share these views with your parents, as well. They should respect your efforts to be proactive.

The sorority will likely host a Family Weekend event at some point in the school year. Do your best to get your parents to come. Some parents attend these events begrudgingly, but they walk out with big smiles, new-found respect for Greek Life and a lot of love for their daughter's sorority!

Good luck and congratulations on your sorority bid! Give it a try, but remember to keep your priorities straight, too.

Sororities make you keep a certain GPA to be active anyway, and I know it isn't a 3.5 but it still pushes you to do well in school. My chapter's new members have study hall hours to do (6 a week) and girls on academic probation have study hours too depending on their GPA. Going Greek is an amazing experience and I wouldn't change it for the world. My parents didn't want me to do it, but just the other day my dad was telling me how much good he thinks the sorority has done me. I've become much more outgoing (I was the super shy girl in high school) and I'm actually running for a leadership position at the end of the semester which I never thought I'd ever do. A lot of girls don't go out and party so if you're worried about that, don't be. Lots of girls have plenty of fun hanging out in other ways then going out all night, every night. I think going Greek is a great experience but you'll just have to try it for yourself! Congrats on your bid and I hope you do what makes you happy!

Ms., I was in somewhat the same boat you are back when I was pursuing my sorority. My parents had no knowledge of sororities except for what they would see in the media (mostly negative), and there was a family friend who was telling my parents that I was joining up with a system that was historically racist, etc.

I just tried to show them the types of things we were doing in the community, but they really hated the fact that I never came home because I was always participating in sorority functions. It took awhile, but my parents came to love my sorority (they even donate now) and my sisters. My parents have even purchased paraphernalia for me, on their own! :) They always ask me to bring sisters by for family functions, and have our national website bookmarked so they can read up on what types of things we are doing.

I think you should pursue the sorority of your interest, and your parents will come around. :)

I sympathize completely. When I was in college, one conversation with my parents where they expressed the teensiest doubts about my plans could take the wind out of my sails completely. It took a long time for me to learn to make my own decisions. Here are some tips that might help you:

First of all, accept the bid. You're excited about this; I can tell.

Second, you can head some of your parents' concerns off at the pass with a little research and some heartfelt conversation.

Grades: Find out from the Scholarship Chair or your NM Educator what the chapter's and Panhellenic's average GPA for last semester were. Chances are at least one of these numbers is at or higher than the 3.5 you need for your scholarships. I know that in my chapter we each had to set a semester grade goal. Tell your parents that your goal will be either the 3.5 or the chapter or Panhel average, whichever's highest. Tell them this is your top priority. Then MAKE IT BE. Take adpiucf's advice regarding budgeting your time. Make yourself a study schedule, find study buddies in the house, do whatever you need to do, but keep your grades up. Also, keep your parents posted on your progress (e.g. quiz and paper grades, study time, etc.) so they know you're staying dedicated to your studies.

Finances: Find out from the Finance Chair or your NM Educator exactly how much it'll cost to live in the house. Then find out exactly how much it'll cost to live in the dorms. Then ask/call around and get some estimates on rent costs for student apartments near campus. It's usually cheaper to live in, and you're right about it being safer. Present these numbers and the safety argument to your parents. Let them know that you understand you're responsible for dues. The fact that you've gone to the trouble to crunch the numbers and figure out how much cheaper it'll be to live in next semester will show your parents that you know money doesn't grow on trees.

Your mom: You said it beautifully yourself. You had certain preconceptions about Greek life but you decided that a mature adult doesn't make decisions based on assumptions: they make informed decisions. You decided to check out the Greek scene and you found out that your preconceived notions were wrong. And believe me, if you don't want to become a sheep, you won't. Tell your mom that these sorority women like you for who you are and don't want you to change, and that you have no intention to.

Don't worry. Your parents aren't against the idea of your joining a sorority; they're just worried about you. If you can assure them that you're mindful of their concerns, they'll feel a lot better.

Congratulations on your bid. If you feel comfortable telling us, who's the lucky house?

This sounds like your chance to show them that they have nothing to worry about! Take your bid and have a great time!!!

Congrats on your bid, mscongneiality1 ! I agree with the other "advisors" on this page, who said you should go for it. I really don't think you'll regret it and your parents will probably be more enthusiastic when they see how good it is for you. My daughter just joined a sorority about 10 days ago and already she has had study hours over at the house. She also discovered that some of her sisters are in her stats class, so she sat with them and they have made plans to study together as well. Just because sororities can be fun doesn't mean they don't support serious studying too! Good luck.

congrats on your bid!!! i was a lil worried at first during my pledge semester that my grades would slip, but we had mandatory study hall hours in the library (we had to sign in and everything) as pledges. it was actually good for me because it gave me time to get work done that i needed to do. you might also find out that one of the older sisters has taken a class that you are taking and can help you out so you can maintain the gpa that you need! grades were very important in chi omega (as im sure they are in all greek orgs) and they totally understood if you had to miss a mixer or something that wasnt mandatory because you had a paper or had to study. scholarship (studies) should always come before social obligations. theyll probably be happy that you have the mindset that you are there for learning first then social stuff. im sure youll be fine but definetely try it out and see what happens. if it doenst work out for you you can always drop before initiation! but definetely give it a shot and communicate with your big (when you get one) and your new member educator about your concerns. good luck!!

As a parent, part of our job as parents is to make sure that our kids have thought through their decisions. It sounds like this is all your parents are doing. My daughter joined the competitive marching band this year and it has been a very hectic, physically demanding and time consuming pursuit. I keep checking with her that she's having FUN through the tendonitis in her achilles tendons from hours of marching, the lack of time for other things (between band, girl scouts and youth group, she has things to do every night and all day Saturday and only has 2 hours to herself to get her homework done daily). I just don't want it to become a burden for her. She has been complaining a lot lately so I check. As tough as it is, she's also loving it and doesn't want to quit. I don't want to discourage her from doing marching band but I don't want her to feel like she HAS to do it either if it gets to be too much.

As for keeping a 3.5 while in a sorority.. I had to do the same thing to keep my scholarship and I kept it all 4 years and had the highest GPA in the chapter my last two years in the chapter. I had to choose not to take on a major office once I got into Occupational Therapy school because it was very demanding, but that was fine. I took less demanding offices and went to all the mandatory stuff and picked which social things I could do based on my classwork at the time.

Congratulations on your bid - hope you enjoy your New Member period!

If it helps any, my grades actually improved when I started to live in-house. There aren't as many distractions, and the atmosphere to excel is really strong.

My D's grades actually dropped, BUT it was b/c she started doing EVERYTHING she was invited to during soph year when she lived with the sisters. They were always saying "hey, lets go to eat, lets go to this party, function etc." and she jumped on that bandwagon. Difference is, they were liberal arts majors and she is math/science so courseload is really different. Once she realized she had to say "no" (mostly to during the week activities) she was able to get the good grades again and do well. If you know this going in, you won't be sucked into doing everything with everybody 7 nights a week.

Update on the situation...
 

Okay, here is an update/a little more information:

Grades=the sorority I want to join is ranked 4th out of 20ish houses at my school, and their GPA average is a 3.1, maybe slightly higher. Plus, while I was at the house for recruitment activites, I noticed that a lot of the girls would drop by and chat for a little bit and then say, "Okay, well, I need to go study now!" which made me feel better about that. Also, I was involved in a LOT of activites in high school (choir, theatre, dance team, National Honor Society), so it's been really strange for me NOT to be involved in some sort of activity. Actually, it's really made me lazy as far as doing my homework because I think I'm the type of person that has to schedule out my time, etc. My major is speech, language, and hearing sciences, so it's not an "easy major" but it isn't engineering or anything extremely time consuming. I've been through one round of exams/projects and have come out with mostly Bs and a few As, but I think this has a lot to do with adjusting to college-level work, and I think my grades will improve in time. :)

Money=I think my dad was just worried about extra costs coming up, but I talked to a girl in the house today while we were tailgating and she said everything is included in the "in-house active fee" like food, room and board, dues, etc. so I think it will be fine.

My mom=Yeah...I think she was just worried that I was making a sudden decision and that I was being influenced by other people (I know 3 girls from my high school in the house right now) and she just wanted to make sure I was thinking for myself. The fact is, all 3 of those girls pretty much told me to make my own decision, rather than the 1000 or so people that discouraged me! Anyway, I'm not a huge party-girl anyway so I don't think I'd get sucked into that lifestyle. My biggest personal fear was that I wouldn't see any of my old friends again.

If you've read this far, congratulations! Haha...I feel like I've written a book, but it's been a crazy emotional roller coaster. Last night I had a complete breakdown while hanging out with some friends, so one of my best friends took me off to the side and we actually wrote out a pro/con list about joining a sorority. (FYI, there were many, many more pros :)) Plus, I just get a happy feeling when I reread my bid card (which I have done like a million times!). I've dragged it out long enough so I'll just tell you all: I'm an ALPHA GAMMA DELTA! Yay! :p (Oh, and I forgot to mention...my 19th birthday was on Thursday...talk about a sweet birthday present!)

Welcome Baby Squirrel. We are so proud to have you as a pledge!

Congratulations to the new AGD! And, Happy Birthday!

Awww... congrats and Happy Birthday to our newest GC Alpha Gamma Delta! :)

Welcome!! Come on over to the Alpha Gam forum and introduce yourself!

Yay!! Congratulations and welcome to a lifetime of sisterhood! And Happy Birthday!!!!!

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement! I'm really excited for Bid Night tomorrow. I've been searching for a black dress (since I wasn't expecting an occasion to dress up, I didn't bring anything fancier than a sundress!), which has been pretty crazy but it makes me realize how generous people are on my floor! I just...ah! I'm excited! Words cannot describe it...

bid day is soooo exciting!!! makes me kinda miss mine even though i could tell you minute for minute what happened and it was about 6 years ago!! have a lot of fun and enjoy your new member period and enjoy yourself when you become an active!!! AGD is lucky to have you!

Something to keep in mind: part of recruitment is (re)education on what greek life can be, and your parents didn't go through any of that. Often, it can take a while to bring family up to speed on what it is all about. In time, even if they haven't been turned around 100%, they will at least see that it is important to you and is not going to change who you are or your values.

So...I just got back from my bid night...and I don't know, I had a good time, but I felt a little let down, I guess. It was sad because both of my pledge moms couldn't make it, so I felt slightly lonely...and then after all the "hoo-hah" was over, a girl who joined by COB a couple years ago came and told us COBers that it was kind of difficult to just jump right in and get caught up with all the other girls. It kind of worried me because I'm not an extrovert by nature...

I definitely don't want to just give up, you know? I WILL give this a try...

Hang in there - how often do instantly bond with anyone? The more time you spend with your sisters, the more at home you will feel - just be yourself, spend as much time as you can with them, and enjoy your new member period!

I agree. Hang in there. My Sister Mother was a senior, who didn't live in the house, worked evenings and was engaged. Honestly, I barely saw her during my pledge period.

But....we had a lot of pledge activities where I bonded with my pledge class. As time went on, I met many actives who I became very close, and ended up living with.

I'm not sure how much "time you need to make up", but it will all be behind you soon. Make coffee dates with different sisters for different reasons (one could be to "catch up on what you missed". Don't wait around on them to get you involved. If they see you creating excitement, they will include you in their activities.

Another update
 

On Monday I received the financial info...and the new member fees are TWICE what I expected them to be (I had checked out the university Panhel website, which lists all the estimates for fees for each sorority). Apparently they didn't include next semester's dues in with the estimate, so, needless to say, I felt pretty misled. I don't really blame anyone necessarily, I just feel like I was kept in the dark.

After tearfully calling my mom and telling her there was no way I could afford it (the fees would literally empty my savings account), I stopped freaking out, got smart and emailed the financial advisor for AGD, who's setting up a meeting with for next week sometime.

If anyone has any ideas about scholarships and such (I don't know if sororities give scholarships for fees, but I figure I'd better pull out all the stops and find out), PLEASE let me know! :) I am NOT gonna give up without a fight! (Can you tell I'm feeling a little bit more confident about this whole thing? Haha...)

Don't limit yourself to sorority-related scholarships. Check to see if there are local foundations in your community that offer college scholarships.

When I was in school, I applied for and received scholarships from both my parents' unions, the Jaycees, and 2 local based community foundations. I went to a state school where in-state tuition wasn't so bad, so once tuition and books were taken care of, I had extra $$$ to take care of other financial obligations -- car/insurance, sorority, credit cards, etc.

First of all, congratulations on AGD!

Secondly, it sounds like the fees they told you about include this semester and next semester dues. Correct? If so, don't forget to ask the Financial Advisor these questions: when do you have to pay them by? Are they all due at once? Is there some sort of payment plan?

Good luck and keep thinking creatively to figure this out I'm sure you can!

PsychTau

Surprises aren't always sweet
 

After reading through this thread, it seems a lot of the issues causing bad feelings on the part of both the new member, as well as her parents, stemmed from unwelcome surprises. Speaking as a mom, I REALLY appreciate it when my kids don't spring things on me that have been brewing for some time. It's nice to ease into ideas, and not have something hit you from out of the blue. I respect my daughters and their thought processes, and like seeing the steps they take to get to their final decisions. I don't always agree, and sometimes I can't hold my tongue, but I try to let them make their own choices. If you point out to your parents that most sororities have a higher GPA than the campus average, study hours, and opportunities for leadership that can really shine on a future resume, they will probably come around. Let it all sink in. In the future, fill them in on what you are thinking along the way, instead of after the decision has essentially been made.

As for the money, can you work over the winter break between semesters? It may not seem like much, but if you apply soon for holiday employment either around your school or in your hometown, you'd be surprised how much you can make. Just don't let your grades suffer.

Best of luck!

When you meet with the advisor please ask about incidental fees that can be associated with being in a sorority. The fees that come to mind are the small things like t-shirt's that are required for certain events, secret-santa gifts, etc.. I know what it is like to be a broke college kid, where $20.00 is a lot of money and hard to come by. There were times when I felt very bad when I couldn't afford the t-shirt, picture, or gift. Having said that, I managed to scrape by and it was well worth it. Good luck to you!

It's been a while since I gave an update, so I'll wrap up this 'lil drama right here...
Yes, I understand that I did an underhanded thing by not telling my parents. It was really hard for me and I felt bad about it, but I knew I didn't want to tell them because I really didn't want to be influenced by people who didn't know much about the Greek system. I think my parents and I are on the same page now (they even gave me some money for my birthday to help out with dues--YAY!) so everything on that front is fine.
A couple days ago, I had an epiphany: it wasn't the amount of money that bothered me, because after some number-crunching, I figured out I'd come out okay. I just really needed to do some soul-searching to figure out if this was what I really wanted to commit to, both financially and time-wise. Quite honestly, I think I've been discouraged because I haven't been up at the house much lately. We got back from our fall break last Wednesday and not much has gone on before or after then because it's midterm time! I talked to my friend today (she is also in my sorority) and she said basically the same thing--that all I'd gotten so far is the alcohol education convocation we'd had to attend a week ago.
But anyway...I'm going to study tables tomorrow and new member education/dinner on Monday, and I'm very excited about that! I am glad everything has worked out okay, and I just want to thank everyone for the helpful advice. I have really appreciated it :)