Lavalier?
 

One of my friends who is Greek at a different college than myself mentioned something to me the other day about wanting to get lavaliered. I had heard of this practice before from my parents, but I don't know of anyone on my campus who does it (and we are a pretty Greek school). So I was wondering, is the whole lavalier thing something people still do pretty commonly? What exactly does it involve? Is there any way to start or revive the practice on your campus if you think its a worth-while tradition?

What ever happened to the days that lavaliered meant being in an exclusive relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend?

that is still what it means.

So since you can't haze new members anymore you haze brothers' girlfriends instead?

What you are talking about has NOTHING to do with lavaliering.

Lavaliers are for girlfriends. Just because you're lavaliered doesn't mean you wear his letter sweatshirts, jackets etc.

I don't know why you spouted off on something you never heard of before this post. :rolleyes:

Nothing better to do at work. Duly noted. :cool:

Still waiting on the true definition, 33girl.

My school was pretty lax. We all wore different fraternity letters -- particularly during Greek Week or Homecoming -- whether we were lavaliered, pinned or not.

Lavaliers and letters are not dependent upon one another.

To ealy, it looks like you deleted your first post, but as a side note, your chapter probably got the term "dropping" as some sort of derivative of what lavaliering actually is, a fraternity member giving his girlfriend a necklace with the fraternity's letters on it as a sign of love & commitment -- the piece of jewelry is actually called "a drop". What that's evolved into "ritual"-wise for you all, I can only imagine but don't really want to know.

And to the OP, it's difficult to have the goal of "getting lavaliered" if it's not something that originates from the fraternities on your campus. So maybe your boyfriend can be THE guy to stand up and get it started (if he's not afraid ;)). On my campus, lavaliering happened in a variety of ways, the bf just surprised her on a special date, we had some guys come into chapter meetings with flowers (and some came with a group of brothers, sometimes they sang) to make a big to-do presentation to her, it really depended on how each fraternity tended to handle those things on their side. The girls were just the happy recipients and then we had candlelightings on our side. So talk to the guys and tell them to step up to it! :)

Lavaliering is a sign of commitment to your girlfriend - it's the step that comes before pinning, engagement and marriage.

To the OP - your girlfriend is probably hoping her man will step up and show that he feels strongly about her in this fashion. I think she wants that more than the actual piece of jewelry. :)

Some schools just don't do it very often. If there aren't a lot of people in committed relationships, it probably won't catch on, Greek school or not. It's not something you just do to everyone you date.

At our school, it typically was not a public event. The fraternity guy would ask the equivalent of "going steady" with the woman. He would give her a lavalier on a necklace.

In our house, the girl would slip a note in the president's box telling requesting a candle-passing. It was always a secret as to who left the note. If the candle went around once and she blew it out, she was lavaliered. If it went around twice, she was pinned. If it went around three times, she was engaged.

Only after the candle passing would the boyfriend and his brothers come over to serenade and bring her flowers. If the Fraternity and the boyfriend did anything else within their house, I don't remember it.

I wish we still had the tradition, mentioned in our history, of having a box of candy delivered to the house to announce a pinning or engagement. Apparently a 5 lb. box meant a pinning, and a 10 pounder was used to announce an engagement. Then the candle passing would "out" the lucky pinnee/engagee. Yummmm . . .chocolate.

Sounds familiar. The Phi Mus at Ohio State had three candy dishes in the formal living room. Filling one with chocolate was a laveliere, filling two was a pinning and filling three was an engagements. Oh, how I would long for engagements.

I think more of our traditions should involve chocolate. Hey, it's our color, to start with!

Chocolate makes the world a happier place. I can't remember if that was part of our motto or if I was brainwashed somewhere along the way.

Chocolate makes the world a happier place
 

Maybe we should adopt that as a GC motto . . .

Wow, that's a lot of chocolate. I bet at some schools and chapters, that number grows as the years go by. In 2023 some poor soul is going to wonder why he needs to procure a wagon-load of Godiva truffles for his girlfriend...

It gets better, PhrozenGod. In some of the descriptions from the 40s and 50s the chocolates were in the guy's fraternity colors, or there was an elaborate spread in the sorority and fraternity colors - and remember, 5 or 10 lbs. isn't that much when you are talking about a whole chapter!
But I like your image of a guy schleping Godiva truffles . . .

At my school, girls are lavaliered (we called it being Dropped) after dating a guy for a significant period of time. If a guy drops a girl early in a relationship it's really looked down upon by other Greeks. Dropping a girl means that she is just as important to you as the fraternity is. My boyfriend's already told me that I shouldn't be expecting a drop anytime soon, that it will definitely be a few more years. After a girl is dropped, she can then wear block letter shirts with his letters and the like. The only way a girl who isn't dropped can wear the fraternities' letters by themselves (shirts from drop-ins and other multi-GLO events are fine to wear) is if they are event shirts (Rush, Game Day, shirts like Pike Girl and Chop Girl stuff) Otherwise we just have to wait until we're dropped. I know my boyfriend wouldn't even let me wear his block letter sweatshirt when I was freezing because he hasn't dropped me. It's a pretty big deal at my school to get dropped. In my chapter, we have candlelights for girls who get dropped. The only other reason we have those are for promise rings and engagement rings, and I guess in the Greek world, getting dropped is the first step to a ring!

My school was pretty similar - we didn't called it getting dropped though, just lavaliered. It was the step before engagement for us and it definitely meant a lot - so not done very often, but often enough that we knew what it meant. We would also have a candlelight for it, as other chapters do (but ours are for friendship, lavaliere, engagement, pregnancy - that way alums can have candlelights in their chapters as well). Being lavaliered allows the woman to wear his letters and know some of the traditions also - it's as if the fraternity is adopting her into their brotherhood as well. I know TKE used to drop the guy in the pond after they would serenade the girl. We had one girl get lavaliered by a TKE at our chapter meeting and we did the candlelight for her as a surprise (at the request of the boyfriend) so he came up behind her and blew it out! Then the brothers filed in and sang to her, and then carried him out to drop him in the pond. Crazy college kids.... :) It was really sweet to watch though!

Guys here drop them into a lake we have up here that is definitely gross. Guys don't sing to girls for lavaliers but I wish they did! I think that's so sweet! The only time they sing is when the new pledges sing to us for stealing their pins so they can get them back. And they have to do that in their boxers. It's pretty entertaining. What's a candlelight for friendship mean? Like becoming friends with someone or just being friends with people in general? I guess I just don't get like who would blow it out and stuff unless it's done differently.

I was just lavaliered by my boyfriend this past April. It is definitely a HUGE deal, and we look at it as the equivalent of a promise ring (just a greek version.) I know some fraternities (like the one my boyfriend is in) do not let girls wear their letters, and only those who are sweethearts, fiances, wives, mothers, sisters, and lavaliered are allowed to wear them, especially double stitched raised letters.

Everyone gets their lavalier in a different way, and it totally depends on the guys giving it away. I know mine was given away the day before a special day for us, so I wouldn't be expecting it. I know someone else said this about their school, but here people also look down on it if you give out your letters too quickly, as it is supposed to mean that the girl is equal to your brothers.

That's my school's take on the whole issue at least :)

A Friendship candlelight is kinda hard to explain. I held a candlelight for friendship once when me and my big had a kind of falling out and I wanted to make things right. So, I put a note in the president's file with the candle and I blew it out during the candlelight to make a public announcement of sorts to my big that I hoped we were still cool and would remain close despite all the crap that went down between us. We both cried and it meant a lot to her that I did that. I hope that helps explain it a little better :) You could also do a Friendship candlelight if s a sister was especially good to you and you wanted to thank her (helping you get better if you were sick, etc.). Not sure why they call it Friendhsip if you're sisters, but oh well.

oh that's really sweet! I wish we would do something like that!

In my chapter it was:
once around the circle for friendship,
twice for pearldrop (like lavaliering),
three for engagement,
four for marriage,
and five for pregnancy.

My understanding is that once around for friendship is so that everyone has a chance to touch the candle before the announcement, but I really like the idea of blowing out the candle for a special friendship.

Funny story about candle passing - my chapter always wondered why there was the five times around for pregnancy. None of the sisters was married, and pregnancy was almost unheard of on the campus at all. One week, we did a candle passing and people were getting really excited on round three, then a little shocked at round four, then unbelieving for round five - ~120 actives in a small space makes for some confusion. Finally, our chapter PRESIDENT "blew out" the candle and the whole chapter went crazy. Then she yells April Fool's!! It was such a funny practical joke on all of us. :D

I think we had a similar reasoning for passing it around once for friendship but we also had the option of blowing it out for a special friendship reason. My president did a similar practical joke on us - quite funny!!!

Here's an out of the lane question,
Has anybody experienced or heard of a couple going through one of those lavaliering/dropping/pinning ceremonies, and then breaking up a short time later? I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that announcement.

I got lavaliered by my TKE boyfriend of three years this past Sunday. He didn't do it at meeting or anything, he just had me close my eyes and put it on. It's so lovely and his chapter really isn't too fussy about it, especially since I've been around for practically forever.

In my chapter, you usually lavalier your little with the sorority letters after a year (or if you're leaving or going alumnae then when you do your alum ceremony since you may not be around if you don't live down here) I'm going to do one of my littles very soon, probably this Thursday. Usually the sisters do silver, but my boyfriend upgraded my original silver one that my big gave me to a gold one (since I was a REALLY good lil and am a very involved sister).

Phrozen - the girl who was lavaliered by a TKE - they broke up less than a year later and now she's engage to someone else.

Hmm, how about the other way around? Say the guy isn't in a GLO but the girl is, could she lavalier him?

The dreaded "Curse of the Lavaliere!"
With our dropping ceremony that is similar to some of the ones mentioned previously, that has DEFINITELY happened. Shortest period: one month. Sad story. She was then dropped again... this time, a different fraternity. Now she's engaged to a guy from home! More power to her because her powers of persuasion are unmatched! LOL

My big sis was dropped by her boyfriend of almost 4 years, but they were basically the worst couple together. They cheated on each other back and forth just for revenge and the only reason he dropped her was because she was bugging him about it and like 4 other girls had gotten dropped that same semester. This was last spring and they broke up this summer. Actually everyone who was dropped that semester broke up soon after. Now everyone's afraid to get "the curse of the drop" haha

I'm thinking about lavaliering my girlfriend and I don't really know how to go about it. I can't ask my brothers because they want to tree me and I think that they are mistaking lavaliering for pinning. Is that correct or am I mistaken? Do I lavalier her? do I make a ceremony out of it or what? Any help would be appreciated.

Beta Delta
Delta Tau Delta

alright i have a question thats been bugging me forever. what if the guy is in a fraternity but the girl isn't. can he drop her or do both of them have to be Greek?

can a guy drop a girl that isn't in a sorority???

Yes, unless it is expressly stated not to in his chapter or national by-laws. I've seen numerous non-Greek ladies dropped/lettered/etc.

I dont know what fraternity this guy is in ( I couldnt hear the words in the song) but this is a great example of what you're talking about. He pinned her and proposed in front of her entire chapter and I assume his too. I thought it was sweet.

Bryan Hay's Proposal Grab a chair because it's almost 8 minutes long. The "Awww-ing" girls get a bit annoying but overall it's pretty cool.:)

I'm not sure about everyone else but at our school we do it in a very different order-
1.) Pinning- this was explained to me as an outdated thing that people did in the 50's to show that the couple was "going steady"
2.) Lavalier- the guy can only acceptably do this once (may choose to do it twice if they like, but most people do not) this means that the girl is allowed to wear his letters and he must go through some sort of ritual for this (i.e. treeing :eek:) it is a very big deal and only a few girls receive it.
side note: promise rings are not done often and lavaliers normally replace this.
3.) Engagement- I think you can understand this. :)

Does anyone else do it this way too?

Thats how I have always understood it. I actually know a few girls who have been pinned by their boyfriends, but it was prior to engagements.

One thing I have always pondered...boys are only supposed to lavalier once...but what about girls accepting more than once?