Drop out or be persistent?
 

I am currently a new member. Everything is all good except for one thing. I have two young children who I bring to chapter meetings, which people didn’t seem to mind at first. Then, we had our pledging ceremony, the president made my kids leave the room. I thought she was being quite rude. They cannot stay outside in the halls by themselves, they are too young. That defeats the purpose of bringing my kids to chapter meetings, I might as well leave them home alone.

Since then, some of the actives told me that my children are a distraction and they don’t belong at the meetings. They also said it is inappropriate to bring my kids to parties. Dear son and dear daughter are very well behaved. I don’t see what the problem is.

The actives are wearing on my nerves, sometimes I debate if I should even stick with this sorority. On the other hand, I’m really enjoying myself. What can I do to persuade the actives to let me bring my children around?

Honestly, I'd agree with your chapter. Non members cannot be present during closed rituals, including children. That is a rule of your sorority. Can't you get their father to babysit or a family member? It is not appropriate to bring your children to sorority meetings or parties. You need to reexamine your priorities if you absolutely cannot get a babysitter.

definitely agree. sorry green+white, but they're right. it's absolutely not appropriate for them to be present during meetings, and especially during a ritual. bringing them to a meeting every once in a while would probably ok as an exception, not a rule. what is the problem with getting someone to watch them? if you have the money to go to college and pledge a sorority, i find it strange that you wouldn't have money to hire someone.

Figure out what your priorities are and check them at the door.

hmmm.... I have had children attend meetings, and I was ok with that on an occasional basis but it can be a distraction. Not necessarily because your kids are not well behaved, but because the other women will make faces at them, wave etc. It can be a distraction.

In terms of parties and ceremonies--I would unfortunately have to agree with the chapter. Purely from a legal perspective, having your kids present at any event increases the chapter's liability. If something should happen to one of them, for whatever reason, that would not be a good thing.

I was once in a ceremony where a member brought her two children. They were well behaved, but the two year old was wandering among the sisters standing with candles. I just kept imagining someone backing into her or worse, wax falling on her. I should have stopped it at the time by taking her out and watching her myself, but I didn't want to make a scene. I did make sure that it never happened again, and that may have meant that sister had to miss such opportunities. Ceremonies and rituals are meant to be special, solemn times.

In terms of what you should do--that I cannpt answer. Did the sisters tell you that it was ok to bring your children before you joined? What is the likelihood you could find child care?

Sorry, but your chapter is in the right here.

Why is the pledging ceremony considered as a closed ritual? We don't learn any secrets of our sorority yet.

I have my priorities straight. My kids are well fed, have decent name brand clothing, and a roof over their head. My family and my kids' father live in a different city. Babysitters ask for too much money.

That's the problem almost all of my money goes to tuition, sorority dues, food/clothing for my kids, and personal things for myself. After that, I do not have enough money left over babysitters when I go to sorority functions. I only use babysitters when I go to work, I can afford anything else.

My children are not dumb enough to get burned by candles. I don't see that as a problem at all.

No, the sisters did not tell me it was okay to bring my kids before I joined, but they didn't say the kids were prohibited.

Yes your children are perfect. Ok...they are telling you now that children are prohibited. So now you know and you have a decision to make.

Green+White,

I don't know your sorority makeup, but my guess is that many of these women do not have children. Have you considered meeting with the leadership and talking about solutions? They may not understand the difficulty in finding sitters and you may be able to find a resolution.

My bigger concern is that you will be spending the next few years (I'm guessing) involved in this chapter. Your children can be the most well-behaved, wonderful children and it still not be appropriate for them to attend some events, like formal chapters and date parties. Do you feel you have enough in common with these women to continue after the gifts and big sis reveals turn into hours-long recruitment workshops and committee meetings?

Only you can answer this one! Good luck!

Troll.

how old are your kids? and it doesn't take a dumb child to get burned, just a bored one. no matter how well behaved they are, i'm sorry--it's NOT appropriate for them to be present at rituals. you have to realize that you are not the only one affected. it's not fair to the girls you are initiating with to have a different experience than all the other pledge classes just because one girl needed to bring her kids. maybe you can work something out with a friend on campus that would be available in a pinch?

...wait...you WORK too? how the...whatever. i guess if you work hard enough you CAN have it all. but let me tell you something. there's this woman who is an interest for my sorority right now. she's fantastic; never misses anything--one of our favorite girls to go on. yet she has 2 young children. thing is...she WAITED until she was at a point in her life that her children wouldn't be a factor in her sorority experience. i don't understand why you wouldn't want to do the same. your sorority is such a personal thing...i don't get why you feel your children should be part of it.

Did the women you talked to during recruitment know you have two small children whom you would be bringing with you?

The sorority accepted you, not your children. I can imagine my chapter taking a woman who had children if she were a good fit, however I cannot imagine that we would allow her to bring her children to chapter. Sorority business concerns the members of a sorority, and it is no more apropriate to bring children to closed meetings than friends in different organizations, or your mother. If you can't afford a babysitter, you should reevaluate your expensive decision to pay dues to a sorority.

Second.

[That's the problem almost all of my money goes to tuition, sorority dues, food/clothing for my kids, and personal things for myself. After that, I do not have enough money left over babysitters when I go to sorority functions. I only use babysitters when I go to work, I can afford anything else.]

First of all, due to the fact that you have two children I'm sure you get a decent amount of financial aid. Secondly, if you do not have the means to hire someone to watch your children then maybe you should not commit to something as time consuming as a sorority. Use your common sense...children do not belong at chapter meetings, parties, or rituals; they're CHILDREN not mini-adults!

meh. i'm on the fence.

what does that matter??

anyways, i agree with your chapter. You need to figure out how to take care of your kids if you want to continue with ur sorority.

Simple answer: drop out

Bolded, underlined, italicized, Size 7-ed.

Do yourself and the chapter a favor.

DROP OUT.

Totally!

Why would someone assume it was okay to bring children simply because she wasn't told she can't?

If any kind of ritual is taking place (pinning/pledging, formal meeting, or initiation) the children should not be there.

If there's parties (exchanges/formals) they should not be there.

If it's a sisterhood event, it's for the sisters, and they should not be there.

Philanthropy events and informal meetings where the children sit in the back of the room and do their homework and don't interupt are the only events that I'd find children acceptable.

Without treading into the Membership Handbooks of any organization...

If the active sisters tell the OP not to bring the kids around and the OP gives them a hard time about it and still brings the kids around (based on the loophole that they didn't say kids were prohibited), who's to say the active sisters have to initiate her if they don't want to?

Reality check! Green+white...I can assure you that no matter how perfect you think your kids are, no one else thinks so. Apparently they are causing more of a problem than you think! As for the pledge ceremony....it is ritual...it is private, and as a pledge, you have no right to make judgements otherwise. Accept what the leaders of your sorority have told you or quit. It's that simple!

Troll.

If not, someone call Child & Protective Services in OP's state. She has no business taking young children to greek parties.

I'm not sure she is taking them to greek parties, but at no time should they be there during ritual

If you are a troll....please leave.

So, how about you skip the Tommy and Calvin Kline and Nautica and save the money for a babysitter??? If your kids are too young to stay by themselves, they're too young to be worried about whether they're wearing Ralph Lauren or Faded Glory.

Knocking on your door....
 

Personally, as a caseworker for Children & Youth-I agree....Why do parents think that because their child wears name brand clothes yet, they can't FEED them properly or care for their medical expenses then they must be great parents!!! After walking into more Deplorable home conditions than I can shake a stick at-I'm really disgusted at HOW MANY parents really need to re-prioritize. I have clients that can't afford a babysitter to ensure proper supervision so we don't go knocking on their door but, you better bet they have more food in their fridge and nicer clothes on their back than people with jobs, college degrees, etc.

If you can't balance both, it's not fair to the other girls-I agree with what has been said and I'm gonna' speak up-DROP OUT!!!

You wouldn't take your children to work with you (for the most part) so they could sit around and do nothing. So why would you take them to a sorority event. I applaud you for wanting to get involved but, if you have to choose between feeding your kids and finding them proper supervision over paying sorority dues-then you better take care of your kids....other wise-if you were in my county-I'd come knocking at your door making you sign a safety agreement or placing your children because you obviously think it's okay to take them to sorority events (which I'm sure we all know SOME EVENTS have alcohol)....and if you're doing anything inappropriate around your children-eventually you will have a caseworker knocking at your door....Trust me....

I second that.

I don't care how wonderfully behaved "dear daughter and dear son" are (WTH do people call their kids that anyway???!?!) they DO NOT BELONG AT SORORITY FUNCTIONS PERIOD!

Once? OK, fine. But every time????

That's like taking your kids to work with you from the first "Bring your kid to work day" until the day you retire.

We had an advisor bring her kids occassionally to a chapter meeting, but they were like 10 and sat in the back and did their homework or played quietly on their game boy. But, she was and advisor -- not an active sister and obviously not involved in some of the more social aspects of the sorority.

If, when I was going through my new member period and someone kept bringing their 2 kids -- no matter how old or how good, it would get annoying and I would feel like my new member period was being ruined by this chick and her kids -- who shouldn't be there.

I think you should talk to your exec board (or whatever your glo calls them) and if you are unable to come up with a reasonable solution, then drop out.

And seriously, if you can't afford to pay $20 for a babysitter to watch your kids for 2 hours while you are at pinning or at a meeting, then you really need to check your prioroities!

Good lord, this reminds me of my new member (colony) period. We had a 37 year old single mom who pledged with us. Which was fine and good. But instead of acting like a sister, she acted like our Mom. And anytime we tried to make plans, do socials, plan events "I cant, I have to take care of my daughter, that time isn't good for me, blah blah blah." It was always about her daughter. She depledged not too long afterwards...and then tried to join an NPHC. I hear that didnt go too well either.

I agree with the other folks, Get your priorities in line: Your children. The members of the sorority jou joined (notice, i did not call them your sisters) want women they can call a sister - not someone who's going to bring her kids to chapter meetings. if you want something like that, find a playgroup and mingle with the parents there.

These women are in college - they want to experience college for themselves - rather than having to worry about being a babysitter. I'm sure if they wanted screaming brats around all the time, they would have had some of their own already.

No disrespect to women who join orgs as older women - I was 23 when I joined....but those women should know their boundaries. I would have been PISSED if I had joined an organization that expected me to make my plans based around some woman's child(ren). I went to college to live life for me - not someone else.

I'm going to respond, even though I'm sure everyone who has called you a troll is right.

For that matter, why isn't your pledging ceremony open to the rest of campus? Why not invite your whole family to attend? It is considered closed because it is the first time NMs are welcomed, officially, to the practices of the sisterhood. It isn't meant for anyone other than initiated sisters and those who will someday be the same. Your kids weren't extended a bid, so the pledging ceremony isn't for them.

I beg to differ. When it comes to participation in a sorority, your priorities should include your sisters' (in your case, your future sisters') feelings. It doesn't appear that you're doing that.

If you cannot afford a babysitter during sorority functions, you shouldn't be going to sorority functions. Simple as that. Kids don't have any business being there, and it diminishes the experience for all the women who did get a babysitter (or don't have kids). You're being unfair... to everyone... including your kids.

one more vote siding with the chapter. children should not be at sorority parties, chapter meetings or ritual. it's not fair to the children and it is selfish of you to expect your children to be able to sit still through ritual, chapter meetings and parties and selfish of you to expect the sorority members to put up with it.

I am a single parent, my son is 10 and I would NEVER consider bringing him to ANY event.... He has a sitter on the nights I have events. All my future sisters want to meet my son, but he has no place in a greek house or at greek events. There is a time and place for everything, and that is not it. If any of my future sisters want to meet him, they can come to my personal house, not my greek family house, on their own time, not GPB time. Meetins, rituals, etc... that is time for the sisterhood.... if they want to meet my biological family... they can come over for dinner one night, if not, that's ok too. But you need to get your priorities straight and realize what is best for your kids. When my son was younger (under 5) his biological father would take him to his fraternity house, and he would sleep there. I was Pi$$ed... he had no place being there... period, and I still feel the same way now when I am the one involved.

Psst, you're a new member right? They're not your future sisters anymore :)

I know, but I'm not initiated yet, so I put future... I love my greek family... we all went to dinner last night before our fondue party.... I can honestly say even if I would not have gotten in, I think I would still end up being friends with this group....:o

You have a lot of nerve to think this way. I'm in a grad (or alumni) chapter and plenty of the women are married with children but they don't bring their kids to chapter meetings and events all the time and definitely not to rituals and ceremonies. I can't believe you are so selfish. Do the feelings of your future sisters mean anything to you? My advice is to wait until your children are older or until you can get a babysitter and pursue the sorority at that time.

Congratulations! That's what really counts. I'm happy for you. :)

amen!

That was one of the reasons they stayed my#1 all week... I just got the feeling like no matter what... they'd still be there.... if I made it into their sorority or not... they were honestly genuine....

It was only ONE party, and we left before midnight, when things tend to get rowdy.

Funny you mentioned those name brands. What are you trying to imply? Racist! :rolleyes:

I would also be angry if I did caseworking for a living...

Don't worry about alcohol and inappropriate behavior, again I only took them to ONE party! It was the first and last. Don't tell me that none of you never took your kids to an all adult party before.

That was uncalled for. I am not blind, my four year old can write smaller than that.

Personally, I think pledge rituals should be open to our family and other non-members. It is such a beautiful ceremony. Do you think weddings should be private?

Speaking of age, I am 23 also. While some of the sisters may be leaders, the majority are YOUNGER (and less wise) than I am. Hopefully when they get older, they will understand where I'm coming from.

Folks, the sisters and other pledges LOVE my children. They play and converse with them all the time. They are NOT just "putting up with it". :mad: :mad:

THEY ONLY BEEN TO ONE PARTY AND ONE RITUAL. You girls act like I do this constantly.

To avoid risk mangagement issues that you all mentioned, I guess I will compromise here. I will find babysitters when those events come up in the future. But I still don't see what's the problem with my children coming to chapter meetings. I will have ONE more talk with my chapter president, if she says "no", I guess I will go inactive until I find someone to take care of my children.