Why are less young men and women getting married?
 

What ever happened to going to college, having fun, meeting a nice girl, having a relationship, graduating, and then getting married?
Point: I thought that once I got to college I would meet a girl and "hook-up"....WRONG...so many college men and women get involved with losers outside of college who don't even have a clue about life or real careers. Every one they date is a "friend"(yeah right). They also party their lives away until they are 40 or so and then they wonder why they can't find love.
What's really going on? Are there any serious people who have family laurels and values towards marriage left?

i think that there are less and less of us who go away to college expecting to meet our future husband/wife there. i, for one, am not doing serious husband hunting (but then again i'm only a sophomore). i figure i'll have fun, hook up, and if i meet someone who i'd want to get engaged to, great, but i'm not really planning on it. i think that kids today no longer go to college as a means of getting the "mrs." degree. i know that's not why i'm there. i'm there to get a great education, become a more well-rounded human being, and to have fun. meeting my future husband at school is not an expectation that i brought when i started college, so i'm not stressing about whether or not i'll be married the summer after i graduate or whatever. in fact, the thought of getting married at 22 makes me shudder (even though my own parents did just that!). i'm 19 now but i still feel so young. i can't see how i would be emotionally ready to marry someone in 3 yrs, but that doesn't mean that i don't want what my parents have, someday in the more distant future (like age 25 or 26). getting married right out of college just doesn't seem to be taken for granted anymore, but i don't think that means that the basic values have changed. young people just want to enjoy their freedom and autonomy for a few more years, and i don't know why they shouldn't.

Unfortunately, many of my friends & classmates who got married right after college (i.e. followed that plan) are divorced. Granted, others are also still happily married, which is great! However, looking back (I'm 31, to give you a reference for how long some of those marriages didn't last.) I know I changed and grew tremendously right after college. Today, I'd pick a different person to marry than the types I was considering at 21 or 22. (Not that I was partying away college, I would have been happy to get married right out of school - that didn't work out and I know that was a good thing! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif )

[This message has been edited by BFulton (edited July 13, 2000).]

bfulton,


DITTO!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

Many college men and women today are out to have fun, yes, but are not planning for the future as far as marriage goes. Most of the people I know have mapped out their future career wise, and have planned on not marrying untill after they are out of school and financial/career stable. In today's world I've noticed that people are all about planning things. Planned pregnancy, planned career, planned. . . Everything! It's not that often that someone just flies by the seat of their pants anymore. Our parents, and I mean our parents as in my generation (I'm 22), weren't like that. They graduated high school, got married, had kids, and pretty much none of it was planned, or at least most of it wasn't.

Ahem,
I must take exception to "meeting losers outside of college"....I met my wife outside of school - she never went to college, and, has a better head on her shoulders and grasp on reality than many college graduates that I know. Last I heard, college was no longer the realm of women looking for the "MRS" degree. My wife has a "PHT" (Put husband through) degree - and she worked much harder than most students to help us get to where we are today. Don't judge people based simply on their education level....

Well said, your wife has a wonderful husband and I'm sure that she is a supportive and wonderful wife as well

I think a couple of reasons are that the economy is very different today, and that a Bachelor's Degree just doesn't cut it anymore. Once you have that BA or BSc then its off to Grad school or a professional school and so on. Of course that could be just a Canuck point of view http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

blu...
Thanks so much for confirming what I already know about my wife! She got a kick out of the original post....

Thanks!

Mikki - regarding planning everything in one's life. I, too, had made many plans, along with my wife. However, I sincerely believe God has a different plan, and, a sense of humor about it. Every plan we made, were changed by circumstances beyond our control - two unexpected (but extremely blessed gifts) children, career plans that never materialized as I had "planned" them to, taking 8 years to finally buy a house, etc...etc...etc...

My point? So what, my "plans" didn't pan out in any way, shape, or form. However, I wouldn't trade what has happened for anything, nor to get "plans" back on track. Basically, living by the seat of one's pants has been a terrific ride. Trust in God, and all ends well. Live each day as your last (but responsibly as well) -

I'm reflecting on this more deeply than I thought - tonight I attended a funeral for someone who's life was cut too short, tragically. Life is to precious to take for granted, or, to plan out every little detail - don't sweat the small stuff, and, life is all small stuff when you really think about it.

I thought bringing this back would be better than posting a new thread. Um...
I don't like family values. Really at all. I want to be married and divorced at least five times.

Billy, are you being serious?

Wow...yeah, Billy are you being serious?? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

I guess I'm just one of those hopeless romantic types! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif Call me antiquated, too traditional...BUT, when I get to college, in the back of my mind, I would love it if I truly met my SWEETHEART. (like LXAAlum.) But I know that the possiblity of that happening is very slim. So I'm not gonna go through college just waiting for my sweetheart to come and sweep me off my feet http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif, BUT, I wouldn't mind!!!!!!!

I read too many fairytales as a kid!! LOL....

Yeah I am serious. Its not Ideal, and even though i'm an idealist, I've managed to pull my head out of the clouds long enough to realize it just won't work out. I got strung along for about three years by someone who swore she wanted to marry me. So I just kindof have a feeling that it'll take me a while, and that there will be misunderstanings, or complete lack of any understanding, in at least the first try. Maybe that was an exxageration, but I just am not too optimistic about marriage number one. But number two, or three....It'll be great!!!!!!!

It's funny because I work in a jewelry store where I spend a lot of time with customers. I see a wide variety of couples...some so young they're still in high school, some years apart in age and others that are so old you wouldn't suspect them being there to look at engagement rings...but they are.
I guess sometimes I feel the wedding bells chime - in place of biological clock - and wonder when my big day will come. It's hard to put into perspective when people tell me I have so much time and then think to how my mom just had me after she was MY age -21.
I feel that romance is lost and that people hurt people too much for me to believe in long lasting love...although I'm the fighting type that won't give up on a relationship til it's outta my hands. I do not believe in love at first sight anymore, and I definately do not believe that there is just ONE person meant for me...I believe there are many.
OH, and another odd thing...
I see so many couples come into my store...couples my age or a little older...wanting outrageously priced rings. It's so funny because there are these college kids wanting to spend a fortune on their rings and then there are 40 something couples wanting to just upgrade their old wedding sets for the same price...difference is they've been married 20 some years before getting their rocks.
I JUST DON'T GET IT.

I agree with Mikki http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Our society has definitely revolutionized since the sixties. People now days are definitely more focused on planning and getting their careers in order. At least that seems to be the norm. College really isnt the time to meet your mate or really date seriously anyway. For some it works I guess, but not for most students. I believe most of it revolves around timing and everyone has their own path. Some people hit it off in college and others marry much later for whatever reason. I think its sort of a blessing now days that people are marrying older with the way the divorce rate is. I'm believe if I ever marry it will be only once. At my age I'm hearing that many people are sick of getting burned, ladies wanting a guy thats thoughtful and commited(One that will accept you for who you are regardless of your strengths or weakness), and not one thats a game player. Plus, women have that biological clock that only ticks for so long.

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited April 25, 2001).]

Well I guess I'm one of those "losers" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif then. Yep..I'm only 22, graduating in a few weeks...and YES, I'm getting married this fall, to my honey of five years. I also believe that there is a right time for everything, and that God always has a plan. So I'm marrying at 22...

Anyway I love my guy, and I would not trade him for anything in the world. He is IT for me! And--I'm still working even though I'm getting married...who said that young married couples can't have great careers too???!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif

Jacqueline

You know, it's really just different for everyone. My mom was married at 16, her mom (my grandma) at 14 http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

My older brother was 21, my younger sister was 19 ( http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif again!)

I, on the other hand, don't really see marriage anywhere in my future, at least not for another 10 years or so. I see marriage as more of a convention for those people who want to raise families. (I'm not knockin it, families are great. Just not what I'm interested in).
I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and it's just not something we're ready for. (Never say never, though, right? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif)

There's a great line in the movie St. Elmo's Fire where Ally Sheedy is talking about how she's unsure of getting married.. I have to paraphrase, cause I can't remember it exactly:

Marriage was invented when people only lived to be 35, and the rest of your life was only 10-15 years.

You get the point. My philosophy is that I have a long time left before the rest of my life is only 10-15 years. And if my time comes sooner, I know I won't regret not being married.

------------------
SilverTurtle@greekchat.com

Phi Beta Fraternity
Phi chapter

Well, I'm a total romantic...so I would love it if I met my future husband in college! However, I have a wonderful boyfriend right now (well, maybe not lately http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif ) but anyway...I think I would be pretty happy marrying him in the future...

I actually have wanted to get married at 24 yrs. of age ever since I was a little girl. Don't know why I picked that number though! But I won't get discouraged if I don't marry by then...I intend to have a happy life no matter what--and I hope to have a very successful career, young marriage or not!

CARROT, congratulations girl!!!!!!! I didn't know you were getting married so soon (in the fall)! Congrats again to you and Jack, and I KNOW that you will totally kick a$$ as an Interior Designer!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by newbie (edited April 26, 2001).]

I'm almost 27 now, and I know I won't be married before I'm 30. My last serious girlfriend and I were together for 3 years, and we broke up a year and a half ago (doesn't feel like it's been that long). Bottom line is, I haven't found that person who I want to spend the rest of my life with yet. I'm pretty sure I will someday though.

My brother is getting married in 3 weeks, and his fiance is 21. My sister is 23, and she's getting married in September. That's really young. I can't imagine getting married at that age. But I'm happy for them. They both found the one special person while they were in school.

The clock is ticking for me, I know that...

My sister was married at 21, he was 23. That was 12 years ago and three children later....She and my brother-n-law are still at/in it...

they have purchased a home, sold it, and are NOW building a home...

So, I guess it's all in what you put into it...

Who knows....

I am a hopeless romantic and believe that my soulmate is somewhere out there. I haven't met him yet, which is absolutely fine with me. I am sure I'll meet him when the time is right.
I was in a serious relationship for about 2 years and it was wonderful, but I was too young. At 19, there was so much out there for me to experience, so we broke up. I went away to school, joined a sorority, and now I totally feel like I have experienced the whole "college life." I have also grown up alot. I am 22 now and about to graduate (in less than a week)and I still feel too young to be settled down in a relatonship. Sure, I date, but nothing too serious. I just figure that I have the rest of my life to be married, so there is no need to rush it now. I guess, as me and my friends describe it, I am at the point in my life where it's "ME" time. I have lots of time to worry about the marriage stuff later! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Newbie, you rock sweetheart!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif Thank you so much! Yes, I'm very excited about the upcoming wedding...but preparations are soon gonna be hectic, let me tell you! But i'm having so much fun, especially with dress-shopping with my bridesmaids, and planning the whole thing! Jack is awesome...I love him so much!

I am actually taking a class that is very involved in this subject. THe divorce rate is high...but it is also misleading becuase 70% of divorced people get remarried. And it is all marriages ever...over many years...not just one. So it's not like 50% of the people this year got divorced....it's 50% of people ever (a lot of which were couples that had been married 20+ years). Society has also become more accepting of POSSLQ (this is an actual term refering to Persons (of) Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters) This has led to less people feeling the need to become married. THey just live together without taking that final step. More women are also going to college and no longer feel or the pressure to get married right out of high school. Also, more and more people are going for advanced degress....starting in 1990 about 40,000 people a year recieve a PhD. This pushes back plans of marriage and children.

------------------
pass that old silver goblet with the Phi Mu upon it and we'll all have another round of *cheer* cuz it's not for knowledge that we came to college but to have fun while we're here!

[This message has been edited by DBPM04 (edited May 05, 2001).]