Military Spouses, Parents and Families
 

A few weeks ago, someone suggested that I start a thread for military spouses and family members (Thank you SoCaGirl!) so that we can connect to one another and share our common experiences of GLO membership and being related to the military. I know of at least one other military spouse who frequents GreekChat but I am sure there are more. I don't know if anyone is interested, but I am going to give it a go. Maybe this can be a place where we can share our stories or at least come to know who else may be in the same boat , no pun intended. Maybe we can even answer each other's questions.

My story. Today is my sixth wedding anniversary to my Navy Chief (E-7)husband. He has been in the service for 14 years. He left several weeks ago for a deployment and should return in December. I have already sent four care packages, and about 10 cards to him.

So what is your military connection?

Married to a West Point grad. 2% Club Member. Stationed at the Pentagon forever-and-a-half.

Married to the Army, er, my captain, o captain ;) for 8 years, stationed in Germany right now. Just got done with a 14 month deployment. Hope it's a long time before deployment #3... to those who have spouses away right now, stay strong!

And Happy Anniversary, LPIDelta!

I live with a couple of Marines and I'm sort of considered honorary family. I jokingly call myself "the house wife" as I look after everything while they're gone. There was a third Marine but he PCS'd in February. The other two have already been out and back again from Iraq and one of them is going to have to do another round in Feb. 08.

I'm also "mother hen" to some 200 midshipmen, cadets, and officer candidates. While I'm proud of them when they ship out, I always think of them and their safety.

.....Kelly :)

Hubby is separating from the Air Force after 7 years. He may possibly be doing the Reserves, but only Air Force or Air National Guard. We shall see.

Thanks--I spent the day at work and the night on a plane to go to a sorority meeting!! WOO HOO! But, I am sure my husband and I will do something fun when he gets home.

navane--I did not know this about you, thanks for sharing.

Thanks everyone for the responses so far.

Married to a USNA graduate; Class of '87. He is a Commander in the reserves and is currently in some country I'm not *supposed* to know the location until October.

My best friend in college and forever is an Army MP and she's doing her thang over in Iraq until next February. I keep her well stocked with goodies and magazines :)

Off the top of my head I can think of 16 of my husband and my friends who are deployed at the moment. I try to be a great letter writer and keep them all in my prayers.

Wow, all these military spouses. I can't imagine how it feels to have your spouse deployed. I know my heart breaks whenever I find out a friend or relative is going. I'm an Air Force brat. My mom has been in forever and my nearly brand new step-father is also in the Air Force, though he is looking to retire soon and find a nice calm civilian job. It's really tough for me to watch the news because it feels like everytime they mention Iraq it is bad news and too many times it has been about someone I know. I feel lucky that my mom is an officer and has only been deployed to the Middle East twice since the conflict started. And luckily she was stationed in Qatar both times. Everytime I fly home to visit I see men and women in BDUs at the airport and I almost always stop and say a little prayer (I can tell by now which are leaving and which are coming home, such a different expression on their faces). I've also gotten great a letter writing and sending tiny care packages with pictures and such over to everyone.

I'd like to know if military life helps or hinders your participation in your GLO, or vice versa. I know if any of y'all are in my boat with all the moves, then it has definitely got to be a juggling act!

scbelle--I have a story that kind of relates to your question. I was at the Chi Omega Panhellenic Luncheon during their convention a few years back and my hostess also happened to be a Navy wife from a few hours away. As we talked through lunch, she said something that really stuck with me. She said, "Chi O is something that I take with me. No matter where we have moved, there have been Chi O sisters to welcome me." *ah, tear*

I often think about how true that has been in my life. During my transition the last time we moved, I thank God I had my DPhiE volunteer work to keep me sane when I struggled to find the right job. To have something familiar and fulfilling to work on made me feel better.

Fortunately, my positions with the sorority have been portable--not regionally based. Since we have alumnae chapters only in major areas, alumnae involvement in DPhiE tends not to center around alumnae associations but on volunteering internationally.

Now I am not sure how that would change if we moved overseas--but I am sure the sorority would come up with something that I could do!

See, I think that's so great! Of course there are the military groups that one can get involved with (ACS, Red Cross volunteers, PWOC or the Catholic equivalent), but I think it would be awesome to have sisters anywhere I go. I just moved to Heidelberg, and there are not any GLOs around that I know of. I am thinking of helping to reactivate the Beta Sigma Phi chapter that was here, but that will be a long time in coming. I've got to find more interest! :) But I'd love to know what other GLOs (NPC or otherwise) do internationally... I have to say that I am quite impressed with SK, as they have a very active European alumnae group! Do other groups do this?

Our European Alum chapter could totally school every other Alum chapter on how to do things. They clean up on awards at convention. I'm sure when they go back through customs they get interesting questions about the wide array of silver trays, candlesticks, etc.

I'm a Navy brat! My dad did 30 years and my mom did 3 back in the day.

For a military family we didn't move around too much but it was enough to impress civilians. ;) I find it bizarre that someone can live in one place all their lives. Why would anyone want to do that! :)

a good friend i met the first night at radford (later we were brothers) is a green beret officer in central asia.

A really close brother is leaving in the next week or two for Iraq.

ETA:

I know it's not the "same" as being an immediate family member of active service personel, but still...I hope they come home.

Like the ChiO Navy wife, I love connecting with my GLO's alumnae associations whenever and wherever we move. It's one of the first calls I make when the telephone is connected at our new home. :)

Hey scbelle--how are you doing with the recent revelations of a terror plot in Germany? Hope you're ok!

Married to a 1979 West Point grad. (he's also an Aggie & a Longhorn). Have lived in 10 states. Usually each assignment is 2 years but some have been 9 months (really hard on the kids). My D went to 3 different High Schools and my son went to 2. It sucked for them b/f the internet was invented but now their Facebooks show friends in all 50 states. D is in an SEC sorority and son will soon be a lieutenant in the Air Force. I'm now an empty nester and bored. I'm always baffled by the girls who want to go to the same college as their H.S. friends and join the same sororities. It's like tring to hold on to your childhood. I say "cut the ties, make new friends, and see the world".

Thanks for the thoughts! I'm doing well over here. I was a little freaked out when the news broke, especially since the towns they were looking at attacking were towns that I have visited/are nearby. But, if the Polizei are tracking down the remaining suspects, then I have no fears. They put a hurtin' on people! :p My husband had a SPC in his unit that was beat with billy clubs by the polizei for breaking into his own house!

Well I am glad you're doing well scbelle and that you feel secure. I know it must not be easy being overseas when something like that comes up.

Happy military news
 

One of my favorite students (Tri-Delt) is married to a Marine who missed the birth of his son because he was in Iraq. He didn't get to see Jake until he was 3 months old. He was again deployed - and Whitney was again pregnant. I don't know what all was involved, but they got John home from Iraq in time for Olivia's birth last Wednesday! We are all thrilled!

That's great that he was able to do that, because it cannot always happen.

My husband always jokes that we are going to get pregnant, he will go on a 6 month deployment, and get back just in time for the birth so that he has to miss all the complaining!

www.thisisforthesoldiers.org

A friend forwarded this petition to me -- it is to solicit help from Congress to get our vets quicker mental health attention when they come home from combat.

I myself am an army reservist... married to an active duty guy. We live on post and it has been an interesting experience. Still pretty new to the whole military lifestyle-- we have not quite been in for two years. LOL

Thanks for your service orchid2!

Thank you for posting that. I think it's a disgrace if we ask people to put their lives on the line for us and then don't support them properly when they come home wounded/traumatised/etc (Walter Reed, etc.) I shall go sign that petition now.

Another great org that is committed to helping vets who come back from war traumatized is Give an Hour. If you (or any people you know) happen to be counselors, social workers, therapists, etc.,they can sign up to donate at least one hour a week for servicemembers (and their families) who are dealing with problems stemming from their service. www.giveanhour.org

Navy Wife right here :)

I didn't think to search for a thread that already existed, duh! Ok, just ignore the thread I started over in D&R. My boyfriend is a captain in the Army and will be pcs-ing to Ft. Campbell after Christmas and the unit he's assigned to has already deployed which means he will too once he gets there.... I dated a deployed soldier once before but we broke up while he was over there. The relationship with my current boyfriend is much more serious though, so I'm really hoping we can keep it together while he's gone...

SthrnZeta:

The good news, communication is much easier than it used to be before email, so that should you keep your relationship going. If you're committed to each other, you can make this work. The bad news--sometimes operations take them away from email or email goes down, so you'll need some patience, but it is better than waiting for the US Postal Service.

Speaking of the Post Office--they have a set of boxes you can order for care packages. It contains three sizes of boxes, two of which are flat rate, mail for $8. You also get address lables, customs forms and a huge roll of tape so there is no need to buy anything. It's free, and I got mine by calling the postal service. It was delivered right to my front door. And, of course, he'll be able to send you mail for free, so send along some paper, pens and envelopes for him.

Hopefully his unit FRG (Family Readiness Group) will be open to keeping you in the loop (most are open to girlfriends, as long as the solider gives the contact info). The FRG will help you know what's going on and frequently shares details of when the unit is coming home, celebrations etc. If nothing else, there is a board over on military.com for families and friends, and the people there seem really supportive. You might give that a look.

I feel fortunate--my husband calls me pretty often, at least once a week, if not more. We get to talk for at least 15-20 minutes, which is enough to catch up on things. Its weird--the frequency he calls almost makes me feel like he's not really where he is...and its made this whole thing easier. Hopefully your boyfriend will have access to phone as well.

There are some women on GC with LOTS of mil spouse experience, so don't be afraid to reach out and ask. We'll be thinking about you and him.

LPI, thanks for that post. I have a little experience with this as I said before (back in 2004) so I know all about the importance of letters and care packages. I'll definitely check out the freebie package from the USPS - neat idea! He's an officer and he's comm. so it shouldn't be too hard to hear from him I wouldn't think. I just have to make sure he puts me on the FRG list so I'll be in the know. The other guy didn't and I was lucky enough to find some people on an online forum who were willing to give me some info since their hubbies were in the same unit. I actually have already started checking out the military.com forums - I wish I could remember the forum I used to be on back in '04! Oh, well, this forum may be just as good or better than that other one I used. I figured there were probably a lot of women in my situation on GC so I'm glad I found this thread. Thanks so much for the support. I'm sure I'll be posting more on the topic as the day approaches (like I said, sometime in January I think...) but he'll be leaving the area after Christmas and we'll most likely spend New Years at Ft. Campbell (although I hear it's near Nashville so that could be fun!).

I LOVED being stationed at Ft. Campbell. It was a great 2 years for us. It's on the border of KY/TN so all stores and restaurants are in Clarksville, TN. Nashville is about an hour away. Hopkinsville KY was a cute little town with some good restaurants. Where is he stationed now?

He's at Ft. Gordon now for his Capt Career Course and wants to stay because his family is only 3 hours away in Canton, GA. but he didn't get into the 53 course. He was at Ft. Hood before which was a long way away from family and was in Iraq for a year and only got back just about a year ago. He's very angry to have to deploy again and wants to get out and go Guard when he does (his contract is up about the time he gets home from this deployment). I just don't want him to leave at all - we will only have been dating about 6 months when he moves to Campbell and he's supposed to deploy sometime in February which would put us at 8 months. We've decided to stay together while he's gone but I'm worried the relationship won't last and this is a guy I can see myself marrying - and he has said the same thing. When he comes back it'll be like starting over! At the same time though, I feel like I need more of a commitment before he leaves so I feel more secure in the relationship - not necessarily getting married, but engaged maybe...? My parents feel the same way, my dad even said he'd like to see us married before he leaves for a lot of reasons (not just the benefits) but I don't think that's an altogether great idea. Of course, my parents grew up in a different time (they're both in their 60's) so it's hard to relate sometimes...

Well, maybe you could at least get engaged before he leaves *wink, wink*

The reason I say that is because I know that as an FRG leader, we weren't allowed to share information with girlfriends of soldiers because they are not "family." The information that we sent (and meetings that we held) were for the spouses or fiancees of the soldiers. Other FRGs may give a little leeway, I don't know. I just remember our BN (battalion)commander saying that for OPSEC (operational security) reasons, we couldn't give out info to someone who was just a girlfriend.

Sorry, I had to go through and clarify the acronyms... they take over my speech and I forget not everyone knows what they mean!! :p

I didn't know Fiances had more knowledge than girlfriends - I always thought it was whomever the soldier put on the list to receive info, but from the few women I know who belong to FRG's, they tend to favor direct family and spouses/fiances for sure. I just don't even know how to broach that subject. We talked over dinner the other night and I voiced my concerns over the security of our relationship and I honestly feel like we're ready to get engaged but I didn't say that exactly. My father would certainly feel better about it. I just don't wanna be pushy but I'd feel a lot better about us as a couple and about being able to find out stuff about his unit and important dates, not to mention just keep in touch with other families. I told my Mom I thought it'd be better coming from my dad, but now I'm not so sure... (we have dinner there every Sunday so my dad and he talk a lot already, usually about electronics, etc.) And I appreciate the acronym translations, I've been out of the Army loop for a while so I don't remember them all, and I'm sure I'll need to know as many as possible! Any advice on how to talk about getting engaged...?

SthrnZeta~ Be open and honest with him. :) But I have a feeling you don't really need to say anything--from what you've said, it sounds like he may be thinking the same thing??? You have lots of time before February...and the holidays are usually a great time for engagements. Why not wait and see what happens, and if no engagement comes by New Years, then talk to him?

On a personal front, I have a long list of situations that have happened that would only happen when my husband is deployed, and this weekend it was a doozy. Possums have invaded my yard, and one of my three dogs got one Saturday morning. At first, I thought it was a frayed rope toy, but then I remembered that we don't have a rope toy right now. Sure enough, dead possum. And of course the dog kept trying to bring it to me!

So I called the city, and they pick up dead animals, but only if they are at the curb. So I act a little "girly" for a while trying to think of a big strong man to call to come take care of the dead possum, before I finally "man up" and take care of it myself. I use a shovel to put him in a bag and the city picked him up from the curb about an hour later. I walked the yard and crawled under the deck to see where the possums might be living, but no sign of anything. Meanwhile, I keep an eye on the dogs to make sure they are ok, and all is well... until last night.

I left for about an hour and left the dogs out in the yard so they could get their last runs in before the week starts. I see the same dog carrying something--yup, another possum! I couldn't find a flashlight so I used to candle to inspect. I get the dogs in the house, get the shovel and a garbage bag, and package the little guy up again. Called the city for pick up in the morning. But something was bugging me. I wondered if he was just "playing possum"--but when I was trying to shovel him up I flipped him over so many times, I was convinced that he had to be dead. Out to the curb, but I left the bag open a little, just in case.

This morning, went outside and the bag was still there, but the possum was gone. Upon inspection of the bag, he had left a little present. Its possible something else got him, but I don't really think so. The possum was gone, and likely will turn up in my yard again tonight! The good news is, I am now an official possum wrangler!

Of course, none of this would happen if my husband were home.... :) If he came home tomorrow, we would never see another possum again!! Ah, I love deployments...

LPI, that's an excellent idea - really puts my mind at ease :) We were driving down Milledge in Athens, GA (where all the Greek housing is at UGA) and I was making a comment about how if I ever have a daughter I'm gonna get her all the ZTA legacy stuff and how neat it would be to be at her initiation if she went ZTA and he was saying how he hopes his kids go to UGA like he did, etc. and he definitely slipped up and said "our kids" more than once ;) And he agreed with me that he was thinking marriage in the future for us, but I don't know if he'll want to make that commitment before he leaves - I would just feel better if I had a stronger commitment when he left for my own piece of mind. Being able to look down at my finger and remember we have that to look forward to sure would be nice, ya know?

Your possum story was hilarious, btw! Typical that you have stuff like that when he's gone - what am I gonna do with all the spiders when he's gone???

My husband and I are both Navy veterans. I served 1999-2003, he served 1997-2007 (he separated August 30th, we got married a month ago today).

Ever since I separated in 2003, I've continuously supported servicemembers through adoptaplatoon.org. I went on 2 deployments during my time in, and received care packages and letters from random people. I promised I would do the same thing for other servicemembers. I'm currently supporting my 6th servicemember in the 4 years since I've been out.

hello ladies I too am a Military Spouse, we just pcsed here at the end of August to the UK, I am not a GLO member, but I am looking into it but i wanted to focus on school for a full two years before i decide on it, might as well i have 4 years here to accomplish alot of goals in that time. My Husband is Air Force we met while stationed at Ramstein and got married back in 2002. I recently separated from active duty and chose to be a mom and a student.

Well, I have an update on the Christmas plans... he wants to exchange gifts before he leaves to go traveling with his family for Christmas. I am a total snoop and when he left his ebay SN up on my computer, I had to see what he was buying (plus he told me my gift came from ebay) and I saw what he's getting me for Christmas - a Coach purse I've been eyeing. Still, a very nice and thoughtful gift, not a ring, but still very cool. AND we ended up buying a townhouse/condo and we close next month right before he leaves. Sooo... my point is that we've definitely made a huge commitment and he continues to make comments about our future when he returns (we'll have two incomes, our next house we'll use the VA, etc.) so I'm not too worried now. He doesn't seem to like the fact that the listing agent for the house assumes we're engaged though... So yeah, I'd still like to get engaged before he leaves but I get the feeling this deployment may be a test for me. Any thoughts??

I'm cynacle when it comes to men and the military, I guess it comes from being active duty and seeing it first hand. Commitments are good, the townhouse thing sounds like a step in the right direction...but even still. Deployments blow, and you gotta be able to trust your man, and I can tell ya, that's hard. Not necessarily because you feel you cant trust him, but because deployments are long, and time away from home is hard, and the light at the end of the tunnel never seems to close in, etc etc. I only endured one deployment from the "significant other" side of things, and it was by far the hardest, most difficult thing I had EVER been through in my life. I got weekly phone calls that always got cut off because of the satellite, email would be down for days or weeks on end, and mail was slow. Thank god for technology, because before the days of email, I dont know if I could have been one of those perfect little girlfriends waiting patiently at home.

Here'c the cynacle part of it - you mentioned that deployment may be a test for you....in my eyes, thats unfair. Because to me, that says he can go tromping around overseas, doing whatever the hell he wants, and could ultimately decide, "Nah, she's not for me" and then, you've just wasted 6 months, a year, whatever - waiting patiently on him to come home, only to find out he's a bastard who's going to say goodbye. I dont blame you for wanting to be engaged first either - thats what I told my then-boyfriend, when we started having "the talk." It was summer 2005, he was leaving in May 2006 for deployment. I told him I honestly didnt think I could be "just a girlfriend" while he was on deployment. I told him I wasnt going to waste my time for something that wasnt a sure thing. Sure, engagements can break up too, but I guess I'm just one of those people that feel like if you're engaged, you're going to work a little bit harder at keeping things together, rather than just saying "screw you, I want to break up."