Re-Rushing
 

Hi All

I previously wrote in the section for the sorority that i was interested in but some girls messaged me and told me that it would be best if i wrote on this section and didn't name names, and i have to say, i agree!

Okay so here is my long complicated story:

First semester freshmen are not allowed to rush until the spring, so thats what i did. I went through formal rush last semester. My school only has 5 sororities. When i rushed, i simply feel in love with the "Alpha" house, and i really saw myself fitting in with them. The other three houses Beta, Gamma, and Kappa, i liked, but was not in love with. Then there were the Sigma's. I could sense them rushing me really hardcore. They are one of the smaller chapters, kind of awkward and never ever reach total or get quota, so my school tailors the formal rush system in order to help them get more girls.

Well for pref night, i got invited to Alpha and Sigma only. I was really excited about Alpha, but disappointed that i did not get Beta Gamma or Kappa. But i went to Alpha and Sigma's pref parties anyway.

In the end, i suicided myself and only put Alpha on my bid card. On bid day i went to the greek life office and was told by my Rho Gam that i did not get a bid. My Rho Gam was actually in Alpha. She told me her sisters absolutely loved me.

She also said that Sigma wanted to offer me a bid. No girl put sigma on their bid card, and there were a RECORD NUMBER of suicide bid, and thus a record number of girls who did not get placed. So every single girl that suicided was automatically given a bid to Sigma and about 3 girls actually decided to pledge them. I was not one of those girls. I decided to not to go with a sorority that i was not interested, probably de-pledge and then have to wait a full calender year until rushing again.

My Rho Gam told me to def rush again next semester. Throughout the rest of the semester, her sisters would constantly tell me how much the wished they could have taken me and would invite me to eat lunch with them all the time.

However, last semester, i started hanging out with the Beta girls as well. Even though they didn't invite me to their pref. night, they were super nice to me. I started hang out with them all the time. Going off campus with them and clubbing. I started really feeling a connection with them that i did not experience during rush.

Here is my problem. I am rushing again this upcoming semester for Informal rush and i plan to attend Alpha and Beta events. But i have a lot of concerns:

1. If i get a bid from Alpha and Beta, and accept Beta's bid, how will that make Alpha feel after all the nice things they said to me after rush.

2. If i rush Beta, i fear they might be like: we didn't want you the first time, cant you take no for an answer? Even though i hang out with them does not nec. mean they want me to be a sister....

3. I cannot help but feel bitter that Beta did not invite to pref night. What about me did they not like?

4. If i accept Alpha's bid over Beta, will the Beta girls stop talking to me now?

i am very very confused and i would appreciate any guidance.

What AXiDGirl10 said!

Good advice!
 

You have gotten some very good advice from AXiDGirl10!!:)

Informal recruitment is usually very different from formal, and can allow you to see chapters and sisterhood in an entirely new light. You may find that you fall in love with the Sigmas, or you may discover that the Gammas or the Kappas are your true home. Keep an open mind, accept every invitation you can, meet as many sisters as possible, look to see who else the groups are recruiting (your new member class).

You will never know why you weren't invited to pref with Beta, but please don't let it hurt your confidence or your self-esteem. It may be that they sensed your enthusiasm for Alpha. Every sorority wants girls who want THEM. Or, they may have a history of large returns to pref parties and had to make some heavy cuts in order to meet panhellenic return number guidelines. Perhaps the sisters who knew you best were not very vocal in MS----you will never know. Cuts always hurt, no doubt about it, but they are not always a sign that the sorority didn't like or admire you. Most sororities see many potential members as desirable--they just can't invite them all back.

Another word of caution--partying and clubbing with people doth not a sisterhood make. You might find that you enjoy socializing and clubbing with a certain group, but that doesn't necessarily mean you will enjoy living with them, working on philanthropy and MS with them, making difficult decisions with them, perhaps knowing them for the rest of your life (many of my chapter sisters are now in alumni groups and on chapter advisory boards together and their daughters are chapter sisters in the same house. For many sorority women, it is truly a lifetime commitment that goes far beyond social compatibility--although that is certainly important ;).)

Good luck with informal!! I hope you have a wonderful experience. You never know where it will lead.

Best of luck to you, and try not to worry. You're overanalyzing it a little bit... it's totally normal given the uncertainty of being a second time around PNM but I think you'll be okay if you relax a little. I bet most of your fears will end up being unfounded. :)

ETA: FABULOUS advice, AXiDGirl.

Thank for all the help you guys! i will def be sure to tell you how it goes!

hey you guys! my rush is beginning in two weeks and i have a quick question. even if a sorority invites you to come out to their informal rush events, is it bad to go to all of them. Like will it make me look desperate if i go to every single event a certain sorority is hosting? i am a little confused as to how to go about informal rush :\

sophomore rush
 

I actually have a different perspective. I went through as a freshman, preffed my "fav" and two others. At the encouragement of my Rho Chi, rankes all three and got my third choice. I wasn't happy with it and she was kind enough to come let me know ahead of time that I was offered my third--which I declined.

Open rush was not reall common except for the two that were my "two others" so it was pointless.

I actually went through rush again as a sophomore and had a GREAT time. It was awkward going in the house I declined but they were very professional about it. They dropped me of course.

I had really good friends in all of the others (went to the lake in the summer between, etc) and it doesn't mean much I'll tell you. The ones you know only have one vote each. I pledged one that I didn't know much about my freshman year but that was SO great and fun. It was totally meant to be. I was actually living with three of them while rushing my sophomore year (which believe it or not we didn't cheat until the night before bid day they told me I was in) and it was SO SO SO fun running up the hill to them.

ANYWAY, sophomore rush isn't necessarily doom and gloom as I ended up with what I thought was a much better sorority than I would have with open rush.

Hope this helps!

Gosh, I have been reading posts and all these girls have already gone through rush and have been placed or not placed :( ... and im so so nervous cause my rush starts this week! my mom took me out to get my nails and hair done and we went to coach, vera bradley, american eagle, and banana republic to get all of my outfits in order. i am so nervous about this... i hope everything works out this time....

good luck!!

Good luck!!! Keep your chin up and keep us posted!

Go to every event you can if you really love one chapter. That way you'll get to talk to different sisters everytime and they'll get to know you. As we all know, and you've seen, formal recruitment is tough because most of the chapter has to go on the word of the 1 or 2 girls who met you and talked with you for 20 minutes.
It doesn't look desperate at all, it means you're taking a real interest in their sisterhood. I'd be flattered if a PNM (who was normal!) came to all our events because she loved my chapter so much.

hi ladies! i have a question. okay... next week both alpha and beta are having events on the same day. beta's event starts and 5 and alpha's event starts at 6. so i was thinking of going to beta's and then to alphas. i just found out that both events will be happening at the our Campus Student Union Center, beta on the 4th floor and alpha in the basement, but in a very open space where all the food/restaurants are.

I just thought... what if one of the beta girls comes down and sees me at the alpha event and realized that i left their event to go to another one... how will that look? by the time these events take place i will have attended an equal amount of events for both sororities so i don't really want to have to choose one over the other... not so soon anyway...

if any could give me a lesson on rushing etiquette for this type of situation, i would greatly appreciate it!

thank you!!!

I think that people will handle things based on your cues. Chances are, you wouldn't necessarily stay the two or three hours for the entire event, so leaving after an hour wouldn't raise a flag.

When it is time for you to leave the first event, thank everyone for their hospitality. If they ask for a reason, say that you have plans for 6pm. That's all you need to say.

I don't see it as a big deal if a Beta sees you downstairs with the Alphas. You said yourself it is a public place.

I would suggest trying to relax a little. You seem really worked up. Be yourself. Really. Moms say this and it's so true. And don't stress so much about designer clothing. Be comfortable and just have fun. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

Go to both.

It's unlikely anyone from Beta will come to Alpha's event b/c recruitment events are usually mandatory for sorority women -- e.g., they really can't leave and cruise around. Even if someone did happen to pass by, it's unlikely they'd stop and scope out the situation long enough to realize you were there -- loitering too long at another sorority's recruitment event would make her look like she was either really awkward or trying to "spy" for some reason.

Going to multiple COB events was always encouraged at my school. If anything, I think it would make a sorority "compete" harder for a PNM if we knew she were carefully weighing all her options. Go to both, have fun, and don't worry -- you're doing the right thing.

Now, I'm not in an NPC--but this advise was given to me while I was pursuing NPC membership by an NPC woman.

If you go to only the events for one sorority they will think they have you in the bag and may not think twice, but if they hear that you are going to events for other sororities they may think harder about wether or not to pick you up. Does that make sense??

Also, I think it's perfectly fine to go from one event to another. This is about you finding a sisterhood and both groups deserve an equal chance. I don't think either sorority would find it disrespectful and if they do, you probably wouldn't want those women for sisters.

You'll find you place!

I just wanted to point out that if you sign a bid card during Formal Recruitment and don't maximize your opportunities (meaning that you only put down one sorority), you are not allowed to join another NPC sorority on that campus for a full calendar year. So, if you "suicide" Alpha in Fall 2007, you can't join Alpha, Beta, or any other NPC in Spring 2008. You have to wait until Fall 2008 and either go through Formal Recruitment again or hope that your preferred sorority has spots available during COB. There are definite downfalls to suiciding and that's why Recruitment Counselors are supposed to steer pnm's away from it.

I think this is a campus rule..I've never heard that.

Wait... I know that's not what happens on my campus. Typically, we have several girls who decide to suicide and are not matched. They are usually picked up during COB - normally by the chapter they suicided if they're not at total. Are you sure that's a universal Panhellenic rule? Perhaps that's just at your campus?

I'm pretty sure that's a panhellenic rule.

If you sign a bid card and receive a bid and decline the bid... then you can't join for a year. That's the rule I know about.

To clarify AnatraAmore, if someone suicides and doesn't match (doesn't receive ANY bid), they are still a free agent and can rush again whenever or wherever they want.

This is exactly right. If a PNM signs a Membership Recruitment Binding Acceptance Agreement (i.e. Pref card), indicates an intentional single preference (i.e. "Suicide") and does not match, she IS eligible for COB, and I believe for snaps as well. However, it is not the wisest idea to ISP; we all know that ISPs indicate that the PNM is not "maximizing her recruitment potential." Should the not get a bid, it may be likely that the chapter she wishes to join will not be able to hold COB, such as in the case that if the chapter gets to total via formal recruitment.. I've seen this happen several times on my campus and the results are not fun to explain.

prospective88 - go to both parties, see what both are about, and do what you feel is right. It is likely that Alpha and Beta both know that the other chapter is hold informal events at the same time and that potential members are likely to attend both. Good luck, keep us informed

Sorry! I take back what I said about suiciding and then not being allowed to join for a calendar year. I thought about it after posting and then looked it up in the Green Book and you are all correct. If you decline a bid from a sorority, then you are not eligible to pledge for a year. If you suicide and don't match, then you are a "free agent." The only downside to that is if your first choice sorority fills up through formal recruitment, you aren't able to join that sorority until a spot opens up. Thanks!

how is your rush going by the way, prospective88??

If you decline a bid during COB, does this affect your eligibility for a year as well, or are you still considered a "free agent"?

You are still free and clear! The only time when you are bound is when you have signed something. The "something" can be your bid card in formal rush or a bid through COB. :)

Hello lovely GC'ers

It has been a long time since i last posted and i have so much to share. No one, besides my family and the sororities that I am rushing, know that i have decided to give Going Greek another chance. This is because in case i dont get a bid again, i dont want to be the girl who "didnt get in twice". This means that besides my stepmom, i have no one to really talk about this to, so i am very excited to get this all out of my stomach and hear some feedback!

Okay, so as stated before i have been going to Alpha and Beta events. On the first day of Rush, i went to a Beta Event first. I was having a okay time, talking to a lot of girls and having good conversations. About an hour into the event i excused myself and went to the bathroom. As I was just about the exit the stall, a couple of Beta girls walked in. One of them, whom we shall call Kristin, was a Rho Gamma last year and now has a very high position within PHA was there with one of her sisters. They started discussing some of the PNMs and Kristin said : "Omigosh! Who does [insert my name here] think she is coming to our event! Alpha didnt want her so i guess she thinks she has a chance with us! That bitch better not talk to me!" Her sister said "I dont really think its fair to hold that against her. I mean, its not like we invited her to pref night. And a lot of the the sisters really like her a lot. You should give her a chance". Kristin's response was "Whatever!"

I waited in my stall a couple minutes until the girls had left the bathroom to go back to the event. The entire rest of the time I was there my heart was beating so fast and i felt like i could not even carry a conversation so i decided to go back home. The entire time I was driving back to my apartment tears were running down my face and as soon as i got home i just cried. I felt so hurt by the comments Kristin had said about me. I called my step mom who had a leadership position at her school's PHA years ago. She was so upset by what I had told her that she wanted to call my college's Director of Greek Affairs and tell him what happened since she did not think this type of behavior was becoming of a Recruitment Counselor. Thankfully i talked her of calling him. I told my stepmom that i did not want to go to anymore rush events for Alpha or Beta because i honestly did not want to deal with this type of drama. Thankfully, she talk me out of that. :) She told me that in every chapter there are going to be girls i dont get along with and to wait and see who i get bid from before i start flipping out.

After i calmed down i drove back to campus and went my first Alpha event. When I walked into the room, I was greeted my so much love and warmth. I felt so comfortable with them. The conversation flowed easily and I honestly did not want to leave. As i was walking out, my old Rho Gamma (who ended up being an Alpha) came up to me and told that she was proud of me for coming out again and that no matter what happened she would always be my Rho Gam and that any sorority would be proud to call me a sister. It felt honored that she would say that to me and more tears flowed (between both of us).

Since then, I have been going to events for both sororities, and have been having a great time at Alpha AND Beta events. At the last couple events Kristin has been coming up to me and saying hi, so im really not sure what she thinks about me at this point. Today I got two phone calls, one from each chapter telling me that i was invited to their Invite Only Ritual Nights. Both of which will be on Saturday (at different times thank the lord) and Bid Day is Sunday at 9pm.

I am excited for this. Im still worried but am hoping for the best.

Be sure to wish me a lot of luck. I'm going to be needing it! Oh and good luck to all the other girls out there trying to find home!

I'm very proud of you sticking with it and not letting the snarky, hurtful comments of one bitchy sister effect your desire to go through informal recruitment. Let's face it, we are all going to have certain social situations where we know we can't possibly like all 100% of the people we're with. It's important that you are able to look at the group as a whole, rather than let the comments of one mean girl get you down. You showed a lot of poise being able to go back and hold your head up high. I wish you the best of luck during recruitment and please keep us updated on how things turn out!

Aw, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. I agree with FloridaTish. You seem to be handling yourself really well. Keep your head up and keep us posted.

Wow! What a witch! I'm so sorry you had to hear that when you were in such a vulnerable state! Just remember...your stepmom is right! In a group of girls, you will always find one you don't like. The most amazing thing about this story, though, is that the other sister stood up for you against an apparent bully. That's wonderful! Maybe Kristin has realized that she's the odd man out in her opinion...that may be why she's come by to say "Hi!" Good luck with the rest of rush! I'm rooting for Alpha. I had a similar experience with a PNM when I was a Rho Chi (ie Pi Chi or what ever they call themselves now!), and she became my Lil Sis!

prospective88 you are such a sweetheart!! im really proud of you :) good luck with recruitment and i cant wait for sunday!!!!

I just finished reading the whole thread and I'm so anxious to hear how this all turns out for you! Please let us know where you actually end up ;)

Please keep us posted! Enjoy the ceremonies tomorrow!

i am so nervous scared and worried about what is going to happen tomorrow. i dont know what to expect. i can't sleep right now and my roomie is snoring away...lol.

i was told that individual chapters would call girls between 5-7 to let them know if they got bids. those girls are supposed to come to go the Greek Affairs office where there will be invitations there waiting for the new girls. There will be strict silence for 24 hours and then Monday evening all the sororities will be in waiting at different locations around campus and new members go to the sorority they will be accepting a bid from. hopefully i get to be one of those girls!

*keeping my fingers crossed!*

I know you are on pins and needles. I wish you the best of luck! How did pref parties go?

Crossing my fingers and toes... not sure of where she is, but it's 5:35 here, so I hope that she gets a phone call!!!

:) is all i can say for now. more tomorrow after i stop smiling!

I am so glad to see that smiley face! I know you must be beaming from ear to ear, so I will wait eagerly to hear the rest of your story tomorrow.

I'm so glad to hear that you have found your home! Now, we just have to wait and find out where!!! :D

Happiness is a :) !!!!!

See...sometimes it's worth putting your neck out on the line! Congratulations whether it's Alpha or Beta! (Not so secretly I'm hoping it's Alpha!!)