Frat Life is not what it's cracked up to be
 

What I'm about to say, I'm sure many of you wanted to say but didn't. Speaking from my experience as an Alpha man, other greeks can add on to this as well. Here in Atlanta, you have many big wigs of corporations that have key positions at their jobs. When I try to network with these bruhs, it's the same old same old story. 1) Exchange numbers, call the the bruh, he never answers/and or don't call back. 2) Give 'em your resume, never hear back from them, or they give you that "my hands are tied" crap. 3) Email bruhs, never get a reply. 4) I've been stranded on the side of the road, flashers on, hood up, and another Alpha will see the tags/para. on your car and keep rolling. Ain't that some garbage? Oh, and let's not forget, bruhs see you somewhere and both of you got on Alpha gear, they don't even speak. :eek: So what I'm really saying is that Alphas be acting shady to one another and yes, I am airing out some dirty laundry. Then active brothers want to know why other brothers don't become financial or participate in events.

So I ask, why is this happening bruhs? Can anyone in other orgs. relate and has this happened to you as well? I thought fraternity/sorority life was about helping one another.:mad::mad:

Oh, by the way, even though I am speaking of other Alpha men, this goes for all greeks.

uuhhmm wow..the question that I have for you is, are you putting you faith in Alpha or are you putting your faith in people. I think that no matter what letters someone has, they are people first, letters second. People were shady before letters and will be shady with letters. I believe these things have happened to many of us, with and without letters, so maybe you need to change your networking game up and talk to EVERYONE not just your frat JMHO.

Oh yes, I do agree with you 100%. But, I thought that networking with your frat. would help, at least that's what I believed. However, folks are still shady.

:(:confused:

Fundamentally,you made a strategic mistake:you pledged an inferior frat--one not based on friendship.;)

Seriously, we live in an age where the basic values of true brotherhood is cherished and lived out is becoming embattled; what motivates many people is self-aggrandizement. But don't despair, there are people who truly live the ideals of their organizations; but be wary of equating brotherhood with worldly wealth and influence. Many of us have gotten to the point that we believe that we don't need God or each other.We don't even feel we have any responsibility to each other's well being as a community. "I got mine,you get yours;if you got something, maybe we can talk." A black version of social darwinism.

thank you.

So.....

what did you think frat life was supposed to be? I'm just curious?

Seriously, many of you do not get what I am saying. Well, I know you do but you still have on your fraternity/sorority blinders on. Neos can't relate, but graduate/leave college, get out into the real world and let some of the newness wear off. I'm sure everyone that pledged something was told that your organization would be there when you needed something, right or wrong? I dare any of you to tell me that your frat/soror was there when you truly needed them!!

sure, I got you but like treblk said people first, letters second. I got you.

I have a hardcore question so it should be taken without emotion:

Since the legal ending of above ground public pledging process, where everything pledges did was public from carrying bricks to have the scars on the face to humiliation in public to mocking personal behavior, to the safer non-hazing kinds of things like everyone dressing similarly in public to making sure EVERYONE sees you studying in public at 12:08 AM everyday...

Have we lost our love for one another without those "tactics" in place? Hayle, my linesisters will correct me in a minute, but I am unoffended because I have been there and done that with them. Greeks made before a certain time just have that mutual understanding. None of this challenging and improvement of networking skill. Long time ago, it was just "understood" through the pledging process.

Any underground stuff, was looked down upon. I.e. getting beat down, slapping, hair cutting, etc.

So, I wonder, we have made some pretty decent members who are well intentioned and say they are committed to the community service program. However, it seems at the same time, some of these members are struggling and wondering their commitments made during induction.

Would a pre-described above ground pledge process make the difference?

While I get what you are saying I think you may have been expecting some all powerful brotherhood full of brothers that will be there any and everytime you need. Its not going to be like that. Like others have said, people are people first and foremost.

And neos can relate!

<---- Neo

First and foremost, I'm an artist. I generally don't find it useful to network with other Brothers. I tell them I write novels, they want me to write for newspapers. For anyone reading this: Journalism and fiction-writing are not the same! But I digress.

I don't exchange numbers with Brothers for any reason other than brotherhood. I met one at the grocery store about six weeks ago, and I am lightweight trying to reclaim him. Hell, I figure anyone wearing a fraternity t-shirt at 6am in the grocery store on a saturday morning is dying to be reclaimed, lol

As far as resumes go.... yeah, I went through that. It sucks when you're trying your hardest to find a job and brothers know that, but in my case, the only two in my chapter who POTENTIALLY had an inside look at one agency I was applying to failed to return calls and emails. I rarely lean on the shield at all, so it was disappointing that when I did lean, they yoinked the shield away and I fell LMAO.

Now I can say that one of the coolest examples of brotherhood was when I was waiting at the bus stop one morning, kind of late for work. And I think I was wearing an Alpha jacket.... and this car stops and is like "You're Senusret, right?" And I was like ummmmmm yeah? Well, turns out he was frat! He knew me from an email list we're on together (for Alpha artists, no less) and you know what he did? He gave me a ride to work!

All in all, I believe you get back what you put in.... if you are financial, active, hard-working for Alpha, I think you will be paid back in the ways that are appropriate.

(In fact..... the last full-time permanent job I had.... if it wasn't for an Alpha who worked there, I wouldn't have even known about it. He encouraged me to apply. BUT he stepped out of the selection process, which actually helped me out MORE.... it wasn't about him getting me hired, it was about him getting me an opportunity to be seen and impress them myself!)

I was diagnosed with breast cancer April 1, 2004. I pledged at Famu in 1982 with 19 other women. I live in the middle of Florida. Although my line has reunions, and have each other's emails we all have children and jobs and live all over the country, we keep up with each other but not like when we were in college.

Flash forward to my four operations, one line sister was there every time I woke up. Eight grueling chemo cycles at least two were at my home, cleaning my house, combing my children's hair and keeping me company, providing my husband with a short respite.

On the weeks that I didn't have chemo, I received frozen dinners, enough to feed a family of four for a week (and it was THE GOOD STUFF!) Sooo, these women who have lives and jobs took care of me and none of them lived in my city, the closest was 2 1/2 hours away.

I can't recall when I had to ASK a Soror to do things for me, if they could they did. It's the same thing that I do for Sorors, if I can help them, I do, and not because I expect anything it's because it was the way I was brought in.

I was a caring, socially conscious, industrious person before I pledged, joining the Sorority connected me with a group of likeminded folks (who let me raid their closets! :D)

It's unfortunate Greek life hasn't been what you thought, but I have to wonder, what have YOU done for Alpha. You can only give what you get, do you help folks who are behind you? Even if you feel you're on the second rung on the ladder, there's still someone who can't make it to the first. Maybe the question shouldn't be what can they do for me? Why can't it be what can I do for them?

As my Mom used to say, what goes around, comes around...

(((((sistergreek Jody))))))))) you really touched me here! I hope all goes beyond well for you. Your story is a ture testiment to what sisterhood is all about with or without letters! You are in my thoughts!

Ditto! Your strength is uplifting to me! ((((JODY)))) Stay strong.

APhiAlien1996,

I wanted to share my thoughts with you last week, but thought it best to collect my thoughts before posting. Back in April 2006 I left my old job to take a better paying job. I was still a neo in our graduate chapter, and to be honest taking this job would mean I would have less time to participate in the chapter, due to my daily commute and my work hours.

Nonetheless, Brothers still managed to support my decision to move onward and upward in my professional career. They took me out to lunch, gave me gifts to help celebrate my new job, I felt like I had crossed all over again. A few short months later, my job went through some restructuring and of course it was "last hired, first fired". I was out of work in the dead of the summer. My wife and I were expecting a child and the only thing I had to fall back on was unemployment.

One of my LB's was quick to come to my phinancial assistance by making me a loan during a terribly tough financial period. He and his wife were "looking" to help someone out because that's what God placed in their hearts.

Sure, I forwarded my resume to a few brothers to pass around their job. But I did not lean on the shield and EXPECT them to get me a job. If I was lucky, I hoped to get at least an interview. If I can't sell myself to any prospective employer, then who can?

I never got a job, or an interview as a result of passing my resume to Bruhs, but nor do I feel it was their obligation to find me a job. Alpha Phi Alpha does not feed my family, that is my responsibility.

I found a new job recently, and I still commute to work each day. One day I was walking near a strip of restaurants and saw a brother with Alpha plates on his car. I walked up and introduced myself, and he immediately pulled over to talk. We went to lunch that day, and before I could pull my wallet out he had already paid for both of our lunches. It was my intention to pay for his lunch, but I guess in the spirit of brotherhood he beat me to it.

My LB's will see my wife at the coffee shop and pay for her coffee. I have seen frat brothers stranded on the side of the road, and stopped with no hesitation.

I support the undergraduate chapters on two separate college campuses by attending at least one service project or event, even though both are separated by about 50 miles. I make it a point to attend service project and participate as much as I can within my own chapter.......even though I am still not financial due to my setbacks last summer, and my newborn child.

In fact, when I told my wife how much or little my dues were SHE admonished me for not being financial, and SHE'S NOT GREEK! Apparently she felt that "EXCUSES ARE TOOLS OF THE INCOMPETENT!"

A wise woman once said, "Not only did you choose Alpha, but they choose you!" I respect you opinion, but if I were in your position I would hope a brother would tell me, "The same effort you put into becoming a member of Alpha Phi Alpha, is the same effort you need to put into bettering yourself and your position in life."

Our alumni chapter has a great relationship with our undergraduate chapter. In this world of "made" vs. "paper" and the perceptions about undergrad and graduate "processes", we've been able to work together and be successful as Alpha Men.

In closing, I have helped young men and women of various BGLO's by hiring them, and then providing references. My obligation is to help ALL young men and women, not just Alpha men. I have no problem providing references for the many Sigma's, Alpha's, Kappa's, and Delta's who were once my former employees.

No doubt you've had some negative experiences, but do not generalize them to include the entire organization. This brother is willing to help you out in whatever way I can. Hit me up with a PM.

Sorry for the novel people! I just got carried away!

They were--many times.

{{{Jody}}}

THANK YOU ANIMATE!

IF my sorors can come through for me they will, if they can't then they won't, but this applies to everyone! I can not go to my church, job, neighbor, or whomever expecting them to make sure my every need is met, so why should I expect AKA to do the same? Of course AKA may provide connections for me, but at the end of the day I should think about how would I find a job if I were not an AKA. On my own!

OH yeah....I am a neo and a undergraduate, so......I guess that messes up your diagnosis that neos know nothing.

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will..."

If this setback has made you doubt your brotherhood...it makes me wonder how strong your brotherhood (read: AphiAliens brotherhood, not that of Alpha) really is. As an echo to much of what has been said before, not only have my Sorors been there for me at the drop of a hat, but so have my Bruhs. I could easier count the amount of breaths I take a day than to count the countless times my sands and fellow greeks have been there for me in whatever capacity I needed them in.

Soror Jody,

When your ready to discuss options, talk to me. I know some people who would do favors for me at some places. It will require you to vacation...

It's nice to hear that we see support from our linesisters after so many years. I see it with my all the time. Our Soror, my mom, sees it with hers.

Wow, just wow to this whole thread and the other one. There are just some things I would never put on a PUBLIC message board about my beloved sorority. I mean we all have a few warts, but we just do what we need to do to heal them--PRIVATELY.

So much for hood.

I can say that my Phrat was truly there when I needed him. There are times when you may give anyone, be it a bro, a friend, or a relative a resume and things may fall through the crack or yeah they may play you. Personally, if a brother can get me an interview cool if not I don't hold it against him because I may not know the situation. As far as feeling that certain bros play you shady, you could have left that on a BROTHER's ONLY listserve, not here.(JMHO) I am pretty sure it happens in other orgs, but to air out your own on a public listserve is not what's up. Also, what does another brother have to do with a brother being financial or not or participating in events? Aren't we here to do the work of Alpha? That sounds like excuses and we know what those are.....

No. I chose to put it here and yes I did air out some dirty laundry, and I won't apologize for it either. This goes for everybody. Some of you missed the whole picture of what I wrote. Some of you just got diarrhea of the mouth and started running off about leaning on shields and financial and obligations. Neither one of those words were ever typed in the original post. This is the bottom line....people (frat brothers) try to use you with the fraternity crap about giving, giving, giving to the organization. Everything should not be about money all the time. Some of us are broke and don't have money, but those of us that are broke we can help out in other ways (time and effort). But should you need a helping hand, all of that talk goes out the window and you are left standing on you own. Don't get me wrong, houses of worship fit into this category as well. This isn't about a brother owing another brother a job. But, if you know something and you know someone is a need, turn that cat on to what's going on. that was my whole point. So, if my bruhs or anyone else feel offended.. tough tits. Get over it!!

It sounds like your mind is made up. Good for you. Why not just turn in your pin and be done with it then? It's so much easier to just blame your fraternity than to actually look at yourself and decide you're inadequate for what you're persuing.

Excuse you!! You are barking up the wrong tree. Go find somebody to play with. I'm telling you, you don't want to get started here!!

sounds like that post made you mad...

...Professor, please shut this down. It's past time.

I'm sorry...did I hit a nerve? The truth hurts sometime.

His mind is made up -- not even Maestro's post was helpful to him.

I, for one, am not worried about it because I have been both active and inactive, and I know why I left and why I came back.

It's a marriage -- you MAKE it work.

I'm sorry this is your experience. This wasn't/isn't my experience at all.

Thank you!

Have you ever considered that it may be *your* approach to your frat brothers that may be a turn off. I mean, if you are standing there like, 'I'm an Alpha, you're an Alpha, so gimme a job dammit', then yeah, your brothers will not be bothered because they probabaly feel as if they are being used. No one wants to feel used for any reason under any circumstance.

You also need to think about what your expectations were when you joined? Did you expect Alpha to be the answeres to all of your life questions / issues?

Alpha was the answer to all of my life's questions. Unfortunately, the answer was "No."

ba dum bum

But seriously folks, this is an excellent point. I am not at all likely to help out a brother who feels entitled. (There goes that word again!)

Early in 06, a group of Alpha Authors got together to help each other promote our work.

Later in 06, after Centennial, we expanded that vision into the Alpha Renaissance. Now we have a yahoo group of 200 brothers who are in all aspects of the arts: literature, comedy, acting, producing, modeling, sculpting, para designers, all that.

We saw a need where Alpha as an institution wasn't necessarily invested in our particular career paths, so we found each other and made a way.

It's funny how the fraternity itself inspired us to reach out to each other, and now we not only help each other, but we are finding ways to help Alpha, but with an artistic slant.

Then save yourself the stress and FORMALLY denounce.

Maybe you should look at your orginal post brother. :confused: Your right, if you are able to help someone then help, but people aren't always in a position to do so, so get over it.

GREETINGS!!!
 

HAYLE, as much beat down as my father had OLD SCHOOL in 1958... And let's not talk about Bricks in Bags that had to be carried...

HAYLE, one of my dad's friends named "Bang Bang" wanted to be XYZ fraternity, got pissy drunk... So, XYZ fraternity said, if he catches the bird in the room, he can pledge... All night, he couldn't catch the bird. But, when XYZ opened the door, Bang Bang ran out, got a broom and killed the bird... XYZ said he couldn't pledge...

HAYLE, I know MoFo's that got whooped if they didn't bring food.

Is that the kinna experience you want, cuz I know some hazemasters where, when you gave up all of that for your letters, you don't regret them...

Now, leave if you want to, folks don't care. But, I know for a fact the Alphas ended their old method of intake to the "new" one to eliminate death defying hazing.

Folks cannot afford $2000+ high dues anymore.

Huhh? What are talking about?

Hu? What are you talking about?