I want to give it back!
 

I'm sure this can apply to everyone... re: ex bf and gf... they give you things and time goes by- you break up - and you give things back - right?

Well, what if 10 years goes by and you still have the guy's high school ring?

I still have this guy's high school ring and I want to give it back to him sooo bad- it is a big memory item- a high school ring! But if I try to find him now - will he think I am trying to hook up with him again? (We dated a long long time.) I don't want that.

Guys- would you want the ring back?
Girls - am I opening a can of worms by searching him out and giving this back?

This has been bothering me for a long time-any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks! Sue

P.S.

I got married in Oct of '96 - June of '96 is the last time I spoke with him and told him I was getting married- he has not spoken to me since (but has called my mom) - so finding him will take some big time detective work!

Hey Sue!!

Since it's been a long time--I think it's better suited to just leave it as that. I also have some of my ex's stuff--but I don't think it would be too good to give it back to him after so long. My thinking is that my ex has probably forgotten about it--and if he really wants it back, he could call me anytime. ALso, I think that to give it back wouldn't be very "useful" for the ex--b/c it would just leave bad memories w/him. I have my ex's stuff hidden way back in my closet--b/c while it is nice sometimes to look at it, it has some bad memories which I'd rather not deal with. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Don't know if that made much sense--I have a really bad headache right now--so I'm trying my best! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

I'm writing you an email right now, by the way!! Love ya!!

Hi Sue again! Your 2nd post popped in while I was typing! Maybe since he avoided you ever since your wedding--maybe it hurt him too much, so giving back the stuff might hurt him even more? I'm not sure!!

yes.. definately give it back.. plus, what if he's like a really gorgeous improved guy now.. or you could snag a great new guy friend! guy friends are always great to have around, but yeah if i were him id love to have my ring back, but i just love keeping stuff like that!

Do his parents still live where they did when you were in hs, i.e. can you find them easily?

Put the ring in a box. No letter, no nothing. Send it back to his parents' house.

It will be out of your atmosphere and he will probably be happy to have it back. He'll know where it came from but the sterility of the return will let him know you're not trying to hook up with him.

You know him better than any of us, so would he want it back? If it were me, I'd want you to keep it. If it was me, and you were his highschool sweetheart, it would break his heart if you gave it back. Especially, if this isn't too personal, but if you were his first. That would be like saying "yeah, guess what it really is over" and it would be coming out of the blue. Keep for your daughter, she'll love it http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Hey Billy - since you don't list your email - please email me!

Thanks! Sue

[This message has been edited by ISU_XO (edited April 09, 2001).]

O.k. - this is so queer but I did not go to h.s with him = I did not get it from him in h.s but in my soph year of college... I know= I don't know why he did not lavalier me or pin me= but I get the ring. Those of you who are greek know why he (he was an ATO) did not lav or pin me... I so need your advice - - thank you! Sue

Hey Sue! I don't know about your last question--just wanted to tell you, I finished my email for you!!! Love ya-C

Thanks everyone for the great ideas! I will take them all into consideration! It is so nice to have this support network! You all are the best! Sue http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

This would be my approach. Neat and discreet!

Sue,
I'm thinking that after all this time, he probably wouldn't want it back. But, would it create more of a problem to keep it than to return it? I mean, does it bug your husband that you have it? I would think, since its ancient history (haha I can say that since we're both old!) that its best for everyone to just leave it alone.

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif
Amy

I think I will take the shadokat and 33 girl way but if I can't find the family then I am going to drop it. (Hubby knows nothing about it - it is in a secret safe deposit box) - this guy is my "Joe" (Amy) - and if I include any note - it will start trouble. And Billy.. you are right too. Again- thanks everyone! Now I know what track to follow.

Oh Sue--
Don't do it! Don't do it! Those feelings as we know too well, NEVER die, and it will be just dredgeing up a mountain of trouble. You don't need the angst in your life, trust me--says she who sits here wondering WHAT to reply to Joe's latest email.

IF IF you can find his parents and return it via them, that would be the only method I would sugggest. Even then, I think you run a risk as the very act of retuning it shows you're thinking of him and wanting to do right by him and in these kinds of relationships, that's all they need...

Amy

See, I'm not sure if I agree that you shouldn't give the ring back. Sure, you shared many great times and it sounds like he might still be hurt by the lose of your relationship - but I have my mom's class ring, and someday this guy might have a daughter that he might want to give it to. Your children won't care about his class ring - they probably won't ever know him. And if you keep thinking about wanting to give it back to him, you already have your mind made up. You just have to act on it.
I don't think sending it is a bad idea. But I think that a little note would be nice...perhaps a little, "thought you'd like to keep this for that new someone special in your life." Not to mention that class rings cost money, and perhaps he spent money on his. It was special to him, and that's why he gave it to you. But you obviously need to move on, and this is your way of doing it. It's not an action meant to hurt him - plus, it might remind him of the good old days and bring a smile to his fact. HIS daughter should have it in her jewlery box.

------------------
Sigma Sigma Sigma
Zeta Eta

VERY good point BCNUQT. Having a relationship similar to Sue's in my past, I just recommend CAUTION above all else.

Amy

Thanks BCNUQT - very good advice!

Ames- just sent you the longest email giving you the low down on Pike man, ATO man and TKE man! It is like a soap opera!

Update
 

I mailed the ring back to him at his dad's house in October and last Friday- he (the ex) called me here at work. We talked for about 1/2 hour and the conversation went really well- just went over old times and who is where / doing what. We are both married so it wasn't uncomfortable at all.

He did say the sweetest thing- "I don't care if you gave the ring back or not- our relationship is not over until I say it's over!!"

So, I'm glad I gave the ring back to him. It all worked out!

Sue :)

I too would love to find my ex. He just had his 30th birthday last week and it got me thinking, a lot of growing up has been done by now!!!! Beyond the "romance" aspect, we were just very close friends. I hurt him a lot, I know, and he played the psycho games for awhile....he even staked me out at my job when he came back into town, after I was married!! But I'd still like to talk to him now that it has been so long. It would be nice to know how his life is. I was a bit offended though, that he did not so much as send a sympathy card when my mom died. He knew how close we were and he had been very close with her too....he continued calling her even after Brent and I got together. His parents came to the calling hours, but no word from him. When Brent's dad died every chick he ever so much as said hello to came out of the woodwork.

Along that line, I just found my ex from like 5 years ago. And we have started talking and we are still in love just as much, actually more, than we were before! And, since we have both grown up so much, we are now able to have a serious and mature relationship. I am so HAPPY!!!!! Just thought I would share!!

GIVE BACK!!!!!!:(

Anything given in the heat of lust, passion, or stupidity is a loan only!:eek:

Why would you want to keep it anyway? To be vindictive?:confused:

I think you should give it back. He may have already forgotten about it by now... but even if he has I think he would appreciate it back. And I doubt he would think you were trying to get back with him as long as you didn't act flirtacious. Hope the advice helps :o)

Thanks sweetie!! The sweetest thing was, he is divorced now, but told me I am the one he should have married and is going to marry me. Ok, sounds odd writing that, but I guess you had to be there when he said it. It wasnt a question or a remark, it was a flat out statement. We were together for 2 years and had discussed marraige then. So atleast he realized his mistake (tee hee hee)And that is ok by me!!!!!

AOII Angel, he obviously made a big mistake...I'm glad he came to his senses, though! I bet when y'all broke up you never thought it would all work out this way! :)

Sue, I'm glad it all worked out! Sounds like you made the best possible decision... I'm proud of you!

take it to the pawn shop... just kidding..

just mail it to his parents house.

Well, at least he can admit when he is wrong!!! And once we split, I never thought I would ever speak to him again, but hey, things work for a reason......and Santa gave me my present early, I got a wonderful man who loves me!!! (yeah, I have been a big cheez ball since our date Sat. night!!)