Why did you decide to join a sorority?
 

They say there is a sorority for everyone so i'm thinking about rushing. The girls in my high school that are joining sororities are the so call "popular" girls which is kind of deterring to me b/c I don't know if it is something I'd fit into.

It seems as if these girls just want to join one just to continue that feeling of being "popular" and "cliqued off" from the rest of the people in college maybe b/c that's where their confidence lies.

Also, I don't know how to put this really but you can say their moral values are not very high...and I was wondering if this is in general how the girls in sororities were.

And my last sort of question/concern was what is the relationship between the fraternities and sororities? Do the drunk fraternity guys at the parties try to hit on you and stuff? (ew lol)

Every girl has a set of different reasons to pursue membership? Remember, you are not "joining" a sorority. You select your favorites, and they may select you, and yada yada yada...

Anyway, what are yours reasons for pursuing membership? That is the only reason that should matter to you. Communicate it clearly and effectively. Demonstrate to them what you can offer them, not what you want to get out of it.

Think about it, write some stuff down, and your answers may begin to formulate.

Good luck on your journey.

I'm in a fraternity (not a sorority) but my reasons for joining greek life in general would be to make long lasting friends i could count on throughout life. I found that in my Fraternity - albeit, later in college than i would have hoped. I had a lot of the same stereotypes a lot of incoming freshmen have... fraternities are full of beer guzzling idiot children with no respect for women, and sororities are a bunch of girls that like to sit around and gossip and sleep with the fraternity boys. Boy was I wrong...and I am glad for it.

The best advice i can give you... is go through rush.. see what its like. If you like it, you'll end up getting bid into a house and enjoying it. If you don't like it, you'll have the experience, and know that it wasn't for you. You'll go on your way and be satisfied in other areas of your life. For me, it was the former - and I know that my fraternity has made me a better man in all aspects of my life.

i agree with everything that's been said so far. my personal reasons for joining are a bit longwinded so i won't get into it, but definitely go through rush if you're interested. the stereotype you're describing is what almost every high school student (including me :)) gets. every campus is different, so some are more party-oriented that others. but all sororities are based on sisterhood and philanthrophy first. rushing is a great way to check the groups on your campus out, but don't forget to investigate local and multicultural sororities! they just might end up being the right fit for you!

These girls you know aren't even in sororities and yet you think that's the normal type of woman we take?? How do you even know they are going to get in?

You seem to have already made up your mind.........:(

You sound like my story. I was the most unpopular girl in the entire high school. My self-esteem was lower than any potato still left in the ground thanks to both my mother and the "in" group. When the material for rush came (yes, in my day it was still rush, not recruitment), it all went right in the trash. I was not going to start off a new school with the "in" girls doing to me what they did in HS (and junior high, and elementary school). My relationship with my mother was pretty awful to put it mildly. One day she and I had a knocked down dragged out fight and all I wanted to do is get out of the house as soon as possible. I happen to see the rush materials still in the trash can in my bedroom and pulled them out. They said that one dorm would be open a week early for rush, you could stay in the dorm if you dropped out of rush but you were obligated to go through the first day parties. I signed up then and there just so I could get out of the house. I figured I could force myself to put up with the snotty girls for a day and then I would just enjoy the beach everyday. The first house I went to was KD and I really like them but went away telling myself that all the houses will come across that way and still had no aspiration to pledge (yup, I just dated myself again). At the end of the first day, KD was really the only house I truly loved and decided to stay in rush until KD dropped me as I knew they would. To my surprise, I kept getting asked back and to my real surprise I joined! The girls in the house killed almost every stereotype I had ever heard about sororities. Today, many years later, I am a past president of my local AA, and am now on the National Leadership Team.

I have a daughter who is a bit older than you, she did not want to go through recruitment and I never pushed it. I just made one rule when she went away to school and it is the one rule I would give to any girl who goes to college-- you have to join something and do something. You can't just sit around in your dorm room. Get involved!

Best wishes with your decision.

DaffyKD

See, I was thinking this too. I've been mulling this over since I first read it, trying to get my thoughts into the proper words. But sickness and lots of drugs will probably render this rather confusing. I will preface it by saying that I mean no disrespect to anyone. It is an opinion that I am basing on reading several comments in MANY threads - not just this one.

I feel that a lot of people are stereotyping the "pretty girl" sorority as vapid, slutty, party brats. It's one thing to go into their parties and say, "well, I just wouldn't fit in." But to come to conclusions about their entire existence and moral fiber based solely on the fact that they are pretty and that perhaps other snobby PNMs are dying to join seems just as shortsighted as these people accuse the pretty girls of being. Just because boys flock to these girls doesn't mean that they are idiots with no leadership potential. Just because one or two of them weren't very nice in high school doesn't mean that the whole chapter is full of Mean Girls.

I'm not denying the existence of bitchy sorority girls. I'm not denying the existence of sorority girls with crappy moral character. I'm just saying don't judge a book by its cover and don't judge an entire chapter on one or two members. We all have members that might not have been asked to join if we had had a more in-depth glimpse into their high school careers.

In my sorority experience, I have known such a tremendous diversity of women and personalities. Some of the most aesthetically pleasing have also been some of the most intelligent, gracious, kindhearted, and motivated women that I've had the pleasure of working with.

Again - I'm not attacking the OP directly. She's obviously considering sorority life for the first time, so her knowledge is limited only to hearing talk around her high school. But if we are constantly going around telling PNMs to keep all their options open and to consider all chapters - no matter their popularity or size, I hope that they also keep their minds open to the fact that pretty doesn't automatically equal snobby.

Well said, JWright25.

I'd like to ask though that we be patient with the young women who haven't even set foot on a college campus yet.

It's true as SmartBlondeGPhiB that the girls from the OPs high school may not even get bids, but I see quite frequently that some young women who would be excellent members in every respect are reluctant to go through recruitment because of what the other girls they know going through are like.

Once they go to school, they have the chance to see what Greek women are really like, but until they do, they may not have much else to go on.

So when one actually asks, "why did you join?" she's probably trying to look beyond the bad stereotypes even if she doesn't express it perfectly.

And let us remember that, thank God, very few women in college do not grow, mature and change. You are not doomed to be your high school self forever - you can reinvent yourself.

Absolutely. You can be a better version of yourself, and the jerks (or mean girls) you knew in high school often become better too.

I decided to go through recruitment because my roommates were doing it. I wasn't the most outgoing person, so it was a major stretch for me, but I didn't want to feel left out. I almost didn't show up for the first meeting. But I went through with it and stuck it out to the end and ended up where I belong.

The best advice I can think of is to be yourself and not only begin recruitment but finish it too! Don't get discouraged along the way, but follow through and make an effort to enjoy the house you get a bid to. If you don't get a bid, its not the end of the world. It would not be fun to end up at a house that doesn't want you.

What do you guys think of going through recruitment twice? I know of a lot of people that go through again because they didn't get a bid to the house they wanted the first time.

Honestly, the reason I decided to go thou recruitment was because I needed to make friends that were girls. I am an Electrical Engineering major and there are not very many girls in that major. I was tried of hanging out with guys all the time(which if you know/knew an engineer you will understand). Also because I was shy and wanted to be more confident when talking to others and make new friends. I didn't join til my soph. year and my freshman year I really didn't do much but go to class and go home.

I was not popular in high school and I found where I belong. I honestly never thought I would join a sorority. Sorority life is not for everyone. I have friends that did not like what sorority life had to offer but I also have many friend (including myself) that did like what it had to offer.

Not all are like the girls you described.

Fraternity/sorority relationship: socials and events are done with them. Girls will have their favorite fraternity or be dating guys from a specific fraternity but you are not required to like a specific fraternity. Guys will be guys not matter if they are in a fraternity or not. I have at least one friends in each fraternity on my campus. Many guys from the fraternity will be nice and make good friends but there is always going to be some idiot that thinks he's all that just because he is in a fraternity.

Every campus is different. I think the campus you'll be on will play a large role in whether or not you decide to go through recruitment. On large or very Greek oriented campuses, the social aspect is probably a large motivator for rushing. There will probably be chapters avaliable to you that don't focus on that, but I don't know if you'll be able to escape that hierarchy mentality. On a smaller or less Greek oriented campus, I think the Greek life tends to be a little more diverse, laid back, and focused. Stereotypes don't apply EVERYWHERE. Talk to the Greek advisor on your campus, and try to talk to students on campus as well, like a tour guide. Be specific. Tell them exactly what you're looking for.

I went through Recruitment because my mom wanted me to. It was also an effortless way to meet people. I ended up accepting a bid because I saw that the sororities on my campus for the most part did NOT meet the stereotypes that I grew up listening to. I've learned so much about interaction, friendship, how to deal with arguements, how to pick battles, how to win battles, how to be a REAL friend, how to be a little less self centered, how to politic...to me it was worth it.

As far as "moral values", every chapter on a campus is different. A Chi O chapter at school A might be the brainer girls and at school B might be the artsy girls and at school C might be the pretty girls...you get the picture. Every sorority differs at every school. That's why it's important to learn more about your specific campus. It's my impression that at schools where Greek life is king, there tends to be more pressure to fit in. Sometimes that might mean bending morals. Now this does NOT mean that all sorority girls at a Greek oriented school are sluts. Anyone with strong moral convictions can "just say no". It's just hard to have those at 18, sometimes. It also does NOT mean that every chapter on the campus is like that. I think at smaller schools the pressure is lessened, so it might be a little easier to "just say no". The fact is, though, sorority or not, college is a time for experiementation for a lot of people. It doesn't have to be, but I think that that's a common factor in college life Greek or not.

Again, the fraternity/sorority relationship differs school to school, chapter to chapter. And as far as drunk fraternity guys go...try going to a party with ANY college guys, regardless of affiliation and lack thereof and NOT get hit on. They're guys. They just do that. For me, I haven't noticed a difference between the two. They both do it. There are plenty of ways to meet guys without alcohol, though. Mixers, for instance, are a good way to hang out in groups and meet new guys.

I think the first step for you is, once you know for sure where you are going to college, talk to the Greek Advisor on your campus, and try to get the opinion of students both Greek and non Greek. See what they say, and then try to make your decision based on that. If nothing else, feel free to go through Recruitment for the heck of it. If you decide that Greek life is not for you, you are not required to finish the process. But it won't hurt to try, and you'll meet lots of new girls in the process.

For most people college is a transition from being almost totally dependent on others to being almost totally independent. It's a journey. But unlike everything you've ever done before you are going to do this journey on your own for the most part...your parents, your teachers, your friends, the people you knew from high school or your hometown...none of them are going to do this for you. Don't spend a second of it worrying about popularity or cliques! If you want to surround yourself with people who will care about you and cheer you on through your college journey, then make checking out sorority life one part of it. But do it for yourself and by yourself because you are the only person who it will matter to whether you join or not.

May I just offer congratulations to all who have responded in this thread?

I expected it to turn into the usual, "This has been discussed 34,358 times, you're an idiot and this is a really shallow question."

The fact is, that, to me, it seems like an honest question from someone with little or no knowledge of the Greek System and less knowledge of GC.

Thanks to you all.

Just to add, my wife was the "(very) pretty and (very) smart girl" in high school who was disliked by the "in crowd" but still was prom queen, valdictorian, etc. She was even pushed into a muddy creek at their senior picnic.

She still has emotional scars from that treatment, but had an outstanding college experience. She did not pledge, (but did rush for the experience and was given bids by Pi Phi and Chi O -- can you get bids from two groups these days?) but the reason was because her mom apparantely had a bad sorority experience and her parents said they would cut off all financial support if she joined a GLO.

I suppose the moral, if there is one, has been stated above. High school people can be cruel, but some (most) do change. Put it behind you.

Good luck.

Please remember, it is not just Sororities but Fraternities that go through this process!

As DeltaAlum has said, each School/Chapter is different and one must remember that!

I have not ever found a bad GLO as I have worked or been in contact with many!

We all have a common cause!

You sound a lot like me as an incoming freshman. If you want you can PM me for some unbiased perspective.

Different is Good
 

Jelly,
I commend you on asking the question and I hope all have given you both insight and information to aid in your journey.

Because I am Active Duty Military and always on the move at a moment's notice to protect our country, I could not find a sorority to fit my schedule (nor school for that matter).

So instead, I was part of an Illustrious Group who founded the first and only Military Sorority (Sigma Phi Psi). End result: Different is good and we are able to fulfull the dreams of military females who too have been too busy to serve our country to maintain school and another sorority.

This is just something else to add to your information base for others to know. ;)

Enjoy the journey!

To the OP:

Sororities are not for everyone-- hence mutual membership selection, but they are diverse social and service organizations that vary in reputation from school to school. A chapter of one sorority at State U may be very different in its membership at its chapter of ABC College.

Have these "popular" girls in your high school already received sorority bids? I gather that as of the date of your post and seeing that there are no sororities that conduct summertime membership selection, these girls are only preparing to go through recruitment. There is no guarantee that they will all be invited to membership in any sorority. Are they all going to the same school? Are you going to this school, too?

It may be that some of these girls want to join a sorority to continue feeling popular or to boost their confidence. Others may have other reasons: new friends, social life, service opportunities, leadership experience, alumnae networking, fitting in a new place far away from home.

Regarding moral values, every sorority I know has a moral code of conduct that members must follow, and a standards and ethics committee to ensure it is being followed. If these women are of low moral values, suffice to say, their reputations may precede them at recruitment. This kind of behavior can certainly prevent a woman from being invited to membership in a sorority, and can cause her membership to be canceled if she is a member.

The relationship between fraternities and sororities is social. The groups arrange mixers and service projects to allow the members to get to know one another. There is no formal relationship between the organizations, however, and as a member you are free to socialize with anyone you choose, Greek or not Greek.

As far as drunk guys go... if you're at a party, guys may hit on you. It's what guys do... They don't necessarily have to be in a fraternity nor drunk to do so. How you handle them is certainly up to you. Alcohol and parties are not exclusive to the Greek system-- you will attend many social events in college that have nothing to do with Greeks, I'd imagine.

There were some girls from my high school who were total witches who joined sororities. They were at different colleges so it really didn't matter.

There were 3 girls from my high school at my college who were not witches, but as you said, concerned with being popular. 2 joined one group (the "most popular" one) and the other joined a different one. None of them joined my group. One time the third girl made a crack about me being geeky in high school to a fraternity guy who happened to be a good friend of mine (and who also was slightly scary if you didn't know him well). He proceeded to rip her a new one. It was awesome :).

So the moral of the story is...unless you're going to college with everyone from your high school....don't worry about it. A lot of times the people who have been coasting off the "popular" image they attained in 7th grade get a VERY rude awakening when they get to college.

Oh, and drunk guys will hit on you EVERYWHERE at college - Greek or not - if you don't like the idea of that, either 1) don't go to a coed college or 2) don't go to parties.

Daffy, you must be my long-lost sister. I was right there in the spud-land, too. And with the same mother! I didn't know enough to sign up for rush (yes, it was rush back then), but COB'd about 6 weeks later.

Well now, I wonder what did happen with the OP??

I read somewhere that college "levels the playing field"...in other words, it doesn't matter how cool or popular you were in high school; when you get to college, you basically start all over again. Some people really blossom once they get to college. Use this as your chance to shine and put your high school experience where it belongs...in the past.

Oh, and I have to second what DeltAlum said...it's been really nice reading the posts in this thread.