Active Member vs Alum Letter of Rec Question
 

I am sorry if this question has already been posted/answered and I did not look hard enough to find it!

I am in the process of helping my best friend's younger sister prepare for rush at a very competitive southern school. We are right now identifying potential rec letter writers. I went to a school where letters of rec were not required and common. My question is, do you feel that it is more important to get letters written by alums or do they carry the same weight as a letter from an active member?

I don't want to find a bunch of active members to write letters only to find them not taken seriousy when I could be working harder to find alums for her :)

Thank you!

Some sororities do not allow actives to write recs. Keep that in mind. (Whoever you find to write one should know [or be able to find out] their sorority's policy)

Also, if it's VERY competitive, I would try to get as many ALUM recs as possible.

In order of priority:
1) alums from the school little sister is going to
2) alums from other schools
3) active members

Possibly active members from little sister's school would hold as much weight as alums, but again, not all groups allow actives to write recs.

But if you do know actives from Little Sister's school, it might not be a bad idea to at least introduce her to them (provided silence has not already kicked in).

If it's a competitive southern school, the recs should come from alum. If you have friends in other sororities who are collegians that can help you, they can certainly help put you in touch with their alumnae.

And I might add that if you have options, I think it's best to have the rec written by someone who actually KNOWS the pnm.

I've never seen that "in order of priority" before, though. When getting recs, we have always put priority with a recommendation from an alum who knows you personally, and if they are from the same chapter it's a bonus. Personally, if I was going to UGA, I would not get a rec from an XYZ at UGA who doesn't know me over an XYZ from Alabama who knows me well.

But that's just my opinion. Anybody else know more about this?

If I had the choice, I would get BOTH in that scenario. Since my little sister and her group of girls (who will always be 9 or 10 years old in my eyes) are all rushing this fall, most of them at UGA but some at other competitive campuses in the south, I have been encouraging them to try to get recs from on campus alumnae, but if they can get one from an on campus alum and one from someone who knows them better (unless the on campus alum knows them well), then they're covering their bases with both 1 and 2 (according to to that priority list). That way, if the chapter gives special priority to on campus alumnae they have the best of both worlds.

I agree that it is probably good to have a rec writer who know the PNM, and that it is good to have more than one rec at SEC schools, so it would be better to get both in that case.

However, JaimeNicole went to Maryland and is from Maryland, so a good deal of her contacts are going to be from a very different campus culture than this SEC school. Would it be better to have 2 recs from up women up North who know the PNM well, or 2 recs from strangers in the SEC?

Let's assume she's aiming for 2 recs per chapter, and there are two women up North who know this PNM well. Which scenario is better:

1. Should the southern AP only be used to "fill in the gaps" where contacts can not be found through one's own network? This would mean that the PNM would only use the recs from the women up North.

2. Or should there definitely at least one rec writer from the same school (or similar campus culture) regardless of how many northern contacts this PNM has?
This would mean the PNM would get one from each, or both northern contacts, plus a southern rec from a local AP.

I also went to a school where recs were uncommon. In my time as an active, I never saw even one.

Some sororities don't allow actives to write recs, and for those that do (if I'm not mistaken), the active has to be from a different chapter.

I'd say it's best to get recs from women who know the PNM well. A sister is a sister whether she went to LSU or UConn. And if the choice is between an active who knows the PNM well and an alum who doesn't know her as well - get both. Two recs would be overkill at my school, but not at competitive southern schools.

For Delta Gamma, any active may write a rec. I know that the rule you speak of exists for some sororities, though I don't know which ones.

I would still suggest two recs for each chapter, one from a contact who knows the PNM and one from an on campus contact (if possible). Some chapters may care where the alum is from and some may just need a rec that's going to tell them the most about the rushee, but this way both bases are covered. :)

I was just talking with my daughter's best friend's mother today and we were going over the list, and as luck would have it, in most cases there were enough options that we were able to find someone who knows her and also went to UGA.

Would you get more than one rec if that was the case?

If she had two recs to a chapter it wouldn't hurt her, especially from on campus alumnae.

For Phi Mu, an active member may not write a recommendation.

Maybe this is a list we should compile and archive somewhere.

interesting topic...makes me wonder about No-Recs though. Completely (haha) hypothetical scenario - If you were at a school where a PNM caused problems - problems so bad that even the greek advisor said she was bad news, and you caught wind that she was tansferring to another school with your organization - would it be appropriate for the chapter president to send a No-Rec to the new chapter? or should it still be by an alum? Thoughts?

I would say that it was appropriate for ANY sister to send a letter to the other chapter, whether it be a formal Letter Of Concern/No Rec or an email saying "Hey, this girl is no good". Although, I do think that valid concerns should be addressed, not something like "She wore a navy blouse with black pants" or something personal and petty like "She looked at Suzy Sister's boyfriend".

I wasn't thinking about anything THAT insignificant. Serious concerns. I wont go into detail because I'm talking about a "supposed" hypothetical situation. But if it were a serious enough concern, I would think that an active chapter president who could speak more from experience in this kind of situation would have more leverage than an alum who had the "he said she said" side of the story, ya know?

I understand. I was just spesifying. I don't know why everyone feels the need to be so "Formal" with their own sisters when it comes to rush. It's not a rush infraction for you to call/email your sisters at the chapter across the state and warn them that Patty PNM curses like a sailor, gets drunk 8 times a week, does drugs, etc... A rec form would probably be the most helpful, though, as it would be filed with all of the other rush info.

Amanda6035,

I think, in that situation, it's not going to matter too much who it comes from as long as it can be established that it's true.

Although some of us require formal recs for a girl to join, it doesn't mean that we consider only formal recs when we drop.

I think it would matter what you knew and how you knew it.

If you are going to give specifics, you should not do it in writing, for liability reasons. Call the other chapter and tell them what you know.

This is good general advice.

I'd say this, though, if you'd be hesitant to write it down for any reason, you might want to think very carefully about whether it's worth making a call.

People can sue you for slander as much as they can for libel. (Of course writing it down does make it easier for them to prove that you did actually say it.)

So, while we all want to make sure that we help other chapters avoid crazy or evil people, give some thought to what you actually say or write.

You're right about this....but it can also go both ways ;) Especially when Crazy PNM send you messages on facebook saying "I'm officially an XYZ" now and then turns around and says "I'm going through 'rush' at state U in the fall."

Hah. In my "hypothetical" situation, I wouldnt have to write an explanation. I could just print a facebook conversation and it'd tell it's own story. Cant get me for slander for something Crazy PNM said.

And actually, I think I'd handle it just like that. I'd either send a link to someone in the chapter if the message is still up or send a printout. Maybe with a note to the effect that while you can't be completely sure of it's veracity, that you thought the chapter should look into it a little further.

But DeltaBetaBaby has had a lot more real life experience with this and there actually are lawyers and law students who read this site; maybe they can explain why that would be an even bigger problem.