Who here knows what it's like to go without?
 

My pastor always raises this question when he's testifying about God's grace and mercy and I can really feel him because I grew up poor. My family struggled up until I was about a freshman in high school so I learned about sacrifice.

How many of yall feel me? Share!!

I can remember a time when I went to my mom crying because all of the other girls at school brought Barbies to play with and laughed at me because I didn't have one. She had to explain to me that her and my dad just couldn't afford it. I played like I understood but I was still sad. The next day, before she took us to school, she stopped at Eckerd's. She wouldn't let us go in with her and we didn't know why we stopped because going was out of the way for us. She took us on to school and before I got out, she handed me something. She went in and bought me a doll so I could fit in. It wasn't fancy (yall know the type of toys you get at a drugstore) but when I think back on it, that was one of the sweetest things. I actually teared up typing this.

You know, I had a similar conversation with a Soror friend not too long ago, and how we discussed that we all have our own levels and understanding of what poor is or what going without is.

I remember having to wear my clothes more than one day a week, because I didn't have enough clothes nor could my parents, working 4 jobs between the two of them, afford to clothes all of us like they wanted and I remember being teases when I was in the 7th grade. This boy I like even wrote in my year book (yes we had yearbooks in Jr. High?middle school) that though he thought I was a nice person, I stunk and that I should change my clothes. Talk about hurtful and a beating on the ole self-esteem.

One of my supposed friends asked me one day when we were in the 7th grade, "So what you wearing tomorrow? The brown pants?" I know I told her something good but that really hurt my feelings because I thought "If my 'FRIEND' is saying this to me, what are other people saying about me?"

I think that may have been when I truly understood my family's finances. When my mom bought that doll for me, I was young and didn't really understand. And that's what I'm thankful for--we were poor but my sister, brother and I didn't even know it.

I knew my dad didn't get up early like my mom to go to work (he had his own engineering firm that didn't really take off until about '94) but I knew he prayed A LOT, worked in the church and taught Sunday School. I can remember being young and someone asking me what my dad did for a living and I told them "He works for God."

We also thought it was fun to eat pancakes for dinner but when I got older, I realized that was because you could feed a family of 5 for at least 3 meals on a $3 box of pancake mix.

People from church or my mom's job would also give us food--especially snacks during the times when we didn't go to school like Christmas break and summer break. I just thought everyone loved us a lot. They did but when I got older, I realized that they were trying to help my parents out.

i remember when i was younger my parents had one car between the two of them, this beat up old datsun. it was old and beat up for as long as i could remember. i mean, i remember us being broke down on the side of the road at age 5 and broke down in the same car at 15... LOL. they had it from the time i was in day care until about maybe 10th grade - i remember (selfishly) being glad it finally died around the time i was supposed to start learning how to drive.

i am having trouble as i type this figuring out exactly how my parents did the one car switch-off. i remember getting up in the middle of the night (JUST when i finally went to sleep) so my mom could pick up my dad from work. Then waking up early in the morning so my dad could drop my mom off at the bus stop. i guess my dad would park at the metro and ride the train TO work, and then when my mom got off she rode to the metro to pick up the car.

it hurts my heart right now just thinking about it because my parents would go out of their way to make sure i had a ride no matter where i needed to go, and they would offer a ride to my friends if they needed it... however the favor was NEVER returned. There were many days i was late to activities and the last kid picked up from school or rehersals. my parents made it a priority that i would be able to have those experiences (band, ballet, choir, etc), even though that meant they had to play this ridiculous scheduling game.

this might not seem like a huge hardship, but we lived out in the middle of the county before metro buses made convenient stops and waaay before the train stations extended out here.

I can relate to this. My gym teacher was nice enough to buy my sneakers in 5th grade, because my parents couldn't afford them. I remember, they were blue and grey Nikes :). My family didn't have a phone until I was in middle school, no cable until the middle of high school. I really had to find stuff to do when I was a child, lol. I used to write down my outfits for the week so I would make sure to mix and match what I had, because they were the same clothes from last week.

It just makes me so thankful now when I do have. I have to check myself when I'm on a 'tight budget' now and complain that I might not have money to eat out or buy a new outfit, because I'm paying the rent, I have cable with HBO and all that jazz, I have a home phone and a cell phone...I'm doing a lot better than I was when I was a child, and I should be grateful for that.

We spend so much on frivilous things nowadays, we really don't realize how much we DON'T need what we think we do.

I still love to eat breakfast for dinner, though! :D

MeezDiscreet, i might tear up a bit too on this...

my parents made the decision to be a single income family. dad worked, mom stayed home with us (im the oldest of 3 girls). at the time i didnt understand. we wore hand me downs, ate oatmeal and drank powdered milk... mom was the most talented person ive ever met for coming up with different dishes each night to eat. we always ate as a family, never once missing a meal. sure, i was super jealous growing up, there was so much i wanted and couldnt have. they taught us early on there was no Santa, so that we wouldnt be disappointed at christmas time.

we were not quite poor, not quite broke...we never recieved any type of government assistance, we never went to school dirty or hungry. and we also never knew we had no money. my parents made sure to hide that from us and raise us comfortably, where all our necessities were met. last year i found my parents taxes from 87 and i think my dad made close to 10k. total.

i didnt appreciate it at the time, but now i know how to go without. and even though i do well for my family, my fiance was raised the same way, and we make sure not to give our daughter everything she wants. i appreciate more. i give more. i expect less and prepare for the worst. it made me better.

<--- same here!!!

You're telling my story!!!

you know, i watch these shows with these spoiled rotten people, and i cant help but feel bad for them. you just know that when times get rough, they wont be able to handle things...

I definitely know what's it like to go without, moreso as a teen which is when my parents divorced and my mother had difficulty finding work.

Examples of what that was like: we shopped at the Goodwill, we were on free/reduced lunch in school, many times without cable, some utilities got turned off, Fila shoes bought at Marshall's instead of Foot Locker but I told my classmates we got them from out of town, baskets of food from the church for the holiday meals, etc.

God knows I know what it's like to be without.

I remember coming home from school in the third grade and being evicted from my apartment. Imagine being in third grade and coming home and seeing all your possessions in the street. It was the first of four evictions in my lifetime. I've been in the middle of dead winter with no heat and literally nothing to eat. I've been without electricity or hot water for a week in the middle of fall, eating cold sandwiches and taking cold showers. I can definitely identify with the repeat outfits because I had only a few clothes. Being without a car and catching public transportation, lying about where I lived so I can "school-hop" in another county with a better education system. Living in a hotel room for months at a time. We weren't eligible for government assistance until my mother actually lost her job once for a brief period (a few months). After that, she made too much money on paper to be eligible. You name it, I just may have been through it.

What I'm thankful for is the fact that it all taught me resposibility and to be appreciative for what I do have. When God should see fit to bless me with an abundant income, I won't be one of those people who have no idea what to do with their money. Poverty makes you sad as well as wise.

But it was and always has been my early faith and relationship in Christ that sustained me. Now, I don't struggle like that anymore and I know that it's only by grace. Many people ask my mom why she never had anymore children than just me. She always responded that she couldn't afford more than one. Looking back now, I'm glad she was wise enough to make the decision.

So in short, I definitely know what it's like to go without.

i did free/reduced lunch too. only back then, the regular lunch tickets were a different color than the cheaper ones. never did figure out why that was, because everyone knew by the color what type of lunch you got...

when my fiance got laid off last year 2 weeks after i had, that was the first thing i did: find out about reduced lunch for my daughter. it was 40 cents, dropped from $1.75. EVERY BIT COUNTS. we got jobs soon after, but when you end up in a situation like that? you cant panic. you cut coupons (which i hated as a child but ADORE now!), you buy off brand things...i swear we didnt have 2 ply toilet paper for the longest lol! but we survived, and didnt know the difference until we became adults.

Many of these posts are very similar to my childhood.

My parents tried, together and then individually, but it was a difficult road. I remember one Christmas where we only got fruit and candy bars in our stockings.

I learned many of the same lessons. To be appreciative of what I have, to work hard for what I have, and the differences between needs and wants.

Wow...reading some of these posts brings back some memories...we got evicted and had to move around a couple of times when I was young...I can remember the breakfast at night thing too...my stepdad was a loser so I know he hustled people out of money and never wanted to work a "real" job..I've always been obsessed with clothes and I can remember wanting more then I had...luckily my mom did manage to keep me in private school until 8th grade so I wore uniforms....I lived with my grandma from the time when I was around 11 yrs old and we have had utilities shut off, the rent late as all get out and I've seen the worry on my grandma's face when it was time to pay bills...I can say that thank God we always had food but things were rough and I got my first job at 13 by changing the age on a copy of my birth certificate and I've been working every since...I bought my own clothes from that point forward and helped my grandma out...I will tell anyone that I've been grown since I was 13....I had to do for myself and looking back I don't really have any regrets because my experiences have made me a "go-getter"....I just try to make sure that my daughter never has to worry about "adult" issues...I shield her from those stresses as best I can...

I teared up reading it.

I am one of six, so things were kind of lean for us at times too.

I can't say that I know what its like to go without. I grew up in a upper middle class home and we just didn't struggle. For a while, when I was younger, I was like these kids you see on My Sweet 16, etc. I guess its part of the maturing process and/or the fact that when I went to college I met and become friends with people who were totally different from me, I think that I have become a better person. I realize that I don't like who I used to be(stuck-up, bougie, unsympathetic, cold, etc. ).I am so appreciative of the things that the Lord and my parents provided for me. Reading some of these stories, brought a tear to my eyes also, because I realize how blessed I have been and how easily things could have been on the other foot.

I really don't know any of you personally, but I believe that the Lord wouldn't give you anything that you couldn't handle. And these expierences have probably made you into stong, independent, successful women.

Sorry its so long!!:)

I have experienced just about everything that has been mentioned in this thread. I grew up very poor. My brothers and I also had to wear the same pants more than once in a one week because we didn't have a lot of clothes. We also had our utilities shut off many times, didn't have a vehicle many times, and couldn't participate in a lot of school activities that required money. Once I got older, my mother shared with me how she had to shoplift for baby food and milk when my older brother and I were babies.

Even though we didn't have a lot, my mother always made sure that the few clothes we had were always clean, and we always had food to eat.

Growing up poor has allowed me to appreciate all of the blessings that I have received, and how far I have come. Yes, I am on a VERY tight budget right now, but my childhood and life struggles have made me the strong, independent woman I am today.

I only experienced something like this a short period in my life (15-16), but it was still awful and I still rememeber everything about it.

-My parents pawned everything under the sun.
-Selling our nice sunday outfits to consignment shops.
-Car reprossesions.
-My dad selling baked goods and hot tamales without a license.
-I remember my mom getting really sick, but wouldn't get treated because she had no health insurance....wait maybe she had insurance but couldn't afford the co-pay. Something like that.
-Piling 5-7 people in a raggedy cadillac

Sorta funny looking back at it, but wasn't funny at all when we experienced it.

I did not experience this as a child but as an adult. We went through a very hard time for about a year. I had to pawn alot, I even pawned my wedding rings, my son broke his arm in between me transferring jobs and he had no medical care, so we couldn't even take him to get the permanent cast fitted. I couldn't even fill his $10 prescription of motrin. We had no water for a couple of weeks, we were just trying to hold onto to our house and live. My car was tripping my husbands car was broke, it was horrible. This wasn't in the all so distant past......

So I am humbled and grateful for all that I have and I appreciate it now. This is probably why my husband tries to spoil me now, he feels guilty for what happended. However looking at us from the outside you would have never guessed in a million years.

So God is faithful and so good to me. He keeps his promises and is a redeemer. I went today and got me feet and nails done, went to the mall and spent $300, and came home in my BMW. I say that not to brag but to confirm God answers prayers and moves us out of lonely and bad situations.

Oh, I most definately know what it's like to go without. Having to forego field trips due to lack of funds, oh yeah. Utility disconnections, been there done that (electric disconnection Monday Sept 9, 1985 that lasted 4 days, and gas shut off due to old pipes and water heater system 9/28/89 that lasted about 3 weeks).

Having to scrape up change to buy a 43 cent pack of Hostess Chip Flips (which were IMHO so delicious) or a 25 cent Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie (this was circa 1983-85).


I remember being promised an allowance of 30 cents for each time I emptied a “loaded” mousetrap (and amassing close to $10—in 1982 dollars, mind you, within a month’s time that my mother never paid me for). Subsequently, I never had to empty any more mousetraps after that. About a year later, I was given an allowance of $1 per week and was paid every 2 weeks—which lasted maybe a couple of months before that came to an end. I received for my 10th birthday a whopping $2.25 in cash—6 months later I visited my Aunt Rozina in Pittsburgh and she game me $5 for no reason at all. I thought I was big ballin’ for a kid.

I was so accustomed to making chump change, if I ever had over $10 in my pocket at any given time; I thought I was a millionaire (or close to it).

When I was 12 years old, I amassed $15 in birthday money so I opened up my first savings account at Bank Ohio (now National City) and got my own little bankbook. I thought I was the MAN—until the bank started charging my account $5 a month in bogus service fees. My mother promptly closed the account and reimbursed me the $5. What the fuss kinda gangster mess was that? A big bank such as Bank Ohio charging a kid such bogus fees. Was someone on the pipe to be doing stuff like that?


Wearing clothes from Charity Newsies, did that too. Having food with the white box and black lettering that just said "CEREAL" or "BEANS" ala Chris Rock's stand-up bit, I can relate, and not just the government-issued food, but from a now-defunct chain supermarket called Big Bear that had no-name brand food.

Buying groceries on credit from a corner store called Little Giant, (I bet some of you young folk didn't know you could do such a thing). My family went off welfare in 1986 and I felt a burden being lifted off the family as a result.

I remember being “upgraded” from free to reduced price school lunches in 10th grade. I also remember at the age of 14 being denied a summer job via my city’s Private Industry Council because my family made too much money. I actually found that denial a thinly veiled compliment and was actually flattered.

I also remember eating free box lunches in the summertime at the local Recreation and Parks summer program at the local playgrounds and recreation centers. Does any other city besides mine have something to that effect? You gotta love those turkey sandwiches that smelled like someone’s B.O.

I remember as a teenager, my appetite starting to grow. Those portions Mom gave me as a kid wasn't cutting it anymore. The one thing I remember inventing to eat to hold me over until dinner was a "spice pizza", which was a slice of toasted bread with ketchup, numerous spices from the spice cabinet (chili powder, onion powder, etc.) salami bits, and government cheese all toasted in the toaster oven and served hot. Delicious!!

But for what it was worth, my family did without many things, but we were never evicted, and we never went hungry. Praise God.

When I was in elementary school and would get out of school, if my dad wasn't home, I would go to my neighbor's house. I had to call my mom as soon as I got there everyday and she would just ask how was school and we would talk for about 5 to 10 minutes about my day while she was at work. One day, she made it a point to tell me to make sure I did all of my homework while I was at my neighbor's house. When my parents got home (we had one car and my mom would ride the bus to work and my dad would pick her up from work), I found out why--our lights were out. My mother's strength through those times was so unflappable because as we talked, there was no hint of concern. It just seemed like our ordinary conversations.

I know what it's like to go without.

Never again.

This all brings back memories. Too often I remember the phone being off, the cable being out, having to call my grandparents to see if they could feed us for the night. This all began after my mother was hit by a drunk driver when I was 4. The effects of that day still linger for my family. Because of the accident, my mother could no longer work. She had to have two surgeries due to the ruptured disks in her back. Due to that my mother only recieved money at the beginning of the month (SSI) and the end (disability). Times were always good for about a week. But after the bills get paid times would be hard for the remaining three weeks. Especially since my mother had her own demons to deal with.

The only thing that held me through this rough period, which lasted from the age of 4 to 16 were my grandparents and my uncle. They were always their for me. In fact, my grandmother placed me in catholic school from kindergarten to sixth grade and then I received a scholarship to go to private school from seventh to twelth. Imagine what it's like to attend school with tons of rich kids who never know what it's like to be without while you go home and eat 5 wings for $1 from the corner store.

I pray and hope that if and when I do have children they will never have to go through what I went through.

I do and still going without!
 

What a wonderful thread for us to share!

I remember my so called friends hurting my feelings too many times during middle school/high school. I was the only one in our crowd on free or reduced lunch. At that time we used to get a roll of a month's worth of tickets. If there was no school or I was absent, I could use that ticket on another day and possibly get more than 1 lunch by going through a different line. So, one day we were planning to skip out and go to her house for lunch. She noticed me putting the ticket back in my pocket and she commented, "we don't accept food stamps at my house. sorry, couldn't resist" or something like that. She had no idea how much that hurt.

I also remember many times putting together my little outfits to not appear to be wearing the same thing. It didn't work cause another friend would talk about me to my face. I remember being asked "what you gon wear tomorrow?" And don't let me wear anything really nice or new. She continued to talk about how "shocked" she was to see me in that.

This whole "clothes" thing has continued to affect me in my life now. Even now I find myself shopping to get things that will go with what I already have so I will never appear to be wearing the same thing. I also have a recurring dream where I am either shopping and buying beautiful clothes or I am looking in my closet for something to wear and then I am walking through the high school cafeteria looking fabulous!

As a single mother of 3 I find myself spoiling my children and always trying to give them their heart's desire. I have a strained relationship with my mother now because she did not work (supposedly my dad wouldn't let her). I felt that if she had a job, we would not have been as unfortunate. We were never without food because my dad grew up hungry so keeping groceries in the house was his thing plus he was an awesome cook!

Sorry, this is so long but this is a great thread for us to share. It helps me now when I hear my students put down someone else for not having and they KNOW I will go off on them!

Now I am going to ask each of my kids if they consider themselves poor. Too often they say that their friends have more. I just want them to be happy but also thankful with their Jordan wearing/cell phone sporting selves! I break myself so they can keep up. I hope they realize that is why they have breakfast for dinner somethimes. ;)

::fanning myself:: lawd memories! not ones that i prefer. but yeah. my mom used to make a huge put of spagetti at the beginning of the week, hoping it would last. by thursday, friday, we were so over spagetti. even now if i had to go without spagetti in my life, i would be OK. same thing with Ramen noodles. i didnt understand when i got to college why everyone was so ga-ga over them - as far as i was concerned, it was poor ppl's food - 10 for $1 you know? these fools were paying as much as 35 cents a pack for one!

them free school lunches, man! lunch tickets were a serious business. after 6th grade if you ate school lunch, you got ragged on cause it meant you couldnt afford food from the snack line (they sold hot pretzels, cookies, juice, and some other mess). i would save my $ for DAYS to get a pretzel like it was no big deal. even worse was school breakfast - you had to get to school like an hour early which meant getting up an hour early, which my mother found real convienent to get to work. and THEN all the bullies used to jack kids for their free lunch tickets and sell them to OTHER kids to make money. shame, po folks stealing from other po folks!

as if i didnt have enough to be laughed at for (overweight, bad clothes, few clothes, awkward overall) i was eating school lunch - and liked it!


i've gone without in so many ways growing up and it hurts to see my younger siblings take some of what we have NOW for granted. i didnt have name brand sneakers until 8th grade, and i was only allowed to wear them on certain days (i wasnt even a bad kid - stellar grades, one of the good kids... WTF?). we didnt have cable until i was like 16 (and it was bootleg, kept going out and what not). we didnt get the internet until my senior year of h.s. was evicted twice, one for back rent, the second time by a fire, which made my first year of college REALLY hard. it pissed me off, hearing my college friends talk about "OMG im so poor, i cant afford to go out drinking tonight." man please. do you have somewhere to call home? where's your next meal coming from? can you go to the ATM and depend of money coming out?

times like that make you really believe in something higher. but times like now that i DO have convince me that there is something higher. man, i am so grateful!

absolutely right.

when i hit 3rd grade, i was put into a gifted program for my county. i was miles ahead of all the other kids, and it did me some good to be challenged. what a mistake...

not only was i in classes with the "upper crust" of the area, i was also the only black child in the class. talk about a hit on my self esteem...i dont blame my parents, it did me a world of good in the end, but also sparked a "dark skinned issue" in my head that challenged me up until a few years ago. when all the new, cool, expensive stuff came out, i was the only one who didnt have it, and for some reason i didnt think it was because of money, i thought it was skin...

Memories... I don't think we knew anything was really bad until we hit middle school/high school. We weren't spoiled but my mother definitely didn't let us go without. My brother and I went to private Catholic schools until 10th grade on scholarship and there were so many other kids like us, we were okay. After my mother lost her GOOD job (downsizing :mad: :( ) , that was the beginning of the end for us. She got another job fairly quickly but it wasn't the same. My stepdad wasn't the most reliable so we stayed with stuff getting cut off, cars taken back, begging so I could take my college finals every semester. We never recovered financially and when I was in college, they divorced and we lost our house. I still hate thinking about cleaning out our house. My mom couldn't deal with it so I did it myself. I was homeless for about 4 months after school, bouncing around from house to house until I got stable. That was probably one of the worst periods of my life. I can just imagine how bad it was for her though. It's been a good number of years but I don't think any of us has really recovered emotionally from it.
My mother grew up dirt poor and buying her house was her way of dealing with her own demons from childhood. You all mentioned wearing the same clothes and being teased and stuff. That was her childhood.
Someone mentioned the Sweet 16 show. I HATE IT!! Spoiled brats who think money grows on trees. I take this experience with me everyday when I go to work, to school, to church... so I always know what I'm working for. I have a pretty good job now and a really nice place. God has really blessed me.

And aint that what makes the struggle worth it?!

^^^^^^^^^^^

Yes Indeed!!!!

Fellow greekchatters!

These stories amaze me!

My story: I never had to want for nothing... My folks made it their life's mission to make sure my brother and I had all we desired. While growing up, as a teen, my father provided me with things where I had to tell him to STOP! He still tries to provide me with "gifts"--these gifts are like a "Trojan horse" :rolleyes:

However, my mother did grow up very poor. Outhouses, no way of warmth in the winter. Only had an icebox after she left the house. Sometime starved. So, she taught me how to maintain and keep the toys and things that I was given. Because she had older sisters and brothers, they did things for her so that she could get an education. She got an college degree at a time that she should not have been anything. And she made sure that my brother and I would not suffer the pangs of poverty.

That is the one thing I admire about my folks, then did not forget their roots. My father's dental office is in a very poor area town. He actually barters for dental work. :eek: However, please refrain for asking for his assistance... My mother, retired as a principal of an inner city elementary school. She made sure those students in less than favorable homes excelled in their education while she worked at that school.

As a result, I serve those who are less fortunate than me. I strongly believe that through Church and my Sorority. I think it sucks when those who actually have been given an abundant life do not step up and make things happen. Even if it is spending time with the elderly to tutoring students, no matter, there is no excuse when God had given one plenty to hoard it all for himself or herself...

I can honestly say that you all are inspirations and true testimonies to what the human spirit does in the face of adversity. I know that sounds all Hallmark-ish, but it's true. I didn't have a childhood even close to this because my parents made sure of it. When my parents were young, they came from 2 black families not too long after the Great Depression. Both of them grew up with literally nothing and both of them swore their kids would never go through that. :rolleyes: My parents were determined to prove to themselves that they would never have to tell their children "no" because the funds simply weren't there. As a result, my sister and I had what my pastor calls the "Neiman Marcus" upbringing. We each had our own rooms in our not extravagant, but nice house. We both grew up with a backyard full of toys and more clothes than we knew what to do with. Basically, we had more material stuff than we did parents. I would gladly go back and trade some of that to have had more support and involvement from them than their money, but that's another story entirely.

Most people say that I'm spoiled, but I don't believe that. One thing my parents did their best on was to teach me that anything worth having is something I have to work for. While I never really had to struggle for anything, I did work for a lot of the big things they gave me (nothing compared to what you've gone through, I'm sure). As an adult, I often work to earn things that are just offered to me for free (Some say I'm stupid for that, but I don't ever want to be the spoiled little girl who doesn't know how to earn something.) And my mom got me involved in community service early and I haven't stopped since. She made sure that I knew that there were others out there who worked just as hard as our family, but didn't have nearly what we did and that it was my duty to give it back to our community. I believe that wholeheartedly and I think that's what makes me a giving person. I'll give something away before I'll sell it and do volunteer work as often as time permits. If I don't have a reason to say "no" then I won't. I've been told that I'm too giving and that people are going to take advantage of me and I know they have and more probably will. But that won't deter me from giving because there are people in this world who need it. God has blessed me with a lot in this world and so I have no problem giving it up--it was never really mine in the first place.

In my 3+ years on GreekChat I have to say this is one of the most worthwhile threads I've ever read. I don't really have a hardship story to add, but I can appreciate the testimonies shared, and the values the posters apparently got from learning to "overcome" so early in life.

Props to you, MeezDiscreet. :D

As I have learned of other's hardships I consider myself to be very blessed. However, being that my mother was raising my brother and I on her own, we did experience our fair share of financial hardships, although for the longest time we didn't know it. For example we did recieve free food around Thanksgiving some years, and I can remember hoping that my best friend, whose family had more money than mine, would not be the family that dropped off the box at our front door, because I didn't want her to think that we were needy, even though I guess we were. Also, I remember shopping at Payless for my sneakers, and for the longest time I didn't think anything of it. Then, in 7th grade this kid who was kind of in my clique was talking about shoes or something and he's like "Ugh, what kind of shoes are those?" I told him that they were cross trainers. And he's like, "No, what KIND (brand) are they?" I started to get all hot because I didn't want to admit that they were Payless (that was THE WORST place to get shoes at the time) and what made it worse was that my friend (who was white and had money) was sitting right there saying "Tell him what kind of shoes they are," thinking that they were actually name brand. I just kept saying that they were cross trainers, hoping that they would move on and hating them for putting me on the spot like that...And that was the worst that it ever got. So like I said I consider myself to have been very fortunate growing up because even though we didn't have a lot, we still had more than some of our friends and were even considered "rich" by a few...

Thanks Tony

That was my childhood/teen years. I can totally relate. It was cool. Has anyone heard of the term "house poor"? I heard someone say it in the doctor's office.

I also echo TonyB's sentiment. I don't have any hardship stories either, for the same reason christiangirl mentioned, but I definitely appreciate your stories and I greatly respect you all for being willing to share. :)


yup. it's basically when the only thing you can afford is your mortgage payment. you struggle to pay utilities and other basics.

So, my father has a "thing" for the acquisition of cars. Not the flashy ones or the massive fixer uppers, but stupid ones that no one will buy. Then he also got caught up in that late 70's early 80's IRS audit that killed a lot of Black owned businesses. Since, I do not have a business research background, that would be a very good topic to study for a graduate degree. Anyhow, there were "times" my mother was completely unsure if we would have a house over our heads and food to eat as children.

Now, I would never say we were impoverished, but I did not see lavish gifting until I was a teen. Clothes, cars, jewelry and that is when my mother got hip to the game my father did and told him to stop. So, then he tried it on me and I was too nerdy to like it. However, my brother on the otherhand... I don't think he ever has actually looked, purchased with his own money, and owned the pink slip to a vehicle EVER! :mad: Pisses me off to no end...

And as far as being "house broke". Yeah, my brother was in those ARM mortgages that have gone defunct. Hence, his logic for his divorce... Drama.

Whereas, my husband and I, we have a conventional mortgage. And when we got married, since my mother chose not to give us a "FHA Bridal Registry" where guests put money in a "pot" that can be used for a house downpayment, we had to ask for Lowes/Home Depot gift card. Got 2 ceiling fans for it with the install!

I think numerous people are unsure if they can do disciplined personal business decisions and we, who are educated, must try to assist those less fortunate in some of those issues. I also think we must teach them how to not take no for a final answer.

Looking back on my childhood, I would have to say that we were EXTREMELY blessed. I have no idea how my mother was able to provide for my brothers and I without child support from my father (she has since taken him to court 3 times for back child support; but that's another thread). I can remember times when my mother wouldn't eat dinner so my brothers and I would have something to eat. I can remember being embarrassed to ask for the reduced lunch application. I remember being embarrassed to have friends come over because we couldn't afford cable, our A/C never worked and we had hand me down furniture. I remember going to pawn shops and shopping at thrift stores and Pic 'n Save. I remember having my flute repossessed for non-payment (somehow my mother was able to get it back). I remember my brother lying to my mother about his class ring being stolen when he actually pawned it to pay for his tuxedo to go to prom. When my brothers and I went to college we would always be sure to send out mother money when we got our financial aid refund checks. But through all of that my mother still managed to get my brothers and I everything we needed and most of what we wanted. We always had food on the table and clothes on our backs. There was never a time that we could ever say that our mother didn't do something or get something for us.

Our moms sound a lot alike.:o I remember once when I was really little. We were out and about and she didn't have any cash on her (this was before everyone had debit cards), but I was so hungry I didn't want to wait till we got home. She was just as hungry as I was, but she gave me the orange left over from her lunch and then she ate the peels after I was finished.:eek: I thought she was crazy, but that's how she grew up--times were too hard to throw the peel away. Man, I'd forgotten about that time. My mommy's definitely my shero. I think I'll go hug her now....*goes off to mommy's room*

its called the grace of god...:)

once i learned my daughters father was hardly worth the air
he breathed, i swore she would not go without just because of him. i guess that was easy for me to say, seeing as how i only had one child, but it still made things difficult. i remember him asking if he could carry her on his taxes one year, i dont think i have ever laughed that hard! i told him hell no, pampers arent free. her food isnt free. the gas i put in my car to drive to work and pick up your slack isnt free.

i am not afraid to go without. i love to shop (when i have it to spend lol) and love to shop for other people even more. true, my child is not laced in designer everything, but she is always presentable, always polite, and nobody can tell the difference. the same way my parents raised me, and i am better because of it.

:eek: So not to be stupid, but how does it work? I thought the parent that has full custody gets to declare the kid on the taxes? How is he gonna ask for the exeption when he doesn't cover basic necessities?

I think that parents can provide for the basic "presentable" aspects for their children, i.e. cleanliness, neat clothing and politeness with out excessiveness or "conspicuous consumption". Yes, money does pay for aspects in life that one would never get, like a trip to Paris every summer in the Villa... But, if there is someone who vacations every d'Ete sur Ste. Tropez, I am sorry, but you would not be at GC posting.

I really do not like folks broadcasting their thoughts about richness. It is just another indication that they are really not rich in the first place. And it is in improper to discuss one's income.

Education is different, but there is a difference between educated and wise or learned. And wisdom is sage for the most part. As it relates to child rearing and poverty, wisdom and common sense teaching has nothing to do with one's economic status in life...

Because: You can place a 10 cent person in a million dollar dress and you still have a 10 cent person...

Or you can place a million dollar person in a 10 cent dress, but you still have a million dollar person...