Dropping letters, engagement, ect.
 

Hey guys (and girls!) I have found the love of my life, and I would like to learn what the steps are twards engagement as far as dropping letters, candle lights, ect. We've been dating since first semester of freshman year, and we're starting our junior year. What are the first steps? I'm just completely clueless about what to do, and not too many of my brothers care about this stuff too much, so I really need to know my shit so I can get them behind me.

Thanks so much!

1. Lavaliere
2. Pin
3. Engagement Ring

Congratulations!!! A good way to move ahead with your plan is to ask questions on here, but why not email HQ to see what they think? I'm sure they would be very happy to help you. There are so many different ways to do this, that it would be almost impossible to say, unless it's only done one way by your GLO. Good luck!!! :)

HQ would tell you that it varies from chapter to chapter.

But I'm sure they could throw out some hints, no? :)

Thanks for the help guys, what are some of the traditions that yall do at your chapters?

I'm also a little fuzzy on what is actually involved in dropping the pin? Do I not get to wear it again?

It really just depends on you and what you want to do.

At some campuses, lavalieres are presented (a letter drop with your letters) as a way to show committment.

At others, you present her with your fraternity pin. Some organizations also have a "sweetheart pin" you can give to her.

And at still others, one may first "lavaliere" the lady, and then at a later date, present her with his pin/sweetheart pin.

If she is in a sorority, you may want to organize a serenade with your brothers and present it to her. Or give it to her on a romantic date.

You can bypass all of these things, of course, and propose to her or give her a promise ring, depending on "where you are" in the relationship. It just depends on what you feel comfortable with.

If you'd like to be married by the end of your senior year, most brides like about 1 year to plan the wedding, so if that is what you have in mind, plan accordingly if you'd like to propose to her.

Let's be clear on "pinning." They make little tokens.. either fake gold, gold plated or solid gold sets of letters that can be attached to a chain. That's okay.

What's not okay is to let her wear your badge (unless you get engaged). Girlfriends do not get to wear the badge. Fiancees, mothers and sisters do.

I've been in on a lot of "droppings." My favorite was where basically the whole chapter rolled out to Bricktown (an entertainment area in OKC with a riverwalk, numerous clubs, etc.) I brought my fiddle... The member we did it for arranged that he and his gf would be walking one way down the sidewalk, us the other. We ran into them, and serenaded 'em with Green Day's "Time of Your Life." I think one guy had a guitar.. I did the violin part. Anyway.. she enjoyed that.

As I said though, it varies from place to place. If you're part of the recolonization effort at Arkansas, you can either talk to some alums and find out what they did and do that so long as it's legal.. Or you can just make up your own thing.

Thanks, Kevin. I'd pretty much say that we are recolonized here in Arkansas. Got a brand new house that will be finished this fall right across from the student entrance to the stadium. She's a beaut. You'll have to swing by and visit sometime.

I gave her a promise ring for christmas last year, and I think that I'll be setting up some sort of singing for her and give her the lavaliere this fall. Just to make sure that I am clear on the language here, "dropping your letters" is the necklace that I give her with my letters (SN) on it, correct?

FYI, she is also greek, a beautiful ADPi from Texas. Still haven't figured out how she ended up here at Arkansas and in love with me, but I'm not complaining!!!

The lavaliere thing is pretty standard fare. In fact, there's a good chance her sisters will have some sort of ritual set up for her back at their place.

Congratulations on your re-charter, btw. We've been watching the construction of y'alls' new place. Very, very nice. You must have some amazing alumni support.

At any rate, we were sort of in your boat regarding tradition at one point. When you get to these things, you can ask around or just make it up as you go along. That's one of the fun things about being a new group -- the stupid stuff I did at certain times without giving it much thought is now tradition. Give some thought to that -- if you want to go above and beyond, maybe you can do something that'll last.

Since she's greek, ask one of her sisters what they do for that sort of thing. At my chapter, We have a candle pass with the guy there for a pinning (we've never had a lavaliere-ing hat i know of).

There's a sweetheart pin you can order from Sigma Nu. Check out your national web site. It's basically your same badge, but in miniature.

From what I've picked up, their candlelights are held downstairs in the basement, and it't off limits to non-memebers. I'll definitly ask her president tho, and see. I think that all the guys coming over to their house and singing would do the trick.

They could have a surprise candlelight with you waiting to ask her! That would be truly unique!!! See if you can time it so that when someone blows the candle out for her, you are waiting there to ask her. :p

Very cool-- just remember that different chapters and different sororities do candle lights in their own way. Our UCLA and UCF chapters of ADPi have completely different ways of holding a candlelighting ceremony to commemorate a pinning/lavaliering/engagement. :)

True, but it would be fun for them to intertwine the two somehow. :) You're right I was assuming that ADPi candlelights are just like KD ones, and that is just silly. :) But yay for engagement plans. So cute.

Totally agree and it's nice to meet a new fraternity man on GC who is so in love with his girlfriend! :) I can't wait to hear how his plans play out! She will be so surprised :)

Thanks girl! I wish that college would hurry up, I want to hurry up and get my degree so I can tie the knot. I'm enjoying myself here tho. College is the best time that I want to end quickly! I do love her.

Glad I found this place, looks like alot of good people on here, and some decent info.

That's a pretty broad generalization. If I had taken an entire year to plan my wedding I would have been bored to tears. I think it only takes a year if it's going to be a grand affair.

On the other hand, to the OP, I think it's awesome that you're so in love with your girlfriend! She is obviously a lucky lady. Good luck with whatever you decide!

We've already talked about it, and definitely are going to have at least a year engagement. We both have large extended families, and it's gonna be quite the event I'm sure.

I am still confused tho, if I give her the lavaliere, what is the pin dropping? And if I get the sweetheart pin is that something different, or does it replace one of the other two?

Talk to your bros and see what they think. It's kind of neat that your fraternity is new to campus b/c the things you do now are going to establish the traditions that future generations of men in your chapter will follow!

There's no hard and fast "rule" or procedure you have to follow for this. If you want to give her a laveliere, give her a laveliere. Or give her the sweetheart pin. You're setting the standard for your chapter! I wouldn't present her with your actual fraternity pin until you are out of school or about to graduate. ;)

Either way, she's going to love whatever token of the fraternity you present her with-- and she will also love the candle pass her sisters will honor her with :)

Again, because it deserves repetition, she doesn't get to wear the badge until y'all are at least engaged (at least according to the governing documents of Sigma Nu).

Aside from that, it's nothing binding, but that sweetheart pin is usually something only worn by the current and former chapter sweetheart, not individual girlfriends or fiancées. That's how my chapter treats it. I'm pretty sure that's open to interpretation though.

We did the same. That little mini badge necklace goes to Sweethearts (and back in the old days, Lil'Sisters of the White Rose).

This thread needs pictures. Here are some examples of lavalieres available from HJGREEK.COM (they're our official jeweler)

First, a less traditional one, but it's probably the more popular:

http://www.hjgreek.com/assets/images...large/9737.jpg

Here's the more traditional one (which I prefer, the heart shape thing is a little cheesy IMHO):

http://www.hjgreek.com/assets/images...large/9755.jpg

Here's the sweetheart pin, which as banditone and I were saying, at least in our chapters was reserved for the chapter's "White Rose" a/k/a sweetheart:

http://www.hjgreek.com/assets/images...large/9821.jpg

That website also has 2-3 different necklace options. I've never seen those personally. One of them resembles the badge so closely that I don't think Herff Jones (or whoever designed it) really had our tradition/rules in mind when it was designed.

But there ya go. Hope that helps.

For your girlfriend, when you got "serious" (but not engaged) we used this bad boy exclusively.

http://www.hjgreek.com/assets/images...large/9755.jpg

I am pretty sure that most organizations do a candle-pass or something along that line.

Nothing makes you feel better than doing a candle pass and getting to hear the whole story because only a few people will know. Some girls are very secretive and don't tell until then.


Try and get her sisters involved and be sure to also include her friends that aren't greek because they are a big part of her life as well. Let her know how you feel.

Candlelights are not ritual and although typically done in the private of our house, the recent no-flame policy has made us have them outside on our lawn. They are still intimate, but definitely not secret affairs. You sound like an amazing guy and I'm sure that my sister will love whatever you end up doing for her.

In our chapter we take it to an even more drastic extreme. We don't allow anyone to even wear our letters. Lavelering is not an option in our house. Once a year we elect sweethearts @ White Rose and those are the only women outside of Fiances, Wives, Mothers, and Sisters that are allowed to wear letters or the badge, in these situations they most be given to the woman by her connection to the Fraternity. We have had situations in the past where brothers were dating the younger/older sister of a fellow brothers and the dating brother made the mistake of giving a set of letters (Sweatshirt)to the sister (thinking it would be ok because she was another bros sister). Our initial chapter involvement in a relationship is singing to the new bride on her wedding day.

To each chapter their own I guess.

Good luck with your relationship, a little over a year into my marriage I can say, with all of my heart, that proposing to my wife was the greatest decision of my life and with out te Greek System we would have never meet.