When to call . . .
 

Frivolous question here . . . but when you are a guy when should you call after meeting a girl or saying you are going to?

I have heard different theories on this:

Theory 1: Be honest, if you're interested call right away, even maybe more than once (if she's not home).

Female response: He's desperate or psycho.

Theory two Boy Time: If you say you'll call tomorrow call in 2-5 days.

Female response: He's a player

Theory three (used by a friend of mine that has been with an enormous amount of women, in a kind gentlemanly way ofcourse http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif):
If you sleep with her, call in two weeks.
If you merely hook-up call in two days.

Female response: He's a player

See? Its a no win for us guys http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/cool.gif

Any advice for those of us guys that really don't want to play games but you women make us do it anyway? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by James (edited March 08, 2001).]

james,
I think it depends on 1. the girl and 2. the guy (of course, right?)

Seriously, though I am the type of girl that expects timeliness and I am not patient, so I like a guy to call ASAP. And if he says he'll call tomorrow, he better or he is outta sight, outta mind immediately!

But, other girls aren't that way, so that may be bad for them.

Guys also vary to a girl's perception. So, if a guy I met was weird, but somehow got conned into giving him my number, and he seemed to eager, then yeah, I would think he was psycho. If he said he'd call tomorrow, I would secretly be dreading it and hoping he was lying. But, some guys are normal and I am honestly interested in getting to know them better so I really hope they'll call soon.

So, the bottom line is, it is very hard! I mean, how can you tell which kind of girl's phone number you just got? the super-laid-back,don't-call-me-too-soon-or-I'll-think-you're-a-psycho type or the not-patient, timely type? I don't know! Sorry!

BTW, was your friend serious about not calling someone he slept with for 2 weeks, but 2 days for hook-up? Sad!

James,

If you like her call her. If she likes you, she won't find it desperate or psycho. No more than 2 calls without a return,give up. Three max if you really like her.

I agree with SuperXO, if a guy doesn't call when he says he will -- he's outta there.

The rule is simple: Do what you say you'll do.

when two people are into each other, there's no timelines.

Amy

I would think it a little psycho if some guy I just met called me several times the next day. Other than that.... I'm a bit weird when it comes to timeliness. I have broken up with guys because they were chronically tardy. So if you are going to call "tomorrow," call TOMORROW!

Why not just say, "I'll call you this week" or "I'll call you in a few days?" Much simpler and then you don't have to worry about deadlines.

Allie http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif

Hmmm...sounds like someone just saw the movie "Swingers." Remember the discussion in that movie? "See, I used to wait two days, but then everyone waits two days, so I think three days is kind of money...Two's enough not to look anxious, but three's kind of money."

This is all hitting way too close to home for me. About a month and a half ago, a girl I know introduced me to one of her friends at a club. I thought we hit it off right away, and she was acting the same way. She even gave me her number that night. Well, I called her the next day. I don't know or even care if that was the right move or not. But we had good conversations, and went out a couple more times after that and had a good time.

Anyway, it was about three weeks later that I realized that I was always calling her and she never called me. And after about 3 or 4 calls to her with no response, and realizing that she was giving me the cold shoulder, I gave up. Obviously, she has made no effort to contact me since then either. She sure pulled the wool over my eyes. Sometimes I think I have a sign on my back that says, "Girls, Please Blow Me Off." That's what you get for being a nice guy.

I was going to post this little anecdote under its own topic, but when I saw this topic and the responses it generated, it kind of fit in with my story.

True, Alumnus.

If I like someone I'll contact them too.
Maybe an email instead of phone... Definitely a phone call/message/email after a GOOD date to thank them. If I'm apathetic I won't call.

That said, we girls can get all wrapped up in what we should and should not do as well. "Will he think I'm pushy if I call him?" That kind of thing.

I hate the whole blow off thing--in both directions... I mean if you decide not to move forward, just tell the person, dont disappear.

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif
Amy

------------------
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

[/b] I have always found the blow off thing kind of comforting (if I do it). What's funny is that girls are much more likely, in my opinion, to blow someone off than boys, however, I find they don't like it done to them.

Date a girl for a while and then don't call her and unplug your answering machine.

I have been told by women that they believe this is cruel because it doesn't offer closure . . . odd eh?

A bit off topic I know.

ISn't breaking up by email, the same as breaking up by machine? Somewhat hurtful or tacky?

Women don't mind being broken up with that way? Because that would make life so much easier for men . . .

I don't mind if its not a serious thing. If you've only been out with someone a handful of times, yet too many times to just walk away...

I prefer an email to nothing.

I even, um, been known to send a 'break up' email or two myself...last one was for a guy I'd only been out with four times and it did not go over well-- he was WHY WHY are you breaking up w me. First of all, we were never "going out" second of all, I don't think he REALLY wanted to know my reasons. haha But that's another thread...

hey James!

I hate guys who don't call when they say they will. I love it when a guy calls when he says he will call! Also, I agree with the above post which said say "I"ll call in a few days."That way you won't be forced to call a specific day, yet you can call in the "right time period" IMO.

I also don't like phone calls coming a week later. I love it when a guy calls the next day after a date, if it went well, that is . if it didn't, I would prefer he not call the next day LOL! Basically, my advice to you would be to call ASAP (the next 3 days) if the date went well. BUt don't ever sound pushy on the phone. If you do, I don't care how well the date went, I would be thinking, "Desperate!"

HTH, sorry if my thoughts sound so mumble-jumbled, I've just had a very hectic week! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

depends on how much you'e been out/how much you've spoken/emailed prior to the blow off.

if you have 4 great dates and someone disappears---??? I always prefer to send/receive that email that says I enjoyed getting to know you, but I've met someone/I feel we don't have much in common....

No one believes the i've met someone thing, but I for one, appreciate that someone takes the time to not hurt my feelings.

I love this topic. I've always wrestled with these issues. I wish we men could just read womens minds. At least the guys that are the "nice guys" and not the players that steal womens hearts. I guess things just happen for a reason and if they're meant be they'll happen.

Sammie17: Do you mean Desperate as in a jerk/pushy/player or just any guy thats just eager. Just curious.

Again, this topic makes me think of that move, "What women want" with Mel Gibson. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Kevin

Kevin, I hear you with that wish about reading women's minds. I would love to know what the girl who blew me off a few weeks ago is thinking, and why she did it: if I said something to make her mad (not likely), if she found something out about me, if she found someone else who she likes better, or if she was never really interested in me in the first place. I'll probably never know though...unless I call her again, which I will definitely NOT do (WAY too late at this point).

Alumnus who cares,

Thats sucks. I know what you mean and I've been there way too many times. I'd much rather have a girl tell me what her reasoning is(the truth) rather than blowing me off and being left with that confusion. If we're not friends and its just one night at the bar thats a different story. No offense to the women out there. Its just from my experience more women tend to do that. My relationships with women tend to be good friendships. Most of it I guess is just the timing and location thing. I find a bar is not the greatest place for possible romance *L* But then of course thats how my parents met and they have been together since 68. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Kevin

hey guys--

what if her reasoning for blowing you off is likely to hurt your feelings? i'd rather make up a reaosn (like there is someone else) than intentionally hurt someone's feelings, you know?

Personally, for me I'd rather a girl tell me the truth, be forthright with me, and tactful. I figure the truth does hurt sometimes. Deliberate or not. I have much more respect for a girl that makes the effort to be honest with me. That way I have closure on it. Even if it leaves me with some grief.

Kevin.

Merely a question of semantics.

What do you all consider a "hook-up"? I know people who are like, "yeah, i hooked up with him", and all they did was talk and kiss. then, i know others that, for them, "hooking-up" us going all the way.

I tend not to talk about my relationships, even casual ones, in sexual terms.

One I don't find it a novelty to impress people (the most common reason we men share stories).

Two, there is a double standard and I am not unprepared to protect women from the gossipy consequences.

I do reserve the right to share interesting stories . . . so long as it doesn't invovle anyone current and you have no way of knowing who the lady is.

Ok kind of a long prep for a simple answer:

I never thought of hook-ups that didn't involve going "all the way" to be significant enough to remember or even think about later.

I have since discovered that people, especially women generally look at a hook-up as just kissing or fooling around to some degree minus "going all the way".

I used to think that when people said they were "with" people they meant the complete deal (which caused some misunderstandings) because less than that didn't seem important to me.

However, I have also been told that some girls use "hooking-up" as a kind of way to keep score because they are getting significant attention from a guy without the stereotype of having sex with him. So a girl "hooking-up" a lot shows she is competitive and desirable, the same way a guy would use Actual sexual partners in a score keeping system.

Of course this is only my experiences.

Have you ever seen the movie "Swinger" that would totally answer any questions that you may have on this topic...according to the movie...wait 2 days before calling the 1st time!!!!!

as a side note...the movie is great...and I highly recommend it!!!

PERFECT Brooklineu!!!

Guys--memorize her post and treat it as GOSPEL.


http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I second that. I try to practice some of those same policies. Especially the part about calling when I say I'm going to. I only wish that a certain other person followed that same policy...

I'll shut up about her sometime, I promise.

Hi Kevin! I meant desparate in the pushy, eager type of way http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif It is never good to call right after, immediately following the date no matter how good IMHO!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif But otherwise call when you say you will! I have to agree, we women sometimes do send mixeed signals, but all in all, we DO want you to do things that you say you will! then we think, "oh, cool...a man that actually keeps to his word!"

Sammie17,

Thats cool http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Just curious. I agree, your right. However I do think it goes both ways. Maybe theres some psychological reasoning with control. That there always has to be someone that has more of it in any relationship.

Kevin

I'm strongly considering printing out copies of BrooklineU's post, hand delivering it to every male I know, and then posting it throughout the rest of campus http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

brooklineu - You said it ALL. Amen!

ok, if someone gets a number and says "ill call you" ... i think that they should have anywhere in the next week to call..... if you meet someone on saturday, and your interested, call sometime during the week, if its late in the week, like friday night at 330am (LOL).. just say 'sorry it took so long for me to call, but i had a test' (even if you Didnt have a test, who cares?... you were busy)

but DONT, and i repeat DONT call 2 weeks later.... thats not cool.

the person you're calling will either think "wow, youre a jerk for waiting two weeks, WHO have you been busy with?" OR "oh my god, how creepy. someone kept my number for TWO WEEKS without calling."

i mean, just picture it, some poor chump sitting in front of the phone, the girls number already memorized, and dialing 6 numbers and hanging up before he finishes dialing, over and over again, for two weeks straight. thats the kind of person you dont want to get messed up with. crazy!

so if you meet her saturday, i think you've really got till friday to call. PERSONALLY, id like the call to come wednesday at about 430.... but thats just me. LOL

kate

what if you lose the number after calling once and she says call back but u can't. then y ou find it. then what?

most likley, she will not believe you. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif Sorry. We've all been played with that line one too many times to buy it.

I think every lady should ask a guy out at least once to know what guys go through.

Amen, brotha http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif
Isn't this all about equality? Why do we always have to make the first move?

Thanks LiL_G http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

My point exactly http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

I usually call 2 days after the first date.