40 y.o. track coach marries his student :(
 

WTF? Why did they sign the consent forms?? Totally the parent's (and the coach's) fault. When I was 16, I was convinced I was going to marry my current boyfriend...and then the one after that, and then the one after that... Living with an upset teenager I'm sure isn't easy, but as a parent, it's your JOB. I'm so disgusted.

Seriously, I saw a Lifetime movie a few weeks ago that could've been this story...

OK, he started reeling her in when she was 14. He's a PEDOPHILE. Why would her parents give her over to a pedophile?!

And her name is Windy? At first I thought it was a typo.

Well, she'll be set for college when she divorces him at 18 and gets half his stuff.

He's now unemployed, formerly a Track coach (which probably means highschool teacher), how much "stuff" do you think he has?

Ah, Love is strange!:D

Okay, let the betting start on how short this marriage will last.

Ew.

Yeah, I saw that and thought, "Well, your first mistake as parents was naming your child after a weather pattern."

Seriously, having taught for several years, I see some kids' names and think: With that name, I can already see there are going to be problems. Other teachers, back me up here.

Darius. Never met a Darius who turned out well.

And, is your post something that has not ever happened before?

EW!


Where do you live and well, I guess your posts says it all!

Do I condone it, no, does it happen, yes. Get friggen real in the big world!:rolleyes:

They act like her life is completely over because of this. I somehow think that's up to her ... people have survived much bigger "tragedies" :rolleyes:

Apparently I'm weird on this, but really. Is it that big of a deal? I agree that they shouldn't have been involved while he was in a position of authority. There is a lot that is strange about this particular relationship. But on general principle, I really don't have a huge problem with 16 year olds getting married, or with the age difference thing, or even with the student-teacher thing (it shouldn't happen WHILE the teacher is still the student's teacher, but afterward, who cares?).

[Of course, my dad was my mom's gym coach in HS, they started dating the summer after she graduated, and got married her sophomore year of college (there's an 11 yr age difference). They've been married for 27 years and I don't think she feels she threw her life away (although her parents certainly felt that way).]

I wonder, if her parents hadn't been restrictive of any kind of contact . . whether it may have just played out without marriage.

There is a big difference between dating someone and marrying them in terms of life impact.

DSTRen, I think you are right if you look at this in terms of stark reality.

However, social fashions tend to color people's perception of what is "good" or "bad". And most people seem unable to see beyond that.

So 50 years ago there would have been more outrage if a white girl married a black man no matter what their ages, a Christian married a Jew, or whatever was frowned upon at that time.

Fashions change. But, good critical thinkers understand the larger context and perspective.

Oh this isn't meant as disapproval but I thought it was funny:

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...1177362388.jpg

I don't know, this doesn't really weird me out either. I played sports in HS and college, and weird coach-pupil relationships pop up. It gets even dicier when the coach is just out of school and the kids aren't much younger. When I rowed in college, one of my shellmates was dating the assistant coach for a bit (he graduated the year before we came aboard).

I can think of about 5 couples where the now-husband met the wife when he was coaching her. Granted, none of the girls were 16, they were all 18-22, but they're still married 20+ years later.

um. this totally happened with one of my sorority sisters. He was her basketball coach from like middle school on, AND they started dating when she was STILL in high school! :eek: He was like 40 at the time, and they dated throughout college, she pledged my sorority, and continued with school. I believe she JUST graduated and they've already been married a year. plus... he is SUPER CREEPY........ I wasn't really close with her but I was her APM and lived down the hall from her after she moved into the house.... She was a nice girl but a little off herself.... the family didn't agree at all btw, but basically accepted it after so long...

Besides the fact that there is a violation of the coach/student relationship (this is inappropriate even if the coach was a 20 year old ass't) AND the fact that the parents signed off on this before the girl even graduated from high school (mind-boggling IMO), other issues bother me.

Problems I have with it:

1. Apparently the inappropriate contact started at 14, I assume under any statuatory age of consent. I don't care how mature or provocative she was at 14.

2. A 24 year age difference. He is old enough to be her father in a normal age range, not even in a teenage fatherhood-type deal. At least at 18-42, the young woman would be a legal adult (hopefully graduated from high school).

What could you possibly have against the dude from Hootie and the Blowfish?

ETA: I think any big age difference is weird and that teacher/coaches shouldn't date their students regardless of how close they are in age.

That said, I've always kind of wondered why we criminalize only some of the cases with big age differences. In my state, a teacher who "dated" any person who could possible be considered a high school student anywhere (no matter if the "student" was 18 and didn't go to his school) could go to jail and lose his teaching certificate forever but a random creep who was 40 and wanted to date a 17 or 18 year old girl could do so without legal penalty. Doesn't that seem kind of odd? Shouldn't all the creeps be penalized, rather than only the teacher creeps?

Why are they creeps?

Honest question. If you like someone and its legal why is it creepy to date them? If you believe in the concept of love . . maybe that is their true love. I dunno, its not for me, but I don't think of it as inherently creepy.

At first blush this feels so wrong on so many levels...BUT...what if there is true love there. Only time will tell that....not that I would want that for my child. (daughter two married the day before she graduated HS to a man 5 years older than her...so far so good, 3 years later)

Different times this would have been a nothing.


My great grandfather was 12 years older than my great grandmother. He saw her for the first time when she was about 3 days old (at church, he was a neighbor)..and told her parents she was the most beautiful thing he ever saw and one day he was going to marry her. He did 16 years later. They were married for almost 70 years when he died. She died a year later. They had 22 children.

Sometimes it works.

My grandfather was well over 17 years older than my grandmother who was 18 when they were married. They stayed married until he died . . . Over 30 years I believe . . .

Maybe the human race has somehow changed in the intervening years. . . which would be pretty fast for genetic alterations.

No offense to your family's history that you talked about earlier, but in today's world, I don't think 16 year olds really know what love is enough to settle down and get married. In this case the sexual relations started when the girl was 14, that is a coach taking advatage of a young girl. 16 year old girls want to be loved and if they feel they are loved by a boyfriend no matter what the age, they wil do what ever it takes to keep that love. This girl isn't thinking about her furture, she could have gone to college or pursued a career instead of being married to her old highschool couch and proabaly having a a kid by the time she is 18. Its just plain sad!

What kind of name is Windy?

The age difference doesn't bug me as much as the fact that he is a pedophile. Hell, my boyfriend is 11 years older than me. The article says this guy started paying "special attention" to her when she was 14. That is a child! That's 8th grade in my state!

Yeah, they may be just getting married now, but the relationship has been going on for a while, and sorry, that is sick.

Yeah, that pretty much goes along with what I was saying earlier. When I was 15, I dated a guy who was 20 (he was the older brother of one of my friends), and I'm sure at the time, I would have married him if I had the chance, because I was 15 and didn't know any better.

I didn't get from the article that they were having sex when they were 14, just that they developed a friendship when she was 14. I don't see anything that weird about that.

I know an older couple that married when the wife was 15. Still married and happy many years later. You note that in today's world 16 year olds aren't ready, but it really depends on the 16 year old, IMO. There are people of all ages who aren't ready for marriage and relationships.

My husband said the same thing. I blame her parents for signing.

When I read the article the first thing that popped in my mind is they (the girls family) are probably very conservative, live in a sheltered community, and probably wanted her married if they knew she had sex.

It is usually spelled Wendy, and was originally short for Gwendolyn.

Somehow I don't think her name is a variation on the spelling of Wendy.

I don't think we can say that a couple who has such a larg age gap between them is doomed to fail. I know a few couple who have 20 some odd years between them and they are very happy.

Let's say they really do love each other, I don't know why he wouldn't wait till she was at least 18 to get married? This leaves me to believe that this guy is a total creep.

Yup and start betting how fast she starts popping out kids

HILARIOUS! I like that one


She manipulated her parents because they allowed her to. What is this "I am not going to talk to you until you sign" bullshit? Their hands were forced? Puh-leeze :rolleyes:

I should amend my statement:

When both parties are clearly adults and at the same basic stage of life, the same number of years might not be a big age difference. A 30 year old dating a 45 year old, a sixty year old dating a 75 year old, whatev.

When we're talking about relationships that started back in the past when people often quit school to go to work before they'd be out of high school today, I don't think someone dating a 16 year old girls was quite as weird (also because everyone in town was likely to know the guy and know if he was a creep). People took on full adult responsibility earlier; sociological studies I think bear our the idea that people are taking longer to be independent today than we used to, which implies that younger people were actually more mature in the past.

That said, dating a teenager today when you are in your thirties or older is almost always weird and creepy. Something is likely wrong with you developmentally if you continue to date people who are teenagers long after you're not a teenagers yourself. You should be more mature and the fact that a teen would be so easily manipulated by you or is still interested in high school stuff should turn you off if you're normal.

For every case today where it might be true love under unusual circumstances, I'll show you 20 where there's something wrong with the older party (and maybe the younger as well).

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

Yep.

And if he knows her and has occasion to interact with her because of school, track, a club, youth group, whatever, than his agreement to work with her in a mentoring way should mean that he never "dates" her.

Your statement is beyond ridiculous. A 30 year old and a 45 year old have nothing in common. They are at completely different stages in life. The same can be said of a 22 year old right out of college and a 26 year old. That's 4 years of real life adult living that separates them. I've been with young girls and old cougars, and the only reason has been sexual on my part. But girls pull off some BS argument about how they mature faster than men (not even an argument since most women can't back it up) and that older men are mature (yeah a 45 year old who hasn't been in a long term relationship is real mature). If you ask me the older guy wants fresh puss and the younger girl wants cash.

If there's something wrong with a 40 year old and a 14 year old, then there's something wrong with someone that magically crosses the 18 year old divide. Plus that divide is a legal one and in this case it's legal, so it shouldn't be a problem right?

-Rudey

What?

I understand that 30 to 45 is still pretty big depending on what people are doing in their lives at that point; you probably have a point there, but it's still not as weird as 15 to 30.

And 22 to 26 is doesn't seem that big a jump to me if they are both out of college.

I'm just curious (not trying to be argumentative or anything), but why would a friendship be inappropriate? I had older male friends when I was that age, and I don't remember it being any kind of big deal. Maybe my memory is faulty, I don't know.

I know I'm not the person you asked, but I'm throwing this out there anyway:

It's weird because most friendships we consider mutually beneficial; both parties get something out of the deal: entertainment, support, networking, whatever.

While you can easily see why an older person serving as a mentor or having a selfless interest in a younger person like a niece or neighbor is beneficial for the kid, when the older person starts to expect whatever usual benefits that we get from friendship in return, that makes the person weird.

A 45 year old man shouldn't turn to 14 year old girls for relationship advice or affirmation, it seems to me.

So if you had several older men who offered you advice and support and you think of them as friends, that's great, but I'd probably classify the relationship a little differently. If you actually hung out with 45 year old men, and they relied on you for companionship and whatever 45 year old guys talk about and do with their friends, it would seem a little weird.

ETA: it's odd that all I can come up with 45 year old guys doing for friendship involves golf or talking about landscaping or doing stuff with their wives. How sad is that?

Here's what always mystifies me. As a teacher at both the high school and college levels I can honestly say I never considered any of my students as anything but students. I became friends with some after I had taught them, and our relationship could be on more even ground. I certainly never thought of them sexually. Ew. I just can't understand how teachers - male or female - can't understand that even if you DO find yourself attracted to a student that is a line you do not cross.
How sad and pathetic a person must you be to, in your 40s, look to a teen for a romantic relationship. The poor girl hasn't had a chance to figure out who she is. How many people here would want to be 16 again? And, how many here would feel able to decide to marry at that age. Good Lord! I feel so sorry for her parents (although I still would never have given permission for them to marry). Has the coach been married before, I wonder?

Yep, well said. Friendships are supposed to be equal.

The 14 year old might think it's cool to hang out with older people, but I think it's odd that a 40 year old would find it enjoyable to hang out with 14 year olds...what does a 14 year old have to offer a 40 year old? I'd have to believe that it was sexual, honestly. I guess I just wouldn't trust any 40 year old that wants to hang out with 14 year olds. Especially alone.