dating a frat boy
 

hi everyone, i just wanted to ask a quick question about dating a frat boy...i'm new to the sorority scene.

at the end of last semester i "dated" a frat boy, a fellow frosh, for about 6 weeks and met his family when they came to visit, we were hot and heavy for those few weeks- seeing each other most days, going to sports games together, went on one real dinner date, and met each other friends, going to our formals...

but he's an architect and he joked that between pledging and me his grade would be in shambles (and in the end they did kinda suck)

but now it's summer break and i just wanted to know what frat boys thought about commitment to one girl, and how to go about rejuvenating dating next semester since we won't be in the same dorm building anymore, and if i should say something along the lines of "i've always had a good time hanging out with you, and wanted to know what you think of dating exclusively, and if we're seeing each other so much again this semester that it does affect your grades...just let me know" ? and any other tapes on how to deal with the hyper socialization of constant mixers, pertying, etc. how often is good to see each other without becoming attached at the hip?

thanks!

Well, each person is different but I'll tell you what I know. I'm a fraternity man, but I don't consider myself any different than your average guy other than the morals and convictions I hold dear.

I've never really had a problem staying committed. If it feels good, then go for it. You'll know if he feels the same way. My advice would be to stay in touch though the facebook, on the phone, or whatever you guys do.

If he's a stand up individual then you guys will be fine. Even if you don't stay together, don't get emo and paint all fraternity men with the same brush. In my opinion, the Greek system is like a microcosm of the greater population. You'll have your share off morons, but there are good people out there.

Be sure to tell him how you feel as simply as you can. As I man I can confidently say that we're not mind readers.

You could start by NOT calling him a "frat boy". :)

Frat boy = human being. So its pretty much the same as other boys.

One real date? Maybe have higher expectations of how you should be treated. Hanging out is not the same as dating.

frat boy's are all cookie cutter right? therefore we should all the same uniform answer to her question.

Yes...yes you are :P

Agreed, but she mentioned they're freshman.. I think most freshman year relationships consist of hanging out in dorms and going out/meeting up at the bar, unless you happened to be dating an older guy.

hey everyone, thanks for your responses...and to the last one, i'm also an alpha phi :) thanks sister. and yeah, all frosh year relationships seem to be like ours, and also ones in where neither person has a car which can suckk

so we've been talking, about once a week...keeping in touch, so all's good i guess

sorry, shouldn't have used term "Frat boy" i did that because i was wondering if him and i being greek, and extremely social people would put extra tension on a relationship...??

oh and his parents have decided that he's not allowed to take his car to school next year...he has a little sister who will be using it to drive herself and their little brother to high school since both parents work...awesome

but i will have a car next year....would it be awkward if i picked him up when we went out to dinner? i mean, his house is on my way ... would this bother guys?

oh and is there any way to go about rekindling dating...like inviting him over to watch heroes (which was something we did every week last semester) and seeing how it goes from there? or just see how he acts at parties/ mixers?

You're in college. Plenty of fish in the sea.

If a guy tells you that you're hurting his grades as a pretext for dumping you, this is a subtle way of him telling you that he's not that into you. If he was really into you, c'mon... grades??? In college, we have a lot of time on our hands. If he wanted to make time for you, he could. He doesn't. Take the hint.

could bea pretext for dumping me ....but a few days later, why would he call me and tell me to come over and meet his family when they came to pick him up at the end of the year and call me to come out with him and his boys on his last night as a freshman...he could have easily not done both...

oh and much earlier he called me clingy and said he wanted to stop seeing me once to a mutual friend when there was about 2 1/2 months of school left...

i assumed that meant we were over.....didn't feel like we need to talk about whether or not i was actually clingy....so i assumed we'd just stop talking, etc. and go our own ways amicably

but he called me apologized a ton saying he was just drunk and he likes me a lot but is afraid cause his last girlfriend did a number on him and she's the only relationship he's had but he didn't wanna lose me,etc...so i decided to look to his actions instead of words...and he really stepped up his game and seemed genuinely sorry

bottom line...he confuses me, any help any one?

"frat boy"
 

Ok, I am a girl that has done plenty of dating. To be honest, the way I look at relationships is, if a guy breaks up with you once, and even calls back apologizes sometimes, well most of the time, you should not get back with them. It makes them think that they can just do whatever they want and walk all over you. Believe me, no matter who you are, you deserve better then that. Like a guy previously said, college kids have tons of time, he would make time for you if he really wanted to. This is one of those situations you have to take as a learning experience and move on-and don't let guys screw you over like that. If you have standards-you will find the right person for you.:o

but we never broke up....he just told one of my friends i was clingy...and i was like w/e if he likes me he'll call me and he did

"Clingy"? OUCH!!!!

Can't believe I'm actually saying this, but Kevin's right.

Sweetheart, just because he called you doesn't mean anything.

Do you really want to be with someone who thinks that way of you? I know I don't know you and the full story, but what I'm reading into this is that he's not into this as much as you are.

There's nothing confusing here. Cut bait and move on. You're young and this is so not worth it.

no the clingy was before we started seeing each other a lot.....and after that most of the time he was the one who called to hang out....like we had 7 weeks of seeing each other all the time, calling, talking online, etc and then i met his parents when he called me to come over and meet them, at the end of the semester

Even though you're a freshman, there is a difference between hanging out and dating.

I'm going to be blunt. He likes you...but not enough. You'll "do"...for now, until he meets someone else he likes more. For now, he enjoys hanging out with you and maybe gettin' a little, if that's happening (I have no idea, just sayin'). Who knows why he invited you over to meet his parents - that's an example of something confusing that guys sometimes do that make no sense.

Kevin is right. Grades, especially as a freshman, is a lame, fake excuse to break up with someone...although honestly it doesn't seem like you're really "together" and you have to be together before you can break up. Don't overthink this and make excuses for him. You deserve more than a guy that calls you "clingy" at this stage...if he thinks you're clingy now, what would he think later on? Do yourself a favor and forget this guy unless/until he makes a real effort to pursue you.

I totally agree.:)

[quote=LilBlueEyes;1463628]we were hot and heavy for those few weeks- quote]

Does he play a wind instrument?

Being a "frat guy" doesn't make a difference. He's just a guy. You're a freshman. This is my opinion from my experience up until this point, but I'd advise freshmen NOT to get in a relationship. College is a good time to have fun and find out who you are. Unless you've found your soulmate or something (and obviously this isn't it), I'd recommend cutting him loose and having some fun.

One other thing that bothered me about dating a fraternity boy freshman year was that I ended up hanging out with only one group of guys. I love them to death, but they aren't my sisters' favorite house, so it means that I'm on my own at a lot of parties. It's a lot harder to go BACK and branch out. Just have fun your first year. You've got four years to find committment if you want it.

Great advice.

Lessons I learned from 4 years of successful (and unsuccessful) dating in college (overwhelmingly fraternity boys):

-Don't believe it when they say they don't have time to hang out with you, unless it's during finals week or something equally important.

-Guys need their guy time, just like you need time with your girl friends. If he's hanging out with his friends, use that time to hang out with yours.
This always avoids the clingy situation.

-On the other hand, if he's spending so much time with his guy friends that you joke with your friends that they're dating, that's probably too much. (I dated a guy who would go to his friend's house after class at 4 and stay there till 2 in the morning. Every day.)

-Guys who LIKE you and want to be with you, not just hook up, DO take you on dates. I know it's easy to make excuses (he doesn't have a car, etc) and while that can factor into the equation, don't make excuses for him. You deserve to be treated well, and hanging out doesn't have to be expensive: meet him for lunch in between class, even going to the library can be more fun with a boyfriend (not very productive though :p)

-Drunk dials are a tough one. Personally, I go both ways when I'm drunk: I either say things I'm too nervous to say sober, or I come up with off the wall things I've never even thought about sober and have no idea where I come with it. Like you said, you followed the 'actions speak louder than words' philosophy, which I think should be done sometimes. But if this is a recurring thing, he's probably too big of a loser to break things off sober, and when he wants you back, he is able to explain his behavior as drunken stupidity.

Overall, the guy who wants to be with you is going to make the effort and make it known that you're the one he wants. There won't be any "where do I stand/what are we?" confusion. Trust me, you're both very young, and this comes with age, experience, and maturity. In the meantime, I think you should cut this guy off, atleast for summer. Use these couple months to forget about him and hopefully when you return in the fall, he'll be a distant memory.

That was my first reaction! :D

thanks for the imput guys...and yeah, he made the comment about me affecting his grades the nigth before his advanced calc exam

one last question

the boy and i talked over im two sundays ago and the end of our convo went:

me: well, i have to run, dinner with the girls, call me sometime?
him: yeah
him: Have fun, ttyl

...

and exactly one week later, after no call yet, i come home to find some ims from him saying "hey you there?...no response, so guess not...but, call me sometime! good night"

why in the friggen world would he tell me to call him, after he promised to call me and failed to do so?

i know his ex of over two years did a number on him and took him on a rollercoaster ride of a relationship...but it's not that hard to pick up a phone...

It's clear you have decided against most of the advice offered to you here :)

Good luck with your frat boy.

Do you still not get it?

If he liked you, he'd call you. He'd pursue you. Look behind you...is there anyone chasing you?

I probably should not be giving you anymore advice since you seem to be ignoring everything that everyone on here has told you, but it just drives me nuts to see women act this way. Stop making up excuses for why the guy *might* not be calling you, taking you out, etc. A guy that likes you in a serious way will do more than leave you lame IMs. I mean, doesn't it make you pissed that he doesn't even think you're worth a phone call? Cut this guy off!

alot of people just say call me later or i'll call you as a passing phrase, or a good bye phrase. a good amount of time if you ask someone why they didnt call they'll respond with "was i supposed to call you?" its like when you tell people see you later, it doesnt mean they're going to make a commitment to literally see you later. i allways say i'll call you later to people then never do. is it bc im an a-hole...most likely, but most of the time its bc i dont realize i've said it.

oh yeah, he obviously took the time to IM you meaning he doesnt not like you.

i think you're taking little things and blowing them out of proportion. also, i like how you're finding sage advice from strangers on a greek message board bc you thought all fraternity men think alike. i dunno, call me mean but i think you're a big cup of crazy.

I AGREE 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If a guy is into you, he's calling you, taking you out/going out with you, etc.

He's not into you. If you're not officially BF/GF, then consider yourself single.

sorry to crash, but had to toss in the other side of this coin.

dating sorority girls - Just know... THEY all talk. If you are dating a girl from 2 different sororities, they will eventually talk, and find out.... (wow that was a terrible night). :(

well maybe you shouldn't date two women at the same time without making it clear to both that it's not exclusive :rolleyes:

as for the op, let me say what everyone else has been saying slightly more nicely...YOU'RE A PIECE OF ASS TO HIM. he knows exactly what he has to do to keep you on the string and you're falling for it. he will continue to do just enough until you force him to up his game, and then he'll either up it until it gets too hard, or just call it quits right then and there (at least, until he's feeling lonely again). however, i've been there before soi know that you will not take mine nor anyone else's advice about this until it's too late. please just think hard about this: if one of your friends told you she was in the same situation, what would you say to her? would you respect her actions?

I doubt you're really going to listen to this, but...

STOP CALLING HIM.

If he really is into, which I doubt it, then he needs to act like it. He ain't acting like it.

Hehe, a "My Best Friend's Wedding" quote. :)