Are You Too Good For These Men?
 

Essence sends me their monthly newsletters and this article seemed very interesting. I checked for a repeat and wanted to share with my GC family. Are we too judgemental as women when it comes to choosing Mr. Right? Let's discuss this.

Here is some information on all of these fellas.


John, 41
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Occupation: Teacher

When he's not at work: "I really enjoy outdoor concerts or catching live shows at jazz and R&B clubs."

Nice-guy cred: "I'm the guy who'll surprise you with a picnic lunch or a carriage ride in Central Park."

He says: "I hear the same thing all the time from women: 'I thought you just wanted to be friends.' I'm a little shy when it comes to letting a woman know I'm interested in more. When I'm out on a date, I'd rather talk about what you're doing and what's going on in your life than blow myself up. And I don't rush into physical intimacy. But that doesn't mean I don't want to get to know you romantically. Don't sleep on the guy you think just wants to be friends. He could be the man you end up spending the rest of your life with."


Alex, 30
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Occupation: Truck driver

When he's not at work: "I'm at the gym working out or trying to decorate the apartment I just purchased."

Nice-guy cred: "You can count on me. If I say I'm going to call, I call."

He says: "When I worked for a major music label, I had no problem getting dates. But now that I can be seen stocking grocery store shelves-I'm in food sales and deliver cookies to supermarkets, delis, drugstores-it's different. I once tried to holla at a woman in a store, and she took one look at me and said, 'I don't go out with guys who make less than I do.' Funny thing is, I doubt she was right about how much I make. I own a business franchise. You just can't tell that by looking at my uniform. Simply because someone drives a delivery truck, doesn't mean he's not the owner of that truck-and a lot more."



Daniel, 26
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Occupation: Customer-service representative

When he's not at work: "I perform stand-up comedy and deejay at parties and clubs."

Nice-guy cred: "I'm the most loyal person you will ever meet. When I'm interested in a woman, I have eyes for no one else."

He says: "I recently tried online dating and was amazed by the number of women who specify exactly how tall they expect their future partners to be. Even when I've been lucky enough to connect with someone online, she doesn't stick around long enough to see what I have to offer. Once I hit it off with a young lady who didn't realize I was vertically challenged until we met for our first date. She told me flat out that she didn't date short guys. Despite all the things we had in common, that was the end of that. Ladies, if you would just look down, or even straight ahead, you might see what you've been missing."


Robert, 36
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Occupation: Airline flight crew

When he's not at work: "I use the fact that I work for an airline to my advantage and travel for fun."

Nice-guy cred: "I'm an expert at the little things. I know how important details are to women. When I care about someone, I find out all of her favorite things and indulge her constantly."

He says: "When I tell a woman I work for an airline flying out of Atlanta, I can almost read her mind. She's thinking: Males in flight crews are notoriously gay, and he flies out of the down-low capital of the United States. Before I even have the chance to hit on her, she has already decided that I'm not interested in women. I'm definitely straight, though. And with all my airline perks, I might be the man of your dreams."

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Now let the dialogue begin. ;)

For the entire article, visit http://www.essence.com/essence/bodya...9085-1,00.html

I don't see nothing wrong with those brothas - except for Daniel (because I don't go to or hang out in clubs and don't care for people that do).

Sometimes when I'm posed with questions like this from guys (ex. why girls don't like regular looking nice guys) I ALWAYS have to ask them "well what kind of girl have you been pursuing?" I know too many nice single women out there for guys like them to have a problem dating so I'm always curious to know the kind of woman he's been pursuing.

I agree. These men seem to be awesome and should definitely have a nice lady in their lives. I think I'm a great catch and would enjoy spending time with anyone of these fellas. I think that some women get to caught up in how much money he makes and the car he drives and his physical apprearance when they should be looking much deeper and these are probably the superficial women that they are pursuing which is why they are still single. We need to realize that the man we want might not necessarily be the man we need.

I find nothing wrong with these guys initially, but to say there would be more would require me to know them. But I have a few reservations on Daniel b/c he is short as hell and I am 6 feet. Eventhough most of these particular guys are out of my age range, I actually fell head over heels for a teacher (not my own:p) who has a child. He was very smart, Verrrrry cute; but he eventually turned out to be an ass.

ETA
I read the article and Micheal 24, "I've got a son" (the guy on page 2) is really cute.....I'll holla! Ummmm.....somebody give him my #! J/K...I think:rolleyes:

I would date all of them except Daniel. Yes, I know I am prejudiced against short men. But I'm just trying to be real about it :(

ETA: I also have to question what type of women they are pursuing. Nine times out of ten, they are passing up equally nice women because of what they (unfortunately) look like.

I had a problem with the snippet on this one. this is a lie... his occupation is BUSINESS OWNER, PERIOD. they botched this one to make him look like a charity case... he is ok without this article, he needs to keep the faith.

Exactly! I find that alot of men with this wrap about women not wanting them is because they are judgemental in who they are choosing to date.

I would date them all except the first guy and thats because he is simply too old for me.

Yes.

Essence needs to DO BETTER.

Damn.

yeah for real.

hmm, id date (ages aside) the 2nd and 4th guy. im not attracted to any of them really, but the first guy is a hell naw. the 3rd, i dont do party folks, including promoters, DJs, album droppers, etc. i wanna go to the party with you. i dont want you to be the party.

The bottom line is that people like what they like. Men are just as picky for all kinds of reasons. And men don't qualify why they don't like a certain type. I think women are always made to feel like they have to "explain" or apologize for whatever their preferences might be.

The first one and the short one -- I think it's funny that they didn't mention weight. A lot of women might be turned off by the fact that they are overweight.

The truck driver (business owner) is the only one I really thought was kind of cute.

This is an interesting discussion. My best friend, my daughter and I were having a discussion about why none of us were married or in a serious relationship. All three of us are attractive, have good jobs and own our own homes.

My daughter, with her wise self said: we could have all been married if that is all we wanted. But we wanted more and we wouldn't settle. It is not all about looks, income, etc. with a man, it is about how they treat us and respect us.

She went on to tell me she is so glad I did not marry her father, who is an alcoholic, because she would not have had the loving life she has had with just a single parent. I had to sit down on that one.

We know too many women who marry for the sake of being married and end up divorced with children five years later. Why? Because deep down inside all they really wanted was the wedding and the status that goes along with being Mrs. so and so.

So should we be judgemental? IMO no, because that implies judging the book by its cover. Should we be discerning? Absolutely. If you start reading the book and it does not appeal to you, then put it on the shelf and find a new book to read.

No, I think it was deliberate. How many women kept reading after seeing truck driver. That was the point he wanted to make.

I'm gonna tell!!!!

LMFAO!

Ok, let's keep it real. First of all I am taken so no I would not be dating any of these men. But in determining compatibility, I am not looking for the six-figure guy or the best looks, I just want someone who can keep up - intellectually, personality-wise, AND financially. Sounds easy, right? Yea, right....

Unfortunately, I can't tell these things from their short bios here.

This is intersting you say these things. Your daughter is truly wise and will probably be married soon than you think! ;)

My now husband and I eloped to be married to my husband because of what our families would have done to our wedding: too big, too many people, gifts we would need or want. It would not be the event we have dreams about. And now, 4 years later, I am still proud to be with my husband...

My husband, if he was single, could have been one of those guys. Label himself as an animal technian--the one who cleans the cages and put his hand up cow's behinds... He was told that "he's a nice guy, but..."

Then he has truly enriched my life and treated me well...

Hmmm, I would want to know more about them, well except for #1, he is outside of my age range. Its funny but where are these men (good guys) and are they reallllllly the good guys they say they are? Probably not. There are no good guys out there, they are all taken.

Back to Expound....
 

The problem is that we are being told to SETTLE by this article and an accompanying article by Iyanla Vanzant on the website.

I know that I am picky.... to an extent. However, I feel that I have a RIGHT to be. I don't AUTOMATICALLY diss someone because he isn't coming like Morris Chestnut in "Two Can Play That Game" (You know, a tall, dark, and handsome lawyer with his own home and substantial income). However, being that I have achieved a certain level of success in my life, why should I NOT expect someone to complement that?

I have NEVER had a requirement that the person that I date have a certain occupation; however, I DO require that he AT LEAST have a bachelor's degree. Hell, after next May, I'll have THREE. The least my mate can do is have at least ONE. In fact, I have even attempted to substitute the degree for military experience. I've tried to relax this "requirement," but it has done more harm than good.... I wasn't born a lawyer. I don't even know if I'll die as a lawyer. I can change my mind as the wind blows. I have been a teacher so I know that that is an admirable profession. I know that there are other professions that are well respected, so I'm not too picky about that aspect. However, I can admit that I would probably igg a stockboy too, so I don't know why the young man in the story is surprised.

In terms of height, I've never been (extra) picky about that either. I do have a PREFERENCE for men that are taller than I am. The thing is that I don't require that he stand as tall as Shaq, but I don't want to stare straight ahead and be able to see the waves in your hair either. Weight is not an issue all the time either. While I don't ordinarily date overweight guys, I have been trying to give them a chance. The only thing is that since I am trying to get into shape, he MUST do the same. That brings me to the guy that was short and overweight. Dude, be realistic. Something has to give. If you are short, you have to make up in other ways. Then he had the nerve to be some kind of clubhopper, which another issue in itself....

In terms of dress, I don't really care how one dresses in his down time. However, I would hope that he can dress for his age. At some point, the look needs to step up. Even Jay-Z came to his senses and started wearing jeans and "button-ups." I think that a man should also know how to fit in the most professional of settings. Attire means a lot. So, for the guy on the website that is actually an MBA grad, but is mistaken for a thug, he needs to grow up and realize that HE has some fault in how he's perceived. And finally, as far as looks go, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have ben known to date guys that other girls may not find attractive, but hey, I'm the one that has to look into his face. So, if I like it, you should love it.

I would have to agree with Blessed2bDST when she stated that women are always made to explain why they don't like a certain type of guy. However, men need to evaluate themselves. Yes, women are graduating and moving into power professions and positions at greater numbers and are seeking men in similar positions. However, men take advantage of this "man shortage" that they beat down our throats daily and use that as leverage to play women. And will women would probably like to date and settle down with men that may not share a comparable profession and/or income, one issue that arises, for exapmle, is that men oftentimes can't handle the fact that they are not the main breadwinner, which leads to resentment.

I'll bet that there is no follow-up on these men. If there is, I would like to see comments from some of the women that may have been in contact with them and/or may have gone on a date with them so that we can get the real story. I'll bet these "good guys" aren't the victims that Essence is making them out to be.

I have quite a few friends who are married but are so unhappy because they married for this reason. So sad...

But back to the original topic... I don't find any of those men physically attractive, so I wouldn't give either one of them a chance.

All of these qualifications can easily be found in one package. Yes, easily.

I agree. But I'm not remotely attracted to any of those dudes so the bios don't move me either way.

My most recent relationship (or person that I dated, it wasn't really a relationship) was with someone who might be termed a blue collar worker, and I am (in terms of education) considered to be at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I didn't and don't have a problem with what he does, what I found is that he operates from the assumption that I do. ( I don't know if that is because he has encountered women that have had an issue with his profession in the past or what.) But essentially, he brought his preconceived notions about what I wanted and who I was (based on my profession and my education), and that colors the way that he interacts with me.

So, I think that that just reinforces the idea that these men may be part of the reason as to why they find it difficult to date.

I'd give 2 and 4 a chance. Nothing wrong with them, upon first glance anyway.

I thought that a couple of them were cute, but I don't think I'd be too interested in any one of them. Maybe the "thug" if he didn't dress like that...
Anyways the short guy looks like someone that approached my friends and I in a club once time. He was pretty much shorter than all three of us (I am 5'4), and made an attempt to "get at" each one of us when one rejected him. This guy was relentless! He peeped the ring I wear on my left hand when I don't want to be bothered and went on and on about how it should have been bigger and how he would have gotten me something better:rolleyes:. So besides the fact that he was super short, he was just annoying. I really do think that there are some other reasons that these men are single besides the ones that they shared.

I just got out of practically the same situation. I have a degree and a job with power options. (Can easily move up in company) He's 3 years my senior, with a pretty good finance type of job (insurance something or other) but still had not received his degree and so he felt like I was 'too much for him'. He had some security issues, as I NEVER even cared about his degree or lack thereof, honestly. But he did....and figured one day I would too. Oh well...

I think the Baby Daddy & MBA Thug are pretty cute. :D:D

It is pretty frustrating because, unless I get with another Ph.D., there is always going to be at least that difference (even if financial issues are non-existent--and you academics out there know how underpaid we are). I'm not necessarily interested in dating another academic, but even if I were there just aren't a lot of single, heterosexual men of color with Ph.Ds out there, at least not were I am. :(

ahhh... I mean I read after it said Truck Driver b/c it didn't make sense.... and then I saw the point, and was disappointed.

[quote=DSTCHAOS;1454133]All of these qualifications can easily be found in one package. Yes, easily.

quote]

Where are all of these men easily found?

Not where I am, either!

In the circles that I mingle in of the different places I have lived. ;)

well i dont see myself dating a man past the age of 35, but they all seem like good guys to me!

1. I've dated a truck driver. He had a college degree, which is my minimum educational requirement (I typically date men with more than a bachelors, though). He used to be white collar and switched to blue collar. It was fine with me at first but then I realize that, no matter how much you make, I don't want to date a man who works long, odd hours. They are more than likely good men...for some other woman. I never felt the need to attach myself to every good man who comes around. There isn't a shortage of good men who fit MY wants and needs.

2. Finding a man with my same degree level doesn't matter to me. A PhD means a lot in my field but not in every field. Plus, a PhD doesn't translate to higher pay or a certain type of lifestyle for many academicians. So it is only middle class based on a loose categorization of middle class.

lol I see you girl! :) *knocking on wood* I will have to holler at you for tips if I ever re-enter the world of singledom.

Gotta say though, I am very fortunate right now to have found somebody on the same wavelength as far as future goals. It just makes life easier. Nothing wrong with these guys, but based on past experiences I can't help but wonder if they are secure enough in their manhood to handle what I am trying to do with my life.

I'm not in the world of singledom, either, but I can appreciate the plethora of good men around me. ;)

Many men can handle what you're doing as long as you're unmoving in these goals. Some men will try to get you off track because they are used to women who are too accomodating. But in being unmoving with your goals, allow someone else to share your life and goals with you. :)

(Which I'm sure you've done because you aren't in the world of singledom.)

Well since I am married and have been with the same man for 12 years (I am 29) my knowledge of dating is limited. However the older I get I can say these two things.

If I ever get a divorce and get re-married it will be for stability then love. I married my husband because I love him with all my heart and I believe the same for him, but as young adults 18 years old to 29 and 30 we have grown up together and gone through alot of thick and thin. I wouldn't put up with the crap I put at 21 at 41. My mother was married for 25 years to my father and she has no intentions of playing the games at 48 she played at 18.

Second, my husband has a college degree he does not use at all. He works offshore and makes good money but if I didn't meet him at school I wonder would I have been opened minded enough to date him at this stage of life.

No matter who you are with there will be some bullsh*t from him and you, it just depends on how much you can take and what you are willing to let go.

I remeber the pastor once said at church when a couple stood up for 60 years of marriage that somebody in that relationship put up with alot of bs to be married that long, thats life. :o

i am not 100% picky when it comes to education...i have a bachelors but my fiance has his associates...and he makes more money than i probably ever will. his first love was always cooking, so he went to a university that offered it and he has his AAS in culinary arts. he loves what he does, and i think in the end that counts more than anything. he is about to get his bachelors but i feel fortunate that in the evenings when he comes home, i get to hear about how he loves his job, and no complaints.

The difference here is also between a person having a PROFESSION/CAREER or a JOB. Those are two vastly different things.

Yes, yes, yes.


That's what I say too. It is what it is.
ETA:
Keepin' it real, right? I wouldn't date any of them.

I think that fact that I am Dr. Little is a bit intimidating to guys sometimes. I am not picky about education either, though a bachelor's degree is generally a cut off. The "blue-collar" guy does have that, but he also has a lot of other insecurities. I don't get men sometimes.