Cheating a different perspective . . .
 

So what do you think? If our cultural approach to cheating was different . . . maybe relationships would work better?

http://www.bestlifeonline.com/cms/pu...t_Caught.shtml

I haven't read the article yet. I just skimmed through it, but I'll just post this for now. Cheating is wrong. Period.

Not to mention STDs and unplanned pregnancies happen- adding an extra complication. But even without them, infidelity is wrong.

Ditto to the two members above me.

I hate cheaters. They suck.

Sounds like the progressive BS that all liberals love.

Just another way to make cheaters feel less guilty-they can justify their actions.

Either you are with a person or not. Plus all the complications, I mean if I found out I was raising another mans kid...the consequences would certainly lead to jail time if caught.

There's not really any doubt cheating is "wrong" - so is lying or misrepresenting your income on your taxes, but neither of those are 'deal-breakers' for relationships.

It seems bizarre that we use fidelity as a hyper-important aspect of a person's character, but will readily excuse other actions in a relationship that may show just as much negative light on that person's character.

In that regard, should we up the ante for other actions? Or have we turned our decades-long obsession with monogamy into a latent insecurity?

That's how I feel about it. If someone were to cheat on me, would it affect their trustworthiness? Sure, but it wouldn't be enough to end a relationship unless it were added together with other things (dishonesty about money, etc.).

And yes, before people bring it up, I have been cheated on (in high school and college), so I know how it feels.

well what about will smith and his wife? they claim to have an "open" relationship...is it wrong if you both agree to it?

me personally, i dont share lol, so there will be no "do what u wanna do and im gonna do the same" type of relationship for me. i say if you want to have an "open" relationship and persue other people sexually, dont get married!

I don't see it as an aspect of someone's character, but a behavior that reflects other aspects including: Selfishness, hypocrisy (being willing to cheat on your partner when you'd be devastated if (s)he did it to you), lack of self-control, willingness to lie to your partner's face however many times is necessary to hide the act, keeping your partner in the dark about the terms of your relationship, and most importantly willingness to put his or her life in danger. There's also risking breaking his or her heart and making it incredibly difficult to restore trust. Not too many other actions require these kind of conditions or this many all rolled into one.

monoghamy, well marriage for that matter in genrenal, ins't really natural

it is wrong to hurt someone's feeling, but it's not wrong in and of itself

If someone feels this way and therefore never agrees to a monogamous relationship, I can respect that. What I hate is when people use this to justify their hurting, deceiving, and risking the health and lives of their partners; and/or go around whining about how the situation they chose to commit to isn't natural while fully expecting fidelity from their partners.

Soror, you hit the nail on the head. I think a lack of self-control is the side of cheating that bothers me the most... because it applies to almost everything we do. We're constantly being told to "do what makes you happy/what feels good," etc., while having self-control is waaaaaay down on the bottom of the list of positive attributes for which one generally looks. I think it's actually one of the most important.

Simply put, what feels good isn't always good, and what seems like a good idea at the time may become a disaster down the line. A person with self-control (not someone I can claim to be all the time :o) knows this.

So, uh, yeah... cheating is bad. But not just because of the act, but because of what it says about the person cheating.

If more American men beat their wives, there would be less cheating I bet.

-Rudey
--I'm just saying.

I agree with you...it's all wrong, but should it be the end of the world?

I think in relationships outside of marriage...dump them, it's not worth the time and trouble if it's not serious. But a marriage with kids should be able to survive that. You're right...there are many people who routinely do things that are just as "bad" and yet the deal breaker is cheating instead of possibly lying or such.

No one is perfect. Of course there's gonna be some negative things in a person's character, but why even get involved in a relationship if you're gonna cheat. Just continue to sleep around and just don't commit. I think that's so wrong to play with someones feelings like that.

If you're a serial cheater I agree, but on the other hand, there are always extenuating circumstances. Sometimes you're just a huge jackass/bitch. Other times you don't realize your relationship is over until after you've done the deed (the deed being whatever you define cheating as. Kissing, sex etc.). I would be very upset if someone cheated on me but it's usually a sign that's there something wrong anyway.

There's no excuse for it to me. If I was in a bad relationship and he wanted to cheat, I would at least expect him to talk about it with me. If he still wants another woman, then I would rather have him end the relationship rather than to cheat. I just can't figure out why people even get involved in a relationship when they're going to cheat.

Kissing, and sex are definite definitions of cheating to me. There are also emotional affairs as well. All of it is so wrong.

Not everyone expects to cheat, a lot of people do not plan on cheating. We all have weak moments and I think it's unfair to generalize about everyone who has ever cheated (and that may as well be everyone according to your definition).
What you consider to be cheating actually pushed me to find the courage to break off a relationship that had been near death for about 6 months prior to the act. I guess I just believe there are extenuating circumstances for each individual. Some people are scum, some are not. Some are serial cheaters and some may cheat once and then never do it again because they felt so damn guilty.

o.k. centaur I understand that. I'm just saying that if you get the desire to cheat, leave the guy before you do it. Don't just stay with him and cheat on him at the same time. I don't really believe in different kinds of cheaters. A cheater is a cheater. Even if he's done it once, he's still a cheater.

Somehow I doubt a quick phone call to break up with the guy quickly before you start doing whatever with another guy is going to do it.
I'm not saying that cheating once means you're not a cheater; I am saying that it can be a unique situation which will never repeat itself again. Therein lies the difference.

I would break up with a guy in a heartbeat if he cheated on me just once. If I'm not cheating then he shouldn't either.

Maybe some people don't repeat it, but how would I know that? I would break up with him and move on because it's just not worth staying in a relationship like that. People think the grass is greener on the other side, when most of the time it's not.

If I cheated, my relationship is dead in the water anyway. I cannot wrap my head around people who cheat and stay in their relationships. That's one thing I agree with you on.

What didn't you agree with?

So you would break up with the guy if you weren't happy, rather than cheat on him right?

^^^A loving relationship is not "tit for tat". It should not be about, wait until my partner cheats... You should KNOW if your partner will cheat. Polyamorous experiences tell you the predilection.

I purposely knew and know that my husband does not have the predilection towards cheating. Aside from my ability to do the "Swan Move" from the Kama Sutra and Tantra, he would realize that he would have to find a psychic mind bender that would make him fathom leaving me.

Besides, it cheapa to keep har... So he leaves me, HALF HIS CHIT... It just is not worth jacking off on a ho.

No, really, I don't know if my husband would pull that mess. I have to trust him that he respects his vows...

As far as a different cultural perspective: I dunno? Folks do it with "Springer style". I don't think it would be anymore acceptable anywhere if a couple has made a formal commitment. But you cannot be do anything else to the other person if your signficant other stops loving you, and decides to look elsewhere.

But don't you think he should just leave and move on before he cheats if he's not happy? Don't you think communication is important in making a relationship work? I'm not saying that it will always keep an unhealthy relationship healthy but I think it's worth a try rather than just giving up on everything you've built together.

Communication is very important for any relationship. That is the standard. But communication is not only verbal, it practically has to be telepathic...

Reality states that folks won't leave because there is too much of a risk. Some people want to have their cake and eat it too. Some folks don't think that they will get caught.

The issue is that you don't select a significant other that lacks strong moral convictions. I know my husband had it before I married him. I have experience what that looks like.

The other issue about communication is that it is not always a 2-way street...

What do you mean by telepathic? That's a gift isn't it? Not everyone has that ability.

I guess you're right about the communication. It takes two for that to happen.

Yes, honey. Telepathy... Full on psychic ability and put thoughts in his head... You need to know his thoughts, his mind, his strength and practically be able to predict the future. Yes, it is a gift that one must practice and hone their skills. And woe to the one who is unable to make that happen.

So for example, if I was married or in a serious relationship, and since I don't have a telepathic gift, you don't think my relationship would work?

Let's put it like this: You know how your mom has "'eyes in the back of her head"? "Lover's telepathy" is the same kind of thing...

i think you are being too literal, she said "pratically telepathic"

but i think she means, like when you know what your signifigant other will say before says it type of thing

No offense intended, but you're really showing a lack of experience in relationships (life?) here . . .

Communication is not always verbal - in fact, comm theory tells us that nonverbal communication can account for anywhere from 50% to 80% of meaning. This is what "telepathy" means - being able to see beyond the words, understand your mate's patterns and tendencies, and understand when something is wrong (even if they won't talk about it).

It's one of the most difficult things about relationships - going beyond 'honesty' to 'openness' is hard, and many many people can't handle it.