Legacy
 

I was a legacy to AOII. Looking back I didn't really have a choice which sorority to join since my sister (who is less than a year older than me) pledged the year before. If she hadn't been a member I don't know what I would have chosen. Don't get me wrong....I love my chapter and my sorority. But, I didn't give it much thought since I would have devastated my sister by pledging another group. Do you think being a legacy is too much pressure for rushees?
I give you another example. We got a new member the year after I joined who was a double legacy to Phi Mu. She put them first on her pref list, but on bid day was running down our hall crying. Once she got over "letting her sisters down" she became a wonderful AOII. I know she loves AOII, but her bid day was a nightmare. (I still wonder why Phi Mu didn't take her...The rest has been edited in respect to a fellow sister!)

I definitely think it depends on the rushee and on the rushee's family. I was the first person in my family to join a GLO that someone else (my aunt) was already a member of, so it was fairly commonplace not to pledge where one was a legacy (or otherwise connected to a house). I didn't feel pressure from my mom at all to pledge her house, and even though she would have liked to see me pledge there, she felt it was most important for me to be happy.

Then again, one of my dorm friends freshman year sat crying after she finished her rankings the night before bid day because she had chosen the sorority of one sister over the sorority of her mom and other sister. All three family members were Greek at the same school and were still very involved with their chapters as alumnae. I can see how she felt pressure to please them with where she pledged... it'd be hard to go elsewhere and then see siblings and mom on campus at other houses all the time.

one of my pledge sisters was a legacy to three other sororities at fsu and two of her sisters were still on campus at the time. this young woman was extremely independent and wanted to make her own way. i think that she also wanted to avoid choosing one sisters sorority over another-no matter what, we were awfully happy that she joined our chapter.

my cousin's daughter joined her mom's sorority during her sophomore year-it was a disaster. she just never got into it-i remember her dad telling her one time that since he had paid for the meal plan at the house, he expected her to go over there and eat.she preferred staying at her apartment and cooking for herself. i think that she would have been much more happy in another chapter. don't get me wrong, the one she joined is a top group on campus, just wan't the right fit for her. i don't know if she joined them due to their reputation, or because of her mom-who did not pressure her to join any particular one.

my daughter rushed this past fall. i know that she truly gave all 5 chapters at her school a chance, but in the end she chose zta. now that she is about to complete her first year of college, she has gotten to learn the overall personality of each of the sororities on campus-she still feels that she made the right decision. she has friends in all the other chapters. since her recruitment, i have heard that some of the chapters are very wary of other sororities legacies, and are afraid to take a chance by extending them a bid. i think that there is always a chance that that will happen.

this happened to a zta friends daughter who rushed this past fall at a much larger university. she was being heavily rushed by one sorority who would be considered direct rivals to the zta chapter where she attends school. the party before prefs. they dropped her like a hot potato. she was bewildered because she thought they really liked her. her mom explained that they probably did, but that they were afraid she would not put them first on her bid list. she ended up pledging zta, which, truthfully had been her first choice the entire week and is very happy, but it really shook her confidence, because she began to doubt herself and her ability to read people. on top of that, the pnms learned right before the parties who had invited them back, so the pnms had little time to compose themselves if a favorite had not invited them back.

I think a lot of times, even if they try not to, moms or sisters end up putting pressure on the legacy to join their group. It's all around hard, because not only does the mom/sis have to deal with the fact that the group might not be the best fit for their daughter/sis, but that if THEY were going through rush, the chapter might not be the best fit for them anymore either. It's a lot easier to just think that the chapter is going on with people you would like and hang out with even if that is no longer the case.

I'm a double legacy to Alpha Xi. While this might have influenced my initial thoughts when beginning formal recruitment a couple years ago, I tried my hardest to keep an open mind. I put Alpha Xi first on my bid card, but it wasn't because my mom and grandmother are both Alpha Xi's. The chapter on my campus is the place I felt most comfortable during recruitment, and I really clicked with all the sisters. Even now, I know I made the right choice.

We have two other Alpha Xi legacies in our chapter--both have moms who were in our chapter "back in the day," when my mom was there too. But we also have a few legacies from other chapters on our campus. My sorority family Twin is actually a Zeta Tau Alpha legacy, and she's not the only one. Other chapters on campus have some legacies to our chapter. Maybe because our campus is small and only has four sorority chapters to choose from, but I think legacies here generally go into recruitment with an open mind and they choose the chapter they feel they connect with best. So, to answer your question, no, I don't think being a legacy is too hard on the rushee.

from a guy's perspective:

I'd disown my son if he didn't join Lambda Chi. Doesn't even matter if his school doesn't have a chapter. Maybe he should've thought of that before applying.

A woman that I know has been practicing her mantra for years, "God made us mother and daughter but only You can make us sisters."

I suppose that with the new RFM (which I totally support..it's long overdue!) sorority legacies are going to have it a bit tougher time perhaps than non-legacies. The sororities have the uneviable task of trying to figure out amongst potentially hundreds of PNMs who is a good candidate for membership and is likely to accept their invitation...nearly impossible when you can't truly know the heart and mind of the PNM!

So let each PNM be her own person, and let each chapter stand on its own merit, here and now. And remember the quality of a sisterhood or membership experience is not solely defined by whether or not a chapter makes quota. Do the women truly care about each other? Are they having fun? Becoming better people because they joined and participate? Are they promoting the values of their org through their actions? That's the measure of a great chapter, and a quality membership experience.

We girls get too emotionally tied up with the whole legacy thing initially, but we get over it. There are six different NPCs represented at our family's dinner table at Christmas...a regular panhel meeting! Glad I have boys. My kids are both SAE and Sigma Chi legacies...Dad and grandpa don't care which frat they might choose...they want them to be good men.

Bravo Bejazd

It totally depends on the family, the amount of pressure, and the type of pressure. I was a Kappa legacy, obviously went ADPi, and it wasn't until this past summer that my mother finally understood the why I chose ADPi over Kappa. The pressure on me (the only granddaughter!) extended to my bedroom being light & dark blue, and a collection of keys on the one wall!

A close alumna friend of mine was a triple legacy. She just didn't feel as if she fit in, and was SO relieved when her legacy chapter cut her. Her grandmother freaked out, but my friend is really happy, to the point of having held international offices.

Then the story that a lot of y'all have heard - there was a five-generation legacy in my chapter, and she just did NOT want to be in a sorority! She did pledge, got initiated at Convention, then transferred to another school that didn't have ADPi. We knew she didn't want to join, but were told that that no possible way we could drop her. I don't see a six generation legacy happening - at least, not with her mother's prodding!

As for dropping a legacy just prior to or after Pref - wow! I can't even picture a circumstance where that would be appropriate, short of the legacy pulling a Lizzie Bordan!

Oh man..one of my sisters is a triple SK legacy. Her mom, sister, and aunt are all Sigma Kappas. They cut her first rounds [and this is not a competitive school, for GLO's]. Shit really hit the fan.

Now, however, she LOVES AST and told me she's glad she got cut..or else she would have joined, and she didnt fit in there.

I wouldn't disown anybody, but I will be definitely be very happy if I have a daughter who goes Delta :D I would be happy if she chose another NPHC sorority, but not quite as happy. I don't know how I would feel if she chose a group outside the NPHC - it would depend on the group. I'd deal with it as long as she had good reasons for her decision. (No matter what I'm not paying for it.) I know my fiance would like it if we had a son that went Phi Kap, but I don't think he would be upset if he didn't. Neither of us would be crushed or anything if our hypothetical future children chose not to go Greek at all.

That's a good way to put it!

I know for me I was pretty much open and liked all of the sororities at Ole Miss. I have legacies at AOII and Theta and then my aunts were Kappa's and I had recs for all of the sororities at Ole Miss. Now of course AOII means so much more to me that my great-grandmother was an AOII and then my mother and my sister are AOII's as well...however, I think in the long run it always seems to work out.

I personally know a girl who went to Ole Miss who was a triple legacy to a very old chapter at Ole Miss, she ended up going AOII (one of her sisters had even just graduated from Ole Miss and was still on campus in grad school) and in the long run she was an officer for AOII and an outstanding member. I think her sisters and her mother were more devastated because their own family member was released from this house. However, this chapter probably gets over 100 legacies a year so for them to give a bid to every legacy would be impossible and it wouldn't allow for much diversity. I sort of take the motto that "everything happens for a reason."

I also know some AOII's whose mothers were members of other sororities at Ole Miss, and those mothers are very involved with AOII Parents' Club and help during recruitment. I even know one mother who would go and help with AOII recruitment for the first two rounds or parties and then go to her own sorority to help with pref parties. Pretty cool if you ask me. I think it's all about accepting that your daughter/sister/etc might want to be something else in life. With most Greek systems increasing and getting larger I think it's going to be harder and harder for every legacy to get a bid from their legacy.

A Dad came into the store I work at looking for a gift for his daughter. I don't remember how many times she was a legacy, but he mentioned everyone in her direct line of family, but her mother was an ADPi. He told me she was a descendent of one of ADPi’s Founders. Not going to lie, I got goose bumps.

I know that many years ago, my chapter initiated one of the direct descendant’s of one of our founders. I can’t tell you off the top of my head, which founder.

I’ve always wondered how much more pressure you would feel to join an organization if you had a long line of family members in an org, especially a founder. Do you think you could have joined another GLO? I’m not sure I could.

Are you in Texas? Our Delta Chapter (our oldest) just initiated yet another descendant of a founder (Ella Pierce Turner), but I think it would be nigh on impossible to choose another GLO over such a long-standing legacy. But, as I said with the 5-generation legacy, not everyone is cut out to be in a sorority, and I have my doubts that someone should be forced into it.

Of course, if she went to a different GLO after 156 years, she should be written out of the will! ;)

Nope, I'm in Florida. She went to some school in the state, I don't remember which one, but I know it's not FSU.

Funny thing about legacys!

They can be offered bids or not.

While we all would love to have our Daughters and Sons join our GLOs, it is still their decission isn't it?

As many times it has been said each Chapter is different then why should a Legacy be saddled with a GLO that they do not feel comfortable with!

Granted, a GLO will be good nation wide but not local.

I have seen many cross overs on GC and I figure as long as they go with a GLO, that is a big step !!:D

I'm a Phi Mu legacy, my Grandmother was a Phi Mu at Penn State, and played a major part in chartering the chapter on my campus. My Aunt, her daughter, was a charter member of this chapter, and my other aunt was also a member of this chapter. Throughout my senior year in high school I had lunches with my grandmothers friends (who I later found out were Phi Mu alums) and met ladies from the campus. I went through rush, went to all of Phi Mu's rush parties, and put them at the top of my bid list.on bid day, I opened my bid, in the room full of other PNMs and my rush buddy got Phi Mu, and I didn't. I was heart broken, and a little part of me still wonders what life would be like if I were a Phi Mu. I know I'll never know why they didn't bid for me. I accepted my bid from AOII, and fell in love with them. I realize now, that in AOII, I have more leadership opportunities, and that I rather have a smaller group of close friends, than a larger group of ladies that I know. My motto in life: everything has a reason for happening, nothing is a coincidence.

I think it's really easy to say that there is no pressure, but I think inherently there is. I honestly didn't like any of AOII's parties ( they did Mardi Gras with everyone dressed up like it's Halloween....Mardi Gras isn't like that!; they did Christmas party which was okay and pref was at an alum's house but was outside in the middle of August in Louisiana-- did they not realize it was hot as hell with a gazillion mosquitoes?) Anyway, I didn't even really bond with the girls that rushed me. I still couldn't bring myself to join another group. The funny thing is....rush is such a poor example of what a chapter is! What I learned later was that my impression during rush was a very skewed picture of what my chapter really was. How can anyone really make a reasonable decision with the way rush is set up?

OH.MY.GAWD.

I could not imagine in my wildest dreams, being around these women, spending the night several times in the house, having pretty much everyone know me, making it all the way to the night before pref and getting cut. I know that recruitment is recruitment, yadda yadda yadda, but if she wasn't super snotty or ultra rude or something like that (and you don't make it seem like she is at least). I mean, I know no group is obligated to take ANYBODY, but that is the ulltimate in cruel. There were no signs to her the people didn't "feel" her or anything. I mean, I know you will never know exactly why but...OMG, I...I don't even know what to make of that one. I would have probably had to see a counselor for that. That just seems like the ultimate "b*tch" slap upside the head.

wow.

I think sometimes, in rare cases, knowing people in an organization can hurt you. If they know something compromising, it could be detrimental to you getting a bid. I know this sounds bad and I'm sure this was not the case in that situation, but if one of my sisters mentioned something about her younger sister's (i.e., an extreme drug addiction and refusal to get help), I am not sure I'd want her in my letters. I can't imagine being in thats girls situation and I'm sure it was terrible, I'm just saying....

Oh, c'mon girls! If the sister of an active currently in the chapter goes through rush, she better have three heads and a tail before you cut her! Same goes for the legacy of your HCB president, or the alum that just donated your new piano. !!! eek.

It probably had more to do with the sister in the chapter than the PNM.

It must have, cutting her sister is pretty much guaranteeing that the older sister will quit the chapter, they probably saw it as a convenient way to get rid of her.

But dropping out of a 4 year school to go to community college just because you didn't get the sorority of your choice? ouch... someone doesn't have their priorities straight.

My legacy story . . . my mother belonged to Theta Psi Delta, a local sorority at Southwest Texas. When NPC groups came on campus, they became a NPC sorority, but my mother was unable to come be initiated. Fast forward - I am going through rush at SWT. The morning of second round, I was told of my aunt's death. I went to my "legacy" group - and when asked how I was doing, burst into tears. I was cut that night. In retrospect, it may have been because I was a sophomore, having transferred from another school. At any rate, I obviously went Gamma Phi. When my mother inquired about initiation into the NPC group Theta Psi became, she was told she would have to go through rush, essentially. Uh, no. I'm happy to report that she is now a proud Gamma Phi Beta, who served for years as a chapter advisor.
Oh - and when I graduated, my mother was seated next to several of her Theta Psi sisters. I was selected as the Outstanding Senior Woman of my class, and during the ceremony one of my mother's sisters asked her why I wasn't a member of THEIR sorority. My mother enjoyed filling her in . . . :rolleyes:

One of our chapter sisters who was not everyone's favorite had her bio sister go through rush (they were 2 years apart). When we were voting on little sis, big sis left the room. One sister said "Little Sis isn't anything like Big Sis. She's a really nice girl." She didn't mean it to come out that way, but everyone cracked up, esp since this wasn't a sister known for her sense of humor. We pledged Little Sis and everything was fine.

The only other bio sister I remember wasn't on good terms with her sister that was in our chapter and really wanted nothing to do with us. We were cool with that (they had some REALLY serious family issues, so whatever they did we just said oooookay) but we did laugh hard when she was complaining about her sisters a year or two later.

joe scott, i certainly can't blame you and your brothers for having issues with your chapter brother who has created problems for your chapter. however, i hope that you all will take the high road for the sake of the younger brother, and not offer him a bid-in fact, just don't invite him back at all(when you start issuing invitations). you will be doing the kindest thing for this young man-giving him a chance to join another fraternity.

Simply,
Legacy may gain you a "place" but, it doesnt mean that you will cross for that particular organization.

Vote on him last?
Make sure the guy's in trouble when it comes to voting so he doesn't get to attend the meeting?

Wow! My maid of honor's grandmother was a PSU Phi Mu founder! I've lost track of her, or I'd ask her what her grandmother's name was. Her mother was also in the same chapter.


When it came to in house legacies, we always asked the biological sister to step out during the voting of her PNM sister. It only seemed fair to judge the PNM on her own merits. I do want to stipulate that this is CHAPTER policy, not Alpha Delta Pi International policy (although I think it would be a good one!).

why not??? you got to do what YOU want to do, not what ya family wants you to do. i never understood why people feel the need to want to pledge/join a particular GLO just cuz they have a number of relatives that did.

but then again, i'm the first greek in my fam...
thats just my $19.14 on this matter...

wow joe!! i am sorry that your chapter has to deal with that family!! they sound like a piece of work. perhaps it might be time to pull that guys pin-if your fraternity allows such a thing.

Cutting a legacy
 

When I was a sophmore & had just moved into my house, a 5th year senior's younger sister came thru rush. The sister hadn't yet determined if she was going to remain active or go alum, but as a 5th yr senior she didn't have to come to rush, so she wasn't there to rush her sister.

Her younger sister comes thru the house tour and sees a picture from a dated party of me w/ my ex-bf and points at me in the pic and says, I have friends in XYZ fraternity (same chapter as my ex-BF) and they say czAXOterp is a b!tch- or something to that effect.

The legacy was released that evening, only person who questioned it was an advisor- several of the 5th year senior's pledge sisters said czAXOterp is here, living in the house, 5th yr. sr. sister isn't here, rude legacy doesn't belong here either.

I don't know if this legacy thought she had it in the bag or what, but she was completely out of line.

Also I admit I probably broke the ex-bf's heart...

Okay, calling out someone in the chapter as a b..... qualifies as having three heads and a tail! Note to PNMs...when you're at a rush party, if you can't someting nice, don't say nothin' at all.

Her sister would have showed up for rush if she cared whether or not she got a bid.

Assuming the PNM doesn't act inappropriately or have an impossible older sister or something bad, as was said, do you feel that they should be given a bid even if you wouldnt necessarily think they 'click' with your sorority? Just because they're a legacy, I mean.

No, but nor should she be strung along until Pref.