Depledging (HELP!!)
 

I got a bid from a sorority that was at the absolute bottom of my list. It sort of has a bad reputation (that wasn't the reason why I didn't like it!) but I accepted my bid anyways to try it out. I stayed in it for two months and knew that I definitely didn't like it. It just didn't seem like a sorority to me (the girls were really shy and there was only one social a month!!). When I was depledging I had to sign a paper saying that I couldn't ever join a sorority again. Is this true? However, I have heard that I have to wait a year before I can rush again. Can anyone clear this up for me?

I'm going to assume that you pledged an NPC sorority.

If you are initiated into an NPC sorority, then no, you may not ever join another NPC sorority again. It's a unanimous agreement all 26 NPCs follow.

However, if you did not initiate, you must wait another year before you can go through recruitment again. Whether or you receive a bid or not -- well, that's for the sororities on your campus to decide.

If she was in for two months, that's more than most groups' standard nm period - so she's probably initiated. If so, you have options of joining a local, a professional or a service sorority, but not another NPC.

Actually I wasn't initiated. The sorority I was in waits a little over 2 months because they never fill all of their open spots through formal rush. I was never initiated. I am glad to hear that I can rush again. Though I don't know what I will do when I have to go back to that sorority through formal rush. (My school forces you to go to all sororities) Thanks for the help!!

You will just have to be polite and bear it until they drop you, and they will be forced to be polite to you.

As long as you are courteous, respectful, and polite when you leave the chapter, they should extend the same treatment to you when you go through recruitment again.

I had a pledge sister drop out, and then go through formal recruitment again the following fall. Of course, she had to attend a party at our house during round one as part of formal recruitment. It was mildly awkward, but not what I would call terrible. When she and I spoke at the recruitment party, I simply made small talk asking how her summer was, how school was going, etc. Then I wished her good luck with the rest of recruitment.

No one should be outwardly unpleasant to you while you're at the recruitment party, because they certainly wouldn't want other PNM's picking up on that negative vibe.

As I mentioned above, you should be courteous, polite, and respectful when you go through the de-pledging process. Not only will this make things less awkward when you have to attend that first round recruitment party, but it will also preserve your chances for joining other groups. Bear in mind that with some groups, having de-pledged another group may give you a bit of a stigma. (In my former pledge sister's case, I know she was cut hard in the first round. She did ultimately receive a bid through formal recruitment - she just wasn't invited back to a wide variety of chapters throughout the whole process. I think she ended up being happy in her new group, but I know it wasn't where she was expecting to end up when she left us either.) Many people have friends in other chapters and people do talk. It will certainly reflect better on you to be the person who left with dignity intact vs. being the person who left and caused a lot of trouble on her way out.

Susan: I agree with your closing statement, there. A good friend of mine from another school depledged her sorority [a local, so she can rush again whenever] and caused a huge scene about it, despite me warning her against it. She has now been completely blackballed from all the sororities on campus, and none of them will give her the time of day. Rough, considering she's living in a fraternity house and goes to all their parties.

I'm thinking her causing a scene wasn't the [only] reason most sororities wouldn't give her the time of day...:rolleyes:

Eh, their school is very strongly party based. I'm very familiar with their Greek system, and it's one of the ones where a letters shirt means an open invite and free beer all night long. Most rush parties are nothing but an open barrel. She's moving into the fraternity house this week, because the LXA house wasnt full and her boyfriend's a member. They invited her. I'd be surprised if either reason was a big factor.

Like others have mentioned, you'll be okay going back to that sorority. Just be mature and polite and nothing bad will happen. Stay positive.

Good luck!

Rushing again
 

We had a similar situation during rush one year, where the girl thought she was transferring and signed papers before initiation. When she ended up staying as a sophomore, she rushed again. I actually took the girl during the first round when she had to go to all of the sororities, and she was really classy about it. Just smile and ask the girls how they are doing, what their year was like, and be gracious. I must warn you, however, that all the other NPCs on campus knew that she was rushing again after almost initiating with us. I don't believe she recieved a bid in the end from anyone.

I just want to commend nymbels for 1 - not mentioning which sorority it was and 2 - asking how she should handle herself. It illustrates that she is mature enough to handle going through the process again without a hitch. Good luck to you!

wow im devastated.... i was initiated and dropped out of an npc sorority... i really can't pledge another? is this a rule at every school?

Yes, it's a unanimous NPC agreement.

It is not a school rule, it is an agreement between all 26 members of the National Panhellenic Conference.

You can join a service, honors, or local organization if you wish.

In general, it's bad form to bring conversation from a locked thread over to another thread. You got your answer. Just because it wasn't sugarcoated and topped with honey, doesn't make it open for negotiation.

You can join a service sorority. You can join a professional sorority if you fulfill the requirements. You can join many other campus activities.

Why is this coming up so much? Is it shorter pledge periods or what?

Not sure. Maybe its not happening more frequently than before, its just that the people are finding GreekChat more frequently than before? :confused:

I'm also not sure why someone would go through initiation if they had such strong negative feelings about a sorority from the beginning of their pledge/new member period.

(Also, since her "friend" in ABC sorority was essentially rushing her while she was still a new member at XYZ sorority, you'd think that the friend would have told her not to go through initiation. Not that I would necessarily trust someone who would rush a girl who was currently a member of another chapter. :()

There's absolutely not enough comprehensive NPC education in NM ed. At least not in some groups. I didn't even know that there was 26 groups, and I probably couldn't name more than 8 of them until I joined GC.

I remember asking one of the older sisters when my chapter closed if we were allowed to join another GLO - BECAUSE NO ONE TALKED ABOUT IT, AND US NEW INITIATED DIDN'T KNOW!! The sister I asked acted all offended. If no one told us, how are we supposed to know?

I agree with you Alpha Frog, there should be NPC education included in the NM programs for all NPC sororities. Theta's NM program does mention NPC bylaws quite a bit, but I am suprised that some might not. I am not trying to call any groups out, but I suppose it would be a good idea for all NPC groups to re-examine the amount of NPC knowledge the talk about.

At my school, if you accept a bid, you have to wait a full year before you can rush in formal recruirtment again and join another NPC group. However, if you don't accept the bid, there are no time limits to when you can rush again, formal or informal. However, in your case you accepted the bid, so you will have to wait until a full year has passed to pledge NPC again. I agree with the others when they say to have a positive outlook on all NPC groups, and not let you experience with one taint your view of them all.

That is still new, since during my new member period, there wasn't information about the NPC. However, I figured that once I was initiated, there was no going back to another group (not that I considered it). That just made sense to me...I haven't seen the new Theta New member manuals, but I will say that I too have learned almost a lot from GC.

Also, welcome to the sisterhood!

I am so seriously against the shorter new member periods! While there were a lot of good PR reasons for shortening these periods, the bottom line is that the new members never seem to learn as much about their own GLO or the NPC.

I'm not suggesting how long the New Member period should be, but two months is the minimum I would suggest, 10-12 weeks isn't out of the question. I keep hearing how the New Members have to learn so much, so fast; they're so overwhelmed; they're pushed from one topic to another too quickly - yet no one suggests the ONE THING that would change this. Before I was initiated - before I could pass our chapter's initiation test, I had to know not only the names of every NPC GLO, but what their pin and New Member pin looked like. Okay, we only lost a half-point for those not on our campus, but we still had to know about it. We had a Junior Panhel, and we were informed!

This year alone, three New Members of varying sororities were unhappy-to-questioning their bids, and I advised them all to give it a week. A WEEK!?!?! I was asking 18-year-olds to make a decision that would affect their lives in a week! How I longed to tell them to take a month to decide if that GLO was right for them, so they can truly make an informed decision.

We've taken a crockpot problem and thrown it into the microwave!

[/vent]

Out of sheer curiosity, I just pulled out my new member manual (from 1992)...it was in the same box of stuff as my rush journal that I located and posted recently. :)

We had Units that we worked on each week - learning the history of Alpha Gam, etc. There was a corresponding workbook with questions that we all needed to answer. One entire unit was dedicated to Panhellenic/NPC, and one of the workbook questions was "what are the Unanimous Agreements?" (one of which, of course, is that you cannot join another NPC group after initiating into one)

I thought that we had covered that information somewhere along the line in my new member education, but it was nice to pull out the workbook/manual and confirm it. :)

I never got to ask her if I made her cry or tell her that I am one of the lesser bitchy GCers on here. If only OTW could have made it on here before the thread was locked.
Damn you Carnation, always after me lucky charms! And by lucky charms I mean spoiling my fun!

Oh yeah...we didn't cover NPC bylaws in my NM period. Thankfully I had GC to set me straight on a lot of things.

I COMPLETELY agree! I remember at KD's 2003 Convention our National President said that since the New Member periods were shortened the rate of resignations (across the NPC) had gone up something crazy like 700 percent.

It would shock me to hear that the rate of resignations was anything less!

We're taking a lot of 18-year-old women who had never considered sorority, or ones who are focused on a family sorority or two, sending through a one week Recruitment, letting them making a mostly emotional decision, and then only giving them 6 weeks to change their minds. The miracle is that more women don't deactivate!

One of my pledges sisters ended up rushing again (after not making grades and being let go). We did not have to invite her for the first round of rush (basically she was dropped from us before rush began). She was our pledge class president and we all liked her but she didn't make her grades. When she went through again she was dropped by everyone by the third round, I felt bad for her :(.

There are ways to get around it...
 

As I said of in my previous post on another thread. There are ways to get around deactivating without losing your membership. As I post this, I am probably ruining it for future members who may feel the same way.

I fully believed in my organization's ritual. However, I didn't believe in all of the women at my chapter. I found them, those that were on in "the IN crowd in the house", to be more judgmental than I, jealous, petty and pretentious. Most of my friends in the house were older than me by two years at least. They were not this way. So, by my junior year, I had a few friends in the house mostly acquaintance type. My little sister was traveling abroad for a year. Looking back, I had more friends that I realized.

Anyways, as I said, my mom got cancer, I used it to my advantage, said that I was going to half load of courses, locked my grades from anyone being able to check without my signature and the rest is history. FYI, my mom was fully aware of what I was doing and had no problem. They could not serve me the papers that KSUViolet said because they had no proof that I was taking a full load.

Sure, I lied to them. I had to do what I had to do. There were a lot of lies and bullshet told in my chapter.

The three semesters that I had left of active status, were spent living pretty happily. Granted, for a long time I was pretty angry at the house. There was still a lot of pain involved. I never returned to the house. I ran into girls on campus, no biggie. I think that only thing that was surprising to me was how many people missed me. I never left a forwarding address for my mail or phone number. People who know me well, knew how to find me. My little sis and I connected after her year of traveling. The same girls "IN Crowd" were the same ones that scared so many to leave the house and membership decline. I think the silent majority just never said anything.

Looking back, I don't regret what I had to do. I think it is sad. As much as I am responsible for my own actions, I still feel that those involved in house relations, exec, ect. never really looked at why things were going the way they were until it was too late and even then, it was only a glimpse. They were oblivious.

Today, I am somewhat active in my alumnae chapter. Girls from the house have found me on the national site. One of my old roomies contacted me. I even saw an old sister that I hadn't seen in 13 years last weekend. My friends know that I was Greek in school. No biggie. I am proud of my affiliation. I have always thought that I would prevent what happened to me, happen to anyone else. So, far, I haven't but had to but, I will fully stand up for someone should it happen again.

So, you're saying that just because you didn't sign the paper, it made it ok for you to lie? That's pretty shitty of you.

Never got the paper to sign.
 

Never got the paper to sign. Would I have signed it? Hmmm...maybe, probably. I really wanted to stay in the organization, just not at that chapter, not living in the house. It would have been hard for me to live out of house, financially. I got the best of both worlds. Others weren't so lucky

Judge me as you like, knock yourself out. Go ahead, seem holier-than-thou. Hey, lies happen in the house all the time. Lies happen in life. It isn't right. Mine was just one of many. Sure it was shetty. Nothing compared to what happened to me in that house. Doesn't make it any better or any worse. I can say that because I was able to leave early, I didn't have to truly deactivate and am now able to help other chapters. This wouldn't have happened if I were to deactivate.

Why not ask for early alum status?

I wonder the same thing.

Skiing sister, your promotion of how you undermined your group's rules hurts how other people will view your sisterhood. You may not care because you got what you wanted and are able to continue to do what you want today. But it doesn't really reflect well on you or your group.

Sometimes you can't GET early alum status, I don't approve of what she did, but I'd rather that someone unhappy with her college chapter remain an actual member of the sorority and active as an alumna than drop everything altogether.

Actually, that is what I got, alum status starting my second semester of my junior year. You must be a full time student to be a in sorority at my campus. I lied, said that I was taking half load, locked my academic records so my chapter couldn't check, took a full load. You can't just ask for alum status as junior. Alum status is only granted to those taking less than full load or 5th year seniors. My chapter was hard up for money and wouldn't let anyone even go temporary sleeper status for a semester or that would have been an option.

As for how this reflects on my sisterhood, my group, etc...that is very loaded. I feel that what I did compares nothing to what I saw happen in that house and heard after I left. How about the girl who gave another a black eye at a dating party for talking trash about her? I will stop there.

I have had other friends from other groups tell similar stories of what they endured at their chapters. They didn't do what I did but they do not pass judgment on me.

You know, I see a lot about how wonderful greek life is on this board, and it is. Then someone briefly says that someone quit and that is it. I have yet to see anyone fully address why someone would want to deactivate, it's causes and prevention. A lot of time it is "oh, she didn't have the funds" or "greek life wasn't her". Well, I know a lot of people who used the funds as an excuse. What are GLOs doing to retain their members? How do we prevent the crap that happened in my house and others. I know that mine is NOT alone. We can only say "oh, our ritual is so good, it will heal it all" or my personal favorite, "let's shut the chapter down then recolonize!"

Since my college days, I have moved on to a very active life and received a few awards for my involvement in various organizations. Just last night someone said "She knows everyone." as I was hugged by several friends while art gallery hopping. Oh, and yah, a lot of those people know that I was in a house. They think highly of my house. So, no, it hasn't reflected badly on my house. If anything, my house should be glad that I did what I did instead of truly deactivating.

Please leave me out of this and do not ASSUME that I'll play the bitch card to all troublemakers that come through the front door. I choose to pick my own GC battles and that situation just simply wasn't worth it.

For the record, I did see the thread before it was locked, but I chose not to reply for my own reasons.

...back to your regularly scheduled thread.

Maybe, but not to manipulate and lie to the group to do so.

When you are part of an organization that is struggling for whatever reasons, it seems to me that you can try to fix the group from within or you can leave the group.

To lie to the group and circumvent its policies because you feel it's flawed and return to it later as if you hadn't manipulated and abandoned it for those years, well, in my mind that doesn't play that well.

Playing alum didn't make the chapter better and I suspect it didn't live up to the values of the group. Pointing out the un-sisterly behavior of other member of the chapter doesn't make Skiing sister or the group look better. As a matter of fact. . .

There is no doubt that all sorts of bad behavior exists in any and all groups. Lying, cheating, fist fights, gossip, hazing - all kinds of "shetty" (sic) behavior - you name it, we all know that humans are imperfect and that will be reflected in their actions.
What distinguishes a person of character is how they deal with it. Also, whether they contribute to the solution - or by their actions condone it. Leaving instead of trying to affect a change is the easy way out - but it didn't help the chapter, and in fact probably hurt it. If there were other women who felt as you did, it is possible that you could have changed things for the better from the inside. It's possible - I've done it.
You are lucky you didn't have an advisor who was more on the ball - not reporting your grades to the chapter should have resulted in a discussion with you as to why. Most organizations can find out your status - full-time student or no, so I'm amazed your GLO didn't. Maybe they just didn't want to deal with it; who knows.
I HAD to take alumna status upon my marriage the summer of my junior year - and I wanted to stay as an active. I couldn't, but did all I could to help my chapter (I served as Rush Advisor).
You may cheat the system, and brag about doing so, but don't be surprised when you are not admired for it.
And if your friends who know you were in a house know you lied and don't mind - that says more about them and their ethics then it does about the validity of your actions.