nphc and anxiety
 

i'm thinking about rushing for a black sorority, and have been for like a year but i have social anxiety disorder and the idea of a probate show scares the crap out of me and has kept me away. do you think greeks would be sensitive to this, or would i just get written off for being scared and not outgoing enough??? i realllly want to rush, but also a lot of the time i seriously just can't physically take being the focus of a group and i cant imagine theres any way to get out of doing a probate show because its such a tradition

well if thats the case...the D9 aint for you...

It depends.

Are you seeing a doctor or counselor of some sort? I know that social anxiety disorder isn't about just being scared -- I suffer from panic attacks myself in certain situations. But I think the bigger issue is if you are receiving treatment. Sometimes these things can be helped with medication, but the meds will be useless if you haven't dealt with the psychological aspects. Sometimes the fear of the panic attack is greater than the fear of performing in public.

Anyway, even if you are cured of your S.A.D., that's still no guarantee that you will make line.

Good luck in your endeavors, and I feel where you're coming from.

yeah i'm getting counselling and on medication. my case is heavily biological though, so its tough to treat, that's why i'm freaking out.
i'm hoping i can make a lot of progress with it over the summer though so in hopes to rush next semester.
and thanks for the reply.

Have you ever thought about going grad chapter instead of undergrad? Sorry for what you are going through. Best of luck to you.

I am going to reply as if this is a legit post (don't know why, but I am skeptical.)

Your first concern should be getting accepted into your org of choice. (BTW, many of us no longer of "probate" shows.)

A lot of SAD is biological as is clinical depression and other such illnesses (inheredited brain chemistry). Your doc may need to sunscribe different meds until you find the right one.

But you also need to know that a "probate" show will not be the only social gathering in which you will participate as a member of a BGLO. There will be national conventions and regional conferences involving thousands of people. Not to mention community service projects, chapter meetings, public fundraisers, etc. (Okay this is why I am skeptical--the OP only focused on the "probate" show.)

Well, I'm in an npc sorority, but I have a few things to say on this subject. In my experience of choosing a sister to join there are many requirements and characteristics we look for and although an outgoing personality is one of them it's not a deal breaker by any means. This past year actually there have been a few girls that joined who where very shy and the sorority has actually helped them with that. So, you should be upfront about your condition but say you're hoping the sorority will help you overcome and help you with it to show you are willing to try and change. That being said though, if that is the only reason you are not asked to join then this sorority isn't for you. A true sister would be understanding of those kinds of things and even though they should take you out of our comfort zone slightly to help you grow as a person, they should not mentally harm you by forcing you to do something you physically can not do.

NPC and NPHC recruit in different ways and look for different things in people.

Quietriot (isn't that a hardrock band from the 1980's), if you have a mental illness, then you need to make sure you are completely healthy and have your professional healthcare provider check out your physical health.

For any Sorority in the NPHC your primary objective is college, GPA and units. If you don't have that, then you cannot think about anything regarding public display of loyalty to any D9 sorority whose extended an invitation to you to rush and/or join.

Your second consideration should be about taking care yourself.

I understand that. Even within NPC every organization has different requirements and every chapter has something else that is important to them and everyone has different personalities which dictate what type of girl they ask to join. I still stand by what I say, if any organization isn't going to accept someone with a mental illness that has been diagnosed by a doctor and would accept you if it hadn't been for that (ie. you have the grades and personality and you fit in really well with the group) than they are not the group for you.

The reason I said upfront that I was NPC was to say that I don't know about NPHC but I still feel what I said should be universal to all organizations that call themselves a sisterhood.

OMG I love when NPC buses drive the wrong way down NPHC boulevard. Mostly because they can't turn around afterwards.

Look, you don't know about NPHC organizations so how can you have an opinion? If you can't speak before a group of people, then an NPHC organization isn't for you. As ladygreek said, there are conventions of TENS of THOUSANDS of people. If you can't deal, that's fine, but that means that the culture of the organizations are not for you.

This is not just probate shows..... this is the regular social and service nature of our organizations. We have the right to discriminate based on whether or not a girl or guy will be productive in our culture.

And I know deaf and blind and paraplegic (sp?) frat brothers who contribute to my fraternity -- but if they had a social disorder, they would need to handle that BEFORE they step to me.


And you know, I'll be the first to chime in on an NPC discussion if something doesn't sound right or if I want to genuinely know more information. But rarely, if ever, would I call somebody a damn "tool bag" if I disagreed with something. That's incredibly arrogant and immature.

You have a lot to say on most subjects.

Senusret, as jessicaelaine explained here, a tool bag is a combination of a tool and douche bag, apparently it's worse than being just a tool.

jessicaelaine, kindly start thinking before you post. You can't seem to post in a thread without it turning into a massive trainwreck.

Wordy mcword word. Calling anyone names just because you don't agree with vague general policy is just ridiculous.

I know someone who has epilepsy, and is a D9 member... she succeeded(sp) where MANY thought she would fail... so good luck to you on your journey!

Instead of worrying about what set we're from, or what crew we roll with, how about we all just be brothers?

I think the thing that I enjoy most is that jessicaelaine is her chapter's PR person. Way to be, champ.:cool:

thanks most of y'all were helpful. i know making progress with my anxiety definitely doesn't guarantee a bid, i didn't mean to imply that by any means. i feel like if i did get a bid and was apart of something so much bigger than myself would help take my focus off of my anxiety more than anything can (its much lesser when i feel that other people are absolutely depending on me for something) and encourage some sort of...healing process? (cliche cliche, i know). even if i don't ever get a bid, just going out and seeing what its all about would help me immensely because something like that is so out of my comfort zone, but i don't want it to be.

Senator (I think) Bill Gluckman ~ Malibu's Most Wanted

NPHCs don't give bids. So tell me again why you want to Rush a Black sorority?

lololol

the funny thing is though, most people don't pay attention to what i actually say. they just like to focus on how i say it. this post turned "into a massive train wreck" because people focused on the fact i wasn't an nphc and used the phrase tool bag. if you had something productive and intelligent to say about the actual content of my reply those things would have been obsolete.

i never said a group didn't have the right to turn away a prospective because something that cripples her from fitting into their culture, all i said was if that happened the group wasn't right for her and i did not agree with it.

Toolbag....that definition may need to be placed in the dictionary.

This is just my opinion (and please don't grill me for this :o ) But if you do have severe anxiety disorder, you may want to help yourself by going for other organizations or societies to train your social skills. At least those groups will be less vigorous and you hence a less chance to have an anxiety attack. Give it like a semester and if you're comfortable, you can try next year (though I understand as you wait longer, the chances of being cut are higher).

However, lets say in the worst case scenerio, if you did get cut, you may end up having a worse anxiety because (I don't really know your condition) of the rejection. Please take care yourself, and you should really focus first on your health, your studies and then you social life. Good luck and I wish you the best :)

LG, we are >>>>here<<<<;)



I am not going to grill you:).

The suggestions of seeing how the OP deals with other orgs is a great suggestion! As for me, there are times when I want to just do things in the background, but I have to be in the forefront.

I joined as a senior as well as a few more of my other LSs, so don't discount trying as an upperclassman, plus NHPC has graduate membership.

quietriot, I hope you get better! Good Luck!

Of course we are, we know the drill. ;)

I was thinking about this, and here's what I came up with:

From what other people [NPHC members] have said, this could be a big problem for you. If it does turn out that it won't work for you, you COULD consider pledging a non-NPHC GLO. Is it really be-all end-all that you pledge NPHC?

I don't really know a whole lot about NPHC, and I'm not trying to drive the wrong way down the boulevard :) so if I've said something stupid, please recognize that I'm trying to help by offering an alternative idea.

I think the problem people have is... 1) you're not an NPHC member, therefore you have no right to really give advice on someone who is interested in the NPHC. Perhaps you could have said "I'm not an NPHCer but if that doesn't work out for you, try NPC... blah blah blah"

2) Even though you editted your post, you were quoted. You really have no right to put down the recruitment methods of another organization. EVERY org, even NPCs, recruit differently and look for different things. If you understood this, then you shouldn't have resorted to name calling.

Just be clear...we (NPHC) are not saying a person with a disability (physical or mental) will not get into our organizations. What we are saying is that there are many chances where this young lady will be put into social situations (chapter, cluster, regional, boule, service, etc.). For example we (speaking for my chapter) have forums, info tables dealing with our targets, and other thins that require members to be out and about speaking to the public and strangers nontheless.

I don't want the impression to be that we discriminate on disiability or ability for that matter.

Nearing 40 and already old.
 

I'm sorry since we have to keep our Federal Non profit status as dictated by the Sarbanes-Oxley act, we have make sure we BENEFIT the people we accept for membership.

If that makes the D9 tool bags well, then maybe we cannot handle piss poor members who fail to assist the communities that we serve.

Bottomline, can this chick buy a manditory assessment of tickets @ $50+ for lifelong membership status? That's OUR reality because several deserving kids need scholarships. Or fighting against breast cancer requires providing mammograms, or fighting for civil rights.

I get very exhausted of the haughtiness and arrogance of many current college students today. But, hey, what do I expect, these kids are just products of their environment.

^^^
 

Yes, to concur with my Soror 1908Revelations, some of our famous members have mental disabilities that are very public (Soror Jada Pinkett Smith). In fact that is one of our main community service platforms for the next 3 years under Health Resource Management.

We are to assist in the planning and informing our communities in which we serve about mental illness and disabilities.

However, interests who want to join will be placed into situations that could be uncomfortable. But it is the same as applying for a job.

But quietriot requested info on probating... According to the NPHC bylaws and my Sorority's bylaws, probating is view during membership intake process as illegal. Now, whether that is realistic, well from the outside looking in mentality and like various different perspectives not everything is as it seems...

I'm actually already a member of alpha phi omega. i love them to death and i love what we do, but at least in our group there's not this close bond between the members that i see in an nphc glo. i guess because apo is designed to be kind of a part-time thing almost so it can fit anyone's schedule.

wait probating is illegal?

"Probate" shows are exhibitions of pledges/probationary members BEFORE they are initiated. THOSE are illegal.

Probate shows that you are refering to are actually neophyte shows, new member presentations, debuts, etc.

PS, I am in APO too.

I guess I am going to go against the grain with this one and say that I agree with the NPC girl who was speaking earlier and say that if they don't accept you over something you cant help then that is just ridiculous. As a member of Omega Psi Phi we have about 2 or 3 members in our chapter who couldnt hop to Atomic Dog if their life depended on it. But that has nothing to do with the aim or the purpose of our organization so we don't look down own them for that. One of them is our acting Keeper of Records and Seal (secretary) and he does a very good job and another has a very high GPA and great social skills.

Everyone isnt going to be good at everything but I bet there is a way that you could help the sorority you wish to join in a positive way. I know a member of phi beta sigma who has no arms, would it be right for them to reject him because he wouldn't be able to hand out flyers? I think not. If you have other great qualities then you should have no problem with your organization. The AKA's at my school had 20 new members but only 13 of them participated in the "probate" show. The others decided not too and it was no big deal. NPHC orgs are not only about stepping and/or any other sole social aspect, they are about well rounded people. So if you cant speak publicily I am sure there are members of the org you wish to join who can, and i bet there are aspects that they fall short in that you are strong in.

And please don't down this girl because she doesn't understand the way the membership intake process goes, she obviously is interested so don't turn her away.

ejay, are you familiar with how social anxiety works? If you are, then you'll understand that your examples of physical disability or challenged dance abilities are not the same as having anxiety attacks when the center of attention.

ejay, although you made some good points, I agree with Senusret I. The reason why as LG said the OP didn't mention how she would be afraid infront of crowds doing service, or handing out fliers, she ONLY asked about 'probates', I wish she had asked about the work that goes into making NPHC orgs function. I think most of us are trying to get her to understand there are many more instances than probates where one may be the center of attention.

If you are on your meds and are very diligent and careful about taking them, then you might be alright. I know a guy with SAD and he has done really well in his fraternity, but it is an IFC group, and it is different. And he is good with his meds. Personally, I have epilepsy, and I cannot stress enough, you have to take care of yourself and take your meds or whatever you need to do, or you are going to have a problem. Again, just being honest.

Calling them probate shows is illegal. We need to quit using and encouraging the use of that term.

WHAT!!!! How can we turn her away? We are not members of her chapter of interest. She came here seeking advice, it was given to her.

And I can't believe that you of all people read into our posts that NPHCers do not take people with challenges, being them physical or mental.

Again, our biggest issue is that a coming out show is only one minor activity among the myriad that she will be faced with that involve public spotlight. She needs to understand that.