Getting your parents to support you joining a GLO
 

I don't know if I posted this in the right forum, but I need advice. Ever since I pledged Alpha Gam, my mom has had something negative to say about it. I think she really hates the idea of her daughter being a "sorority girl" :rolleyes: I feel like she doesn't support me in my decision to go greek. After I was initiated a few weeks ago, my mom completely does not understand why I have to go to chapter meetings. She can't stand the fact that I have to be back on campus a few hours earlier so I can make it to chapter. She doesn't understand what the word "mandatory" means! She thinks that I spend all of my time doing things for AGD, when I don't.

I wrote all that to ask how you were able to win your parents over in your decision to join a GLO? Thanks in advance.:)

My mom was very similar due to some bad experiences when she was in college (a GDI, dating a fraternity man and got a lot of flack for it from the sorority women on her campus). What changed it for her was when she came to our Mother/Daughter tea and met my incredible sisters. Now, 23 years later, as I'm still volunteering, she says once in a while "I think that sorority thing you do is really good"

Make sure you don't just talk about socials and meetings. Talk about the philanthropy that you do and the leadership opportunities that you get. Take time to get to know who some of our "Distinguished Alumnae" are (they are on our website) and name drop once in a while. When my mom started getting Meals on Wheels, I said "You know the founder of Meals on Wheels was an Alpha Gam". So, I drop things like that...

None other than our current International President impressed her too. My mom was watching my kids at my house when I was working and the current IP was then the Director of Finance while I was on the Finance Committee. My mom would call and say "That very nice lady with the southern accent called you"

My parents, grandparents, and all the family members that I know of were all greek......so it wasn't that hard for me.

....and I realize that this helps you in no way. I would just continue to tell her about all of the positives attributed to being in a sorority.

some things that joining a sorority did for me:

while in college: a support system when i needed a hug or help studying for
an exam

sisters to applaude my successes and sometimes get on my
case when i needed it

sisters to look out for my well-being and best interests

a safe,secure place to live on campus

3 well-balanced meals a day

leadership opportunities on a large campus

opportunity to serve the community thru service events

fun sisterhood events, socials and formals

after college: alumnae chapters in the towns where i lived that helped me
find schools, babysitters, doctors, dentists, lawyers,
churches,

networking for jobs,

friends in new places

leadership opportunities, advisor opportunities for the college
chapter

intro to junior league

friendships with women in other sororities

opportunity to serve the community thru service events

sisters who live in the town where my daughter attends college
who will do anything for my daughter if she needs them

I sent my mom pictures of my sisters and me doing philanthropy activities, community service and sisterhoods. As soon as she saw that it was more than just partying, she got a lot more receptive.

I didn't have to try and gain support, I told my parents I wanted to join AKA (a long time ago) and they said great!

Let your parents see the national website and/or chapter website. Of course like the other people have said tell them the positives and the notable members. After a while they will likely warm up to it, especailly since you are a member for life!:D

Since your mom doesn't understand and/or may have some bias against Greek Life, perhaps you could relate it to something familiar to her? For example, have your parents ever belonged to an organization which would require them to attend regular meetings (anything from Junior League to a charitable organization to the PTA, etc.)?

I was the first Greek in my family (well, that I knew of at the time - I learned later that my older cousin was an AST). My parents were a little skeptical at first, but I just tried to reinforce the positives. (And also, since my father was a member of an IOOF lodge, it helped to facilitate some understanding on their part - at least there were some similarities to draw on!)

I pledged an NPC sorority before joining Nu Sig, and had a really awful experience there. My mom was understandably weary when I told her I wanted to join another organization. I just kept reiterating the positives, explaining that it would be different this time. She wasn't enthused, but I joined anyway, paid all my dues myself (that way she couldn't say anything otherwise...) After a few years, she realized that I had taken a leadership role and that I had changed for the better.... She still didn't understand until she became the VP of her teacher's Union... NOW she gets it! :rolleyes:

my advice: pay the dues on your own (if you really want it), showing her that you're capable of making your own decisions...

Reiterate the positives of the org, philanthropy and community service, tell stories of times when sisters were/ are there for you and as an academic support system as well....

also explain that the meetings and other events are imperative the structure of the organization... I wasn't very involved in anything until joining my group, so explaining my knowledge to my parents helped them feel more comfortable about my activities.

(i believe someone already said a lot of things )
Also, invite her to visit the house, meet everyone, etc.

My mom came with me to Alpha Gam's parent's weekend, and she said that she really liked the girls there and that she "felt much better about the sorority." My mom knows the positive things we do (I tell her ALL the time), and she understands that I am not one of those people who goes to parties all the time. She just hates it that I can't get out of mandatory events. For some reason, she thinks that I am always at a mandatory event (which I'm not!) and she gets very upset that I have to go to chapter when I have a paper due the next day. I've told her that me going to chapter is a lot like her going to her teacher meetings for the preschool she teaches at. But she still doesn't get it!

The only thing that has really bothered her recently is that certain events (including chapter) are mandatory since I'm now a sister. She does not understand how bad she hurts my feelings when she complains about Alpha Gam, because it means so much to me. I'm responsible enough to get my homework done before fun Alpha Gam events, but in her mind I spend all my time doing "silly sorority stuff". *grrr* sorry this is so long, but I have to vent.

Part of joining any organization is dedication to it. Ask her if she'd be unhappy if you spent all the time you spend with your chapter going to sports practices and competitions, because it's essentially the same thing. Plus if you pay for your dues and show up to nothing, it's kind of a waste of money really. You're getting your money's worth whenever you go to events.

It took a while for my parents to get used to the idea especially during my pledge period because I was coming home a little later than normal, but once they see how i managed to balance my time between my classes and my activities with the fraternity, they accepted it.

do you live at home and commute to campus?

That's what I was wondering too. (Either that, or possibly her hometown is close to campus and she goes home every weekend?)

Do you think it would ease her mind if you showed her a copy of the chapter calendar and explained that you know well in advance what the "mandatory" events are? Which, in turn, gives you plenty of advanced notice to budget your time, studies, and other activities accordingly? (In that regard, you could even put a positive spin on it and show how balancing the chapter activities with your other obligations is teaching you good time management skills? After all, in the "real world" ;) one day you may find yourself juggling work, family obligations, children's events, social functions, charitable work, etc. How fabulous is it that you're learning those very relevant "real world" skills now? :D )

I know that Alpha Gamma Delta has specific requirements when the chapter is setting the calendar and determining mandatory events - one of which is requiring a "free weekend" every month. Perhaps by sharing this information with your mom, it will help alleviate her concerns a little and show that what you have on your plate is manageable?

I'm sure part of it is just that she's having a hard time letting her baby go. :) Especially if you still live at home and sorority life has changed what was previously a "comfortable routine" for her. Its something that we all have to deal with eventually (thankfully my kids are still little tykes so I have awhile :o ), but with some reassurance from you it might help to make things a little easier for her to accept.

P.S. I'm a Chapter Advisor, and there are spurts of time where I have a lot going on over at the chapter house. I don't have to justify my activities to my parents anymore, but sometimes I do have to explain to my husband (who did not attend a school with a Greek system) why I'm needed at the chapter house "again." So, in that regard, I feel your pain. ;)

When parents have never gone to college or been members of a GLO, they do not understand of course.:o

I was the first for both and they learned to love the Brothers of the local and the LXA Colony! Became second parents for many!:)

One of our Presidents never told his parents that he was in a Fraternity as they were strongly against it because of being farmers in Kansas and felt poor. It was a waste of money and time!

We had a Founders Day and they showed up while a bunch of were standing on the deck when the came up! They asked for Jerehma AND one of the Guys holloraed at him inside of the house and he came out and was totally surprised.

The presented him with an emerald Badge as they were so proud of him.

Wow what a surprise for J and all of us!:D

So that you wonder what is going on and when parents find out there is much more than doing parties they feel fine!

Ask them to come over, find out what you do as far as charity events and running offices on campus and being involved!:)

You get better deals on coke if you buy it in bulk.

I can relate to what Susan says. I too am a CA and I get phone calls from parents about "mandatory" events and why are there parties on school nights.

There are Fraternity events that are mandatory but those are usually once a year. There are certain chapter events that are mandatory but we try to limit those.

Almost all events are Sunday through Thursday because almost everyone goes home on the weekend. If we get our new house, maybe that will change.

Show the calendar and pictures.

Does your chapter have a parents club and/or newsletter? That would help.

I live on campus, but it's in my hometown (I live 20 minutes away from home). I guess my mom is having a hard time letting me go. I'm the oldest, so this is all new for my mom. My mom did say at the beginning of the school year that is was harder for her knowing that I was only 20 minutes away, yet she still couldn't see me. Thanks to everyone for the advice! I'm hoping that next year she will have a completely different attitude about my commitment to Alpha Gam. :)

You didn't mention, but did you maybe spend more time with her before you joined the sorority? You did mention that it's been hard for her to adjust to your being away from home. Maybe make a plan to spend some quality time together, and keep the date.

It also sounds like maybe she thinks sorority stuff will get in the way of academics. Really study for and do well on a few papers/exams/projects, whatever, and show her the results of your hard work. Also maybe you can take advantage of house study hours, study files, study-buddies, etc, and let her know that your sisters are helping you that way. Once she sees you are not sacrificing school work for fun, she may realize that she doesn't have to worry about that.

I didn't have any problems breaking the news to my parents. Of course, when I explained to them what Gamma Sigma Sigma was all about, they were thrilled that I was doing more to help out the community. (I get more flack from my friends, about it not being a "real" sorority since we're service oriented, etc) My mom and dad were thrilled when they found out I got in last week. :)

I commend you on sticking to your guns. As you get along in college/life, your mom's going to see you less and less. By standing firm and attending things like chapter, even if your mom doesn't understand why it's important to do that instead of spending time with her, is part of the whole push-pull process of becoming a fully independent adult. If you were still living under her roof, that would be one thing, but if you're living at campus you'll most likely find yourself becoming more and more independent from your family.

Holding strong at this phase will only help your mom deal with the inevitable, bigger transitions in the future (i.e. getting a job and moving away).

It verys by Organization of course. The size of the campus and Greek Organizations.
Normaly it will of cost more joining any group on campus. Many times the cost of living in a GLO house is a little cheaper than either on campus or off campus as the rent.

But, what it costs is the important thing!

What do you get out of being a member of a GLO!:D

You learn to:

run your life.
you learn to lead in your life.
you learn how to work with people who may not be just like you.

You will learn how to be more productive at a lot cost than you may think!:)

it must be hard to try to help your mom understand and to help her accept that you are getting on with your life as you should. do you go home every weekend(and spend the night) or are you expected to be there for sunday dinner? it sounds like you might need to wean your mother from you being so available.

would it work into your schedule for you to set aside a day, or an afternoon, to spend with your mom-just you and your mom, noone else? tell her that is her special day, to do what she would like to do with you.

lynn had a brought up a great idea-if your chapter doesn't have a parents club, maybe your mom could help start one. that would involve her in the sorority and help her meet other parents.

It varies from campus to campus, and chapter to chapter.

If you know where you will be attending college (or at least have it narrowed down to a few campuses), you should be able to get the information specific to that campus from the Greek Life office. It may even be available on their website. NPC groups are required to make this information available as a part of rush. I'm not sure whether fraternities have the same requirement nationally (you didn't mention your gender, so I'm not sure which pertains to you :) ), but I know that many campuses do have fraternity info available anyhow.

That will help you get the information most relevant to you. Rather than a hodge podge of info from GC posters around the country from very different campuses.

It will vary from GLO to GLO!

But, in the overall picture it will be well worth it in the People that you meet and become Brothers with if you so do.

You can and learn so much more, how to be a part of a larger group, become an Officer and learn how to lead others. It will also be expected to have good grades to help not only yourself but your Brothers of the chapter.

Will you learn to be a part of something bigger yes. Will you donate time for helping others than yourself, yes.

Will there be Brothers who may halp you down the road upon graduation or members of other GLOs, yes.

So, what is the cost on that?

There is only one person that needs to make that decission and that it you!:)

"I will never tell a person to not go Greek"!:D

paulam
 

I learned that we had a Mothers' Club in my hometown and urged my mother to attend a meeting. To her surprise, she found two of her card playing buddies (her girls as she called them) were members of the Mothers' Club and since she had known their daughters since they were babies, I had her blessing. My Mom ended up being President of the Mothers' Club and turned into an avid booster. We invited our parents to our yearly formal and made sure to acknowledge them and honor them for their support on Parents Weekend.

We also asked for help in organizing our house and they threw us a "shower" with our alumnae chapter to help us obtain new items.

My Mom particularly liked the idea of mandatory study nights and she was proud when I rose to a position of leadership in my chapter. Keep emphasizing the positives and get your parents involved.

Long time SDT alum wishing her Mom was still around.

Amazing how small the world is.:D

Thank You!

This is an older thread, but I'll chime-in anyway.

The best way to get parental support, from my experience as a Greek Advisor, is to keep your grades up and talk about all of the positive benefits a GLO membership has for you.

You may be fueling the fire by constantly defending your decision. If she brings up something negative about it, ignore it or change the subject.

If your grades sharply increase from the norm, and she asks how you did it, say, "Well, they have mandatory study groups and tutor's available" or however your organization has it set up. Anytime you are doing volunteer work, make sure she knows that.

When she sees the benefit and the results of it, that is how you make the "sale".

However, I always tell students, ultimately you grades are your #1 priority. A GLO membership isn't going to help you if you barely keep the minimum to stay in, and those kinds of grades aren't going to get you into graduate school.