Bad Alumna Involvement
 

:confused: How do you handle alumnae who are putting their negative $.02 in or who are telling new members the gossip of the chapter?

It depends. Are you a collegian or an alumna?

Are these alums recent alums? I'm assuming they are because I've seen it happen firsthand.

Well, once the NMs are initiated and become more integrated with the chapter, they're going to find out the gossip, anyway.

Are they trying to get them to stop pledging or what? If it's a personal grudge - i.e. an alum saying "Sandy is a backstabbing ho with no fashion sense" - then that should be stopped. But if they're telling them something that is the truth - i.e. "the reason we don't have mixers w/ XYZ is because they trashed our president's apartment last year" then quite frankly I don't see the harm in NMs knowing that. They shouldn't be sheltered like children.

BTW OTW, I am referring to the Sandy I know IRL, not you. ;)

Hahaha...somehow I had a feeling you weren't talking about me. ;)

Where are these alums gossiping to NMs anyway? At official functions?

Was going to post, but oh never mind!:rolleyes:

I have a friend whose GLO is trying to get rid of their current adviser. She is really nothing but a pain to say the least. They asked if she could change some of her attitudes to be more positive, but no such luck. Right now, they are trying to work above her and get a new adviser.

Unfortunately, it's not always as easy as just "getting a new advisor". You have to have someone willing to do the job. For us, it's a HUGE job that needs someone with a lot of free time. But yes, a negative attitude should not be allowed.

OP, are there other alums who can deal with the situation? I would suggest using them if possible. Alumnae are involved with a chapter to be supportive and if they aren't being that then they need to just stay away. And that will go over better for the chapter if it comes from another alumnae.

Correct, they are Advisors and do not run the Chapter.:mad:

They can be fired and then try to find another advisor. It may be hard, but it can be done!

It sounds like a change is needed!

But, the chapter is the deciding factor! The Chapter runs the operation, not so let them know it!

Unfortunately for these girls, this woman gas the executive power to reject any projects/events/etc. without notice (part of her ability through the sorority). This especially applies to rush, where she gets to approve everything right before - from decorations to plans. So, if you spent time making 500 snowflakes (she knew it was being done beforehand) and then put them up - she could tell you to take them down (and has done things like this).You can see where a negative attitude really gets troublesome.

She may be a regional prez, I have no idea. Personally, I don't want to. Then again, I know more than one org. that is going through this right now. It is sad how this happens...

I know from bitter experience that there are a lot of politics involved. My mother and I were co-chapter advisors to a struggling chapter - we made a 5 hour round trip every Monday night to attend meetings, and moved in with the chapter at rush. No one in the area was interested. We helped the chapter improve numbers, grades, involvement - you name it! I had to drop out upon the birth of my first child. My mother continued - until a local alumna pulled some strings, and my mother, after 3 years of dedicated service, was essentially fired. Oh - and the local alum? Quit in the middle of her first formal rush. The chapter quickly spirialed downhill and closed- and it was so unnecessary.

IF these people are just regular Alumnae, then see what your GLOs rules are about the alums attending events. Some GLOs have rules that alums can only come to chapter events if specifically invited by the chapter.

If they are advisors, then it is much harder. Unfortunately, it seems that that powers that be seem to listen to the advisors over the chapter members.

Is "Advisor" the right title?
 

Seems to me there is an obvious difference between what a fraternity adviser and sorority advisor, especially in this discussion.

From my own experience, an advisor needs to remember that is all they are, an "advisor," not a quasi-president, who makes decisions on what they "want" to see happen - that is NOT their job. An advisor should only ever override a chapters decision when either a decision the chapter makes is obviously illegal or unconstitutional. Otherwise, it is the members of the chapter that make decision on what events to plan, what decorations are used, how rush is conducted, etc....

I remember seeing lots of what I considered to be "wrong" decisions made, but, that is what the chapter decided was best for them, and none of the decisions were illegal, just a difference of opinion of what I liked and what they liked.

Besides, there is a learning opportunity for a chapter when the advisor posits their opinion, yet the chapter decides otherwise, and the decision turns out to be a bad one.

The basic, first, and most important piece of advice I always used as an advisor was this: "Allow mistakes to be made" - that is where the best learning and leadership development will come from.

Just my .02 - and no, I don't need change back....

Wow, That is sad..... From what I have been told by their members, it is nothing like that. She kind-of just comes when she pleases and really messes things up. Their house mom is AMAZING though. Seriously, a great person. I would really like things to work out. Apparently, this has happened in the past for many other chapters on my campus. All the chapters currently at my school are very strong (good pan-hel management and university relations with sororities).

Depending on the term of Adviser or Advising, I am surprised that ZTA would let this happen. ZTA is more open to Alumnea working with the local Chapter Associations and as you said a 5 hour drive is above the call of giving of time.

But, since none of us have been there, we do not know the full situation.:(

I get so upset at times as have being doing it for 42 years now, it gets frustrating to say the least!

So, you can only do what you can do and that is all.;)

Ooooo . . .she actually sounds more like the local alumna who messed everything up for our advising chapter. Hmmm . . . I suppose drugging her and sticking her in a closet next time she comes in and starts doing what she pleases would not be allowed. Tazering? My brother has always said we need "Toddler Tazer"!! - maybe "annoying alumna Tazer!"

"More like many other chapters around the country"

hahaha

Honestly, I am really just happy that this isn't happening at my chapter!

Alums are important to say the least! They can do a lot of good.

But, with that said, there are committees that thay can join and be of help for and with the Chapter.

If they do not care to be, then it may be suggestable for some older Alums to whisper some kind words in their ear.

If they were from the Local, why were they not Inititiated into the National?

Maybe that is a problem?:confused:

5-6 doses of Benedryl in her coffee?:)

I faced this situation a while back at our biggest alumni event yet. My chapter organized a 180 person alumni reception on the skybox level of ODU's basketball arena on our annual rivalry game against VCU. We had 4 of the 5 founding members of the chapter there, and alumni from over 4 decades of our fraternity.

Some of our candidates pledged Sigma Nu with the expressed interest of avoiding a fraternity with an "Animal House" mentality... and then they met some of our 1990's alums.

One of these "gentlemen" (and I use the term loosely) was recalling how he used to date the cheerleader that wore the school's mascot suit, and how he had sex with her at a party with the mascot head on, took polaroid photos, and passed them around the party shortly after it happened. He also told tales of parties where furniture was thrown from the roof, freshmen were used as "beer wenches", there were streaking races around the house where the loser had to drink beer out of his shoe, etc. Really crazy, raunchy stuff that made some of our pledges look at our alumni with disgust, and then at some of the active members that they hadn't met yet with a more cautious attitude.

Here's how I explained to our PNMs that we aren't all like "Yankee": I explained that the 1990's generation of our fraternity nearly got expelled from school due to recruiting some really questionable folks and getting into some bad situations with parties and grades, and that for years after them, we weren't allowed to recruit so that the chapter could come back with a fresh start... without them.

Remind your members that just because someone is alumni, it doesn't mean they have all the answers. They are your brother/sister, just older. If the alumni in question is destabilizing your chapter, or endangering it, take them aside and explain to them what they're doing wrong, or suggest a new area they can help in that would put them in less of a position to meddle in chapter affairs .

I am JUST guessing here, but am betting they are recent alum? Get an alum that they know but that is significantly older to talk to them. Haven't seen that happen to us but I can see how easy it would be for it to. And there are some things that new members don't need to know. Not because they are kids or because they are stupid, but because if they find out about something negative that happened prior to their involvement they might let that keep them from giving their new organization a truly open minded chance and it makes them more of a drop risk. If it's something that will effect them directly, that's one thing. Gossip is another.

I think advisors tend to try to run things because they think they know best and, honestly, they most likely do on many matters (especially on business matters and such...I think membership is the only thing they might not be so knowledgable about as usually an advisor isn't around enough to truly know the woman or women involved and the situation, so the collegians who have been should be doing all the deciding). But it's true they should remember that the chapter belongs to the collegians and not to them. They can advise...but shouldn't expect the collegians to make the same choices they would every single time. On the other hand, collegians need to remember that they have the right to (respectfully) stand up to a renegade advisor. I imagine if the issue is brought up in a mature and respectful manner it might stop. It's possible the advisor didn't even realize what he or she was doing. ..they might have thought that their advice wasn't pushy at all while the collegians might resent it, and a nice conversation could solve the misunderstanding. And if not, action can be brought to replace the advisor.

After a few incidents, it was determined and communicated to the alumnae, particularly the newly graduated alumnae, that chapter business and goings-on were for active collegiate members only. Alumnae were not to show up at chapter meeting, recruitment, or socials without an invitation or reason. Their presence at one point had become disruptive, so now it is understood that once you graduate, you are a welcome guest at university events, collegiate-alumnae mixers, etc., but otherwise wait to be invited before showing up at Round 1 of recruitment to "help." It was taken one step further-- you had to be a member of an alumnae association to take part in volunteering with the chapter, too.

Some people might find these rules to be a bit stern, but when your active chapter makeup is between 150-200 members, a handful of young alumnae can be just as disruptive as to a chapter of 20-50 women.

As far as advisers who might be on a power trip, these people tend to weed themselves out. And if they are really that bad, the chapter should keep a list of their complaints and discuss the matter first with the adviser, and then move on up the food chain if the problems persist.

LOL, for Actives, Alums can sometimes be a real pain in the rear and a hinderance.

Being the Oldest Alumni of my Chapter, I have seen over the years many who have done a lot and those who dip to the dark side.

Alumni can be some of the biggest asset for a Chapter or a bigger hinderance.

The Active has responsibility to run the daily opperation of the Chapter. The Alumni are there to advise in the many committes we have set up.

HC if one is needed, Advisory Board, working with the Chapter from Brothers close at hand, and the Alumni Association.

I have seen many Chapters from not only mine but others who do the same thing.

The total picture is both work together for one thing and one thing only, the chapter.

Ah ufphoia, the eden of the world!

How about some ego maniac who as HC or Alumni President who knows better and will not work with the chapter! Call, Moron alert!:mad:

Get in and work or get the hell out of the way!:cool:;)

Not sure if my case is along the same line but here goes: I am an advisor of a chapter where we have alum that were not good members when they were active (ie left the chapter with no explanation during school year, were not in good financial standing, etc) and have graduated prior to any disciplinary action from head office (I know, that's another story).

The chapter is trying to reach out to alum and started a Facebook group. To my surprise, some of these alum who deserted the chapter during their membership have joined the group.

I have advised the current members not to invite these alum to alum events but I feel that this may not be right since head office acknowledges these alum. Any ideas as to how the current members can deal with these deserting alum without sacrificing its efforts to reach those who were good members and are good alum? Thanks.

Ummm...it's a facebook group. If the chapter members have no problem with these alums joining it, honestly, that's their business. They obviously aren't upset about the fact that these alums didn't pay dues or whatever. As for the discipline issues, if your head office couldn't get their act together to do anything about it, that to me says it must not have been overly important.