Is sex really that big of a deal?
 

So in less than 10 weeks, I'll be a college graduate who has been single ALL 4 YEARS. There have been plenty of jerks, loads of dogs, even the did-i-forget-to-tell-you-i'm-engaged guy. But there have been a few who I actually started to fall for. But they always ended the same: I wouldn't have sex with them, so they bailed. A couple even told me that they wanted to have sex with other people while they were with me and if I didn't agree, then they'd just cheat on me! That made it way easier, at least they were up front about it. But there were so many who saw me and were so into me. It was only because I was a 'mission' (according to some guys, I apparently have VIRGIN tattooed across my forehead). Once they realized I had no intention having sex, they all (even the genuinely nice ones) walked away. I've only found one guy who honestly doesn't mind and since I'm moving when I graduate, we're slowly weaning ourselves back to "just friends." :( Is sex really such a big deal that you would pass up a good woman if you don't get it?

Isn't a relationship without sexual contact called friendship?

I am being glib, but also serious.

I will have to disagree. You can have a relationship with someone and not sleep with them. I personally would refuse to date a guy if he only wanted that one thing.

It's one thing if the guy wanted only sex from you, and not companionship or an eventual committed relationship. That's shady. However, if his issue was that you wouldn't have sex with him even inside a committed, serious relationship, that's different.

Personally I believe in abstaining from sex with a guy unless we're in an exclusive relationship... but I don't think I could seriously date a guy who would never have sex with me until marriage. It's just not what I want.

You're a challenge for these fools. So how are you dating players?

Just because you have never had a "man's touch", doesn't mean you cannot learn Tantra's uses.

Agreed.

amen...

I'm not a guy, but yes, sex is really that big of a deal.

James, I don't believe that's true, but I took a psych class about sexuality once, and out of the whole 100+ people in it, I was the only one who thought so. That's incredibly irksome, because it's like they're saying there's just no hope for me to have a post-high school relationship.

I don't get it. Rephrase that please, I need a break down every now and again.

I'm with you on this one.

Sweetheart,

You said you were a virgin, right? While I do not have issues with that most men find fantasize about being the cause (spelled cost) of a lose of a woman's virginity. It is the best thing to do since sliced bread. So, he can be a 1 hit wonder and that would be your concept of sex...

So you are attracting the "players" because they think--no fathom--that they're little shriveled up vienna sausage will "teach" you about the Universe of sex. Simply because they think you are naive. Besides, the word is out on you and your choice of virginity... You are the "Holy Grail" of sexual encounters...

You can take all the Sexuality classes you like that will teach you the mechanics and psychology associated with sex. But the truest essence of your own sexual expression has to be a manifestation of your Spirit... Otherwise, you are just going through the motions and you are letting a prick pervert masterbate and defecate on you...

A avoid the shock of sex as not being what it is all cracked up to be is to meditate using the Tantra. That is just one avenue. It takes you to a higher level in your mind. It assist you developing the kind of relationship skills to surpass those of vows. It keeps you true to yourself and your mate.

My question is to you is, have you been able to seduce the man your in your dreams? Not the man of your dreams--but the man who God is leads you to? Be mindful, sometimes God has a sense of humor...

In your post, I found your tone to be one of frustration by how men treat you by the endgame. They are doing that because you cannot be swayed from your beliefs. And they are shocked. They belittle YOUR choice of chastity to divert you into something God has not asked of you, yet.

So, are you beginning to waver? Here's your deal:

You are free from sexually transmited diseases, free from the anger and humiliation of some sexual encounters, and free of thinking that you can "Sport Fcuk"...

But you are relegated to being called a prude fascist, that you have no comparisons, and an old maid and you find yourself totally alone.

I want you tell the guy you like this when he pressures you, "I am waiting for you to be multi-orgasmic so that all my chakras are enlightented and heightened"

Then you need to say to him, "Thru our minds, we can explore errogenous zones when I slip my f-i-n-g-e-r-s coursing over your heart. In this way, we build on our goal that surpasses ejaculation..."

And you haveta say that crap very sexy like...

Let us know what happens?

Whatever you decided, should you choose to have sex, have your man or men wear a condom(s). And if you don't want children, take birth control.

Your friendly neighborhood Public Health Announcement for the Year.

Kindly,

Dr. AKA_Monet
Chief of GC Hospital

Onlee euw, Soror! :D

Um yeah what AKA Monet said. Let me get my pen that is good material!! :D

If you want to date a guy who's goal isn't to steal your virginity, then it will take a little work. Those guys do exist out there, but you have to look for them.

Amen.

That said, looking through a church or religious group is a good place to start :)

Here's what happened the last time I found a guy at church.....I thought you might enjoy this: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=67657




Wow, Monet....that was a whol' lot in one post. Umm...well, in answer to some of that 1. I took the class because it was a psych class, part of my major, taught by my favorite professor 2. No, I'm not wavering, it's not worth it. 3. I'll keep all that in mind....tantric....hmmm....

Ok, well they're not ALL going to be winners... I was just thinking your odds would be better there. I'm lucky, I found my guy in high school but we share the same religion and beliefs and that has made a BIG difference in our relationship, sexual and otherwise.

The guy that was Mr. Internet-Cartoon-Man was a guy I met at the Baptist organization at my college. However, I have met many wonderful guys in that same ministry. Every single guy you meet at churches and college ministries are not going to be amazing, but there are some that deserve a second glance;)

Okay, so, I would just like to thank you. You've given me hope. LOL, I'm a Fr. and I have never had sex. I datd the same guy for four year, from 8th to 11th grade, we broke up when he joined his frat, and i was still in HS, and now 2 years later we are,... um... Friends, but more then that, I guess u could say friends with benifits cus neither of us is ready to put the work into a full time relationship, especially since we do not go to the same college, and it is hard for us to get to see one another. It has been a real strugle in the past that i wouldent have sex with him. I think it gets better and better, but I was begenning to feel like i was the only person in college who hasent had sex. It was driving me insane. Now i know there are others out there to look up to. THANKS!!!!

Hon, if you're a virgin, you do NOT have friends with benefits. Unless they're only getting the part-timer's compensation.

LOL yeah, thats the interesting part, Have you ever had a physical relationshiip without actually having sex, well thats the same things we do. It's just like a relationship without sex, except you are allowed to see other people, you dont have to chack in, and we dont get too centimental, or atleast not most of the time

so yall are just "talking?"

thats what it sounds like to me.

No :) we do more then talk, and we've done more then make out, but i'm also not into publishing everything we've done online so thats all the farther i'll go with it. It is possible to have a physical relationship without having sex. There are things other then sex. It just makes you more creative.

Hehe, girl they don't understand. We can have friends with benefits, too...they've just forgotten how to get creative with it:cool:. But yes, there are more of us, we're just a rare commodity.

I've tried to meet guys at church, the only problem is that I go to a small church, we've tended to pass around guys since there aren't many options. Once I move, that'll open up some doors, but it's just so discouraging that a choice that I've made is limiting my life. I have no intention of changing it, but outside of an arranged marriage, I'm losing hope over here. I know that I have my whole life ahead of me and guys my age are generally half-baked anyway, but come on. I never really believed I'd marry a guy who waited too, but at this point, the only guys who honestly respected my decision have been WAY older than me and I wasn't comfortable being with them anyway...(what 27 year old wants to get with an 18 year old? Yeah, he didn't want anything except my company...of course he didn't....)

Is it just me, or does anyone else find something really wrong with this?:confused:

well yeah... but passing around men isnt as unusual as you think. esp. if ol christiangirl's town is small enough that the straightmale/straightfemale ratio is out of whack. does this make it right? nope.

i guess if sharing men because there arent enough to go around is wrong, then the women at CG's church doesnt wanna be right.


but that does lead me to ask: how is CG passing around guys if a. she's a virgin, and b. supposed to be all christian-like?

For reals.

I also don't understand the point of all the "friends with benefits" and "creative" things the virgins here are doing. I really don't want to know what this creativity involves, but if y'all are doing what I think you're doing, how is that morally superior (or more Christian-like or whatever you'd call it) than having actual sex?

Hold it. By "passing around" I don't mean having a huge orgy-fest! I mean at church we are all friends. So....how can I put this....it's the same concept as dating in a small town or a small school....with such few people, it is entirely possible that the guy/girl you're dating has in the past dated one of your friends and will date another one of them in the future--and by dated, I don't mean "messed with" I mean "went out with." The whole "Don't date your friend's ex rule" really can't apply. Not being nasty, it's just a ratio thing. So that's why I shot down finding a guy at church--we've known each other for so long, I'd seen all there was to see there by the time high school was over.

No one is more superior to anyone, you'll never hear me say that. All we said is that you can be physical without having sex. I don't think you guys realize that virgins have our own language. :) Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative. :rolleyes:

I think shes right, I think you have to have lived it to fully understand it.

They have lived it....they're just speaking a different language now.:)

See, I get what you're saying (sort of) about doing things that you wouldn't do with "just" a friend. But you're missing the point of "friends with benefits" -- why would friends with benefits want to find ways to be emotionally close without sex? The whole point of friends with benefits is to have sex without being emotionally close -- you have fun and do your thing without any emotional attachment or involvement. It's not even about being physically close to someone -- it's about, well, getting off and then going away. "Closeness" isn't the point. Holding hands, cuddling, and being "emotionally tied" are things you do with your boyfriend -- that's much more "relationshipy" than friends with benefits.

I have a hard time imagining a guy who would consider your version an actual "benefit," unless he's really, really into you or a huge pussy who can't get any anywhere else and is hoping it will happen someday. I mean, can you imagine a guy going home after a night of holding hands and cuddling and being all, YEAH that was awesome I totally scored!!? I'd call him your "pre boyfriend" or "pal" but not a friend with benefits.

I really, seriously intend no disrespect at all -- I just don't get it.

This is one of the best things I have ever read on GC. :p

Maybe I'm not as horny as I thought, because I don't see it being that big of a deal either.

AKA Monet, you know so much. You're good :p :p :p .

I sat out of college for a year and through the 5 years I've completed I'm finally graduating this year:p . Throughout college I slept with one guy. My X who turned out to be a jerk. He new I was a virgin and he treated me like a queen until one thing led to another. After that he started acting like a jerk, then he cheated on me. I was so hurt. I dated other guys but I wasn't intimate with them. At the time I wanted my X back. He kept wanting to get back together, and I did everytime, thinking he would change, but he didn't. He only would want me back whenever he had a problem with semen back-up:rolleyes: , if you girls know what I mean. He wants to get back again now, but I'm not going to do it again. I think sex is great but only with a guy who really cares for me and loves me. Don't give in if you don't think it's right, remember guys will use you. They're such pigs, well at least most of them are. Make sure he's caring, loving and of course attractive to you. Sometimes it's hard to to tell, but you'll know. Make him wait a long long time and see how long he sticks around. If he bails, then he's a pig. Well, then again I made my X wait a year. He waited, but I heard that he had other girls on the side without me knowing about it. He such an ass. Well good luck!! Keep us posted.:p

for a minute i thought cheerfulgreek = christiangirl. anyone else?

They are not the same? ;)

Um...no. If you want to believe that kissing, making out, etc is being a "friend with benefits" well then go right ahead with your screwed up view. The term is around to define people who are "friends" (not in a relationship) who do things people in relationships due---have sex, have oral sex, etc.

You're looking at my orange and calling it a tangerine:)
 

No disrespect taken! This is your FWB definition. It's not mine. I don't really wanna use this example, but it may help you get what I mean: My cousin overheard a convo I was having with my sister and told his mom that I was talking about having an "affair" with someone (his word, not mine). She of course hit the roof! She said, "And what do you think an affair is?" And he said, "You know...a romance." Technically, he's right: an affair is "an intense, amorous relationship" which is the definition that he knows. It does NOT literally mean having sex with someone who is taken, but that's what 99% of people mean when they say it. So he's really not wrong--just different from the majority because it's not even in his realm to think about it another way. Because sex is a non issue, my FWB cannot possibly be the same as yours--in other words, I'm not missing the point, I just have a different point than most people....did that help or did it just make you wanna throw a cyber-dictionary at me? :)

Not everyone in relationships have sex--thus the point of this thread. My view being different from yours does not make it screwed up. It makes it different from yours.