another wedding thread...bridesmaids questions
 

bridesmaids
 

I've been married twice and just kind of worked it out on how many I'd have. First wedding: My 3 best friends from childhood, my best friend from college(MOH... also my sister-daughter), my closest cousin and my groom's sister. We had 350 guests so I guess it did fit that ratio, but it wasn't intentional. This is really awful, but I can't, for the life of me, remember who all the guys were in the bridal party for the first wedding. I remember we had my brother, his brother, and his best friend (who was our best man) but I can't remember the rest.

Second wedding: best friend from college again (MOH), new very close who I'd become friends with at work during my first marriage, my groom's best friend's wife (so they could stand up together.. plus, I really liked her a lot.. still do in fact!) Oh, we also had 2 junior bridesmaids and 2 junior ushers who were all his nieces and nephews. It was definitely "his" wedding and "his" bridal party. The friend from work that stood up for me was with me when I met him. He had his best friend as his best man, one other childhood friend and his best friend from college (whose wife stood up with him). One of his best friends from childhood did the catering for us and gave us a very very good deal (pretty much his cost) and another of his childhood friends was a DJ and did the wedding as his gift to us.

I was pretty much having the second wedding because my second husband hadn't been married before and really really really wanted a wedding after being in all his friends' weddings. It was less expensive, less formal and much smaller. I only had my immediate family and closest friends there.. and a few "newer" friends who hadn't been around the first time I got married. I had two tables of guests (about 24 people). He had about 120 people there. I had a long talk with the gal who had been my MOH the first time about doing it again and offered to pay for her dress the second time, but she declined the offer. And, I have to say, it is a rare friend who is your MOH twice! She's still my closest friend.

Both times, the only expense I paid was giving them their jewelry. That was tradition around here and ensured that they all matched perfectly. I didn't choose outrageously priced dresses either, but the new tradition of dictating the color but allowing the bridesmaids to get what they look good in (and can afford) is a good one, I think.

I think you should just balance who you really want to have and who he wants to have for his half of the bridal party. Hopefully, you're close enough to the bridesmaids that if it's going to be a financial hardship for one of them and they aren't going to stand up only because of that, then you could help that one out if you can afford it. If you aren't close enough to openly discuss that, then they probably shouldn't be in your wedding party!

I didn't use a specific ratio, but it does look foolish to have 10 bridesmaids at a wedding with 50 people in attendance. I had 6 bridesmaids... my sister, my best friend from high school, and 4 sorority sisters (2 roommates and my big and first little).

I couldn't afford to pay for their dresses, but I did find dresses that were only $125. Price was a big consideration in what I picked because we were all recent college grads or still in school.

I've been in weddings where people have paid for the dress or alterations, and I've been in weddings where I footed the entire bill. It just depends on the bride and groom's financial situation. Ideally I would have loved to have paid for my bridesmaids' dresses, but it just would have driven up my credit card debt, and I'm sure my friends wouldn't have wanted that.

I was married in July 2006. My sister was my maid of honor and my sorority sister was my bridesmaid. My husband's best friend was his best man and his brother was his groomsman. The best man's daughter was our flower girl. Two of my other friends were readers; other one of my husband's friends and my sister's now-husband were ushers.

You can have as many people in your wedding party as you want, but they do't all have to be bridesmaids/groomsman...you can have readers, ushers, someone in charge of programs, etc.

I think having bridesmaids is another outdated wedding tradition and I don't see the point of it.

Do you think marriage is just outdated period?

At my 100 guests wedding, I had a MOH and a "brides man". My MOH was a dear friend, a sorority sister. Since I was only having one woman the dress was flexible. I had shopped a sample sale and found two dresses for $40 each that I showed her, and she liked one and she paid for the alterations and accessories. Otherwise she could have picked her own dress, I just wanted it to be navy blue. The "bridesman" is active duty Army so he wore his uniform. My husband had his best friend and a brother. We also had two ushers.

I believe etiquette books will tell you that it is appropriate for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, accessories etc. I think its really nice if you can pay for it, especially if you are wanting a dress that is not likely to ever be worn again, but it is not necessary.

In terms of hotel, my MOH stayed with me the night before. I offered to pay for my other attendant's room, but he took care of it on his own. If my friends could not have attended because of expenses, I would have found a way to help out because it was important to me.

The most important thing on your wedding day is honoring the reason you are there--your love. If you are concerned about expenses, your friends, regardless of whether they are bridesmaids or not, will come. Do what you feel comfortable with and make it a day you will recall fondly.

not married, not engaged, just bridesmaid experience :D

the wedding I was in, my friend had 1 maid of honor, 1 matron of honor and 3 bridesmaids. There were about 50-75 guests.

we bought our own dresses, paid for our own hotel rooms, but only for the night before the wedding. the night prior and the night of we (well the two non married and non-engaged ladies of the bunch) stayed at my friends apartment. we got a discount on the hotel.

my friend bought us our necklaces, which were freshwater pearls. i still wear my pearls on special occasions today. :D

my friend really tried to make it cheap for us.


although I'm not engage or even dating seriously right now, i know when i get married i'll probably have between 4-5 bridesmaids. I figure i'll go with the same number of groomsmen. however many he chooses i can match. I know there were definately be two, no matter what (my bestest friends in the world). The others would be other friends I would want to have.

No.

Hmm...served as a bridesmaid twice, and paid for everything. IN one wedding, my friend had already picked out the material--she sent me the material and lace, and told me what pattern. I also covered the plane ticket on that one as well.

When we got married, it was a combination of who paid---I had a Matron of Honor, a Maid of Honor ( husband's niece) and two other attendants, two close friends from college. I paid for jewelry for the outfits that matched--Majorca pearls from the Bahamas and earrnings. In one case, I did pay for the dress for one of my friends. She was going through a divorce the, and money was tight. When we talked about her being in, it was more important to me that she be there, so I helped her with the cost of the dress ($118 if I remember correctly). Hubby had also has four attendants, but one couldn't make it right before wedding b/c of family emergency, so there was actually 3 on his side. The guys--his brother and two of his best friends paid for their own tuxes--we just told them the style, sent them the measurement cards, and DH and all the guys went together to pick them up, etc.

I had 3 - well, 4 I guess...I had a MOH and 2 bridesmaids, then DH's daughter was a Jr. Bridesmaid. He had 2 best men so one of the best men escorted the Jr. Bridesmaid. I would have preferred not having the whole "jr" thing, but guess I couldn't not do it...she's his kid and all...:p I didn't pick based on any set formula - I have 1 best friend and 2 women who I'm still close with since elementary school so it was obviously them.

Quite frankly, I couldn't imagine having more than that. I still got drama with only 3 (ok, it was only from one of them) so I'd never want to increase that!

In terms of paying, I think most women when they agree to being a BM think they will have to pay for the dress, accessories and alterations. I personally think if a bride makes all of them get their hair and make-up done the same, she shouldpay for that. I also think it's ridiculous to expect everyone to get Vera Wang bridesmaid dresses and Jimmy Choo shoes.

I personally paid for a little more for one of bridesmaids b/c I knew her financial situation and I could afford it. For the one who flew in with her husband, I paid the hotel for the night of the wedding. And for my MOH I paid for her hair as an extra gift for being such a great friend. It's all really up to you are what your budget dictates.

I think my friend actually made us pay for out own hair, as if we had a choice in the matter, we had to get our hair done. In fact, now I remember, I did have to pay for my own hair. Her mom paid for her sister, who was one of the MOH's. My friend was on a serious budget but she really wanted us to go "all out". Whatever. It was five years ago and we don't even keep in touch anymore.

I was a flower girl in a wedding when I was younger. My brother was in the wedding. ALL my cousins were in the wedding... I have a lot of cousins. It was a double wedding (2 sisters got married on the same day) and I believe there were 14 girls on each side, and 14 guys on each side. Plus 3 sets of flowergirls/ring bearers on each side. It was a HUGE wedding. We paid for our dresses and I think they bought us the pearls that we wore? We also all had hair pieces and carried decorated fans... total 80s wedding. I think all we paid for was the dresses though.

Damn. If I ever get married, I was intending on asking the H&A to be my bridesmaids. :( I would have paid for your beer and everything.

In keeping with the actual thread, I've never been a bridesmaid.

I'm IN! I am a professional wedding party member.

I will totally go against my morals if free beer is involved, as long as it's good beer and not like Coors or some shit.

Beer? No grateful deads?

I'm engaged now =) I'll be having 4 bridesmaids. I was going to have 5, but one of my navy friends will be on deployment in October. Our guest list is just shy of 200 people.

My bridesmaids are buying their own dresses (Anfred Angelo, coblat blue, any dress style they want) also any shoe style they want. I will be paying for their hair and makeup.

Um, if you pay attention to KSUViolet's post - she asked what you were doing if you were engaged, or what you had done if you were married, so I'm a little confused as to where your snarkiness for this post is coming from. After all, all I did was answer her questions.



***edit****oh shame, you deleted it.:rolleyes:

The Conservinator keeps hinting, but I just won't say yes until I know that Ann Coulter, Zippy Zamboni, Harry Baals, and Dale Terry all have the date free. :)

I read this book on my vacation to Cuba (yes, it's legal for me to go there) and I was LMAO:

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/...CLZZZZZZZ_.jpg


http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/...V44586119_.jpg
2 different covers for 2 different countries...

i have been in 7 weddings. yeah. so....now that i am finally the bride, i've just taken things that i liked/appreciated about my bridesmaid experiences and placed them to use for my 7 bmaids. and yeah, 7 is a lot....huge bridal party....but they are each very special to me and could not have been done without! technically i have 8, though, as my fiance made my best guy friend one of his groomsmen. :) yay!

they each picked out their own dress. they are all blue, long, alfred angelo, but they picked out what looked best on them. plus, being 7 of them....i didn't want them to look like cookie-cutters. overload! so, they are doing their dress thing, wearing whatever shoes, jewelry they like, and fixing their hair what looks best on them. i want them to feel comfortable as i know it's a long day for everyone. my gift to them is a huge monogrammed bag with goodies to pamper. :)

i struggled with how many, too. honestly, i coulda put 10 people up there with me.....but there had to be a cut-off. yes, i have dear wonderful friends....and you do, too....so figure out who you NEED. who will calm you, make you laugh, be your errand person, etc. i needed all these girls with me.....high maintenance, ok? if you want a lot or just a few, it's your day and you can do what you want.

I personally haven't been in a lot of weddings as a bridesmaid, but I have a lot of friends who have gotten married in the past 3-4 years and I know how they asked people to do things. I also worked for a catering company for a long time and worked hundreds of weddings so I saw many different things (and heard many bridesmaids complaining out of ear shot of the bride!).

Despite not being engaged (and not even having a boyfriend at this point) I still know what I 'want' when I get married. I know which 4 friends I'd like to ask (each from a different point in life, although most of them have met each other at least once by now) and that leaves room for the groom to tell me which sister he wants in the wedding party :) (I have older half-siblings who are all married and I love them, but don't want them in the wedding party).
I although have a thing for uniform dress--but I'm not super picky. Yes, I will be that bridesmaid who sits with her MOH and picks out dresses to show everyone. Fortunately, I'm not a 'skinny Minnie' and neither are most of my potential bridesmaids and the MOH (only one of them is really that much smaller than I am and she's still a 'normal' size) so they don't have to worry about that. But besides having the same dress (and picking the color of shoe I'd like them to wear) I don't care what their shoes, hair, makeup, etc. look like. I want them to be comfortable dancing.

I'm also fortunate enough to be from a large city (Chicago) that's usually quite reasonably priced to get to on any airline. The girl who will be my MOH still lives in Chicago and the other 3 all live in bigger cities at the moment (Boston, New York/New Jersey area, and St. Louis). Even if any of them move to smaller places, getting to Chicago is still easy. That's really something to think about--if you're from a large city, don't go have the wedding in the teeny town you went to college in or some farm in the middle of nowhere. I had one friend who was from DC but had her wedding in Virginia in a place near hotels but only accessible from the DC airports--about 2-3 hours away! Beautiful place, expensive to get to! (Flight to DC plus car rental and hotel--and we were over 21 but under 25 so it was an extra $25 a day!). If she had done it in DC things would've been more accessible and better on everyone's budget (especially the bridesmaids who also had dresses and shoes to pay for! She paid for hair/makeup--but that really wasn't a lot in the grand scheme of things). Even if it were in Alexandria it would've been a lot easier to get to and less expensive. So yeah, please think about location and your friends when you're inviting them (and ESPECIALLY if they're in the wedding party!).

Agree here. I am fine with (and except to) pay for my dress and stuff when someone asks me to be in their wedding. However, I do not plan to send tons of money on a dress and shoes I will never wear again. I had this happen for a wedding I was in, and then I couldn't be in my other close friend's (became engaged a few months later) wedding.

As for the bridesmaid (not engaged, yet) situation... I will be forced with 6 as a minimum. I have two brothers, he has three, and then his best friend. A las only one sister in the group.

You know we're all in.

I have been a bridesmaid twice, once when I was 3, and at my brother's wedding. I got kicked out my sister's wedding party! Go me!

Now I know you all want to hear the eviction story so let me tell away. I'm really not bitter, I think this story is hilarious.
My sister got engaged and became a bridezilla. Not long after she got the rock, we went up to David's Bridal, she found a beautiful dress, decided it was the one and that was it. The woman at the store told her not to look anymore because she'd just keep finding more and more dresses she liked.
Well, she kept looking anyway, and found two more dresses she wanted. At this point it was getting out of hand...I travelled with her to go see dress 3, the one she wore at her wedding (thank god!) but I told her what everyone else was thinking-you cannot have three dresses, you already have a dress, you need to stick with the one you have.

She went crying crocodile tears to my mother, said how mean I was (!) and that I wasn't a bridesmaid anymore. Suited me fine, less effort for me.

Damn, we have perps!

Seriously, wtf.

I'm having six bridesmaids (two biological sisters, three sorority sisters and a high school friend) and they all paid for their own dresses. I told them to just wear shoes and jewelry they already own and to do their own hair.

And to the person complaining about having the wedding outside of DC - it is SO EXPENSIVE to hold an event in DC. Most people I know who get married around here do it outside of the city. Makes me glad to be getting married in Ohio (even though I hate that place with a passion) - it's literally half the price I would pay here for the same thing.

I was the one complaining about having the wedding in DC...and also I think I made a point of saying that something close and accessible (like Alexandria) was a totally fine and viable option...there are also closer places in Fairfax County and in Maryland that are great too. And not terribly expensive. I realize DC proper is expensive. But no offense, this girl could've afforded that!
What I was really complaining about was the absurdity of doing the wedding 3 hours from DC in an inaccessible place (only accessible by car--a cab ride would've cost millions!) where the closest airports are in the DC area. Meaning that all of us from out of town had to pay for rental cars. None of us were 25 at the time (so add to that $25 extra dollars per day per driver) and even more for 2 of us to be able to drive the car. The 3 of us that shared our car ended up paying for only 1 of us to be a driver and so she got stuck driving. There were about 20-30 of us who went to college with this girl who came from out of town and all of us had to pay for freaking rental cars and extra drivers. I think for those 3 days, the 3 of us who shared the car spent at least $150 a piece. And we got the cheapest car we could. I think a little more. Add to that a hotel room and air fare and oh yeah, a gift...I spent nearly $600 to attend this wedding. And I wasn't even in the bridal party! I was in school at the time (as were a lot of us) and had just come off of a year of Americorps service...so I didn't have a lot of cash.
This girl was a good college friend and I wanted to go--but she also made a point of telling us that this place wasn't an expensive place to be as a guest since the rooms were 'reasonable' and car rental wasn't too bad. Yeah right. What's her idea of expensive? My friend in the bridal party spent at least $800 on this wedding (I think a little more) since she had to pay for a dress and shoes. I'm sorry--when most of your friends are in grad school or don't have a lot of money, making your wedding in a place where they would spend this much on a wedding is ridiculous. I know a few people who didn't go because it was too cost-prohibitive. One friend, after saying she'd come, once she saw how much she'd have to spend told the bride that she was sorry but it just wasn't financially possible with grad school was told by the bride "this really isn't expensive at all--and you got a scholarship for grad school--don't you have savings or something?". Needless to say they aren't friends anymore. The friend in grad school had a scholarship, yes, but it didn't cover everything and she was working a job to pay for things.
Many friends (including the bride from this wedding) went to a wedding for another friend from DC about 6 months later. It was in Potomac, Maryland. I spent the same amount of time in the area for her wedding, spent the same amount on a gift, and took a cab with friends both ways to the hotel (where the wedding was also held). How much did we spend? About half of the other wedding. I was a bridesmaid in this wedding--and I spend $450 total for everything including my dress and shoes. I remember bride from wedding #1 making a comment that more people from college seemed to be at this wedding. No one had the heart to look over and say "Look honey, 2 of us could come here for the price of 1 person going to yours!"

I was a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding this summer. It was in a historical hotel/inn/house thing. It had a couple of acres and the wedding was outside overlooking a river kind of near the woods at sunset. It was absolutely gorgeous.

I had to buy dress/shoes in the color that she wanted. We could pick the dress style, but the color was set, so we all had to get the dress at the same place. I also had to pay for getting my makeup done. She paid for getting my nails done. Her mom paid for all of us to get our hair done. I think there were five of us for about 120 people--I was the only friend from where she lives now, one was her sister, one was her [now] husband's sister, and the other two were her two best friends from home.

I also paid for a hotel room. Honestly, I could have driven home because I was close enough, but decided against it since alcohol and driving DO NOT mix.

Two of my best friends are going to be in weddings this summer. One's bridesmaid's dress is 250, plus 50 for shoes. She also has to throw a luncheon with the other bridesmaids which is about another 60 each [they split the cost]. They are also splitting the cost of the present which is about 300 total. They are throwing a bachelor-ette party for her which is another couple of hundred. She also has to travel for this wedding, although to be fair, it is only a few states away. Nevertheless, she is not happy with how much it is costing her so far.

It isn't cheap to be a bridesmaid, but it is priceless to be honored like that from a great friend. Honored does not equal the bride to be to act like a complete bridezilla.

A question for those of you who have been bridesmaids, and for those of you who have had bridesmaids at your own wedding:

How much money do you think a bridesmaid should spend on a wedding?

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding coming up in September. I live in TX, and the bride (and the wedding) are in NH. All of the bridesmaids are out-of-state, and the MOH is the only one who also lives in NH (there are a total of 8 of us). Most of us are far enough away where flights will have to be booked to get there.

The bridal shower/bachelorette party is in July. I will have to fly in for that, as well. We've just been informed that we have to cover the cost of the invitations, cake, and decorations for the shower, which is taking place at a nice country club.

We all have different dresses, but all of them were over $200. They were ordered from a bridal shop that is only in NH and they're being delivered there. So during the shower/party weekend, I have to find time to get to the store and try on my dress, which I'm pretty sure won't fit anyway (they don't design the dress specifically to your measurements). And the store doesn't do alterations, so I'll probably have to drag the dress back to TX, have it altered, then ship it back to NJ where my parents can watch over it until the wedding weekend. We've also been asked to buy a certain color shoe, even though the dresses are floor-length, and no one will probably see our feet anyway.

Also, the wedding is on a Friday, so I'll have to take an extra day off from work.

Between the dress, shoes, bachelorette party, bridal shower, gifts, hotels, rental cars, flights (for both me and my significant other), I figure I'm already in this thing for at least $3,000.

On top of that, I've had to turn down invites to two other weddings this year because I simply can't afford to attend them.

It just seems like the costs keep piling up. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that this is getting outrageous?

Perhaps it's because I can't even see myself spending $3,000 on my own wedding...

One of my daughters has been a bridesmaid in maybe 11 weddings? She's so tired of spending hundreds on other people's weddings. Bridesmaiding has gotten way out of hand.

That's ridiculous that you are expected to foot the cost for the shower and travel for both the wedding and the bachelorette party. Did you agree to host the shower? Were you even asked, or was it just assumed? It's OK to say no to some of this stuff. If you are traveling so far for the wedding, I would say no to hosting the shower and only fly up for the actual wedding. The bride should have known from the outset that having the whole bridal party out of state meant that not everyone could come to all of the pre - wedding festivities.

Between all events, the dress, shoes, hair, etc, I spent about $1400 for the wedding I was last in. Considering that I skipped 3 different trips that I was in Ireland to save for it, it bothered me greatly, especially because I'm much closer with the people I would have been traveling with. At least she was happy with it.

No, we were never asked. I just got a message through our bridesmaids Facebook group that said the mother-of-the-bride has offered (yes, the word "offered" was used) to pay for the food for the shower, and she's asking that we cover the cake and decorations. One of the other bridesmaids did their save-the-dates, so she was also asked to do the invites, and the MOH said, "Of course we'll all pitch in for the cost of the invites."

I completely agree that if most of your bridal party is far away, you should take that into consideration when planning things. I think you should have to give a little to take a little (e.g. if you can't afford decorations and a cake, don't have the bridal shower at the nicest country club in town).

My significant other also told me today that I should skip the shower/bachelorette party. One of the other weddings I was invited to this year is for a sorority sister, and I really want to go - the wedding is in PA the weekend before the shower/party, so I'm considering skipping out and attending my sister's wedding instead. But then I don't want to be the only bridesmaid to not show up that weekend.

Not sure what to do!

I had 8 bridesmaids. 2 from NYC came to my shower and bachelorette party. Stepsister in FL, friend in PA, and friend in CA didn't make it to any pre-wedding festivities. The 3 local bridesmaids came to everything. I had 2 showers, husband's family paid for one entirely, my family paid for the other entirely. (1 in CT, 1 in MA). My bridesmaids paid for the dresses ($156), and 4 have already worn the dress again. They could wear any silver flat sandals (I'm not even 5 feet and 2 of my bridesmaids are in the 6 foot range). So, I'd guess their average cost to be in my wedding was about $500.... including travel, 2 nights hotel, and dress. We fed them well. :)

I was just in a wedding where I thought it was a little extreme to expect us to spend 2 nights in a hotel just under $300 a night.... I'll shut up on that after your $3,000 story!

It can get very expensive. I think I maxed out at about $1,500 though. $3,000 is crazy and far too much.

This is relevant to me right now -- I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding with three other bridesmaids. I'm hosting the bridal shower very soon, as I'm the only local bridesmaid. I've spent approximately $1k on the shower.

My dress was around $200, flight for the bachelorette party was $300 (our lodging is free), and will need to be in a hotel at the wedding venue for four nights at around $150/night, plus a rental car to the wedding. We can wear shoes we already own, but we will need to pay to get our hair done.

This is all completely out of hand. I understand that the bride wants to have a special day, but at the expense of your friends, I don't get. The last wedding I was in was such a disaster that I am not sure I'd do it again. The wedding was on a Friday. I couldn't take off because it was our last day of school. Luckily, the principal got teachers to cover my last two classes so I could leave. When I got there, the bridesmaids were getting their make up done by Mary Kay consultant and they expected me to split the total price with them. I had told them I am allergic to Mary Kay early on and if they used MK I wouldn't be participating. Then when it was time to get the bride ready, I was the only one who helped. The other BMs ate and watched the grooms' toddler twins eat Cheetos then try to touch the bride's dress. Only one other BM did anything to help out.

Meanwhile the BM dress was BUTT ugly and couldn't be altered to fit right. It was completely uncomfortable. She insisted we get these ugly cheap shoes that caused blisters on my feet before the ceremony. Thank god my dress came in wrong twice and I got a refund each time, so I ended up getting it for $65. My cousin's daughters now wear it as a princess dress. :-)

This was both the bride's and groom's second marriage and luckily we got out of throwing a shower because the mother of the groom explained since they both had households a shower was tacky and NOT going to happen.

We did not speak for a good 6 months after the wedding. It was that bad.