Deltas I truly need ya'll help
 

Greetings my fellow Sorors and SistuhGreeks!

I have a huge dilemma and I am seeking advice and/or encouragement. I recently crossed into Delta Land Spring of 2006. Due to the nature of this post I will keep my chapter and line name secretive (all those wanting to know can send me a PM.) Anyway, I was so excited that my dream was finally a reality but little did i know that things would drastically change.

About 4 months ago I came 'out' to my sands. And not like OWT with the Bruhs but 'out' about me being a lesbian. Instead of support that I expected my sands completely turned on me, ridicule me, told me I was going to hell and a host of other mean things. Lately they have been ignoring me, calling me names, excluding me from activities, having 'get togethers' without my acknowledgement, mean muggin my girlfriend when she walks on campus and a list of other cruel actions.

I went to our advisor and she told me "it takes time for people to adjust to that, give it time and things will be normal" Well it's been four months and things are worse! I went back to our advisor recently and she told me that my sands are doing mean things to me in order to uphold the image of Delta.:confused:

I tried explaining to my Sands that they are like family to me and that I already had to deal with this mistreatment from my biological family. I also told them that my check to Delta is just as good as there's. I deserve to be a Delta and I cannot choose my sexuality just as much as I can choose to be black.

So, I am wondering what is my next step? Should I contact HQ? I can't take this much longer. I am now known on my campus as 'THE GAY DELTA.' It has become the joke in pro-shows and all over the yard. Its 2007, dammit:mad: and I would assume that people would be more excepting of this by now.

I have cried many nights over this, stressed myself to the point where I throw up and don't even eat. Please somebody tell me what to do. PM if you need. Thanks!!

~Yours Truly~
'ColorfulCre8ions'

Such is life. Homosexuality still isn't accepted in all walks of life.

You just crossed into this chapter which probably means you don't know your chapter that well and you probably don't even know your line sisters that well (depending).

What do you think NHQ would be able to do besides make you "The Gay Delta Who Dropped Dime?"

My only advice would be make contacting a regional or national officer a last resort.

Any other time this would be spam or shameless self-promotion.....

Okay, so it is.

www.oldgoldsoul.com, go there, buy a book called LAZARUS about a gay dude who pledges a fraternity.

Yeah, I wrote it, so what? LOL

But on the real, that's a tough situation and I really don't have any advice other than to continue being yourself and continue striving toward a sisterly resolution.

OH YEAH, and I am going to PM you the address of an LGBT NPHC yahoo group that may be able to provide some support.

This is more of self-promotion tie in! :D And that is all right with me.

Soror, I wish you well as you handle this situation. Continue to love Delta and know that many women face adversity within the sorority, be it their line sisters, prophytes, etc. Also Delta is bigger than just the chapter you are currently a member. Stay true to yourself and don't let them make you act unsisterly towards them.

:( Thanks to everyone that responded. But I just feel so helpless. I have two more years left at this campus and I would hate to have to transfer because of this mess. I feel like I am the one being inconvenienced for being who I am and they can get away with being mean and nasty.

Co-sign

I wish I could stand by you at your campus because I'm known for being "gay friendly". I know your relationships with your LS's and chapter are a great concern, but this situation sounds like a bigger campus-wide issue because other Greeks are making issue of it. If your student body is not accepting of homosexuality, maybe you'll be the catalyst that challenges others' views and treatment of gay students on your campus and homosexuality in general.
Just maybe....

This thread is so sad and enraging in 2007.

And seriously, buy Senusret's book. It's great literature.

Triple-co-sign

It angers me that we as a people can be so caught up in the issue of homosexuality and totally neglect the more pertinent issues facing our society. Sometimes I look at my calendar and truly wonder what year it is..2007 or 1957?


Have you had any contact with any of the GLBT groups on your campus? Perhaps some sort of educational programming is in order. That and aLOT of prayer and meditation.

Check your PM.

^^^thank you soror! And yes I've checked my PM's and replied to everyone. Thanks so much for the support, its rough and unfortunate but I am determined to get through. I just hate that it has to be like this:(

*Hugs Soror*
 

Aww Soror it truly hurts my heart to hear this. :(

When I pledge, there happened to be a Soror who idenitfied herself as a lesbian on my line. She came out about a month after we all pledge. It was a big thing to her because we were the first people she told. After she told us, we hugged her, told her we loved her and continued on with Delta business. I love my Sands to death and thats what Delta is all about because we are family. I don't always agree with my Sorors but the bond that we share will never change. It almost makes me cry when I think about how close I am to them. It's been almost 9 years since we crossed and I still keep in touch with each and every one of them although I move around a lot. It pains me that you will not share the same experience as mine or most others. But do know that you have over 260,000 Sorors so don't let a few ruin what you worked so hard to achieve!:D

Be Blessed! (check your PM too ;) )

Well, she may never find a Delta setting that is completely accepting of her sexuality. She might find a few Sorors who she can be open and honest with and that's it. But I think that no one should play up their sexuality anyway because what makes us who we are, as far as others are concerned, isn't about who we are attracted to or love.

The main point that I tell Sorors who are dealing with finding acceptance is that they should stick with the Sorors that they bond with no matter how few. They might really have a "Sisterhood bond" with 2 and have a "Delta business" relationship with 200 and that's fine. Our bond and commitment supercedes individuals and whether we get warm fuzzies everytime we interact with one another.

I am so sorry you are going through this. My honest opinion? I'll PM you that one ;). Basically, if someone can't accept you for who you are, you don't need them. There are those out there that will accept you for who you are. This is a trying time for you, but you will get through it. Oh and check your PM. :cool:

I understand that she may never find a Delta setting that totally approves of her sexuality. I'm not saying that her sands have to agree with her lifestyle. However, there response is what's troubling me. We have disagreements but I still think their response was out of order. I made that comment that she can still actively serve and meet other Sorors who won't make such an issue about her sexuality.

My point that even if she doesn't find a setting that won't make such an issue, she still needs to keep it all in perspective. I don't think anyone should wear their sexual orientation on their sleeves. If people choose to do so, they need to understand they will get different reactions from different people. If she chooses to present herself as "the Delta who is a Lesbian" then she MIGHT have a difficult time finding Sorors who will interact with her the same as had she just presented herself "ColorfulCr8tion, the Delta."

Then again, she MIGHT not have a hard time when she branches outside of her chapter. She's a Neo so it all remains to be seen.

I think that wearing sexuality on your sleeve is subjective.

If I ask a Brother what he did last weekend, and he mentioned he went to the movies with his girlfriend, that's not wearing his sexuality on his sleeve.

But if a Brother asks me the same thing, and I mention my boyfriend*, then straight people perceive that as wearing my sexuality on my sleeve.

I'm not saying you're saying that, but that's the perception of straight brothers who wish I'd just shut up. All I'm doing is living my life normally without regard to pronouns.


*Senusret I is single and is, in fact, taking applications.

Hmmm. Good point. And lol @ your last statement.

Indeed.

I guess my problem with this situation is that why wait until AFTER you have your letters? If you truly bonded during MIP, this would have come out then and you would know that they accept you for who you are.

I find the timing of the coming out disturbing but don't think that I am excusing their mean behavior.

Homophobia In The House!!! I figure that you came Out because you felt comfortable enough with them to do so. Unfortunately you did not get the response that you expected.
All I can say is that as long as you are comfortable with who you are screw everyone else. This is not a Delta issue this is personal issue that just came to light because of Delta. Be proud of who you are. For all you know some of your LS might be lesbian as well.

Take care.

YID

I think I speak for quite a few GC'ers when I say that I'm very glad that you don't just shut up :)

^^^ Thank you. :)

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT condoning any of their behavior, nor would I react in such a way, but in approximately 15-18 months, people will be paying me to play Devil's Advocate, so I like to take advantage of practice opportunities. :D

With that said....

I would like to ask what your relationship was like with your line sisters prior to coming out to them. Maybe you jumped the gun or maybe they felt deceived by your lack of honesty when it may have been warranted.

Even though the bonds of sisterhood may be strong, some people may still be faced with those barriers of not revealing all about themselves up front. Some people, especially women, need time to get to know you before they "tell you all their business." Contrary to popular belief, being "on line" with someone does NOT make you instant best friends. And though YOU may feel comfortable with these people, the feeling may not be reciprocal.

The converse may also be true. Depending on how long you have known your line sisters and the experiences that you may have shared, they may be reacting to the fact that you waited all this time to tell them. I know some of the experiences and information that my line sisters and I have shared from the day we met, and I would be HIGHLY pissed if one of them waited until NOW to tell me that they were a lesbian! :mad: Also, as someone previously stated, they may be questioning your motives and integrity in that you decided to reserve coming out for AFTER you became a Delta.

None of us can state why they are choosing to put your business out like that. Maybe for some of the same reasons that sites like dontdatehim.com are popular. A person gets hurt or angry and doesn't know how to react. They need some other people the support and validate their anger. I also remember the person that I was in undergrad. Though I was mature and better raised, I can't necessarily say that I would have been above the behavior. With the right kind of support (which sounds to be campus-wide), I could see how easily I could have gotten swept up into keeping some mess going. You're dealing with 18, 19, 20 or so year old chicks. I know some grow azz 25+ year olds in LAW SCHOOL that pop off drama like high schoolers, so I put nothing past anyone.

Just live your life and do you.

That's what I basically said in a PM. Leave it to my prophyte to tell it like it is, LOL!

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. I know someone mentioned why I waited until after MIP to disclose this information. It's really hard to explain timing of coming "out" to people. Fortunetly, straight people don't have to face this because immediately at birth everyone is assumed to be heterosexual. I did not lie or mislead my sands in anyway. This is who I am and I wanted them to know because I also have a girlfriend on campus. Again I cannot apologize or change who i am, this is me. But I am so thankful to know that I am not alone, and that are some wonderful people on GC who have been great support.

(I bolded that statement because I don't understand what someone's sexuality has anything to do with you. Please believe that lesbians rarely fall in love with people who are not lesbians or just any random female. We can control emotions and desires just like heterosexuals.
Wow that comment really disturbed me.):(

I would hate it if my sands turned their backs on me, especially since you're only as strong as your weakest link anyway. Remember, you pledged the sorority, and not the chapter. You made a vow to uphold your organization and to work towards the goals of that organization. I can't imagine what you're going through (remember those words-going through). Just know that it will pass and you will learn a lot about yourself while dealing with this. Best of luck.

I think you took the bolded statement from RD the wrong way. I believe that that statement was in reference to building a bond with someone for months or years and they wait to tell you their sexual preference. It almost seems as though that bond you both have built was not strong enough to warrant an expression such as your sexual preference.

Oh ok gotcha. Again when telling someone you are gay....that takes a lot of personal and psychological stress. I mean imagine telling my parents who love me and claim to always love me and then say they have nothing to do with me. You never know what to expect when you come 'out' so who know when the right time is to do it. I also told my sands because I wanted them to hear from me and not later down the road when they find out I have a girlfriend or someone sees me at a gay bar.

Wow, this is sad.:( Like everyone said there is no excuse for their behavior. I currently work for Residence Life so hearing that people are acting like this on a college campus, really disturbs me.

But what really disturbs me MORE than anything else is the line about you being teased at Pro-shows?!?!?! WTH? What are they saying and doing? Whose pro-show? Like WHAT? This seems sooooo childish for grown folks to be acting like this. I am so sorry this is going on. I would aslo suggest seeking encouragment from some LGBT organization on your campus. Take care Soror!





Where is MamaBuddah?:confused:

MamaBuddha would go to that campus and kick they @$$.

I was looking for her number, but I can't find her card.

WOW. Let us not get it twisted there are many people in all the BGLO's that don't have the courage to stand up for themselves and COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. IMO it would not have mattered when she came OUT to them. Also it was her choice. What is the big damn deal anyway? She is who she is.
I personally think that her line sisters are just a bunch of idiots. Her sexuality does not make her any less of a Delta than any of us.

Soror just take care of you and be proud to be the woman that you are and a Delta. They will get over it and if they don't to bad for them.;)

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different?:confused: :confused: Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

I understand your point why should she expect to get support from strangers when she didn't get any from her family. I guess maybe she thought they would be more accepting. I just hope everything works out.

I think that one of life's biggest misconceptions is assuming. As much as I know and love the fact that my sorority is based on CHRISTIAN principles, I refuse to judge people. If one of my pledge sisters had 'came out,' I would have accepted "her" choice to live that lifestyle, even if I don't understand it nor truly agree with. Its almost like the saying either you are against something or for it. I feel I get pulled in many situations, and this is one of them. As much as I disagree with that lifestyle and call myself a Christian, I KNOW FOR A FACT I would not throw you away like that...

When you decided to come out, you also decided to be cut off with certain people. That is just the nature of the unacceptance of homosexuality.

I guarantee you, at least one of your LS's wouldn't necessarily mind continuing the bonding process with you(as you know it continues after crossing), but she may then be ostracized by the rest as well. People are great at being followers. Even if they dislike your choices, I just don't agree with singling out a sister. We are all sinners. Anyone who just came through DELTA should know that.

I also am curious about why you choose Delta Sigma Theta. What were you looking for in this bond that could not be found elsewhere in life?

Exactly! Something about the orginal post just doesn't sit right with me.

1. You said your CHECK was as good as theirs. Hmmm, maybe there was no bond.
2. You're parent's didn't accept you but you thought people you just met would.
3. You said it's hard coming out but had a girlfriend on campus, so technically weren't you already out?
4. Why the hell would you come on a board that you aren't to familiar with and have your first post be this again to a group of women you don't know? Why not PM a Soror on this site? Why not speak to the Soror that wrote your financial?
5. Why would any Soror call Nationals on this? Would you think that would better the realtionship?

Hey I don't care what you are and who you do it with, but I would have a problem with someone that I was in the trenches with, that I claim to have a bond with not disclose something that was so important on who they were to themselves. I have a feeling they are more pissed that you didn't tell them from the jump than that you are gay.

I don't understand why she was *supposed* to share her sexuality any other time than when she was ready to.

I don't think she has to share it. I just think it made her LS's wonder why she waited to share it, especially something that is so important to her. People feel deceived, when they are getting to know you and then find out something that is major to you in your own life and didn't share it? I don't care who she loves, but I would have the same question if I had a LS that told me she was married and had children after we crossed. I would wonder while we were bonding why didn't she share something so important to her with us. I think it wasn't shared before because she thought she wouldn't make line. I also question the validty of her post.

was that first point in the original post? cause i see it was edited.

she couldve had a GF and not been out. makes sense to me.

and maybe because the OP's parents didnt react so well she THOUGHT her LSs would be better about it since they havent known her all her life. in example, one of my residents was out to me but not to her best friends. they came to visit that weekend and she was supposedly going to come out to them that weekend. did i know this? nope. so im talking to the friends about the resident's girlfriend and whatnot, and the looks on the friends' faces was like "what are you talking about?"

the friends cut their visit short and i felt really horrible cause i mistakenly outed her. everyone in the dorm was like "ok, you like girls, fine." her best friends from home, not so much.

yes, i also question why she waited until she crossed to come out. but, i will agree with Rashid on the "supposed to share her sexuality" at the "right time." since we always compare seeking membership to a job interview... would you tell the person you were interviewing that you were gay? or on the final interview? or your first day of work? had she worn her sexuality on her sleeve, that couldve affected her membership or not. in no way am i saying it shouldve, but let's be honest, not everyone is down for the count, especially from what it sounds like on the OP's campus. mind you this is kinda weird to me cause NYU is kind of a gay central - people who were way in the back of the closet at home came bursting out freshman year, and then some who took all 4 years to do.

anyway, who knows, its up to the individual and especially at 18, 19 (assuming the age of the OP) i'm not surprised that she was still in the closet. you dont know who to trust or what not, and being in limbo of child and adult, there isnt exactly any "adult" to run to tell people on.

It's the person's right to come out whenever they feel comfortable. But she stated she had a girlfriend on campus, and didn't want her LS's to find out by seeing her or someone seeing her at a gay bar. So that makes me wonder how in was she . Again why not disclose it to your LS's while on line, if it is such a major part of her life. Why feel the need to tell them at all. Just like you wouldn't anounce you were Hetro, why announce you are gay? Just show up to an event with your SO, no matter what your orientation.

If/When you lost your virginity, would/did you tell your girlfriends or your parents? If you'd gotten pregnant in highschool or college, wouldn't your girlfriends' reactions have been much better than your mom's?

I know I would not have disclosed it prior to being selected for membership, but I also know that I would have waited or tried to strike up a discussion about the subject to see what the reaction was prior to telling folks. Depending on the situation you might not establish the bond with your line sister(s) until well after the process is over. I know that is how it was for me. One thing that must be kept in perspective just because you are on line with someone does not automatically mean that you will be friends(and I use that word loosely).
In the big scheme of things this situation should make you stronger and next time you will check out the situation before sharing such personal information.

my line was mad close during our process and I know I didn't share ever imtimate detail of my life with my LSs...from what I've witnessed "coming out" is extremely difficult and it was probably after she crossed when she truly felt comfortable enough to disclose that information...as for putting it out there before hand, I didn't put it out there that I was a single parent or "older" when I was trying to get selected...sometimes less is more when you know people will judge you on something about your life...in my opinion as long as she hasn't or will not do anything that reflects negatively on our sorority I could care less about who she chooses to love...her LSs are the ones who need to be clowned, not her...and being teased at a probate or whatever and thats cool with her sands...wow...I'm not even 5 yet and I guess things have changed since I came through...maybe its not the norm but Ima ride for mine and that would not have gone down without some problems...oh well Soror keep your head up and let the haters hate...remember the fact that unfortunate as it is, every Delta is your soror but not your friend...I'll keep you in my prayers.