How soon do you get serious??
 

I did a search and couldn't find this topic....say you meet someone and you're clicking on all cylinders...everything is working out perfectly...but its only been say 1 or 2 months into the new relationship....do you worry about societal standards for how long you should date...or what your friends/family think or may say about it...or do you follow your heart.....my friend is about to marry someone who she has known for 3 months....whats your take???

A girl I know at work married someone she had only dated for about 4 months...on the outside it looks ok, it's a mess in reality. I think she was just dying to get married, because a bunch of her friends recently did and she felt left out, plus she has a very loud biological clock. They've finally been together for a year(married only since this past August), but it's just not a good situation at all...more problems than you can shake a stick at.

To each their own, but a year minimum in my book...then at least you are semi out of the infatuation stage and know what it's like to be together when it's not all hot and heavy. Reality sets in...and sometimes reality is a good thing. I think the above girl had she had gotten to know him better would have had second thoughts at this point.:confused:

Every situation is different. Some people marry after dating for YEARS and then divorce almost immediately. Some people meet and fall in love in less than a month and are deliriously happy and in love for the rest of their lives.

Things happen when they happen. I will say though, if YOU have unsolved issues - like the aforementioned biological clock - it doesn't matter how long you date, the relationship will be flawed. Marrying someone just because your friends do or because you want to procreate is always a bad plan.

FYI: Here is a link to a similar thread. A lot of good opinions were given there: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=how+long

I have been pondering the same question myself. Although things may feel completely right, I think that it is worth it to give the relationship some time to develop. Its just such a serious commitment that you really want to do it right. Truthfully 3 months is such a short amount of time that there are lots of things left to learn about a person. I have to wonder if your friend really knows her guys stance on things like parenting and religion and finances. Does she know for sure that he will stick by her and stand with her if she fell deathly ill (God forbid) or became disabled. Do they both agree on how to manage elderly parents? Will the parents come and live with you or go to a Home. Are they both clear on what the marriage deal breakers are? infidelity? physical abuse? substance abuse? Have they discussed expectations on how to repair damage to the marriage when divorce isn't the preferred course of action?

I know that you can't cover every topic and know all things about your mate b4 you get married. However, there is a lot that you just learn and find out about your mate when you really give the relationship time to develop prior to getting married. For myself I have to say at least a year prefferably 2 prior to engagement. Given that your girl is moving forward, then she should at least go in knowing that there are gonna be some surprises and prepared to be flexible and deal with them. Best of luck to her and her marriage!

My fiance and I have been together since October 2004 - We've been engaged since last December - about 14 months after we started dating. We'll be getting married 2 1/2 weeks shy of our 3 year dating anniversary.

My now-husband and I clicked right away. After four months, I told a friend that he's the man I'd marry.
A year after that he proposed, and a year and a half later we married.

It's different for everyone; you can't put a timeline on your feelings.

This makes me feel so much better now. I knew, within two months, that my boyfriend is The One. Sometimes you just know. We're perfect for each other on a scary level. My parents met on a blind date and were engaged 3 months later. Sometimes, you just know. Other people, it takes time.

You KNEW but you didn't act on it right away... there's a difference between knowing at 4 months that you feel this is "THE" one and it's right... and calling a wedding planner and buying rings three months in.

I agree. Sometimes you may get blind with this whole warm fuzzy feeling and once you get used to it, it fades and you may not feel the link afterall.

I personally think the best as, LB93 says, to wait until that stage is gone, no matter how long it takes, then you will truly know if he's the right guy for you. You will know if you can picture yourself spending the rest of your life with him :)

My hubby's cousin and her fiance are getting married this January after only knowing & dating each other for 6 months. I think it's stupidity to the max but then again, she's 19.

I think that a year is at least a minimum.

I don't go based on societal standards or what my family would think.

I go based on my common sense and intellect. I know that 3 months isn't enough time for ME to get to know someone for a lifetime commitment. In 3 months, even if relationships move fast and go QUICKLY beyond the honeymoon stage of perfection, you haven't seen that person in all seasons. You haven't seen the full impact that things like money issues, family issues, and insecurities can have on a relationship.

I have a friend who married after 3 months. They had a lot of issues but have sworn to work it out--only because some people think the Bible says divorce is a sin. Which I think is a crock but oh well. They are doing fine right now. Or their version of "fine."

So anything can hypothetically be worked out if people struggle enough to work it out. That doesn't mean it SHOULD work out. Love does NOT concur all because lifetime commitments are about so much more than love (and convenience). You have to be compatible on so many levels beyond just being a lovebug. I know that 3 months isn't enough time for ME to find that compatibility.

Many of us can relate to that sentiment. There's nothing wrong with that. But actually marrying him after 4 months is a different story. ;)

I'm the same as you. I knew after 2 months that he was the one I was going to marry. 1 year and a half later I still feel the same way. While we're not officially engaged, I say we're unofficially engaged because we have talked about it so much. We moved in together just a few months after our 1 year anniversary. We know we're going to marry soon, we're just trying to save up money for a ring, wedding, house, etc., etc.

Lots of good advice, such as Marie's post, waiting a year, everybody's timeline being different, etc. My own advice is to listen to your brain, and not your heart - your heart will fall in line with what the brain knows is right. Don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without!

And don't let anyone pressure you to hurry up or to slow down, even if it's the week before the proposed wedding!

I agree with the posters saying it depends on that person. Only he or she knows what is right for her. My mom remarried after 5 years of courting with her husband/fiance/now ex-husband. My grandparents on the other hand were kids (my grammy being around 13 and my granddaddy around 18 (don't quote me for sure on the ages but close enough)) and before my grammy passed, they were married for 40+ years. Things change between their era and our era. The divorce rate is so flickin' high that we need to stick with it. That is my opinion, though

Nosce te ipsum...
 

I was only knew my husband for ~5-6 months before I married him...

But I was 34 years old, had been there, done that in every kind of relationship... I also had a medical emergency in which my now husband emotionally supported me and another a$$wipe that lived in my city abandoned me...

So, if you don't kid yourself into this "magical Disney romantical adventure" story that has been sold to us, Americans, lock, stock and barrell, and have a realistic view of your life and that of your loved one, then you should be fare decently...

Our first year was rough because we didn't do the "waiting game". But with each passing year, we grow stronger... I must say, I truly admire my husband and he bends over backwards for me... But that's me.

And like others have stated, you need to know yourself more than anything else.

And if you read any of my earlier posts before 2003... You will noticed that I truly started to believe that I was NOT marriage material...

Thanks for that post AKAMonet. :)

I think I remember your pre-2003 posts. You live, you learn, you grow but in all that you keep praying.

Good post, AKA_Monet.

Another key is that....support. :)

About 10 years. Nah!:p

Seriously, I guess everyone is different. My parents have been married for 43 years after being engaged for about a year and a half. That was in 1963, it's 2007 now and the dating scene has changed big time. The divorce rate is now 65 percent. I was watching the news and for the 1st time in U.S. history there are more single people than married.

I'm young, but very old fashion and I have old fashion values, and today it's very difficult to meet women with the same values as my own. I guess I'm out dated. :p

I would get involved in a serious relationship but I wouldn't get married. I've been friends with a young lady I've been seeing for 10 months and I still haven't committed to her. She laid it on the line and told me how she feels about me, but I'm totally not ready for all of that right now. I'm very leery on serious relationships and marriage. I don't know how long it would take me.

I read some of your older post, is this the same girl you met on GC? Just curious.

You must have read a different person's post, or you read mine wrong. I never met her on GC. I met her face to face and she told me about GC in conversation nosey.

Same person.

Oops! Sorry :D . I thought you met her on GC. I take it she's a GC member. If you don't mind me asking, what's her screen name?

I dunno. I guess for me, it would be hard to tell. I would just let things happen as we went along.

The last relationship I was in, was with a guy I met my freshman year, but after I joined my sorority, I broke up with him b/c he thought the sorority changed me. Well to make a long story short everything went down hill from there.
I felt if he couldn't support me then I thought that maybe we should spend some time apart. I thought he was the guy for me, but I guess he wasn't.:( We dated for 3 months before it got serious.

LOL. :p

You keeping doing your thing and being completely honest with her so she can never say she didn't know. I'm curious as to whether you're afraid to commit to her in terms of a lifetime commitment or in terms of a relationship title. Your post didn't specify whether she was officially even your lady yet. :)

Yes, she's a GC member. You're bold! Why do you want to know her screen name anyway?

My mom and dad were a blind date and got engaged 3 months after starting their relationship. Mom was engaged to another guy before, but he was killed in an accident. So she did her thing for a while, then mutual friends set her and my dad up. It was perfect from the beginning. 27 years, 2 kids, 3 dogs, 2 houses later...still together and still in love.

In my own *personal* experience...Pat and I clicked right away. We had a "friends" period because of our age difference, so we weren't "official" for about 4 months after meeting. But we got very close very fast. We met at the right point in our lives and helped each other immensely. Our relationship is pretty atypical, and I think it worked only because of how the two of us are as *individuals*. I KNOW it wouldn't work for 99.9 per cent of people, but I'm so damn happy that we are that .1 %.

When I get seriously involved, yes I'm very honest from the start, sometimes too honest, and I'm always committed to just one woman only. Unfortunately I haven't had any luck in my past relationships. People continue to tell me that I keep picking the wrong women. I'm really conservative, and the women I've picked in the past weren't, so I guess I really don't trust myself as far as picking the right one.

This one is very nice, funny, physically attractive, and our personalities are similar, but she's quite different from what I'm used to gettting involved with. :D Yeah, I guess you can say that I am a little reserved about a long term relationship, though I would like one with her, but if it didn't work out, I would be pretty disappointed.:(

No, she's not my lady yet. We're still friends.:)

I'm probably the other 99.9% :p .

That's my mother and father. Seriously. Blind date, 3 months, marriage for over 30 years. Awesomeness.

You don't have to press the issue. I just asked. No biggie.

Yeah, I think you are.

You're right, you did ask me, so it sounds like you're the one pressing the issue not me. No biggie.:rolleyes:

I think you're 0.1% of something else I think is too nasty to post on GC.

My parents married after 2 weeks. I think they're somewhere around 40 years at this point.

My current wife and I were together 6 years before getting married. There's no standard. When it's time, it's time.

Hmmm, getting serious/becoming official/dating exclusively after a month seems reasonable according to everyone here.

So I did NOT overreact when the guy I dated 3 years ago made a big fuss about "never saying we were exclusive" and "I'm not looking for a serious girlfriend because I do not have a full time job" when after a month of dating, I was not happy that he wanted to keep dating other girls.

While I never assumed we were exclusive, I truly was hoping that I was the only girl he was dating and had interest in . And I wanted to ask him at the end of that 4th date that happened a month after we started dating. If he said that he needed some time, I would have been okay with it. But the way he reacted, I was not happy. I gave him the benefit of the doubt due to the reason he gave. There was a 5th date- but in it we clinched that we were not for each other.

The guy I dated late last year did reveal feelings on the 3rd date which happened a month after we started dating. Hence I do not consider this to be "too much interest too soon". But I certainly was not feeling anything for him other than platonic fondness and appreciation.