Alumni Chapter in Trouble
 

Not with me but the wifes.

She managed to find a small alumni chapter of her sorority and things were pretty good for the first few years. But in the past year, they let got three more members and things have litteraly gone to hell in a hand basket.

Of the three, one is an alcoholic, who gets blotted at every single social. Another is a nympho, that acording to my wife, has already had it off with three of the husbands. She's already flirted with me but it hasn't gone further than that. And the third wat's to be the center of attention everywhere she goes, the utlimate topper.

My wife says that at least a dozen of her sisters are seriously thinking of leaving the chapter, my wife included. As most of these are the real active ones, it will be the kiss of death for the chapter, which is pretty small to begin with.

Most of them are still trying to figure out, how they voted them in in the first place.

To all the sisters out there, is this a very unusual situation, or do other chapters have similar situations?

I've never heard of a sorority alumnae association which votes on accepting a member.

I'm calling shenanigans.

Why would the the greater number allow 3 folx to cause them to leave the chapter? Maybe they need to have a lemon squeeze.

Unless he means how they were voted in as collegians.

The unusual part to me is a hubby being all up in his wife's alum chapter - are they regularly having "socials" with men? What's the point?

Exactly! The majority who are already experienced in the sisterhood should be setting the tempo, not allowing three problems to kill a chapter.

Is that a motion, Sistergreek? Seconded. ;)

It may be a matter of the husbands attending the chapter's events or having social nights. I know most of my sorors' husbands, and they are regular fixtures at our formal and informal events. We love our Sigma Gents! :D

But he does know a little too much about the chapter's business. Loose lips sink ships, and those would be the wife's lips. Sorority business shouldn't go outside the sorority.

Dude, it is an alumnae association. If a bunch of the members dislike the way it is being run, they can start a new chapter. And it's just an alumnae association.

No, not usually 'up' on the chapter. But this is an unusual situation. And what is so 'secret' about what I said after all? Geez ladies, give me a break!

As for 'mixed" socials. We tend to have the ocasional barbeque and such where just about every one shows up. We are adults after all. That pretty much has stopped.

I'd send a letter to whoever is above the alumnae chapter-- like a regional director and then go and get involved with something else. If it isn't fun, there is no point. And please, no lectures on how it is a lifetime committment. We have a limited time on this earth-- I'd prefer to spend it working on projects that are meaningful and avoiding situations with people I can't stand.

Is this perhaps an NPHC alumna chapter, hence the "voting"?

This post confuses me. Voting? Letting go of members?

I think that any Alumnae involvement is fabulous. Keeping the sisterhood alive past the collegiate experience is really something special to hang onto, if you can find other like-minded Sisters.

With any group of people, there will be dissention and difference of personalities/opinions/etc.

I think you should "let" your wife handle her involvement and actions herself. Seriously, my husband never has, and never would get into a situation between/among my Sisters (That goes for blood sisters too).

ETA: Which sorority is this? You don't have to name chapters.

I never said I was handling this. I dont interfere in her activities.

I just wanted to share and perhaps get some annonymous input.

As for naming names, do you think that will be wise?

I think our big question is: Is this a NPC sorority, NPHC sorority, or "Other"

NPC alumna chapters and NPHC alumna chapters are different and knowing which one it is could let members of that conference/council give you better information.

Otherwise we're all just stabbing blindly in the dark.

Drole, thanks. That's what I meant to ask.

No problem. It just doesn't make sense as it stands.

If this were one of our undergrad chapters, we'd have to institute an Alumni Control Board (ACB). I know that certain GLO's (Delta Sigma Phi is one) call their alumni associations ACB's.

However, @ Lambda Chi we have alumni associations or housing corporations. An ACB in Lamb Chop lingo is the group formed because a chapter's gotten into some severe trouble (financial, risk management issues, etc.). Is there such a thing as an Alumnae Alumnae Control Board? Should IHQ get involved??

I think that the Mrs. should come here and we can help her out.

^^^ Not gonna happen. Hubby is freaked that he might have said too much although no one knows what city or state he is in, and we don't know the organization his wife is in.

BTW, he confirmed via PM that it's NPHC. I don't want to know which org because I'd hate to know for a fact which sorority is having this unfortunate situation.

IMO, the members of the chapter need to handle business internally. Three neos should not be able to come in and wreck everything. If they can, then the rest of the chapter is pretty shaky, and they need to tighten up. I can't imagine my alumnae chapter sorors allowing a situation like this to rear its head. Seriously.

Any other hypothetical solutions?

The good members out number the trouble makers. Freeze them out and keep them out of the loop about events.

Wow @ the scenario and I agree with Jojapeach. As a neo in a graduate chapter , I can assure that my actions and those of my linesisters will never cause my older, more seasoned chapter sorors to make the decision to up and leave.

LMAO! Too funny!

If so, then Houston, New York, L.A., Phoenix, London, Seoul, Berlin, Dallas, Seattle, Nassau etc. etc., we have a SERIOUS problem! :D

In my very humble opinon, they should be informally excommunicated. Especially the nympho.

We can all handle a chapter drunk. We all have them...I think I may have been mine....THAT'S NOT THE POINT THOUGH!

We can all handle a topper/shiner/attention hog. We know them and deal with them everyday at work, church, and in life.

However, when you violate the sanctity of someone's marriage, you deserve to be outcasted from that social/service circle that you worked "so hard" to get in.

Sorry for not posting earlier, but I keep having cold chills that someone will see this and it will go back to the chapter. Part of me wishes that I never posted this but looking at some of the responses, I'm glad I did.

As for an update, I think the nympho is gone. Not sure what happened but she wasn't at the christmas party we had last weekend. My wife said she decided to leave the chapter but wouldn't get more into it. My buddy who's wife is also in the sorority reckons that she was caught at one of the sisters houses with the husband. We can't figure out who though.

Something must be happening as they are always on the phone these days.

Such troubles are why smaller alumnae chapters sometimes die down and members go to other chapters or charter their own.

Hypothetically, every alumnae chapter has some women with questionable personal activities but they know (either on their own or because they are told) to leave the personal at home. I suggest the wife goes to the chapter president and have a chapter development workshop and a lemon squeeze. If things really get bad, that probably means their paperwork is all screwed up and their chapter isn't in compliance--they aren't handling business. It looks like the regional director or equivalent will be paying that chapter a visit because sororites don't just let ships sink without at least fussing out the guilty parties.

Verdict: No social events until people are able to comply with the chapter consitution and handle business before, during, and after chapter meetings. If that fails, WRECK SESSION. :p

Don't encourage people to research the chapter based on the info you have provided.

To be brutally honest, UNTIL THIS POST this chapter sounds like quite a few chapters that I can think of. So UNTIL THIS POST you hadn't said too much.

Chapter issues aside, your wife seems SUS because I'm sure you wouldn't have known all of this solely based on outsider observation. Everyone makes mention of tidbits of info to significant others but you have to be careful what info you divulge and trust that the significant other won't share the info with anyone else. It seems that your wife doesn't care for sisterhood when it comes to some of the sorors in her alumnae chapter and is more about demeaning her soror to you and possibly anyone else who will listen. The difference between venting for solution and venting just to vent. She needs to check that.

Now that's a bit harsh don't you think? So what that she told me? We are honest and open with each other. Are you not honest with your husband? We do not want to hurt each other and she certainly values her sisters and I am happy that she does.

Also, I think that I admire them for trying to sort this problem out by themselves. I suppose that my intent when I first posted here was to share their difficulty and I was hoping to share their solution at the end. I was hoping anyway that that was going to happen. Unfortunately I think I had failed misserably in that.

I am also suprised at some of the responses that I recieved. As was said above, I don't think that this situation is very unique, and worse I don't think that the responders here may really be able to handle this any better.

In my days what ever happened in the house was handled in the house and stayed in the house. Going out of the house meant that we were not responsible enough. I think they are trying to do the same thing and I admire them for that. They accepted them and now they think they made a mistake.

No.

Themselves = with you in tow because your wife is a sharer. What happened in house WAS in house until you knew enough about it to create a GC thread.

;)

Now take whatever advice was given and let it be. You've done more than enough as it is.

Alum Chapters are a different animal than Active Chapters.

As an Active, once you join, you are expected to be a full member for the chapter.

As an Alum Chapter, you are a Graduate and can or not join and participate.

That is the choice of the person.

Therefore, it must be made fun enough to join and continue to be an active member.

Did you read ANY of the 28 posts before yours? This really sounds like you read a couple of the first posts and maybe one other and then commented just for the sake of adding two cents.

Besides, you're commenting on something you have limited knowledge about: NPHC sorority alumnae chapters. Stop. Please.

We don't know whether or not his wife was initiated at the alumnae or undergraduate level.



No. Alumnae membership and involvement isn't about "fun."

Agreed. Chapter problems stay in teh chapter and don't involve outsiders.

My wife pledged in college. So did the rest of them. THat is why it is a problem.

As for the rest of you. This is staying in the chapter. I got this info because we communicate in our marriage and trust each other. That may not be the case with everyone here from some of the comments.

I was hopping to get some constructive advice here which I could share with my wife who could then share with her sisters. I do have to say that some of you were very helpfull and constructive while others have not. Worse, some of the attitudes that have appeared here are similar to the women in her sorority. I hope you all do not have similar members who have caused these problems.

And lastly, I want to thank all of you who contacted me via PM for their kindness and help as well as openess.

With all due respect, that's not fair to Greeks brought in through undergraduate chapters. Don't forget that many of our local, regional, and national officers were born at undergrad chapters before they matured at their graduate chapters and were eventually entrusted to lead our organizations. BTW, I came in through my beloved graduate chapter.

Our organizations are made of individuals with different personalities, values, morals, etc. that were established long before they received sorority or fraternity membership cards. If someone is a straight fool, lush, etc. on their journey to become an XYZ, then they probably pulled off an Oscar worthy performance at hiding that from the XYZ members. That fool, lush, etc. will eventually resurface once the aspirant becomes a card carrying member of XYZ. Again, I really don't think that comes with how someone came into their organization because I'm sure everyone has come across an "interesting" member in their chapter or in their metro area, especially in larger cities.

Plus, DSTChaos might have been harsh, but it was the honest truth. If I'm ever so in love with a man to marry him, my heart will be overflowing with love for my hubby and my organization. I'll still love Sigma enough to always remember "Sigma business is SIGMA business." On a side note, it's great that you and the Mrs. seem to be best friends *sniff,sniff*, but she knows the rules.

Why's that a problem again?

LOL.

Anyway, what makes you a "true Greek?"


Don't be sensitive. You can't pick and choose how honesty comes to you. Something isn't any less constructive because you disagree with it.

Now tell your wife to log on so I can constructively tell her to get you out of her chapter's business.

Wow, if my posts were considered harsh then I don't know what to tell him.

Apparently she doesn't know the rules. It's fine to share a little but when it gets to the point where your man is feeling involved and concerned enough to champion the cause for you, you've done too much.

SisterGreek, you might have thrown him off with this:

You know how many different ways "check" has been used in vernacular, like Ice Cube and Das EFX telling folks to "Check yoself befo' you wreck yoself". (Still good advice!) It isn't always considered helpful, especially with a trait like loose lips. That might have been too direct for some.

Fortunately, I can handle direct straight-to-the-point ideas, but everyone can't. That's why I said "might be harsh" rather than "they were harsh". And just like you might tell me you didn't need an explanation. I was bored at work, so what the hey? :p

I still feel funny agreeing with you. :p

This has bothered me for a while. Where does asking for input equal "championing"?

Have I stepped on some toes here?

Nope but apparently I have which is why my comment has "bothered you for a while." Wanna drop it and move on with your life? :)

When Pillow-talking Goes Wrong
:( :(

How can you say pillow talk goes wrong?

I have a question:

Do any of you actually "really" talk to your spouses?