The Grossest Thing Evah...
 

Ok, so today I got home from work and, when I opened the front door to my house, my miniature schnauzer puppy darted out past me. For a few minutes, she toyed with me; trotting around the yard and pausing to let me get almost close enough to grab her and then trotting away just fast enough so that me in my high heels couldn't catch up with her.

She must've decided that, hey, this would be a good time to take a run on the beach, so she headed off in that direction, rocketing at incredible speed through my across-the-street neighbor's yard.

At this point, I knew that I could not catch this wiley beast on foot since I am old and out of shape and plain lazy. So, I jumped into my nice, clean. spanking new car and headed in the direction where I last saw her little grey butt hopping, her white tail bouncing as if to say, "Ha! Catch me now - if you CAN!"

I caught up with her a few minutes later on the road behind my across-the-street neighbor's house. She was sniffing around on the side of the road and, when I stopped the car and opened the door, she looked at me as if to say, "What took you so long?" and jumped right onto my lap.

As I started the short drive home, I noticed that she was chewing something. Something really big. Something really chewy. Something really stinky. Really, really stinky. It was like she was chomping on a really chewy, stinky wad of gum or something. So, without thinking, I decided to grab this chewy, stinky mass out of her mouth before she choked on it. Besides, we all know that you shouldn't eat things you find on the side of the road, right?

She didn't want to give it up at first but I persisted and, since I'm the one with opposable thumbs, I eventually won the fight. Or DID I???? I grabbed and pulled, and pulled and kept pulling and my poor dog started making retching noises. Whatever this chewy, stinky wad was, part of it was still in her mouth, but a sizeable portion of said wad had already been swallowed.

As I'm pulling, the wad itself, which I was holding in my bare hand, became illuminated by my dashboard lights. It was dim, but I could barely make out the shape of an extremely decomposed baby squirrel. The part of the wad that I had to pull out of my dog's throat? That would be the decomposed baby squirrel's tail.

I wretched the rest of the, um, tail out of my dog's throat and tossed the whole stinky thing out the window of my car. But, although the squirrel was gone, the smell was still very much present. On my hand, on the sleeve of my blouse, in my car and especially on my dog's breath.

I've given hear several of those "breath freshening" doggie biscuits, brushed her teeth twice and even let her eat an entire can of Spaghetti O's in a vain attempt to erase that awful smell. It doesn't seem like it's going away anytime soon. My oh-so-hilarious husband has dubbed her "Death Breath".

We'll see who's laughing when I sneak out early tomorrow morning and take his car to work. (insert deranged laugh here)

Can anyone top that? Doubtful!

We have a bunch of trees in the backyard and all kinds of squirrels hang out back there. My dog is Rat Terrier. In other words, he's bred to chase, capture and kill rodents. We let him play out back and he's constantly chasing the squirrels. Of course, my dog can't climb trees which is a good thing since he's come very, very, very close to getting a few of them before the squirrels climbed safely up the tree. I have not a clue what I'd do if my dog actually got one. I'd probably scream a whole bunch and then pass out.

Years ago, my late English Springer Spanal ran down not one but two jack rabitts. And brought them back to show off. One was doa and the other, while we thought was also dead, may have been in shock as it all of a sudden got up and ran.....

Old Chester was a large springer at about 80 pounds and not a trained hunting dog.

Gross, perhaps not now but when this happened I was in my teens.

My cat caught a baby bunny...and brought it to me. It was still (barely) alive when my cat deposited it proudly at my feet. I gave it to my sister to take care of, but it only lived a day or so.

My dog did the same thing when he was a puppy. My mom was at my house and let the dog out while I was taking a shower. All of a sudden, I heard a piercing scream. I came running out of the shower dripping wet, and see my mother standing on the couch screaming and my bichon puppy sitting on the floor with a baby bunny laying in front of him. :eek: Unfortunately, the bunny was already dead.

Evidently, A.J. thought he had given my mom the best present ever. :confused: My husband thought it was funny to give him the nickname "Great White Hunter" after that experience. Thank goodness -- his hunting days seem to be behind him now.

On a drive from Thunder Valley casino back to San Francisco, my grandma shit all over herself in the backseat and there was no rest stop/gas station/place to clean herself up for miles.

Of course I was behind the wheel and the smell was unbearable. I felt bad for my aunt and mother who was in the backseat with her. Once we got to a gas station I literally threw up in the parking lot.

I'm in geriatrics. Many are the times I wish I could have my sense of smell removed! THE worst, though, had to be a client who had a bad reaction to a new medication, and confused his dresser drawer for his potty chair! I had to throw up on that one, several times!

On the sad but gross side, I know of a dog who was in one of those wire-fence doggie yards (like a playpen). He decided to climb out at the corner. Now, I haven't completely figured out how this happened myself, but somehow, the latch/joint that holds it together acted as a guillotine on his privates and part of his leg. Needless to say, the doctors are more worried about his privates than the leg just now, as he's a little dog and can't handle any more anaestetia for a month or so. Poor little guy.

A friend's dad and another dude were driving through the mountains in Colorado on spring break WAY back in the day, and obv getting bombed while skiing all week . . . the driver let out probably the most legendary gas ever, and the (insanely hung over) passenger just lost it. He couldn't get the window down in time, so he wound up puking all over the window - the smell of the fart/puke caused the DRIVER to also start to puke. He got the window down, but they had to slow the car to a stop with both guys puking out of the window.

By the time they got to anywhere to stop, they said the car smelled like hell on Earth, due to significant missing, subsequent puke everywhere, and continued heaving while driving.

http://www.sterlingvineyards.com/SVAssets/rumaki.jpg

I think rumaki is the grossest EVAH. Once I was in a wedding where they served it. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

I've NEVER been so embarassed to be on the table with a fellow food.

I'm really glad I started this thread. It's actually kind of cathartic to read about gross things that have happened to others. Now I don't feel quite so freakish :)

Sandy, Props to you for holding back until you stopped the car. I'm not too sure if I could have done that!

Lots of practice, my dear.

On the nights where I have a DD, I take advantage of it, proceed to get hammered...and on the drive home when I'm hating life as we know it, I have the ability to control myself. Usually I lose it when the motion stops.

I caught a mouse in a sticky trap at my old apartment. For those who don't know, mice chew off their legs in those traps to try to get away. When I got up in the morning, there was a trail of blood on my kitchen floor, as the mouse had somehow dragged itself and the trap. It had also lost control of its bowels, and was twitching like crazy, squeaking all over the place.

That was absolutely disgusting. I'm surprised I didn't lose it.

Since my dad tells this story ALL THE TIME about his younger days, I guess I can share.

He was at his hunting camp and was extremely drunk and pooped in his sleeping bag. Since they don't have a washer & dryer there, they strapped the sleeping bag to the top of one of their trucks and drove through the car wash to get it clean.

Needless to say, I will have to go quite far for my dad to be able to yell at me for anything I do.

Sticky traps are incredibly inhumane, obviously. The snap traps are kill instantly.

Yes, but snap traps can also break little two-year old fingers and kitty paws...which is why we have to do sticky traps in my house.

Teaching 1st and 2nd graders, I always told them: "If you think you are going to be sick, run for the restroom. If you think you can't make it, run for the trashcan. Do NOT come up to me and tell me you are going to be sick, I will figure it out." Simple, huh?

Scenerio #1 - Blance comes up to me one morning, holding her hands cupped under her mouth. "Teacher, I think I'm getting sick." "Okay, Blanca, run for the...oh. Get to the tra...." Blanca begins throwing up everywhere. This triggers a reaction in Gabriela, Carlos, and Julia. So now instead of one, I have 4 children throwing up in the room. It made a great start to the day.

Scenerio #2 - This really great student is absent in the morning. He and his father show up at 11:00 am. Father: "Huy was sick this morning. But, he threw up and feels better." Now, I am looking at this kid and I know Huy feels sick and the heat from his little body could fry an egg. "Mr. ___, are you sure Huy feels okay?" "Oh, yes, yes. He feels good." Huy proceeds to turn around and throw up more than I had ever seen a drunk fraternity brother throw up. His father turns to me. "I'm sure he feels better now." Child had a 102 temp. We made the father take him home.

Elementary teachers get over the smell of vomit very quickly.

Sticky traps can be slightly dangerous as well. One day one of my kitties jumped on my bed with something on him. I assumed it was tape or something but then i relaized it was huge and very stuck. I forgot we had an exterminator out the week before and he put out sticky traps. Well it stuck to the side of his leg and that sticky stuff is STRONG!!! Poor thing, I had to cut the all hair off his leg and part of his tummy and back to get it off. He looks like he got in a fight with a pair of scissors and lost...haha.

It would be funny if getting the runs was "contagious" like throwing up. Like if you're applying make-up in front of a mirror in a public restroom and you hear someone in a stall having diarrhea, you shit your pants.

SImilar story except it wasn't my granny, it was my dog. The family was driving from my grandmother's house home and we had our chihauhau (sp?) in the back seat between my sister and I. After driving a while my sister and I started the "Ewwww...something stinks" "Mama, Sister farted!" "No I didn't you did!" game. AFter a few minutes of that we relized our legs wwere wet and our dog had pooped on the set. It was extremely runny and got all over us, the seat and down in the carpet. IT was gross.

hahahahaha.... that would probably put a damper on most of our social lives!

Mice are not human? Why do we need to be humane to them?

SHEEESH. That poor dog should just be put to sleep.

There's also a box-style trap that's a little more child and small pet-proof as well. But, since I've never had an issue with mice, I've never worried about it...

Well obviously, I'm not an animal rights activist, and the humanity with which it died isn't a big deal to me. I just wish it left less blood and feces on my kitchen floor.

I did, however, make sure to tell my neighbors to stop leaving trash out to attract the mice. I keep my place clean, I'd rather not have to deal with a mouse problem because of someone else's carelessness.

Are snap traps cleaner? It seems like they would still leave some mess.

Yeah seriously....but I guess a snap trap contains it to one area.

I think so - my old office in Boston used to leave them out, and the dead mice wouldn't leave a mess.

Of course, I'm a wimp and can't stand looking at any dead animals, so I may not have noticed.

Luckily now I have my own house and don't have to worry so much about the mice problem. That, and the damn stray cat that frequents my driveway would probably just kill them before they got inside anyway.

That's what I think, too. Sure, the owner paid big bucks for this dog as a potential show dog, but he can't be shown now, anyhow.

I'm gona be a hypocrite right now, just because I can't stand this anymore. For someone who is constantly reporting people, you're doing a helluva good job being annoying as hell and pushing people's buttons. I seriously think you have nothing better to do than sit at the computer and figure out "Hmmm who's buttons will I push today so they can go off on me and I can report them because I have no life at all?" Aren't you the one who is into chop suey? Why don't you go practice and leave the internet alone.

Back to the topic at hand... one time my partner and I were in the middle of one of our high school tennis matches when all of a sudden we heard really high pitched animal screams. Around our court (but on the outside of the fence thank god) comes running a cat with a rabbit in its mouth. We had to stop playing for a few moments to collect ourselves. My friend always brought a loaf of sliced bread with her on the long bus rides to make sandwiches for people, and somehow that same cat got on the bus and ate the whole loaf of bread.

Ewwwwwww...... my cats are only a little over a year and their poo is pretty nasty smelling already....let's hope your cat's issue was an isolated occurence. Speaking of poo, one day one of my kitties had the runs and decided to drag his poo-ey ass all over my carpet and kitchen floor. That was fun to come home to. There was freaking poo everywhere.

BTW, nice editing on the thread. All is right in the world. :)

Ever feel like beating your head against the wall?

My dog killed a rabbit once.. Major ew, but I'm pretty well numb to animal grossness, I volunteered at a zoo a lot as a teen so I've seen everything (and fed most of it to another animal)

Ew, I used to volunteer at an animal shelter as well and some dogs liked to PLAY in their poo. We'd get there in the morning and there would be a kennel AND dog AND bed AND toys covered in poo. I had no idea dogs could poo that much in one night. SO nasty.

Yeah I worked in a kennel.... same shit. Literally :p

Haha.

Oh another gross story, my boyfriend gets gophers in his back yard so he traps them with these weird traps that look like this (below) or they'll ruin the whole yard.

http://img234.imageshack.us/img234/9...hertrapdv9.jpg

Nasty looking right? Well usually it kills them instantly but sometimes they're still alive when you check the trap and they are PISSED when you pull them out of the hole. So one time this big guy was recently trapped and came out hissing and trying to bite him and my b/f didn't know what to do so he hit it with a shovel. It's insides went everywhere.....so nasty. I refuse to join him outside when he's doing that now.

This is more of a funny story (for me) but really gross nonetheless...

A few years ago, my aunt got remarried and had a baby right away with her new husband. She had two teenagers from her previous marriage, both of high school age.

One of her teenagers (my cousin Kristi) was a junior in HS and was getting ready to go to homecoming on the same day that baby Ben had a really nasty case of some kind of stomach thing, which led to horrible diarrhea. So Ben's going through like a diaper every couple hours and my aunt is freaking out because Kristi is being a total brat about homecoming and she's dealing with her sick baby, and her husband is out of town on top of it.

My mom and I went over for homecoming pictures and to help my aunt out and Kristi is sitting there throwing a total temper tantrum -- this girl was seriously bratty, totally popular and totally spoiled by her dad -- about how she's not getting enough attention on homecoming or whatever and my poor aunt is totally fed up. My Aunt yells at Kristi to get off her lazy whiny butt and take out the trash to help her out. Kristi is crying and stomping around and in a huff grabs the trash and takes it outside.

She was walking to the street when her date (meathead football player) pulls up with a bunch of the other kids in the homecoming group. I guess the trash bag wasn't tied well or whatever because at that moment, a diaper slips out of the top and nasty baby poop smears all over Kristi, down her neck, in her hair, and down the front of her dress. :)

Needless to say, Kristi ended up missing homecoming due to being totally poopy and while the incident didn't really ruin her reputation or anything, she got teased about the incident for the rest of the year. Glad to say that Kristi is a freshman in college now and has ditched the princess attitude and is a really cool girl now, but at the time, I can't say I wasn't laughing.

Back on the topic of rodent trapping..

Last year, when we discovered mice in our garage, I freaked out because there was NO WAY I wanted to see mice caught in traps. Plus, we have a toddler... I didn't want him to get snapped either.

So I did some searching on the 'net & found this:
www.ratzapper.com

Best $30 we ever spent! We zapped about 6 mice, and we're under control. (I only emptied it once, my husband was usually home to do the job.)

I can't recommend this product more highly. Three of our neighbors bought them too. And I now see from the company's website, that they've branched out to dealers, rather than just selling straight from their site. :)

I work in HR so I hear all kinds of wierd stories from people as to why they are going to be late or why they need the day off. So on Monday I get a call from a guy who tells me that he is going to be late for his shift because he "sharted" himself. I had NO IDEA what this meant, so of course I ask and he tells me that he was driving to work, thougth he had to pass gas, but instead of just gas coming out, he ended up pooping himself. So he had to go home and get cleaned up.

So I asked two male co-workers if they had ever heard of "sharting" and not only had they heard of this, they both had sharting stories- one of which took place at our office! Is this a guy thing, becuase I have never heard of a 30 year old woman shitting herself unless there was something medically wrong.

Oh, I guess I need to get out more!

I used to work in a dental office okay? Nothing like the stench of rotton, disgusting teeth being extracted, and then the patient spitting blood, spit and god knows what else into the little spitoon-sink thingy. GRRRROSSS!!

That literally just made me gag.