WTF she joined my sorority?!
 

Okay, so I was wondering.. has anyone ever had someone you LOATHE join your org (either at your school or another)? How did you deal with it?

My ex and I dated for 4 years, until he cheated on me with this girl who is now a freshman in college. She is pretty much the reason we don't really talk anymore -- she won't let him call me, he denies my comments on myspace because "she might see them", etc. Basically she is a psycho.

Anyway, he just joined Sigma Nu, and one of her best friends joined ADPi. I am really worried that she'll rush too.

Is it irrational or mean of me to freak out with the thought that she might rush ADPi? She goes to a different school than I do.

Seriously I don't think I could handle it.

Thankfully I've never had that feeling within my own chapter.

A few years later, however, I had to bang my head on a wall...and wonder "WTF was that chapter thinking?"

And that's all I shall say.

If she did rush.. would it be really dirty/wrong of me to write the chapter a letter about her?

I mean, it's not ONLY a personal vendetta, but she uses drugs and drinks quite heavily.

Oh, and part of me thinks she would join ADPi partially to piss me off.

You could ignore it. I mean, she hasn't said she definitely plans to rush, so there's no reason to worry.

However....if she does rush, I think I would make a phone call to the chapter rather that write a letter. You tell them what you know about the girl (as far as her moral reputation) and then leave it alone. If she makes it, that's between her and the chapter and you will have done your part to make them aware.

But here's a warning....you will seem like the bitter ex even if you pursue this just a little bit. If you can live with that, have at it.

it would not be out of line to let the chapter know that this young woman would be a risk management risk, should she decide to go thru recruitment. i would try to keep any personal animosity out of the letter. i think it might come off as "she stole my boyfriend, blah, blah, blah" otherwise and might not hold as much weight.

if you know other adpi's who know this girl and could verify the risk management problems, i would ask them to write a "no rec." also.

I think that writing a letter about a personal grudge might only make you look petty to the chapter sisters, but an informative letter about her undesirable habits could get your point across just fine.

As long as you are 100% SURE about her drink/drug habits. If you heard this through a friend of a friend of a friend...that's not so reliable. It's a pretty big accusation to make, even if it is *just* sorority recruitment. Keep in mind that people read/see those letters, so word will spread around the campus she lives on. If untrue, you can land in a world of crap.

And I agree with those who said mention the undesireable traits, but leave boyfriend out of it.

During recruitment one of my sisters recognized a PNM from her dorm the year before. They had had a couple of run-ins and really didn't get along. However the PNM developed a "rush crush" with one of the senior officers who was really pressing for her to get a bid. Anyway, my sister bit her tongue and just tried to wait and see. Anyway the PNM DID get a bid and ended up being an AWESOME addition. The PNM/new sister ended up seeking out my sister and apologized for her past behavior.

However since this involves an ex, if the new gf does go through recruitment, couldn't you just fill out a recomendation form and from what I have seen, most have a space for "would you recommend this person for membership"- you could say "No". Simply state the facts, try and keep emotions out of it. Since she is at a different school, you have to trust that you sisters at that school will do what is best for the sisterhood.

If you have concrete reasons that she is not ADPi material then yes you whould write a letter to the chapter. I would.

There's some GCers that fall in that category. And I'm going to leave it at that.

I had a girl who I knew in grammar and high school (I was not her biggest fan) get made at, of all places, our sorority's Alpha Chapter (Howard University).

My line sister's now ex-husband's then ex-girlfriend (confused? :D) submitted her letter about a year after we crossed. She did not get beyond the interview stage.

Oh, I know for sure. I've seen it with my own eyes.

I mean, she probably doesn't drink any more than some other college students, but she also smokes marijuana.

I also heard that the night she met my boyfriend, she had originally told his younger brother that he was "hot" and she "wanted to $&@! him". She went on to tell another friend the same thing, and then finally moved onto my boyfriend.

I'm not really a jealous ex about this, though. I'm glad our relationship is over -- it wasn't right for me. I'm just mad that this girl has ruined any chance of me having a friendship with him again.

If you do send a letter or make a phone call, I think it would be better to go through the membership advisor. If she sees things progressing too far, she can inform the membership chairman of the situation. There is no point in airing this girl's dirty laundry to people she may not want to be friends with.

If it were a matter of just not liking her, there would be no harm in her joining ADPi at another chapter. However, if she is a risk in the ways you mentioned, you have every reason to be protective of your sorority. P.S., is there any way you can let the Kappas know, too?!? :D

It would probably be better if you were as honest as possible about your anger over your (ex)boyfriend issue with this girl. Drinking and smoking weed are things that many college students do, including women in sororities(although there were no ADPis on my campus, I bet there are sisters in your org across the nation who do those things). You might seem like a snitch instead of someone who feels rightfully scorned. Just say that she would be a detriment to the quality of sisterhood in your organization. If she is too promiscuous, say that you don't want your sisters to catch an STD or something. It's harsh... but I feel you. If a potential aspirant of my fraternity did something like that to me, ruining my personal life like that, I'd make sure that either he never wants in, or that the entire campus knows I can't stand him. And you know how strongly I feel about keeping intra-fraternity beef behind closed doors.

Honestly, she sounds like a skank, but I don't see how you can report this without seeming like the bitter ex. It'd be one thing if she had four DUIs (and, I suppose, MIPs to go with them) or a coke habit, but someone who drinks as much as the average college student and smokes pot? And makes poor relationship choices? Isn't enough, in my mind, to raise a red flag over.

The real crazy skank party girls make themselves known pretty readily without alums "reporting" them.

My problem with her mostly stems from the fact that she's a psycho and just generally not a good person... she's one of those girls who causes drama wherever she goes. A few months after I broke up with my ex, I called him to make amends and try to be friends. He was totally fine with it, and things were great until she called me like 10 times the next day to bitch me out for speaking to him. Oh, and I was at work. Then she proceeded to text me incessantly (even though I stopped talking to my ex, regretfully). I had to change my phone number.

Yeah, shes one of THOSE girls.

Let's just hope she doesn't rush.

*crosses fingers*

With all due respect, I think she has a right to be bitter. Although this situation is just as much the ex-boyfriend's fault, I don't look favorably upon women who sleep around with my, my friends', or my sisters' boyfriends. Unfortunately this happens, even within chapters, but if that info. was made available to me by a sister during recruitment, about a woman going through recruitment, I would take it seriously. The drugs/drinking is icing on the cake.

Hehehe...see, it pays to never burn bridges! If women don't want things like this to come back and haunt them, they should be nicer people.

If I am correct, this must have been a BF/GF H S thing as her Ex BF just joined SN.

If this person is so bad, I think the Chapter would have some smart women in it and will catch on very quickly.

Crying wolf can make you look like a former G F who carrys a grudge.

If you contact said chapter, I would suggest that you only say be careful of this girl and leave it at that.

If it is not your chapter, then so what? If she does get in, she is only one person out of the many who are members.

Exactly. That's hardly sisterhood. Girls are catty and evil. If this girl can do this to you, think about the potential she has for chapter drama.

It seems as if this girl is bad news. Should it come to that point, I would say DEFINITELY say something--you don't want to have to see her at functions or other related events. Furthermore, she won't be a productive or positive member of your sisterhood, judging by her past behavior toward you (and in general). You are completely justified in your thinking.

If she is a risk management issue, then definitely let the chapter know.

I don't think you'd seem bitter to NOT recommend her at all. You know her personally - that's what recommending (or NOT) someone for membership is all about.

Save the chapter from any potential drama / damage to their reputation.

As your fellow sister (:D ) I think if this woman is indeed a risk management issue (which it definitely sounds like she is), the chapter in question should definitely be alerted of this.

The fact that she's also one of those psycho girls (which it definitely sounds like she is) is also not something you would want associated with your sorority. If she obsessively calls every girl who talks to your ex, every person in school will know her as "that girl" who also happens to be an ADPi.

As horrible as it is, 1 person can label an entire chapter because of the actions of one girl (or guy in a fraternity's case), and call me crazy, but I don't think the "psycho druggie" sorority is a very desired label :P

Tom Earp: Creeping everybody out in yet another sorority thread...

mind if I use that in my signature?

Yes! I'm so honored!:p

1) She's not "crying wolf." She has first-hand knowledge of less-than-desirable behavior. Nor is she carrying a grudge. She has made her peace with her ex and moved on.

2) It may not be her chapter, but it is her sisterhood. I see nothing wrong with her, should this lady (for lack of a better term) go through recruitment, giving her sisters a heads up. In these overly litigious days, you cannot be too careful.

3) It would be pretty difficult to just say "be careful of this girl." The members of the other chapter would, in all probability, want to know why. My organization has a procedure for informing other chapters of pnms would could be potential risk management issues; I would not be surprised to find out that ADPi has a similar system.

4) Recruitment can be hectic, and most everyone is on her best behavior. I highly doubt that this girl would tell sorority members during recruitment that her hobbies include harassing her boyfriend's ex-girlfriends and using marijuana on a non-medicinal basis. If she's crazy enough to let that slip, whether or not sdsushelle contacts that chapter becomes a non-issue. You're always better off safe rather than sorry.

I once wrote a letter about someone I knew was going through recruitment. I knew her from when I was teaching at her high school (obviously, I'm about 5 years older than her) and she was not a nice person(and she also plagurized the heck outta a paper). She went to my alma matter, which made my situation a bit different, but I called the recruitment chair of my sorority said who I was, and just talked to her. I said she may have changed from between grad hs in June and going through recruitment in Jan, but this is how she acted in the past.

In the end, after meeting and talking with her, she wasn't invited back to the second round. She went on to become a member of another organization, and shes been a bit wild and overly dramatic, so in the end my chapter is glad I called.

If you feel that strongly about someone, then send an email. If the recruitment chair (or the equivelent) is willing to listen, then speak your truth. But leave out any personal feelings. Just state the facts.

Sdsuchelle,

Go to the ADPi website and download the Potential New Member profile. Fill it out with the girls' name where it requests PNM name and check off the box that says "I do not recommend this woman for membership." Then mail it to the RIM at the university she is attending. That's all. Any of us can do this on our rec forms-- aka a "no rec." Collegians who are not attending the same school can submit recs and "no recs" in many sororities, ADPi being one of those. Then put her out of your head and drop him as a friend b/c he clearly isn't a good friend to you.

Who cares what people think. If you hate her or would be embarassed to call her a sister, no rec her. It's simple and easy.

I actually saw the rec form but was kind of confused about it, since it had SO many fields for information on PNMs. Would I just fill out her name and check "no rec" and leave everything else blank? I mean, I have no idea what her address/phone number/GPA is.

Yeah, I actually stopped talking to him. When I asked him why he wasn't approving my comments on Myspace and he told me it was because she was jealous of me, he told me "just leave me a comment saying something like, 'Oh, Ana and you are so cute together, she is so pretty!' and she'll get over it."

... needless to say I realized having a friendship with him wasn't all that important to me anymore. Haha.

Oh, and Tom -- the guy and I dated in HS and part of college. We're both juniors now, and she's a freshman.

Michelle, just fill in her name and any info you might know about her. At the bottom of the rec, check off the appropriate boxes, sign and send. You can enclose a letter if you want, but it isn't required.

I was part of a membership group after college. One of the girls who my sorority chapter had disaffiliated for psycho behavior applied for membership (which was run a lot like rush - complete with parties, reccs and membership selection). I was appalled - I had seen how she had torn our sorority apart with her behavior.

I was concerned that the other members wouldn't believe me when I told them that this person was an extremely disruptive influence. Fortunately, one of her co-workers spoke up first, saying exactly what I was going to say - that she would be a disruptive influence. Someone else who had encountered her in yet another social circle described several disturbing incidents, and there was very little argument ("well, I thought she was very outgoing and interesting, but if all three of you know her and see potential problems...")

I was concerned that the girl would blame me, but fortunately, she opted to go skiing on the day we did final interviews and selection, so she was out on that technicality. In other cases, we might have made an exception (our group accepted pretty much anyone who was willing to pitch in and wasn't disruptive), but 3 people's collective experience with her gave the membership committee reason NOT to bend the rules.

The problem is that very often psychos can come off as charming, vivacious, outgoing, etc, and people are taken in -- so you can't always assume the members will pick up that she's a potential Drama Queen.

If she doesnt go to your school, then who cares. I don't like many people outside of my chapter (in my fraternity).

I think it's one thing if it's "I don't like her so I don't want her in my sorority" but I think it's completely valid if she believes the girl will cause problems in or for the chapter.

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This person did not join my GLO, but I was definitely taken in by someone who was charming, vivacious and outgoing. :( :( :(

What?
 

Not to get off topic, but WHY are you even friends with this guy at all? You said he cheated on you, but you called HIM to make ammends?

:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

Oh, no, he called me first... I just didn't call him back for a long time since I was pissed.

I don't really hold grudges... so I wanted to at least be on okay terms with him.