Trust
 

It's different for everyone. I look at it this way, I kind of don't forget, Ideally, I'd like to trust the new guy (if he earned it), but I figure that he is also capable of that same kinda hurt (or worse).

You can't. The new person has to earn your trust and even then that guy may do the same thing. I guess it's like gambling, just with your feelings instead.

It happens to all of us. I just said the hell with it and stayed single.:p

I don't know the answer to that question. I guess it's one of those that you just have to say is different for everyone and leave it at that. I have a hard time trusting people--not because of anything specific that happened, and not just guys, but people in general. So, I operate on the innocent-until-proven-guilty idea...I try to trust people until they give me a reason not to.

You just do it.

TRUST
 

:confused: What's that??

I think a new guy should be a clean slate. You shouldn't punish him just because another evil male broke your heart. It's hard, but it must be done, otherwise you'll morph into the crazy-jealous girlfriend, and no one likes that :(

However, I would never trust a guy AGAIN if it was the same guy who cheated.

I agree with the texas princess. And I also think that if you still feel scary and damaged from the last relationship, that maybe you should wait to pursue another one until you are feeling more trusting again.

That's true.

To me it is. For you it may not be though. Everyone is different.

Just realize that every person is a different person. If you buy one lipstick that doesn't work it doesn't mean you should never buy lipstick ever again. (Yes it's all about makeup for me, LOL)

I will completely agree w/ what t*p said and say DON'T make the new person pay for what the old person did. Don't feel like you have to use the whole male gender first because ONE male used you. If you have any thoughts like that going through your head, you shouldn't be dating at all...no matter how "casual" you may think things are or "he's a big boy, he can take care of himself." Guys can be hurt a lot more than you think and if you catch someone innocent in your crossfire, you're going to have a hard time sleeping. (Or you should, anyway.)

9 times out of 10 that's what's going to happen. I call that the marry go round effect. Someone hurts someone innocent, then that person loses trust and gets insecure and turns around and hurts the next person. It's like the energizer battery, it keeps going and going and going. :p

I really hope you find someone nice though. Someone that makes you happy and someone your happy with. It sucks that it's hard to trust in relationships now a days.

Think of it this way. You might be more cautious next time, recognize a bad relationship pattern earlier, and move more slowly in a relationship, but are those bad things?

Then just come here and tell us what you're doing and I'll tell you if you're being a jerk. :) ;)

You got a good point there

LOL..maybe ;)

I have experience with your situation. I have to say, that it's hard to trust completely after you've been hurt by someone. But, one day you may meet someone who does what he says he's going to do, calls when he says he's going to call and is generally a trustworthy person. Even then, you may still have the inkling of doubt. But being paranoid is never going to help you. I think it's healthy to be realistic and know that if it happened once it could happen again, but think about it....you could be paranoid about getting hurt and the guy could end up hurting you. Or you could trust him and end up getting hurt. But even if you do get hurt in the long run, being paranoid about it is not a fun way to live your life.

My advice is to choose the men you date wisely. If red flags are popping up left and right, don't ignore them. Most women ignore red flags b/c the guy acts like he really likes them, is good on paper, etc. Trust your gut, it's usually right. Also, don't give your trust away to someone who doesn't earn it or deserve it. Hope this helps.

It sounds like you need some time to heal and allow the God to bring the right, trustworthy person (not perfect!) into your life, at the right time. In this way, you don't have to worry about this particular issue. This has been my experience.The problem is that, for many people,they fall prey to temptation to compromise in times of lonliness or succumb to the whispers of the inner voice regarding the fear of missing the "right one," etc.

It sounds like you need some time to heal and allow God to bring the right, trustworthy (not perfect!) person into your life, at the opportune time. In this way, you don't have to worry about this particular issue. This has been my experience.The problem is that, for many people,they fall prey to the temptation to compromise in times of lonliness or succumb to the whispers of the inner voice regarding the fear of missing the "right one," etc.

Ready to take the stake?
 

After getting hurt or being the victim in a relationship that turned sour, its only natural to fear trusting again. Even I would not be ready to take the plunge again and indulge even in a short relationship of some kind. We are mere humans and we also need some time alone to lick our wounds and let it heal. to some ti may take even years before they actually feel ready to take the stake and consider dating. It took me 2 years and some mo. before I got the courage and strength to trust again,but as it goes "Once bitten, twice shy", I have had a taste of those sour grapes, so I would be foolish to trust totally again!

I keep a ratio- its 70% of not trusting and 30%-trust ( but then I let him believe the its a total 100% trust that he's got!!!) I find this much better!;)

It takes time to heal. If you feel you can't trust, you're not ready to date again. It just takes time. Eventually, you have to get over it and get on with your life. For some people it takes longer than others and you just have to go at your own pace. When you're ready, you'll know and you'll trust. Don't rush it.

Don't listen to this advice. This has got to be the worse advice ever given on the face of GC. And believe you me, I've seen some horrible advice on this message board filled with late 30 something ladies who are probably too overweight to ever get married or marrieg again.

I'm just joking! teehee :)

Donda esta la biblioteque pedro?

The perfect image that some guys have of a sweet girl that wouldn't be mean to anyone doesn't exist, so why not have a little fun at her expense? And then when you're 35, marry a hot 25 year old who thinks you're mature and she has a lot in common with you (remember we want prenup).

-Rudey