Apprpriate hostess gifts
 

I'm meeting my boyfriend's family next weekend and was wondering what an appropriate gift to get his parents is. Mr. Tau and is family are Jewish and not very religious.

Thanks

A bottle of wine (ask him first to make sure that this is an okay gift to bring. If someone in the family is in AA, one of the things that they have to do is make amends to people in their lives that they're wronged, so being in AA is not exactly kept secret. So if someone is in AA, he would know about it. And then you just bring something else. Maybe some flowers for his Mom.)

There's a chocolate factory here that won't ship to other cities (Sarris, for the 'burg folk), so I usually take Sarris Candy as a hostess gift. It's something that most people on meds can enjoy, too - unless they're diabetic. In fact, I have so many friends in Columbus who love it that I'll let them know when I'm coming in, and they'll tell me what to bring!

If I know they're diabetic, I either take sugar free Sarris ( :D ) or flowers.

I agree with CP2000. A bottle of wine is a good hostess gift, unless you know that the recipient is a recovering alcoholic or just plain doesn't drink, in which case flowers or a houseplant would be good.

Hey guys, thanks for the tips. We're actually going out-of-town, so it isn't just a dinner thing.

I would bring a bottle of wine and a nice box of candy or something that is unique to the area where you live. If his parents don't live in Canada, I would bring them lox. Jewish people love lox.

My aunt always does this and I think it's really nice, she always picks something that fits ther person... a nice candle from Yankee candles and a candle holder is what my mom always gets, but for me she goes crazy at Bath adn Bodyworks. Try asking your bf what is something special to his mom that might be tailored to her. For example is she cooks maybe some gourmet selections from William Sanoma (I like their bread mixes!).

Personally, I'm not a big fan of wine as a gift. Unless you know the person, it can be a bit of a dicey gift. A lot of people don't drink wine-- many are allergic (tannic acid), some are recovering alcoholics, and some are morally against alcoholic beverages. Then you get the wine snobs who REALLY know their wine and may make a judgement about you by what you buy. So if you know they like wine... go to a knowlegable wine shop and get some recommendations.


Rather than wine, here are a few other hostess gift ideas

A box of pretty soaps from Crabtree and Evelyn
A gift pack from Starbucks (coffees, coffee cup, etc)
A sushi set
A small basket of gourmet items
A small elegent picture frame with a picture of the two of you
A flower arrangement (not a loose bouquet, as that will force the hostess to find a vase, cut the stems, put them in water-- she has enough to do)
If she likes to garden, a gardening book
A potted plant
A box of high-end chocolates
A set of cheese spreaders with a few nice cheeses and gourmet crackers
A set of pretty silver napkin rings
Linen napkins and placemats
A silver guest towel tray
A dried wreath for their door
A recipe box
A cookbook holder
English teas and scones

And.. be sure to send a hand-written thank you note when you return. If you stayed at their house, a nice bouquet of flowers is a nice touch as well.

These are all great ideas, but I would be wary of "A small elegent picture frame with a picture of the two of you" unless you have been together a long time.

Yes, I definitely agree, and you may trigger the "photograph" curse: i.e. get a photo taken with a new (or new'ish) boyfriend, & next thing you know, you've broken up. I've seen it happen more than once.

You could also get a cute teapot and some expensive loose tea from one of those "designer tea" shops. We have Murchie's out west, but I can't think of one in the T-Dot, since I haven't lived there for 5 years now.

Bring a nice box of chocolates or a baked good as a dessert.

/I can qualify this statement b/c I grew up in a Jewish household

Also, be prepared to be embarrassed for bringing a gift. They'll accept it, but the mom will make a huge fuss and flurry about that you shouldn't have, oh it was just so nice of you to do that, Harry come see what the nice chicksa brought us, etc.

People still bring hostesses gifts?

Yes.. good manners are timeless.

LOL at the shiksa comment. HA HA!

Also, be sure to send a thank you note AFTERWARDS. This is a huge one. If you stayed overnight at their place, or if you have dinner at their house, be sure to send a handwritten thank you note--this is a HUGE one.

Yes. I normally bring something if invited to dinner, and definitely if I'm invited to someone's home for a weekend. Basically, the only time I don't bring something for my host is if it's an emergency thing (and I usually send something later), or if I'm shacking, or if I'm going to visit my parents.

Same here, though normally just for dinner I would stick with something small. If it's a weekend stay they get something nicer (read that as worth more money) normally. Weekend stays normally are gift basket type gifts for me. But for a dinner it;'s normally something small, flowers, candy, a coffee cake for the next day kinda thing.

I am so glad I don't associate with people that I'd have to worry whether a bottle of wine might upset a recovering alcoholic in their family. ummm yeah.

-Rudey
--Try flowers.

The thank-you note will be more important than any hostess gift. Trust me. If you date this guy or marry him, years from now his mother will talking smack behind your back about the fact that you never thanked her.

Of course, once you send the note, she'll make a huge fuss: Oh you shouldn't have, it was our pleasure, such a nice girl, Harry look at the nice note I got the shiksa our son is dating, such a nice girl.

Religious or not, it's a strong cultural thing.... Food is universally accepted. Yes, it is a sterotype, but it is really the truth. Flowers and alcohol, not so much our thing.

Reading this thread, I am feeling like such a crude hick because it has honestly never occured to me to do this "hostess gift" thing ... :(

Personally, I was always taught that guests never show up empty handed.

For anything? I mean, during the holidays, and for parties, you of course bring gifts, but you mean that you should always bring gifts, at all times?

yes

Oops ... :eek:

Yes.. if you're coming over for dinner or a luncheon, to a party or to stay over as a houseguest. It's a nice way of saying, "thank you for going through all of the trouble for us."

1001st why I need to relocate. People just don't do this over here.

I go to a lot of events and visit a lot of people's houses with other people (our family have a lot of guests too), I have NEVER witnessed this (outside of special/holiday events and parties). I also interact with people of many different backgrounds, so that kind of rule out specific cultural norms.

I have never seen guests come to our house or my parents go to anyone's house and not bring something. It's just not done.

I need to move to NYC then. :D Aren't you from there?

If anything, when we have people over, things get taken. :o :mad: :rolleyes:

Yes I am and :eek: at things being taken by your guests.

Those are some of my thoughts in bold on the list posted earlier.

On the "do you always bring a gift" front:
If it's a holiday party, or dinner/BBQ, yes, I always bring something - though I usually ask the hostess what would be helpful. If I'm staying for a weekend or something, then I definitely something for them that can be used after I leave. If it's just my friend who I see every week, then no, I wouldn't bring her something (unless it's a dinner party or something).

I giggled when I read that. I'm going to go and hide the silver now.

Always bring food. Remember the scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding with the Bundt Cake? It may not be immediately understood, but it will be appreciated.

Yes, just be sensitive to people's dietary needs. If 2/3 members are diabetic, don't bring a chocolate lave cake (something my parents' friends tend to forget), if they keep kosher, don't bring a lobster or pork chops.

Agreed. But Tau's BF's parents aren't religious, so she's covered! :)

Personally, just to be safe, I still wouldn't bring anything that is blatantly unkosher. I know plenty of Jewish people who aren't religious but still won't eat pork or shellfish. You don't want to strike out with the parents as soon as you walk into the door.

LOL. KLP, have you ever brought shrimp cocktail as a hostess gift??? :D

Nope. I keep kosher and hate the smell of seafood.

I guess maybe I missed this bit of etiquette since my parents never really visited anyone when I was growing up, and no one really ever visited us (my parents just don't entertain). I want to make sure I have this right, since apparently I have been committing gross social blunders for a while now ... you just bring a little present whenever you're visiting someone, and the gift should relate to the purpose of the visit?

I never heard that the gift should relate to the purpose of the visit, more that it should speak to the host/hostesses' taste. My mother loves wine, so her friends usually bring us wine when they come. My parents are going to visit their friends. They love art, so they got them an art album.

DSTRen-- If you're visiting a close friend or someone you see frequently socially or a close relative, don't worry about it. Frankly, if you start bringing your best friend gifts everytime she has you over starting from this point forward, she'll think you've lost it! But if you're meeting someone new, attending a housewarming/birthday/anniversary, having dinner at the boss's house or a work colleague, etc., then bring a dessert or a bottle of wine.

Either that or she'll invite you over every day!

Holy crap, just ask dude what they like and get it.