Don't Marry Career Women
 

http://www.forbes.com/home/2006/08/2...x_mn_land.html

i like point/counterpoint type articles.

2 things about me: i tend to go with logic. i don't want to be married.
so it makes sense that i would agree with the man's POV. all his research is there. but in the end it seems like "if a woman has a stable career, and if you marry her, then a, b, and c, will happen, so ha! don't marry her!"

on the other hand, the woman's argument isnt any better: she seems to be saying "suck it up you big baby! MY marriage worked; whats wrong with YOU?"

i'm still digesting.

I skimmed the article and I must say...

Marry where your heart is at. I agree with Elizabeth and that there must be a willingness to change, a willingness to adapt to things that arise in marriages. Marriages take work and definitely there isn't some "cookie-cutter" format that we must work it by.

that article makes me ill.

What about the guys who cheat on their wives with their secretaries? Where are the statistics on that?

:)

Marriage is very difficult. I wouldn't do it. For the fellas who decide to marry, make sure you have a job, and not only a job but one where you can financially carry the load.

"Financially carry the load"... can you clarify?

Are ya scared that a woman might make more than you someday? It is a problem if she does?

Whats wrong with the man providing? Its pretty common here for women not to work (at least after she has children).

Agreed. Sure as hell aren't going to put the children in day care or something like that. The misses can stay at home.

I don't plan on working when I have children, either. I might work from home part-time to keep my licensure active (I'm an architect), but it won't be my main thing. The quality of a family's life is just so much higher if one person stays at home.

Agreed.

If one of us stays at home it would be the Mister. I don't want to put my HAAAAHVARD degree to waste. ;)

Not necessarily. Both my parents worked, and my mom worked AND went to school at night. But she made it to every parent-teacher conference, basketball game, and play. In fact, my siblings and I are all extremely close to my mom. Why? Because she was always there when I needed her. I didn't need her to be home with me after-school; in fact, her NOT being there made me more independent and responsible.

I definately want to be home with my children when they are little, but I don't want to give up on my career aspirations either. My mom didn't have to, and I don't think I should have to either.

Why?

There's nothing wrong with it, just like there's nothing wrong with the woman providing. (I know some couples that plan on the man staying at home with the kids - several guys I know would LOVE to be stay-at-home dads, just like many of my female friends intend to be stay-at-home moms.)

Personally, I just plain don't want to be a housewife - nothing against it, it's just not my thing, and my fiance and I both feel that if we both plan our careers right that we will be able to take care of our children just fine by both making equal sacrifices. That way we both get what we want and our kids get what they need (PLUS an extra lesson on gender equality :D ).

It's not an issue of who goes to what (FWIW, my stay-at-home mother rarely went to any of my events), it's who takes care of the home. I live with my SO, and by the time that we both get home, neither of us has the energy to cook, clean, or have quality time as a couple. The quality of our home life suffers, and I can only imagine it getting worse if we have children unless we hire help. One of the most important things about creating a home is having a person who invests much of their time to the home and the people who occupy it.

There's a book of essays about this topic called "To Hell With All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife," by Caitlin Flanagan. It's a great book--one of my favorites.

Wow some of the responses about women stayin' home make me feel like we're in the 1950s.

But sadly, it does resonate. I CHOOSE to be single because my overriding ambition scares most men. And I'd rather be who I am, follow my dreams and have fun than make myself less than I am to be in a relationship with someone who believes my place is in the home popping out babies.

I guess I did sound kind of Ward Cleaverish. Men can stay at home too; in fact, my best friend from college's dad stayed at home while his wife did Big Law here in NYC. I just think I have higher standards for the Munchkin Household than the Mr. does, ya know?

My "Mr." is so much pickier than me, lol. He is constantly horrified my comments I make about childcare, cooking, home maintainance, etc. - there's no way he'd dare let me do it all by myself, since I have apparently been judged completely unfit :rolleyes:

Why are you assuming all couples want to have children?

But for some women, they want to stay at home "popping out babies." They work until they have a child, and then they stay at home or work part time. Some women would rather be themselves and stay at home, rather than be someone else and be a career woman.

In the interests of full disclosure, my wife is a career woman, so I can understand that point too.

And that's fine too. It's all about choice.

Same here. I'll probably take some night classes and slowly earn my masters or I'll do some freelance work but that's about it. I'll probably go back to working full time once my children are out of elementary school.

My mother was a teacher so I had the luxury of having her there as soon as I came home from school and she was at home during all my breaks from school. She also took off about 5 years from work after I was born so that she could fully devote her time to raising my sister and me. She made us lunch and dinner everyday, took us to all our dance lessons, went to PTA meetings, etc. I don't take it for granted at all. I'm glad that mother was there to watch me. I was closer to her and she was completely involved in my life which helped to keep me out of trouble. :)

These threads are always retarded, because the level of assumption is through the roof.

Amy, some dudes are probably scared off by your "RAR POWER WOMAN CAREER" status, some are probably scared off by your (comparatively) 'celeb-familiar' lifestyle, and some are probably scared off by your height.

However, some dudes (shinerbock, for instance) just have a different view of what they want from their lifestyle - and honestly, it's not a bad goal, to make enough to give your wife the option to stay at home. It's not implicitly denigrating to women - he's not saying "AND I'LL BEAT THE PISS OUT OF HER IF SHE TALKS BACK" or anything, at least that I know of - it's just a different idea of what is ideal.

It's just that it's not even a discussion - it's a celebration of how our way is best for us (which is probably only partially true), and it never actually goes anywhere. If anything, it should be a reminder of why forcing shit with a significant other is a worthless task - no one really hears other people about this sort of thing. That's why it amazes me when people are contemplating marriage, but fighting over simple ideas like "Should we have kids?"

These kinds of things epitomize compatibility issues.

Yeah I think I'd beat the piss out of my wife if she talks back.

-Rudey
--Now what you cooters?

True. I have a friend just like this! She's the awww-I-wanna-stay-home-with-my-eight-babies-oh-and-honey-the-casserole-is-ready-let-me-bring-you-your-slippers kind of gal. There's nothing wrong with that. I would rather wear tapered leg jeans for a year than live like that, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

I rock hoes.

I beat not only the piss, but also the poop out of her.

-Rudey

I did not mean in my post that every woman was like me. I was pointing out that not all women want to be housewives or want to be with men who have more conservative/traditional views on life and relationships.

No. I'm not scared of a woman making more than me. I could care less. I just know that man better provide for his wife rather you agree with it or not. Marriage is hard. Period, and I wouldn't do it.

Now, I'm not going to get into it with you, because just by the way you've jumped to conclusions by accussing me of being afraid of women making more than me, I'm not going to even waste my time detailing my thoughts to you. I can see it would just anger you.

I agree with you man. That's what I'm talking about. He's got to be the provider.

Dude, someone tell texas princess that. You hit it on the nose. Let a man have a hard time making ends meet while kids are involved and watch that woman start having issues. I'm not saying she shouldn't. A woman is not designed to take that load. It's his job to provide for her. Period.

Yup, both my parents worked too, I stayed with my God Mother when my parents were at work, but my Dad was still the provider. That's just how I was raised. The man must provide for his wife. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. That's Biblical.

Because he is supposed to be the provider by default, unless they both agree she provides.

I'm not saying women have to stay at home. What I am saying is, she has that option. He doesn't.

I agree with Achtung
 

Can I get a pair of those too? Marriage is not for everyone, and yes my mom constantly tells me how "selfish" I am for not wanting to committ myself to one person and do my best to populate the earth :rolleyes:

Wow...my mom is the total opposite. When she was my age, she was married with one child and another on the way. Now that my parents are divorced (after 21 years of marriage) my mom is very "Have your career, do what you want to do, don't sacrifice your dreams for a man, the right man will SUPPORT your dreams". And she's right.

I'm so glad I don't have a mother who's pressuring me to get married.

My grandmother is like that. I think she would prefer none of us girls ever got married, but since I am she's telling me how I have to make sure to maintain my control and always make my own money so I don't ever let a man get the upper hand and have to depend on him for things. She wants me to make sure I don't ever have to ask any man for *nothing* because she knows how humiliating and demoralizing it can be.

My mom's not so extreme, but she would definitely never pressure me to get married and/or have kids. I think she probably didn't think I would until a few years ago ...

Well, that's your opinion, and some people disagree. In my ideal relationship, both parties have the same options and responsibilities, and I wouldn't even consider dating a guy who thought it was his "duty" to provide for me (and, of course, that guy wouldn't want to date me, either).

LOL what's the point? Everybody has his or her own idea of how relationships should work, and what's right for one person isn't necessarily right for someone else. Problems arise only when people try to have relationships with others who don't share their ideals or can't reach an acceptable compromise. There is nothing wrong with a guy who wants a woman to stay home and raise kids -- someone like me who doesn't want to stay home or have kids would be a fool to date him, and would be a bigger fool to say that there's something wrong with him because of it, or, worse, that men suck because they're tryin' to keep the strong women down.

As a side note, my problems with the Forbes article are numerous, but I don't even think it's worthy of discussion.

Depends on what way you define quality of life

Does anybody know of a woman who took time off to have kids and successfully transitioned back into the workplace years later (meaning achieved promotions to middle or upper management)? If so, what industry was she in?

Right now, I'm not sure what my ideal situation would be. Coming from a household w/two working parents, I'm more inclined to want to keep working. Ultimately I don't have a desire to be a housewife long term, and I greatly prefer two incomes. However, there is an appeal to being w/the kinds until they enter elementary school.

I'm just trying to get a feel for whether or not folks have really expereinced a successful re-entry into the working world, or if their career has simply stalled after the break. Hmmm, maybe I'll start a business instead.

Good for you with this attitude. Seriously. I made more than most of my boyfriends and it bothered all of them to different degrees, with some it was more of an issue than others.

My stance is basically yes, the man should be able to provide, but if the woman also wants to, more power to the couple.

For me, I've always wanted someone to take care of my emotional needs, not my financial. Someone to be a true partner, to lean on me when they need to, and to allow me to lean on him when I need to. A balanced situation.